One Of My Favorite Sub Genres Is Asian Assassins With Questionable Morals

Epic AU

Odysseus: How many suitors are there? Servant: 128. Though, twenty of them formed a guard, after Antinous turned out to be a dick. Odysseus: *Thinking* Servant: Ten are away with the prince, the other ten are keeping guard over Penelope. Odysseus: Why? Servant: They're being bodyguards Odysseus: No, why did they come if they're not seeking the Queen's hand? Servant: Oh, they're trying to convince the Prince to marry their daughters. *Meanwhile* Guard #1: *Watching Telemachus with one of his friends* I'm starting to think the Prince might be swinging the other way. Guard #2: That's alright, I've got a son.

Was doing something unrelated but

Can you imagine a world where nobody knows the batkids are actually Batman's children and hence, when they hear them yelling at each other "I'll report this to Batman!" They think it's actually serious team discussion

And they don't know that for them it literally translates into "I'm telling dad!"

Like, You see Nightwing arguing with Red Hood and going "Oh, i'm SO reporting this to Batman"

"OH NO, YOURE NOT"

"YES I AM"

And everyone else thinks this is serious? And it could affect Hood's status as an ally?

But really is just Dick telling his little brother he's snitching about his broken arm to their dad-

Or you see Red Robin trying to bribe Robin and Spoiler "I'm reporting your actions to Batman"

"Yeah, gotta start the report about it, and he's going to be so-"

"... How much?"

And they smile maliciously, and anyone else thinks RR did something REALLY bad but it's just that he exceeded his weekly allowed coffee and his sibblings found out

Because they also do it to other people, like Tim does it to Supes when he's arguing with Kon-

Tim: Duke, you're an optimist. Try to see the bright side.

Duke: The bright side is on fire, Tim.

Tim: And it's warm! See, that wasn't so hard. Now you try.

Duke: .....

Duke: I suppose it's kind of pretty.

Tim: That’s the spirit!

Bruce [voice far away]: Are you two insane! The building is on fire! Get out!

Bruce: Cassandra has done nothing wrong ever in her life

David Cain: she killed a man

Bruce: no she didn't

Cass: I killed a man

Bruce: no you didn't

Bruce, watching a video of Cass killing a man: this is fake.

I've had a DC x DP prompt/fic idea and I'd thought I'd share.

Danny, who has been dragged into taken over the role of High King, has been going through some of the paperwork that it entails. Of course, he's still baby ghost so CW and the others actually help with most the stuff, but he had some free time after being chased out of his house and injured (it'd been a few months since then).

Either way, he finds a particular line of complaints. He was never one to engage in it, but many of his subject, of which fall under the demon category, are complaining about a soul they can't collect. Danny personally finds it kind of funny. He sets those ones aside for now though, and continues doing whatever.

A few months later, he's summoned via some magic user, probably Klarion, and is now in front of the JL and a tiny wayward chaos maker. In a more eldritch form, he turns to Klarion, who very clearly did not mean to summon him specifically by the way he's panicking and called Teekel back, and just tells him he's grounded.

Thinking thatbwas that after Klarion left, he went back to his castle to do more work...and maybe play with Cujo. Really, Pariah Dark left so much paperwork, he doesn't wanna do all that!

The JL however is now steadfast on finding whatever the fuck that was. Klarion was scared of it, and it seemed more annoyed at being called than concerned about the heroes behind it. So that could be very very bad news.

Danny, after a while, realizes the JL is trying to find out more about him, which makes his life very difficult, fuck you very much, has a wonderfully stupid idea.

Going back to those papers about the soul that can't be collected, he summons a very tired and now spooked british man. One by the name of John Constantine. He wants a deal. More specifically, whatever deals he'd made, those were now the High Kings, and in return for whatever he got out of the deals, he wanted John to help him. All in all, he just got hired by the High King in return for ignoring the equivalent of taxes.

John was very confused, but hey, boy king of there is very chill out of formal settings. And also maybe he's worried about the fact that like a 16 year old is king-

Either way, there deal goes a little something along the lines of;

Danny: Keep the JL off my back, and all your debts are no longer valid and anyone that disagrees can come fight me.

John: ....okay??????

So while Danny got a "I don't wanna deal with this hero!" guy, John got a "I don't wanna deal with this demon!" guy.

Helena Bertinelli 🤝 Stephanie Brown

Gotham purple-clad female vigilantes that started off unaffiliated with the batfam due to their families criminal pasts and ended up being treated like shit by Bruce while working with him.

Bruce truly hates magic with every pump and beat of his heart.

What kinda curse is Slang, anyway?

“This is the best day of my life.”

“Bro really thought he ate with that.” Bruce physically feels a full body shiver, charged with nausea and cringe. “This is level 10 cringe. Can’t have shit in Gotham.”

Dick is his earth bound angel, but he laughs like a demon at him, holding onto Jason for support, pledging his eternal loyalty to Zatana and her pettiness.

—

“Hey, old bat, hook me up with an adrenaline shot.”

What he wants to say is Jay, do not try and fight with 6 bullets in your stomach.

What comes out instead, through Bruce’s grit teeth and intense, fierce glaring, “Not you trying to go back to your corpse era. See how I only took 2 shots? Very demure. Very mindful.”

Jason passes out from blood loss, but mostly laughter.

—

“Chat, is this real?”

Stephanie barely bites back a full belly cackle. “I think he just asked us if we copied.”

“I wish I was Jason, 15.”

—

“This is not a slay environment. Killing is flop behavior.” He keeps his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. Trying to convince Damian not to stab someone doesn’t seem to work.

Damian gives him a pat like he’s a pitiful cat. “I’ll only stab the non lethal areas.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

I felt the need to make this.

My guilt will not purify me.

(Batgirl 2000 permanently altered my brain chemistry)

Incorrect DC quotes part 24: Batfam dynamics

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23