Okay, Here's A Rainbow Compass. I've Made A Lot Of Progress On My Self-esteem. I Think Maybe Now I Will

I tried to quit nicotine again yesterday. Cue the instability and mental screaming. I couldn't do it. I bought some more nicotine. Panhandling annoys the conservatives, and it will pay for my nicotine. I really need to get out there and panhandle. The worst thing that could happen is a mugger tries to kill me and take my money. I am a giant. I have never been mugged before. The first person who tries to mug me gets to find out what it's like to have all their joints dislocated one by one. But that probably won't happen. I'll take a picture of the panhandling spot and post a tracing this evening.

Thank you. Yes, I REALLY do need to affirm my new name. I still have to use my old name in real life. I need to keep reinforcing my new name by using it here, so that my new sense of identity is not extinguished. So I started an art therapy project to draw my new name in different ways.

I am too depressed to do anything, and my thoughts are troubled by paranoia. However, I feel more stable than I did yesterday. Daily Affirmation: My name is Blue, and feeling bad does not make me a bad person.

Good morning! It is, in theory, possible for me to compose and record a new song today. I may as well try. The composition will be for two performers, one singer playing a guitar and another singer playing tapping sticks. I don't have another performer though, so I'll have to do both parts myself. I am not so religious anymore, but I have been encouraged by these words since childhood: Oh sing unto the Lord a new song! Sing unto the Lord all the Earth! - Psalm 96:1

What a fascinating experience this is, to see something I drew incorporated into someone else's work. We have collaborated together now, and made something that is greater than the sum of its parts! What a tremendous new experience! The only artistic collaboration I have done previously was singing in the choir.

Thank you for these lovely images!

Agender symbol, white on black, HD

Agender symbol, white on clear, HD (for printing)

∅ Hi, Blue here. ∅ I made an attempt at drawing something useful today. This is my version of the agender gender symbol. I like the use of the empty set sign from math to represent my agender identity. I wanted the image to print on a couple of t-shirts. So that's my image for today.

I don't feel like I have a particular gender, and that is totally valid!

I am too depressed to do anything, and my thoughts are troubled by paranoia. However, I feel more stable than I did yesterday. Daily Affirmation: My name is Blue, and feeling bad does not make me a bad person.

Okay, lyrics for the song are done, I think. The next step is writing out the sheet music. I have tried to keep the problem as simple as possible, But I am not recording any music today. That was silly. I have to rehearse the music first until performing it is automatic. I don't get to skip work just because I have talent.

∅ Hi, I'm Blue! ∅ I drew my first self-portrait! Don't I look fabulous?

You know, I really hate my community a lot. It felt good to cause a public nuisance by panhandling at an intersection for a couple of hours. I hope that I caused a lot of annoyance for a lot of people. I didn't make any money, but that's not the point. My relationship with my community is now one where I go around asking as many people as possible for money, to express my displeasure. I hope everyone who drove past me at that intersection gets a flat tire. Screw you, everybody in my hometown. Screw all of you and give me money!

Frankly, I am getting tired of these "daily affirmations." There are better ways to boost my self-esteem. One more affirmation, perhaps. My name is Blue. I am undefined. I defy explanation. I am a random person who has had a random life.

All right, enough rest. Time to go back out there and be a public nuisance. I need to make it my mission to annoy every single person in my community with my panhandling. I realize now that nobody is going to give me any money. So my panhandling is now about finding pleasure in causing irritation to others. And if I get some money as well, all the better! I'm taking a chair this time. If nobody is actually going to pay me, I may as well make myself comfortable.