I Randomly Wandered Into An Art Gallery With Live Music And A Full Cheese Spread And Im Going Ape

Day 5 - Cute moment. Can never be too prepared, keep child/kitten sized masks on hand for little ones.

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Feel free to stop here and rest before journeying to the posts below.

how did they learn to translate languages into other languages how did they know which words meant what HOW DID TH

if you are 13 and there is a 17/18 year old showing interest in you: please run away and never look back. i understand that you feel special; that older person will tell you how mature you are and make you feel special. but please. run away from that person. stay away from them. they do not love you. an 18 year old should not have ANY interest in a 13 year old. please. please be safe. please do not let them manipulate you. they are dangerous. stay away from them

King Carnage Awakens

A fever dream given form, this story is going to be a wild ramble. A monstrous villain gets a day job, but how long will it last? Enjoy. ~~~

Cassidy Quake typed methodically on his specially designed keyboard for those with massive reptilian fingers. He leaned back in his specially designed chair for long, thick, armored tails. He adjusted his specially designed headset for long curling horns. He was muttering the series of numbers and serial codes for shipping rates. A small alert popped up on his screen. "Break Time!"

He let a faint smile pass his face. "Finally." He pushed the keyboard aside, took off his headset, and awkwardly stood up from his chair. He grabbed the "Employee of the Month" mug that he stole from a coworker and headed to the break room. Inside, his buddy Malk was idly sitting at the table, cleaning his feathery antenna with his upper pair of arms, his lower pair clutched his coffee cup. He greeted Cassidy as he came in.

"Hey buddy, how'd the date go?" Malk asked politely.

"Didn't go the way I thought it would," Cassidy replied. He walked over to the coffee machine against the back wall.

"Oh?" Malk said, slowly stirring his coffee, "Do tell."

"Well for starters," Cassidy said, tapping out his order on the machine, "She wasn't a natural blond." The machine buzzed to life and coughed out the hot brew. "And also, she was an agent of GUILT trying to hire me for a heist."

Malk nodded and sipped his coffee, "That must have been hard to deal with. I know how much you like blonds."

Cassidy joined him at the table and blew the steam off his coffee, "Yeah, how could she lie like that?"

"So," Malk asked leaning forward, "Did you take the job?"

"Of course not, you dingus." Cassidy said. "I swore off working for GUILT, buncha sad sacks." He sipped his coffee and let out a refreshed sigh.

"So you could say," Malk said in his typical sing-songy voice that he uses for bad jokes, "They couldn't GUILT you into it, eh?"

Cassidy set down his coffee carefully before leveling a glare at Malk, "Some days," He began, letting the heat in his voice radiate and shimmer in front of him, "I think you actually want me to swat you, bugman."

Malk laughed, "Some days," He said, curling his mandible into something like a smirk, "I want you to. Would get me out of this dull-ass job for a few weeks."

"If you hate it so much, why are you still here?" Cassidy said. He wasn't angry. He was genuinely curious. He wasn't even looking at Malk when he asked. His head was down, staring at his cup of black coffee. Perhaps he was really just asking himself.

"I need those creds, man." Malk said, folding his lower pair of arms. He leaned forward onto the elbows of his upper arms, "But once I pay off my debt, I'm outta here." He nodded to himself, and spoke a little more softly, "I'm outta here."

They shared an uncomfortable silence. Then the breakroom phone rang out. They looked at each other.

"Hey, I'm still on break," Cassidy said. "You're just slacking off."

Malk buzzed a grumble before flapping his wings to bring himself to his feet and swaggering over to the phone. He picked up the phone and said in a cheesy, radio announcer voice, "You've reached the Dastard Industries break room, what can I do for you?"

A low-tone grumble and roar was bellowing on the other end of the line. Malk nodded along, adding non-committal chirps as reply.

"Right now?" Malk said at last. He turned to glance at Cassidy, who responded by tapping his coffee cup and then pointing at his watch. Malk sighed, "Yeah, I'll be right there." Cassidy smiled and sipped his coffee. Malk continued with, "Uh-huh,", "Yeah", and finally, "Right away, sir" before hanging up.

He walked back to the table and downed the rest of his coffee. "Looks like paradise still eludes me, old friend." He turned and left the break room.

Cassidy looked up at the clock above the door, still some time left to enjoy his break. He could contemplate his mistakes in life, a favored pastime. Or maybe he could create another plot theory for his favorite TV shows. It would give him something to talk to Laura about. If she ever calls back. Even if she was a GUILT agent, he still felt a kind of connection.

The phone on the wall rang again. Cassidy let his shoulders slump forward. He let out a begrudging moan as he rocked to his feet and walked over to the phone.

"Hello, this is the break room." He said in a tired voice.

"Hello, King Carnage." Said a heavy, rumbling voice. "We meet again."

Cassidy glanced around him, "Meet?"

But the break room was empty. Just the chairs, table and the too-small fridge they all had to share. It was a pain really. They should get a bigger fridge if they expect people to bring their lunches. Not everyone can go to the food carts every day. Management needs to get their act together.

"Oh wait," The voice said, "One second."

A humming sound came from the receiver and grew louder until it became a howl. Cassidy dropped the phone and stepped away from the wall until he was up against the table. A flash of electricity arced from the phone and struck the ground. The strike crackled on the floor to form the runes of a summoning gate. From which a blast of heat and sound errupted forth and opened a door to the abyss. A dark figure stepped through, clad in abyssal black armor and a cape made of nightmares. The horns on their helmet nearly touched the ceiling. Once they had fully emerged, the gate snapped shut behind them with a wisp of black smoke.

"Hello King Carnage, we meet again." They said again, the rumble in their voice made the room shake.

Cassidy pushed himself off the table and clapped, "Well hot damn, that was some trick, King Darkness."

The tall, foreboding figure tipped their head, "Why thank you. I spare no expense for you, King Carnage. But enough formalities," They swept their arm back, causing the cape to flourish behind them, "I have a job for you."

Cassidy sighed and shook his head, "Katie, I can't."

"Oh come on!" She said and pulled her helmet off, long black hair fell around the large eye that took up most of their face. "You haven't even heard what it is yet." Her gravelly voice had turned squeaky and pleading.

He gestured around him, "I am at work, Katie."

She pointed an accusing finger, "No," She smiled, "You are on break."

"For, like, 7 more minutes," He fired back, "I can't go on a job with you."

"That's more than enough time." She said. She snapped her fingers and a swirl of dark magic swirled into her open hand, is showed two figures. "We hop through the Forever Gate, grab the jewel, then hop back," The figures in her hand mimed her plan. He clapped her hands together, "Be finished before you know it."

"It's never that simple and you know it." He paused and his eyes went wide, "Jewel? You mean-"

"The Jewel of Eternity, yes. I finally figured out how to open the door in the sacred chamber." She said, excitement dripped from her voice in a giddy tone.

"We could bypass all the sacred barriers." He said, he tapped the spikes on his chin. "That means it would just be the Final Test and with us at full strength."

She clapped her hands, "Exactly, we could take it on easily."

The Jewel of Eternity, it's power could rival the Tome of Legends and the Kings of Calamity would finally have a chance to defeat the Legion of the Brave. After all these years, things could be like they used to. He could go back. He could be a villain again. He could feel alive again. He looked up at the clock, 5 minutes left. Plenty of time.

"Let's do it." He said.

He dug into his pocket and pulled out his keys. Dangling on a sturdy carabineer hook was a red stone. He clutched it in his fist and the room filled with a bright red light. When it faded, he stood clad in his own regal regalia, crimson red with accents of gold. King Carnage had awakened.

"Perfect," She fit her helmet back on her head and picked up the phone, tapping in a series of numbers and symbols. As it rang, she beckoned him closer. He stepped right up to her side, leaning in to try and hear the sound of the ringing.

The receiver clicked, "Hello? Is that you, Elder Folley"

King Darkness raised her hand and summoned a mighty storm of dark magic and then slammed it into the phone. The crackles of the summoning gate scoured the ground around them. King Carnage pulled his tail close to make sure he fit within the circle. In a flash of lightning, they vanished.

The trip was fast and disorienting, but there they stood, in the heart of the Temple of Eternity, a stone's throw away from their prize. They were staring down at a quivering figure wrapped in novice robes. His yellow crystal communicator fell from his hands and clattered on the floor.

"Greetings, foolish boy," King Darkness said, her voice a roaring bellow, "Your knavery has delivered the Kings of Discord to their ultimate goal. You should be rewarded. King Carnage, if you please."

He stepped out from the summoning circle and spun around, the tip of his armored tail caught the novice under the chin and sent him spinning to the ground.

"Haha, magnificent. I see you have kept up your training." She said, giving a small applause.

"Yeah, the company has a free gym membership." He said, rolling his tail around to stretch it out.

"Great," She said, entirely uninterested, now on to our task." She turned with a flourish of her cape.

The Sacred Chamber was a grand affair of marble and sky blue crystals, grecco style, very Olympian to follow the pantheon theming of their order. At the center stood a massive pedestal. Upon the pedestal was a glorious deep blue jewel resting on a pillow.

"After all this time," She said, walking up to the jewel. He walked up the opposite side of the pedestal, looking at the jewel. "King Carnage, if you please."

He nodded and reached out to take the jewel. Then paused.

"Wait, what about the Final Trial?" He said.

"Oh, well," She said, her gruff voice staggering, "We probably bypassed it," she stroked the chin of her helmet, "Because we didn't activate the other trials first." She nodded to herself. "That's probably it."

His hand was poised over the jewel, something about this felt too easy.

"King Carnage," She said, "I know you want to enjoy the drama of this moment, but I am certain the Elders will catch on soon and make this a much more unpleasant experience." She motioned for him to hurry up.

"Right, sorry," He reached down and picked up the jewel. There was no alarm. No siren. No sudden blast of stone guardians that burst from the walls. Just the gentle hum that came from the magical crystals. He waited a beat before realizing he was holding his breath. He let it out and said, "Got it."

"Excellent, now give it here." She held out her hand.

He laughed, "If you wanted it so bad, why didn't you…" His voice trailed off, he glanced at the jewel in his hand, "Why didn't you take it?" There was a subtle heat on his voice as glaring eyes rose up to meet her.

"I figured you wanted the final glory, seeing as how you looked so miserable in that lame office job. Now that you've had your fun, hand it to me so I can get us out of here." She said, her voice was losing its roughness and becoming frantic. "You have a job to get back to, remember?"

He drew his hand closer to him, "No, you're lying. Why did you want me to take the jewel? Is this the Final Test?"

"Now is not the time for this, Cassidy." The way she said his name sounded like it was a foul word. "Give me the Jewel of Eternity," That wasn't the sound of a request.

He looked at the jewel in his hand. Then he felt an itch in his legs. He looked down to see they were being consumed by fast growing crystals.

"Dammit!" He shouted, "What the hell is happening?" He looked up to Katie, "What is going on?"

She reached over the pedestal, "Give me the jewel and I can reverse the trap! Quickly."

He reared back his hand out of her reach, "You knew! You knew this would happen."

"What are you talking about?" She said, "This is the first time we've made it this far."

"Yeah, the first time WE'VE made it this far," He emphasized the word, "But not the first time YOU have made it."

He kept his hand away from her while the crystal growth made it up to his hips. He turned and noticed the novice stirring from the ground. The figure turned to face them and he caught a glimpse under the hood of the robe. He made eye contact with the bug eyes for a moment before they quickly turned away to hide.

"Malk?" He said, begrudgingly, "You got him on this?"

"You were never a team player, Cassidy." She said, her tone was harsh and cold, "You were always so self-centered. The rogue element. The lone wolf. We lost so many battles because of your arrogance. King Disaster and King Zealot both left because of you. Now, do something useful for once and give me the jewel!"

Her words bit deep. He felt an ice-cold javalin pierce his heart. Figuratively, though the crystals had climbed up his torso all the same. His old friends and collagues. His old life. He had wanted to go back to that, to those days of living care-free. But he had been hurting them. He grit his teeth.

"You think I don't know that? That I chase everyone away? I'm a big scary monster, what do you want from me?" He was shouting, the crystals were at his throat. He felt them coil down his arms. He felt his memories flood around him. He thought of Katie and Cody and Kaz. He thought of them coming together again in victory. He felt a warm tear in his eye. He let out a hot sigh. She was right, maybe he could do something useful for once. With all he strength, he cracked the crystals around his arm and held out the jewel for King Darkness.

"Here, Katie. I hope this makes you happy."

She didn't hesitate to reach for the jewel. "Oh, it--" And she froze.

Everything froze and the room was coated in a soft blue light, like what you think of when you see pictures of things in the ocean.

"Cassidy Quake," A gentle voice rang in his mind and made him look up. Floating above the pedestal was a humanoid being shaped from what looked like glass. It had translucent hair that flowed as if submerged in water. It drifted down and stood on top of Katie's frozen, outstretched hand. "You have been chosen."

He looked up at the being of glass, awe struck and without words. He finally managed to choke out, "Chosen? For what?"

It stepped off Katie's hand and floated down next to him. It placed what could be described as a hand on his chest, the locking crystals melted away to form armor that shifted to match her own form, clear and crystalline with a humming feeling of power. "A guardian of the Jewel of Eternity."

He opened and closed his mouth a few times. "But," He said at last, "You have to be pure of heart to do that, right? Sorry but that ain't me."

It tilted its head to the side, much like a confused puppy, as if trying to find words for its reply. It finally spoke again, "Pure of heart doesn't mean you never made a mistake, it means you are willing to change. And you, Cassidy Quake," It said, patting his head, "Have that quality."

He felt a wave of emotion surge in him, something warm. He wasn't sure if these were the warm fuzzies that heroes talk about, but it was something nice, whatever it was.

"Do you accept your position?" It said to him.

He looked into where he approximated its eyes to be and said, "Full time work?"

Its expression remained unreadable, "It's more of an internship program. But it will provide valuable experience for your guardian resume and as soon as a position opens up with the Elders, you will be chosen for full-time."

He nodded along, "Yeah," He grunted and placed the jewel into the hand of the transparent being. "I already have a job, thanks."

The being let out a hissing sound similar to a mournful sigh. "Unfortunate, you would have been a great guardian."

It raised its hand and there came another flash of light. When the dazzle dissipated, he found himself in the break room again. Malk was huddled in the corner in the novice robes. King Darkness was standing across from him.

"--will." She said at last. There was a palpable moment where everyone readjusted to being ejected from the sacred chamber. King Darkness looked at King Carnage. They shared an intense and painful moment. He gave a brief huff through this nose and then glanced up at the clock on the wall. "Welp," He said, breaking the silence, "Time to get back to work." He held up his keychain and his armor warped back in the stone.

"That's it?" Katie said, stalking up to him, point a finger in his face, "You ruin our chance at reclaiming our glory and you just head back like it was nothing?"

"You know, you're right," He said, snarling, "I did forget something." He spun around, his tail smacking King Darkness upside the head hard enough to send her helmet across the room. He turned to Malk. "Looks like you get that time off you were looking forward to."

Malk made frantic but brief protests before Cassidy's tail found his face for the second time. Two friends, laid out cold on the break room floor. A job well done.

He adjusted his shirt, and headed back to his desk.

Cassidy Quake sat down in his specially designed chair, put on his specially designed headset, and pulled out his specially designed keyboard. He realized he still had his keys in his hands. He glanced at the stone on the carabineer, a beautiful clear crystal stone. He recalled the rush of donning his armor and plunging into the sacred chamber. He smiled to himself and pulled out his personal phone, typing in a number.

"Hello? Laura? Change of plans, when can we meet?"

I feel like some people need to relearn Genre Expectations... "Man, this tragedy sucks!!! Why didn't they just do XYZ, then everything could have ended happily!!" well, then it wouldn't be a tragedy, would it. "Man, this lighthearted teen romcom is terrible, it's so sappy and unrealistic!!" Well, yeah. If it had been gritty and dark, it wouldn't have been a lighthearted romcom, would it. Is the writing actually bad or are you just trying to order a milkshake from a Home Depot

“This is your daily, friendly reminder to use commas instead of periods during the dialogue of your story,” she said with a smile.

Making long-form webcomics is like

From the Warmed Desk - Hydra’s Head Tavern

I do a lot of writing when I am bored at work. Here is one of the quick world-building stories I coughed up one day. Characters I used to play in DnD come together to have a Tavern AU together. Enjoy.

_____

The seedy backstreets of Fwanze are lined with the most bizarre delights and sins that a person could concoct. The gruel and garbage of the city circles the drain and floats down the gutters to the bars and brothels where the regal and a rascal join together to drink bad beer and ogle beautiful young things.

Among these respected and resented establishments, there are a few that stand moderately above the rest. Mainly because they have managed to survive the slurry of puritanical threats coming down from the purging authorities. At the east end, Madam Thorax’s Sinful Dreams will delight any and all who might want a delight for a premium price. To the south, Lucky Legend Land (the Ls are upside-down 7s) will grant you the games of chance you could only dream of in your wildest nightmares. The devil went down to LuLeLa. And to the lawless west, nestled between the grit and thunder of the factories, you have the humble tavern The Hydra’s Head. Newcomers will learn quickly that this place has survived so long thanks to customer loyalty strong community, plus the hydra’s curse threatens if the tavern falls, two more will sprout in its place.

Let’s take a look into this tavern.

Step through the heavy oaken door on any given night and be welcomed to the smell of grilling meat and the sound of laughter. Laborers, traders, and even a few off-duty authorities will be seen sharing a drink and the signature meat pie or steak sandwich. Regular swear by the tender and seasoned meat, but the chef, a burly gentleman, refuses to reveal his recipe or even what animal it comes from. “Old family recipe, da?” He would say, before slamming his butcher’s knife through a thick slab of marbled meat.

As you belly up to the bar to pick up your order of vittles, you will likely see the dazzling stock of liquors and the barrels of artisan brews. It can be overwhelming at first, but thankfully, you have a helpful guide to give you a good idea of what will satisfy. The quick and clever bartender has what you are looking for. Even going so far as to say that he is, “The greatest bartender the world has ever known!” Just be sure to not to stiff him on a tip, you might find yourself short on any shiny valuables you weren’t actively protecting.

And if you are so crass as to try and cause some kind of trouble in this fine establishment, you will likely be forced to contend with the massive bouncer of the Hydra’s Head tavern. Towering over most people, they have a rather calm demeanor and attempt to placate matters peacefully first. But he is known to challenge rowdy guests to duels before beating them senseless and taking their belts. A strange habit.

So if you are finishing your day’s work in the mines, at the factory, or just trying to survive the crowds at the market, you can find rest, respite, and a fine meal waiting for you at the Hydra’s Head Tavern.

Banzai

If I can ever recommend one thing to you, it is this:

I have several done years of RPing, and this has taken me to countless different forums and, if you are at all familiar with RP forums, let me tell you, they were the lowest of the low some six or seven years ago.

In one of these forums, a legendary tale happened, a tale that, if I can ever recommend one thing to you, it is this:

The Ballad of Edgardo.

A story that happened to an anonymous RPer years ago.

Anyone will be able to appreciate it (and trust me, you will), but if you are kinsmen or kinswomen to me, if you ever had to experience the shittiest of RP forums and their terrible userbases, particularly that one guy that does whatever he wants and is an asshole that clearly godmods but gets away with it because the actual mods don’t give a damn, you will find the beauty behind the ballad that much brighter.

Just trust me on this one. It’s not a particularly long read, either.

I hope you enjoy The Ballad of Edgardo