This Is A… Cataster

if you looked up “inflation simulator” you would get one of two things

one time I almost started crying during school because I found out crabs have 10 legs

that’s too many damn legs

“This is a Christian establishment, no homo sapiens allowed”

-My friend during lunch today

how tf did people first figure out how to make pastries like it’s such an exact science like what did they just throw a bunch of shit in a bowl and hope it worked?? How many tries did it take to get it right???

Mkay so one time I was at the doctors office and I had to do the usual finger prick to test my iron levels you know, the standard

The nurse lady came back and said that we’re gonna have to retry cuz the results said I have a high blood count (which essentially means that the machine probably messed up)

I nodded my head and said “I have a lot of blood per blood” and for some reason the nurse and my mom found that abso-fucking-lutely hilarious and the both burst out laughing

flashbang!

1000 pipe bombs until you die

Phew good thing i had these anti pipe bomb gloves on

im gonna ice-your-spice

(threatening)

mkay so my step dad is a pharmacist and sometimes he brings home random stuff from his job (idk why) and now we just have this??? In the garage???

I want to put it in my room but idk where