SWAM PAST MY OLD JOB TODAY I THINK THEY MISS ME

I now have, to the best of my knowledge, at least 7 first aid kits. Will this number of first aid kits contain the downfall of the chaotic energy exuded as I live life so precipitously? Eh, prolly not. But I have space bandaids now!

I hate that thing some people do where it's like. "I left my wallet on the table to see if you'd say anything" or "I wanted to see if you'd wash the car if I stopped doing it"

Cause like

I dont know about anyone else

But I am perpetually hovering three inches above the strong subconscious belief that everyone knows what they're doing at all times except me, so if you change your normal patterns and I notice, then I will assume it is an intentional choice with a thought-out plan behind it and I will avoid interfering

And if I don't notice, because I won't, because why would I, because not much bothers me and if you don't say anything to indicate you are bothered then how would I KNOW

The biggest misconception in public schools is that literary analysis is about proving you can be right or wrong about a book you read

Literary analysis isn’t about the book

It’s not even about being right

It’s about performing an investigation and presenting your case to the jury

It doesn’t matter if your defendant killed that guy or not. If you can convince the jury he didn’t, you’ve won

And the incredible life skill of spinning bulletproof bullshit out your ass with a handful of facts and a prayer is soooooooo much more valuable than anyone’s ever gonna tell you

So I was helping siphon gas out of a lawn mower that finally died (RIP Elon Mulch) except we didn’t have any tubing so we weren’t actually siphoning gas, I was holding a funnel and my father was holding the lawn mower upside down shaking it, needless say I got covered in gasoline (RIP bob ross T-shirt).

you can pry starting sentences with 'and' or 'but' out of my cold, dead hands

so. bad news. we have to keep going tomorrow. good news is that I’ll keep going with you

“do you write for work or just for fun” none of the above. this activity is neither profitable nor enjoyable

you just don't get shit like this with 8-episode streaming seasons

when you are a pink pony girl but you dance at the club

fun fact, world hippopotamus day is February 15th and it’s the best holiday