"Well, We Started Late Anyway. One More Round, GO!"

Another entry from the Stupid Dream Diary.  I saved the dumbest for last: my affordable-healthcare-as-a-self-employed-person nightmare. ————————— Lackadaisy is on Patreon - there’s extra stuff!

The Evening PokeNews

Good Evening and Welcome to the 11 o’clock PokeNews

I’m Chet Pokenews with the PokeNews.

A recent string of poverty has been sweeping the Alola region. Trainers are be drained of all their necent funds after encountering a particular trainer currently on her Island Challenge. We talked with local residents who met with the child.

Punk Girl- “I dunno what came over me, I just saw that Lycanroc start to party and I got caught up in the atmosphere. Before I knew it I had handed over more money than I even thought I had on me at the time.”

Madam- “It was holding something shiny, like a coin, and I just thought it was so adorable that when I lost I just emptied out my purse.”

Aether Foundation Employee- “I lost my life savings, pension, and even the paycheck I was on my way to cash. That child is a menace!”

We managed to catch up with Professor Kukui, alleged relation of this Alolan newcomer, to get his comment.

Kukui- “Hey, sometimes you just get a Dizzy Punch to the Body Slam, and when you Agility, it Bug Buzz your Tackle Aerial Ace Flamethrower. Yeah, Cousin?”

Kukui’s lab assistants report that the child is currently in possession of a special Rotom Dex which can induce even great financial prosperity upon victory in pokemon battle. If you see this trainer *posts image of passport picture with vacant eyes gazing into the camera* do not make eye contact as it will ignite our ancient tradition of challenging one another to a pokemon battle no matter the circumstances. Be on your guard and stay safe.

When we return, Aether Foundation President Lusamine has an announcement on a recent project to disappear to an alternate dimension AND current Malasada trends. Stay Tuned.

From the Warmed Desk - Hydra’s Head Tavern

I do a lot of writing when I am bored at work. Here is one of the quick world-building stories I coughed up one day. Characters I used to play in DnD come together to have a Tavern AU together. Enjoy.

_____

The seedy backstreets of Fwanze are lined with the most bizarre delights and sins that a person could concoct. The gruel and garbage of the city circles the drain and floats down the gutters to the bars and brothels where the regal and a rascal join together to drink bad beer and ogle beautiful young things.

Among these respected and resented establishments, there are a few that stand moderately above the rest. Mainly because they have managed to survive the slurry of puritanical threats coming down from the purging authorities. At the east end, Madam Thorax’s Sinful Dreams will delight any and all who might want a delight for a premium price. To the south, Lucky Legend Land (the Ls are upside-down 7s) will grant you the games of chance you could only dream of in your wildest nightmares. The devil went down to LuLeLa. And to the lawless west, nestled between the grit and thunder of the factories, you have the humble tavern The Hydra’s Head. Newcomers will learn quickly that this place has survived so long thanks to customer loyalty strong community, plus the hydra’s curse threatens if the tavern falls, two more will sprout in its place.

Let’s take a look into this tavern.

Step through the heavy oaken door on any given night and be welcomed to the smell of grilling meat and the sound of laughter. Laborers, traders, and even a few off-duty authorities will be seen sharing a drink and the signature meat pie or steak sandwich. Regular swear by the tender and seasoned meat, but the chef, a burly gentleman, refuses to reveal his recipe or even what animal it comes from. “Old family recipe, da?” He would say, before slamming his butcher’s knife through a thick slab of marbled meat.

As you belly up to the bar to pick up your order of vittles, you will likely see the dazzling stock of liquors and the barrels of artisan brews. It can be overwhelming at first, but thankfully, you have a helpful guide to give you a good idea of what will satisfy. The quick and clever bartender has what you are looking for. Even going so far as to say that he is, “The greatest bartender the world has ever known!” Just be sure to not to stiff him on a tip, you might find yourself short on any shiny valuables you weren’t actively protecting.

And if you are so crass as to try and cause some kind of trouble in this fine establishment, you will likely be forced to contend with the massive bouncer of the Hydra’s Head tavern. Towering over most people, they have a rather calm demeanor and attempt to placate matters peacefully first. But he is known to challenge rowdy guests to duels before beating them senseless and taking their belts. A strange habit.

So if you are finishing your day’s work in the mines, at the factory, or just trying to survive the crowds at the market, you can find rest, respite, and a fine meal waiting for you at the Hydra’s Head Tavern.

Going to try 30 minute spit painting as warm-ups. I’m realizing my dependency on brushes needs to be minimized a bit.

Row of lights was the theme. I don’t think I emphasized the theme enough and probably could have done so with higher contrast. Next time I’ll do better!

Soulmates are not your ~other half~, that’s just nonsense. You are a whole person already, not half a person. A soulmate isn’t even inherently romantic. A soulmate is just the other sock in a matched set. You’re still a whole, complete sock on your own, you are perfectly functional paired with any other sock, it’s just that it’s even better when you match. A soulmate is literally just the person who makes your soul go “!!! Same hat!!!” and wave excitedly.

Magical Dangers

In this world, magical creatures exist alongside human beings. They have been helping us in small ways, more as appeasement than some sort of benevolence.

...

The room bustled with the shifting of chairs and the scribbling of notes. The company had brought in one of the top instructors in the field of magic theory to explain things to the industry leaders. The slides had been packed with information with the audience in different stages of understanding.

"Are there any questions so far?" The instructor said, levitating a glass of water to drift to his hand. He took a sip before adding, "Let's continue."

"Excuse me," an executive said, raising his hand, "So, why is it that humans are not allowed to use magic?"

The instructor turned from his presentation to look at the executive, seated among peers who had already shifted slightly away from him.

"Hmm, a good question. Are you prepared for the answer?" The instructor said. The executive nodded.

"Alright. Then let me begin by asking you a question. Why were you late to this meeting?"

The executive looked taken aback, then cleared his throat, "Uh, sorry about that. Had some trouble finding the meeting room."

The instructor nodded thoughtfully. Then he said, "You are lying."

The executive choked out a laugh and shrugged, "Right. Magic."

"No, not magic," The instructor said. He patted his terminal desktop, "Security cameras. The contents of which I will keep secure." He added to the panicked executive. "I apologize for scaring you, but this leads into my point. Humans can lie."

There came a murmur through the audience. Fae in the crowd gave uneasy glances to human coworkers. For their part, some gave apologetic nods and others gave indignant grumbles, and some stayed perfectly still and silent.

Another member of the audience raised their hand, a Fae woman. The instructor sipped his water again before acknowledging her.

"Does being able to lie make you unable to use magic?" She asked.

The instructor set down his cup and sighed. "Quite the opposite, my child." He turned to his terminal and tapped on the screen to open a new projection.

"Humans and Fae are not terribly different, you see." He clicked through the slides, each a colorful, albeit somewhat childish, depiction of humans and Fae.

"Among the most notable differences will be our lifespan," A new slide showed the young elf and the ghost of a human, "and our Oum," It showed the outline of an elf and a person with something glowing in their bodies. "Which has been loosely translated to the 'soul'."

The elf had a blue color while the human's was red.

A few members of the audience were taking notes, others had checked out and were scrolling through their devices. Still others, mostly humans, were watching and already forming the chip which grows on one's shoulder when they are told they are fundamentally incapable of something.

A young man in the front row wearing a rather irritated look on his face spoke up, "I don't see how being able to lie means we can't use magic."

The instructor became visibly irritated at the interruption.

"Again, it's not that you can't, it is that you are not allowed." The screen clicked off as he faced the audience. "Because it isn't the lies you tell others that makes you dangerous," He gestured to the audience, "It's the lies you tell yourself!"

The room darkened and speckled with flickers of lights, the air became a dazzling display of the night sky.

"Humans try to fathom the impossible. The infinite of space and time and you have made marvelous progress. But how much can you hope to comprehend? You live for barely a century and half of that is spent in diapers!" The lights in the room began to hum and float around, circling the instructor.

"You are like bees. Industrious and fascinating, but dangerous in your numbers. If a single bee were to come to you and ask for the method to nuclear energy, not only would you doubt she would understand, but if she did even by mistake figure it out, you could scarcely trust that she would be responsible with it! It's just not in the nature of these tiny beings to handle things so far beyond their ken." The instructor tapped one of the motes of buzzing light. It turned red and began to spin around faster and faster. "And if just ONE of these little, marvelous beings manages to seduce the secrets from you and the rotten history of your kind repeats itself--" He trailed off as the red buzzing light flickered and exploded, causing a wave of heat and a shower of sparks, and left the room empty of light. The instructor held up his hand, where the manacle on his wrist hummed with a red light, "Well, you have to bear the weight of your decision forever." He dropped his hand. The room was silent.

Eventually, he lifted his head, the light returning to the room.

"May I continue?" He asked. He nodded to the following silence. "Very well." He clicked back to the original presentation and continued.

Don't get cooked, use your specials in Round 3!

Opinion: I take too many Spammin’ Run shifts. ( Profresh 700 was my highest at a point, aiming for 999 one day!) Have a draw of my feels towards these coworker squiddos.

Y'know, you could just make up accents in dnd. Tried to give ur character an Australian accent and failed? Well, there is no Australia in this fantasy universe, but there is conceivably a settlement of people who all speak in an accent which sounds, to our ears, like really bad Australian.

What I’m saying is just use the worst fuckong voices for all ur characters and if u get called out on then just say it’s how people talk in fricking green-mushrooms or wherever ur character comes from. Make your party suffer.

the fight is harder each year.

fell asleep while writing and