I Always Find The Melodrama Around Obi Wan Being Anakin's Master A Bit Funny. Basically A Teenage Dad!

AUs where Thomas and Martha come back to life are significantly funnier if you consider the possibility of them adopting Harley and Oliver.

Bruce needs to cuddle Damian like an emotional support cat while all three of his parents argue in the kitchen. Dick would join, but he’s a bit too shell shocked that his dead grandparents are, you know, standing in his kitchen.

“Okay, so wait, he didn’t finish med school?! I specifically requested it!”

“I’m sorry, have you tried wrangling your feral batch of kittens before? The only one who successfully graduated is Harley.”

Oliver throws his hands in the air while Harley preens, “I finished business school!”

Martha sighs, “So did Lex Luthor, my darling.”

“Okay, well, I’m gonna die before I become a billionaire, so there.”

“Hell yeah, that’s my girl.”

“Sadly, she was discredited once her turbulent affair with the clown started…”

Thomas guffaws. Looking at Alfred like he said the most unbelievable shit in the world.

“Harley. Dated a man. OUR Harley?”

“I was equally disappointed.”

“Okay, well, favorite in law, 1 2 3 go,”

They all say Dinah at the same time, much to Bruce’s dismay. He gets it, but Clark is very kind to him. “Papa!”

Thomas shrugs, “I’m a Virgo, not a liar.”

My Odyssey book is coming tomorrow and I’m so excited!!

LOOK WHAT YOU'VE TURNED ME INTO. LOOK WHAT WE'VE BECOME.

this is hands down my favourite Cass quote and imo people at times take it too literally. "i don't kill but i don't lose" doesn't mean she is physically incapable of losing a fight or she's Just That Skilled it means if Cass really wants to win she will do whatever it takes short of killing to come out on top. she will fight till her legs give out till her body breaks down till the bitter end and then she will get up and keep fighting. "i don't kill but i don't lose" isn't a mere statement of fact, it encapsulates the powerful "do or die" mentality she brings to every single fight. fight like you're dying. fight to win. do anything but kill.

Helena Bertinelli 🤝 Stephanie Brown

Gotham purple-clad female vigilantes that started off unaffiliated with the batfam due to their families criminal pasts and ended up being treated like shit by Bruce while working with him.

odysseus and diomedes would be terrible coworkers. the office mean girls who hate their jobs, are overqualified, and only like each other

pictured: ody and diomedes plotting palamedes’ death

Lethal Bat Trinity 🦇⚔️

You don't understand, I want Jason and Cass to resent each other.

I want them to walk out of the room as soon as the other steps in.

I want them to scowl every time someone else brings up their name. They try not to, try to disguise it as something else, but they grew up in a family of detectives.

I want Tim and Steph to try patching things up between them by pretending they forgot they invited the other to the hang out and everyone has to play along with the frigid silence. Eventually they stop accepting Tim's and Steph's vague invites.

I want Bruce's heart to ache as he rearranges a patrol schedule because they can't be paired together, not again.

I want guilt to eat at Damian and Duke when they compliment one in front of the other because it feels like stabbing the back of The Sibling Who Gets It.

I want someone to joke exactly once that Cass should have been Jason's Batgirl and that person feels a chill like someone walked over their grave.

I want them to see the worst of themselves reflected in each other.

I need a fic where robin!jason is the only one to notice baby stalker tim while they’re out on their patrols and it gets to the point where he’ll occasionally address him when he’s alone & around the others and they think he’s low-key going insane

fast forward a couple years and tim refers to something he saw while he was stalking batman and robin and jason’s head just WHIPS towards bruce and starts screeching “I TOLD YOU I WASN’T HALLUCINATING THE TINY STALKER CHILD FOLLOWING US B!! I FUCKING TOLD YOU I-“ and he has to be dragged out of the room by nightwing, still loudly proclaiming his vindication while tim and the others just watch on with the pikachu meme face

Sick Cass who only agrees to stay in bc she gets to man comms

Bruce: *fighting*

Cass with the sorest throat: I wouldn't have done that

It's her favourite sick activity. Just reviewing his fights in real time and going "You missed an opening. Too slow. He's going to attack you get ready. Wow your reaction time has gotten worse. Move or you'll get stabbed. Oh the kids are safe by the way they ran away while you were failing to win against this scrub."

Bruce, through gritted teeth while seething with rage: This is good. This is important. I need to know my weaknesses so I can squash them.

Cass: Took you two minutes. I would have done it in ten seconds with that leg sweep you missed the chance to do.

Bruce: Thank you Batgirl.

Cass: I think your joint pain is slowing you down. Can you bend your knees properly or do they crack with age?

Bruce:... I think I need radio silence to concentrate for a minute.

Cass: Brain is slowing down too if you can't multitask anymore. Sad.

Bruce: You know what let's see if there's anyone else for me to punch. I need that right now.

4 year old nephew leaned over to look at my phone screen, pointed at Cass Cain, and said "that's Batban"