Ummmmmmmmm

Solidarity

did anybody else have a moment as a kid/teen where you suddenly realized that you were more than likely never going to have one of those big adventures that you read abt in YA novels. and u were going to just have a normal life with normal problems, and got real sad. and even tho u now see value in a regular life, part of you still wants magic powers and a rag tag group of ride-or-die friends who are out to save the world

The Wreckers - In the Junkyard

Another round of thugly antics. Again, check out Puckarooni for her Pokemon Superhero AU. Cool jams, friendos.

Alolan Joe - Alolan Ratata Leader and self proclaimed mousestache afficianado

Ben - Spearow Brawn of the group of Bachelor of Thuganomics

Zach - Zigzagoon Dunno what he’s doing, but he’s doing it well

Sherman - Sentret Newbie, but he makes up for it with heart

~~~

“Alright, Gents.” Joe said, strapping on his goggles

“Who wants to go first?”

Ben and Sherman’s hands both shot up, Zach was taking his time strapping on his hard hat.

Joe stroked his luxurious lip fluff, “Hmm, let’s see what the new recruit has to offer. Sherman, you’re up.”

Sherman pumped his fist and smiled at Ben. Ben gave him a curt snort before tossing the sledgehammer at him. Sherman fumbled the catch but managed to miss having it land on his toes. He gathered up the hammer and scurried to the center of the junkyard where they had set up their latest target. A sleek, heavy duty, Ironclad™ mini-vault safe.

“Okay,” Sherman said, squaring his feet and tugging at his leather gloves. “Watch this.”

He brought the sledgehammer way back behind him, twisting almost all the way around. He then let out a warrior cry, something of a mix between a painful yelp and yodelling, and brought the sledgehammer against the side of the safe. The metal-on-metal clang rang out through the junkyard. The others brought their hands up over their ears. The safe keeled onto two of its legs before settling back to stability. The ringing died out and Sherman turned around.

His whole body was shaking from the heavy impact. “How was that?”

Zach gave a golf clap, Joe chuckled under his breath. Ben shook his head, “Alright alright, amateur hour is over. We don’t have all night to bust this thing open.”

He sauntered over to Sherman and snagged the sledge out of his trembling hands. Sherman smiled up at him, expectantly. Ben scowled down the bridge of his nose at him. “Uh…Not bad, I guess.” He sniffed and noticed the small dent at the side of the safe, “Now, stand back. Let me show you how it’s done.” He smirked.

Sherman nodded and scuttled back a few steps. Ben took the sledgehammer in his hands and tested its weight, a few test swings swiping at the air. Like a baseball star, he rolled his shoulders, spat on his hands, shook his arms out.

“While we’re young, tough guy.” Joe called out.

“Bite Me, Nerd!” Ben hollered back.

Joe folded his arms and laughed. He turned to Zach, “Think he can actually bust that thing open?”

Zach had finished suiting up with a dust mask and looked like a post-apocalyptic refugee. Zach looked at Ben’s prep ritual and shrugged. “Maybe.”

“I heard that.” Ben said, shouldering the hammer, “Okay, here we go.” He whipped the hammer high over his head and roared his own battle cry. For a whole minute, Ben whaled against the safe. He slammed the sides, top and legs, driving the safe into the dirt. Over and over the hammer fell to the brittle tune of clanging metal. When he finished, the sledge hammer landed beside him with a heavy thud. Ben fought to catch his breath.

“Damn, what’s this thing made of?”

“WHAT!?” Shouted Sherman, standing a few feet away.

“I SAID! -Nevermind.” Ben dragged the hammer back to where Joe was standing. Zach had vanished to places unknown. Sherman hustled behind him.

“Alright, Joe.” Ben said, holding out the hammer to him. “Show us what you got.”

Joe lifted his eyebrows, “What’s this? You’ve given up?”

Sherman, ears slowly returning to their rightful tone frequency, chimed in, “Hey hey, I can go again.”

Ben ignored him, “This was your idea, fearless leader. Let’s see you put your money where your mouth is.”

Joe looked at the hammer, then back at Joe. “Alright, Ben.” He took the tool out of Ben’s hands, “But when I crack this thing open, I expect you to start treating me with a little more respect.”

Ben scoffed as Joe whisped past him. Sherman scooted up beside Ben, who stepped a little bit away. Sherman followed. Ben grumbled.

Joe came to the center of the junkyard. The atmosphere of the yard became heavy. He dragged the metal sledge along the ground and it rattled against the various pieces of scrap along the way. The florescent lights hummed above and there was a quiet breeze that picked up a few scattered bits of paper, causing them to dance in the air.

Joe squared off with the safe. He took a deep breath and pulled the heavy sledge hammer into the air. He ratcheted his torso, twisting back and leveling the hammer. The air stood still in anticipation. Ben and Sherman held their breath, along with Zach, whom had returned at some point. Then, with a mighty howl, Joe spun his body and connected with the pointed edge of the safe. The metal clang was joined with a loud crack and snap. The head of the sledgehammer sailed through the air and landed a few feet away from Joe with a dull thud. The safe had been scuffed to the side a few inches, but aside from that was unchanged.

Ben clucked and doubled over, laughing heartily. Sherman shouted from beside him, “That was Awesome!”

Joe turned and casually walked over to the busted head of the hammer. He regarded it before gathering the lump of metal and returning to the rest of the crew.

“Well gents, looks like- Ben you can stop now- looks like we’ll need another plan.”

“What’s in the safe, anyway?” Sherman asked.

“Documents, of some nature.” Said Joe. “They must be pretty dangerous if they want us to Wreck them.”

“What if,” Sherman said, looking excitedly between Joe and Ben, Zach had shuffled off to sniff around the safe. “What if we just hold the stuff ransom? Maybe we can blackmail the guy?”

Joe stroked his stache. Ben gathered himself, “No, cause then we wouldn’t be the Wreckers anymore.” He folded his arms in a tough guy flex, “We’d be the Blackmailers. Or whatever.”

Joe nodded, “He’s right, and I’m already getting T-shirts made.”

“We’re Getting T-Shirts?” Sherman exclaimed.

“You bet, as soon as we crack this safe. Now then.” Joe looked at the busted sledgehammer, “We’ll need a new plan to get those–”

“Done,” Zach said, holding up a manila folder stuffed with documents, the word “classified” was barely visible on a sheet jutting from the mass.

They all looked at the folder, then to the safe, the door was open with no further apparent damage. Joe, with an exceedingly puzzled look on his face, took the folder.

Sherman gawked, “How did you do that?”

Zach held out his hands and gestured with is fingers, wiggling them and twisting his wrist. “Just…ya know.” He did some more wangjangling and fidgeting, “That.” He nodded with a satisfied look on his face.

Sherman watched the display intently, mimicking the frivolous actions as best he could. When Zach was done, he looked at his hands. “That’s wild,” He said, a little disheartened that it made little sense to him.

Ben scoffed, “Well, whatever. I probably loosened it up for him.” He looked over to Joe, “Alright, so now..?” He trailed off expectantly.

Joe took the hint and walked over to an oil drum, “Now, we do what we do best.” He tossed the folder into the bin.

“We Wreck Stuff!” Sherman called out and ran back to the edge of the clearing, grabbing a half tank of gasoline they had stashed there. He hustled it over to Ben and handed off the payload. Sherman had not yet achieved “Burn it” status yet, but he was eager to help.

They gathered around the drum as Ben poured in a responsible amount of fuel into the drum, and then added an irresponsible amount with a sinister grin.

Joe held a hand out to Zach, who whipped a match from his pocket and placed it into Joe’s palm. “Alright Ben, that’s enough.”

Ben rejoined them and set down the tank of gasoline. The three of them watched Joe expectantly.

“This is another job,” Joe lit the match with a strike against his teeth, “Well done.”

He tossed the match into the oil drum and it immediately burst into a column of flame. The four of them stepped back at the spectacle.

“This is so damn cool.” Said Sherman. “Don’t you think this is cool?” He said, turning to Zach.

“Maybe.” Said Zach, who was already busy trying to pry open the lid of what looked like a jewel box.

Ben glanced at Joe, “‘Well done’? Are you freakin serious?”

“What can I say, I have a–,” Joe turned to Ben, so the firelight glimmered off his goggles, “Flare for dramatics.”

Ben groaned.

Old man from Kanto. Bulbasaur started it all.

What Pokémon region are you from?

So it’s pretty simple, Whichever series was out when you were 10 years old is where your from.

This chart will help everyone out

In 2007 I had turned 10 so the game series that was out was diamond and pearl, which means that the region I started my journey in is Sinnoh!

Reblog with what region you start your journey in and what starter you picked.

Anyway I’m from Sinnoh and my starter is turtwig.

Bow in reverance to the glowy crystal phallus!

It’s a celebration of LOVE!!

Something possessed me into making this cake so I enlisted the help of @cold-brew-colors since I can’t bake for shit. I drew most of the chocolate Zonda though. It was made in celebration of the release of Gunvolt 2!

The adorable little figure is the wonderful handiwork of @bupiti! She’s even more cute in-person!! Thanks again for her!

I feel this is terribly important to keep in mind if your world building includes a substantial time skip. Unless a given reason has stagnated the world, "100 years later" should show a drastically different world.

We went from horse and buggy to space in less then 100 years

I think the worst kind of writers block is when you aren’t blocked in the conventional sense, like you know what you want to write and how to write it, you just cant put words on the page because of a crippling sense of what’s the point? 

Day 2 - Mindless

Let’s see if we can make a trend of this.

Prompt: Mindless

Title: The good of mindless entertainment

The grandstands of the arena were filling up. Eager KFL fans, with their banners and signs, took their seats and prepared for the night of fights. The classic rock jamming over the speakers played background music for the excited chatter of the spectators.

Arriving to their designated seats, Victoria tossed her bag full of cheering section gear on the fold-up bench seat, her date, Mitch, dropped himself into the seat adjacent. She stripped off her jacket to reveal her limited edition “Quake in Fear ‘09” Cassidy Quake T-shirt. She did a quick pose to show off the fruits of her fanaticism. For his part, Mitch managed a gentle applause.

“Oh come on, you can do better than that.” She said, grabbing some of her banners and thunder clappers. She handed the merch to him, “Tonight’s match-up is a toughie and Quake’s gonna need us in his corner to cheer for him.”

He took the themed items and sighed, “I don’t think he’ll be able to hear us.” 

“You say that,” She countered, “But this one time.” She said, opening her hands in front of her, the way one does when they are about to wind up into an enthusiastic story. He leaned his head into his hands and watched her with a weak smile.

“Quake was on the ropes, right?” She said, “Baron Thuggly was about to barrel into him.” She mimed winding up a big punch. “But then! I called out,” She cupped her hands around her mouth, “‘You Can Do It!’” She said in a raspy scream-whisper voice. 

Mitch nodded along. “And did he do it?” 

“Not only did he whip around and catch Baron Thuggly right in his big ugly jaw,” She swatted at the air, spinning her around to put her back to him. “But then, Quake turns around and,” She turned slowly and looked at him. She smirked and gave him a slight nod.

He laughed, “Wow, all that for you huh?”

She spun back around to face him, “You better believe it!” She grabbed the edge of her shirt, “I bought this shirt after that match, as a memento to how awesome that moment was.”

He sat back in his chair. “I dunno, all this stuff just seems like mindless violence. I mean, isn’t it all fake?” He said, looking up to her.

She glared at him. “First of all, I’d like to see you back flip off a skyscraper and body slam through a monster truck and tell me its fake.” She put an arm on his shoulder, “And second, you could stand a little bit of mindless fun.”

He patted her hand and let out a slow breath, “Yeah, maybe.”

She smiled, and the lights cut out. 

The music went from banal classic rock to driving hip-hop hype music. 

The ring lit up with spotlights and the announcer stepped out to the center of the massive ring. He raised his microphone and the crowd went wild.

“Ladies and Gentlemen and everything in between.” He said, his voice echoing through the arena “Tonight’s fight will be one for the record books. Coming in for the Red Corner,” He gestured to the red colored entrance. A massive stone-statue looking creature lumbered onto the runway. “The mountainous stone soldier, clocking 3 stories tall and weighing a mind-bending 100 tonnes! Your challenger tonight, GARGOYLE!” 

The statue charged down the runway, each heavy step causing the whole arena to shake. He hoisted himself through the sturdy gate and stepped into the ring. He raised his massive fists in the air and roared. Some people in the audience cheered. Victoria applauded politely. Mitch followed suit.

“And now,” The announcer said, the music dropping out again, “Please welcome. Your champion in the blue corner!” The blue entrance lit up and showed a silhouette. The coils of the figure’s long whiskers were unmistakable. The music started low as the audience started to whoop and holler. Victoria was already on her feet, waving her arms and cheering. 

“The Kaiju that shifts the very world. The beast who bested the Gorgon and toppled the 100-Man Mountain challenge. Everyone, please welcome, CASSIDY QUAKE!”

The spotlights went wild, revealing Cassidy, standing valiently at the entrance. Empowering and brassy music kicked on. The arena went absolutely wild. Victoria was waving her banner and screaming. Mitch waved the banner he had been assigned and whistled through his teeth to join the crowd. The energy was tangible as Cassidy confidently hustled to the ring, his catfish whiskers trailing behind him. He stepped to the edge of the ring and hung off the gate before swinging himself inside. When he landed, the impact made the arena shudder. Even the challenger had to steady himself. 

The stage was set.

“Now, fighters.” The announcer said, “I want to see your warrior’s spirit tonight. Don’t hold anything back!”

The two competitors tapped fists to signal their agreement and went to their sides of the cage to prepare.

A large timer above the ring ticked down the final minute before the fight would kick off. Victoria waved her banner. Mitch couldn’t help lean forward, his heart racing. The anticipation in the air was making the hair on his neck stand up. A small grin slipped on his face.

When the bell rang, there was no time to waste. The two competitors came out swinging. Even in the first round, resounding strikes made the cage shake and shudder. As Quake went to work, Victoria would take breaks from her cheering to point out common tactics and strategies, and the signature moves of each fighter. He nodded along and did his best to keep up, she was rattling off information between cries and cheers.

“Wait, so, why can’t he use the Quake Buster there?” He said.

“Cause he was caught in the guard. He had to --YEAH! RIGHT TO THE HEAD!-- Sorry, he had to clear the leg first.” She said, her eyes staying on the battle.

“Clear the leg?” He said.

“Yeah, like, watch, see that? That’s clearing the leg, oh here it comes! Watch!”

Cassidy wrapped his arms around Gargoyle, lifted the massive kaiju into the air, and brought him down with a thunderous impact. The ring rattled dangerously, fighting to constrain the incredible force. The shockwave sent a wave of air pressure that knocked nearly everyone off their feet. 

“Whoa,” Mitch said, his heart fighting to catch up with his adrenaline. “That was awesome.”

“I know right!?” Victoria said, she grabbed the thunder sticks and banged them together. “GET HIM QUAKE!”

Mitch got to his feet, knees wobbly, and waved the banner. “Get him!”

Round 10, the challenger had managed to get a lucky sweep that brought him into a tough grapple. Less than a minute on the clock, but if Gargoyle could sink the choke, it could be over for Cassidy. The champion was pressed against the cage, struggling for a hold.

Victoria was screaming, her voice going horse. Mitch waved his banner frantically. He could see the energy draining away from the champion. With the banner clenched in his sweaty grip, he worked up all the energy he could and screamed, “YOU CAN DO IT!”

Cassidy’s eyes snapped open and he grabbed through the gaps in the fence and lifted himself up, pulling gargoyle off the mat. The pull of gravity and tired limbs loosened the challenger’s grip and he slid just enough for Cassidy to slip his way out of the hold and get his arms around Gargoyle again. With an ear-splitting shout, Cassidy jumped into the air, lifting the massive kaiju with him and bringing them both down for another clutch Quake Buster. The arena shook, the cage rattled, the crowd cheered. Cassidy rose to his feet, Gargoyle did not. The officiating robo-ref rushed to the downed fighter’s side, scanning his battered body. He straightened up and waved his arms in the air, signalling the end of the fight.

Had you been pressing your face against any of the windows for the arena, you may have felt, in that moment, the windows buckle outwards. Because the combined roar of every voice in the arena was like a physical blast. Within the cacophany, the robo-ref lifted the hand of Cassidy and the announcer cried through the din.

“Your winner and defending champion, CASSIDY QUAKE!”

In the stands, Victoria and Mitch had embraced each other and were leaping about. He looked back at the ring and to the hero who pulled through in the end. Cassidy, looked over his shoulder and into the stands and gave a single nod and smile.

Mitch clutched his chest. “I think,” He said sheepishly, “Do you think he heard me?”

She patted him on the shoulder, “You better believe it.” Her voice was ragged, but she spoke with a smile. “Come on, let’s go get you a shirt.”

Sir Rathus Kaine Returns

Inspired by reading Seven Blades in Black by Sam Sykes, I made this while trying to emulate the style. I highly recommend the book. Please enjoy my brain nugget.

++++

“Great General Baltha!” Said the messenger, running frantically into the office. Bethany Burlesque Baltha spared an irate glance at the frantic messenger.

“Yes?” She said, voice creaking from the remnants of a cold she was battling. The stress of running the Palace of Great Deeds had been ruining her sleep schedule which had made her condition rather worrisome. But she couldn’t let down the Glorious One, or more importantly, Abigail. She pushed the thought away from her mind. She realized she hadn’t been paying attention to the messenger.

“Uh, what was that?” She said, “Catch your breath and start over.”

The messenger seemed thankful and took a few deep breaths before speaking again. “Like I said, the Crypt of Kings was found open this morning.”

“Grave robbers?” She said and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I wouldn’t think a General would have to instruct her forces to hunt down bandits.” She paused as a cold chill passed down her spine, “Unless there is more to this story?”

The messenger, steadied himself on a chair in front of her desk. She motioned for him to take a seat. He obliged and took another breath.

“We thought it was stranger for bandits to get this far into the Palace of Great Deeds without anyone noticing. So we went into the crypt and found there was only one tomb disturbed. One that we have all been instructed to stay far away from.” He paused as the realization sunk into her. She rose from her desk, her eyes deadly serious and focused on him.

“Show me.”

The Glorious Empire of Divinia held a great deal of the western continent with its heart beating in the capital city of Falk at the top of Mount Spire. Surrounding allies all held an important part of the Glorious Empire. And in Velkinrath, they had the Palace of Great Deeds. A glorified cemetery for the great martyrs and pillars of the nation. Though, that was just on the surface. Deep beneath the polished marble floors, a series of chambers held dire secrets. And among them was the body of the true pillar of the Glorious Empire.

Sir Rathus Kaine. First of the Glorious Empire. The Hero who sacrificed everything for the benefit of The Glorious One. He was buried in a very prestigious place, behind several layers of protective barrier. The scraps of which lay in shattered flecks around the feet of Baltha. She gazed, a pale expression of unrest sitting uncomfortably on her face, into the gaping maw of the opened crypt. The messenger stayed at the door behind her as instructed, but for a fleeting moment she really wanted to have another body there as a shield. Or better yet, she really wanted to turn tail and run back up to her desk and dive underneath and snatch that bottle of aged whiskey for a long and comforting pull. But this would demand a report. And she would need to add a very important detail. One that Abigail would be looking very keenly for. And one that, should she leave out, would reflect poorly on her maintaining the loving relationship her neck had with her head.

She steeled her resolve and pressed onward. The echoing sound of her boots in the stone corridor emphasized the feeling that she was alone in the tomb. And hopefully, that was true.

She reached the remnants of the chamber door leading into the tomb. There were large gashes on the metal door that had severed the layers of locking mechanisms. She felt a cold wind on the back of her neck, she fought her urge to cry out, and simply turned around slowly. All she saw was the messenger standing at the entrance, dutiful and at attention. Poor soul must have been anxious as hell. Seeing his superior meekly stumbling in the dark towards a room he never had any knowledge of. She cleared her throat and called out to him.

“Seems like the grave robbers were using some impressive tools.” She said, and to her credit, she almost believed it. But the gouges in the door were clearly rend from the inside of the room. The messenger nodded from his vantage point far away from her.

She turned back to the door and the room beyond. A cold sweat had begun to bead on her forehead. One last thing to check. Just a quick peek will do the trick. Then she could leave and file a report that there was just some burglars that need apprehending and she could go back to trying to drown troubling memories and nightmares.

She slipped her hand between the cracks in the door and felt for the special switch that deactivated the traps within the room. You could conceive that these traps were built to discourage the incredibly dedicated thief, but she knew there was another being that it was actually designed for. Several layers of powerful and painful magic pointed at the sarcophagus at the center of the tomb. To be fair, it was a rather splendid piece of work, that regal coffin. Draped in the wonderful colors of the Glorious Empire and sealed with hundreds of pounds of inert stone, sculpted to look like the late Rathus Kaine. Or at least, it would, were it not for the gaping scar that tore through the length of the elegant confinement. And by all accounts, that kind of rupture did not appear to come from the outside.

“Oh no,” Baltha said to herself. She began to contemplate her options. She could bring this intel to Abigail, now would be fine. But she knew the question would come.

“And the body?” She would ask. In a voice like honey. So sweet. So viciously sweet. You wouldn’t notice the poison until you were already a blue and bloated corpse.

So, with her fear of the known overpowering her fear of the unknown, Baltha tipped her head forward and looking into the regal coffin’s wound.

Within the sarcophagus, wrapped in the regalia he wore in life, lay the late Sir Rathus Kaine. Eyes closed gently as if in peaceful rest. Hands holding onto the sword given to him on the day his life was taken by an enraged elemental and he passed away for the benefit of the Glorious Empire.

She closed her eyes let out a heaving sigh of relief. The body was still there. Still dead. Whatever had happened here was very strange, but at least she could end her report and Abigail would not come after her.

“Did you miss me?” A voice said.

Her eyes snapped open, Kaine was looking up at her. His eyes open wide. Bright and filled with a light that was not human, or divine, something else. She felt the would fall out beneath her, dropping to her knees and scrambling back to the entrance to the tomb. There came a blast of wind as Kaine stepped beside her. The edge of his sword found its way under her chin.

“After all these years, you never visited.” He said, his voice was distant but she could feel it pounding in her head. “I guess I can’t blame you, what with these magical traps. Did you make these, Baltha? Traps always were your specialty.”

She swallowed hard, the edge of the blade biting gently into the skin of her throat. Her body trembled as she tried to lift herself away from the blade. She was so close to the door, to the trap switch, she could still make it out alive. She just needed to buy time.

“Please don’t kill me.” She said, choking back a sob. “I don’t want to die.”

The pressure against her throat lessened. “Oh dear, Baltha. I am not going to slit your throat.” He said and slipped the blade into the sheath at his side. “You’re just following orders.” His eyes danced with fire as he looked down at her. “Another dog of Abigail.”

“Yes,” She said, stumbling to her feet and falling against the door frame, “I was just a pawn. A tool.”

He tipped his head to the side, “Baltha, what are you doing?”

She jammed her hand into the door crack, “I’m putting you back in your box, Kaine!” She shouted and flicked the switch. The magic in the traps began to hum back to life.

“Aha, I see.” He said and smiled. “So that’s where it is.” The hum of the magic traps began to change tone to a rhythmic pulsing in and out. It sounded like a grumbling, gravelly echo. Like someone…snoring?

“You know Baltha,” He said, his form shivering and fading away to show her still standing over the sarcophagus, asleep on her feet. “You really should get more sleep. You’ll get nightmares.” He said and clapped his hands.

Baltha woke up with a start, standing in front of the sarcophagus, looking down into the gaping wound. The empty box presented the lovely interior of the royal coffin. She turned back to the door, to find Kaine standing there. His hand was slipped into the crack in the door.

“Goodbye Baltha.” The clock of the switch rang in her ears before being drowned out by the roar of the magical traps.

At the end of the corridor, the messenger barely had time to dive away from the blast of powerful magic that ripped out of the tomb. He scrambled to his feet and looked down the glassed corridor.

“General Baltha?” He called out.

There came no answer, but there was a whisper that came from behind him.

“You’re a messenger, right?”

The young messenger spun around to see an emaciated and ashen body wreathed in the scraps of tattered regal clothing, a dangerous blade hung at his hip. He placed a hand on the weapon and cleared his throat to insist a response.

“Y-yes, sir.” He said, fumbling to pull a notepad and everink quill out of his pockets.

“Good,” The shambling corpse said, his smile causing cracks to form at the edges of his face, “Tell Abigail I’m coming for a visit.”

The messenger scribbled on the pad. At the bottom of his notes, a flourished blank patch begged a name. He looked up to the imposing threat before him.

“Uh, who–“

“Me?” Said the crackling creature. It’s eyes flashed with a sickly light and his grin peeled back to reveal sharpened teeth. “I’m the Boogeyman.”

After watching Sonicmega get rather salty at the Nickelodeon game Paw Patrol: On a Roll and quickly typing up a rather stern letter, I knew I had to try voicing it myself.

Give him a follow and help him on his journey to Partner!

transcript under the cut

I recently purchased a copy of Nickelodeon Paw Patrol: On a Roll! via the Nintendo eShop for exactly $20.00 USD. I cannot begin to describe to you how excited I was to play this game, given that I am an avid lover of canines and most animals in general - with the exception of slugs because a slug once got into our kitchen and left behind some of its slime, which my mother mistook for me spilling food (and subsequently spanked me for). On top of this, I know that Nickelodeon understands the importance of building positive, healthy relationships in children, including those of their beloved family pets. It goes without saying, then, that I was fully prepared to see my hard work rewarded in PAW PATROL: ON A ROLL via the ability to “pet the dogs” after a successful mission. IMAGINE MY SUBSEQUENT DISMAY, upon learning that not only do I never get the chance to pet the Good Boyes, the main character of the game doesn’t even take it upon himself to give them the attention and praise they deserve! How could a company like Nintendo let such an important, integral part of bonding with a dog be left unattended, much less permit a game that ignores the most enjoyable part of having a dog in front of you to be sold for TWENTY AMERICAN-BLOODED DOLLARS? I can’t even go out to a dog park because of this pandemic, and yet you have robbed me not only of my money, but also my chance to pet a dog in some form. I would like to formally request that you refund my purchase of PAW PATROL: On a Roll, and return my $20 back to me so that I may use it for other dog-related activities - such as hiring a dog groomer to Zoom me in to one of their next sessions, or buy myself accessories and pretend I am the dog (allowing me to thus pet myself through use of a psychological loophole). In either case, it will bring me closer to petting a dog than this game managed to. I thank you for understanding my plight in this time of great need.