Surrounding Yourself With Too Many Suicidal People (and What It Does)

surrounding yourself with too many suicidal people (and what it does)

hello.

my name is moll. I need to talk to you. And before I do, I need to put a trigger warning on this post. I will be discussing mental health and suicidal topics. If these trigger you, do not continue reading ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

most people have that one friend who isn’t doing so well. Most people have a friend that is not doing so well and obviously needs comfort and reassurance from friends. That is okay. Some people have friends with serious issues or mental disabilities, causing them to not act like the social norm for people. That is okay.

it becomes a problem when you’re in fear. You’re in fear that you could wake up tomorrow and they aren’t here anymore. It becomes a problem when you have to always make sure that they don’t go off the deep end on you. It scares you, right? And I’m not saying you should not be friends with people when they become suicidal, I’m saying that there’s a problem when it feels like your job to make sure they don’t do anything stupid. When it feels like it’s your responsibility to make sure they’re alive. When you feel like you have to be friends with them BECAUSE they’re suicidal. You can be there for them when they are suicidal without leaving them, but there’s a problem when their problems start turning into yours. You’re scared of them. You’re scared because they refuse to get help. You’re scared of them dying. Your friendship, is fueled by fear.

It’s a huge problem when you surround yourself with an entire group of people like this. Being in an entire groupchat or friend group with people like this is harmful to not only their mental health, but yours too. People always talking about how they want to go off the deep end, talking about the drugs they’re doing, showing pictures of their self harm to you. An entire group of people, and then other suicidal people you may know outside that friend group or group chat. ⚠️Not all suicidal people are like this, I’m talking about when they are VERY suicidal⚠️

I’m going to speak from experience now. I have been surrounded with suicidal people for god who knows how long. Having a ton of friendships with people who are about to go off the deep end, and having to constantly make sure they don’t, scars you bad. I have a feeling it’s going to stick with me forever. At first I thought, “I could help them.”, but now I can’t get a good nights sleep praying that they are alive and breathing tomorrow. I’ve been vented to, I’ve seen peoples self harm, I’ve let people over share about their lives to me. So many people, all the venting and the sadness. They say the same things every day, you don’t know how to respond anymore, and they rarely respond to your vents. I thought it was okay. But what has it done to me?

It manipulated me into thinking my problems don’t matter, because all of my friends have it worse. They can tell me anything, even if it affects me badly. I’ve never been able to fully talk to them about it, hopefully one day I can. But for now I’ve dug myself into a huge hole, it’s so hard to get out. I am on so many waiting lists for therapy, nobody is available. I wish I could’ve told my younger self to not do what I did. There’s a huge messy ball of depression and anxiety hanging over me, with the right help I can cut it open, but the right help is just out of reach for now.

You don’t have to be like me. You don’t have to pray to god you get help, you don’t have to go sleepless nights hoping your friends are here tomorrow. You don’t have to be like me. Surround yourself with people who have a good influence on you.

its okay to be suicidal, its okay to have suicidal friends. It’s okay to vent and it’s okay to be vented to, but it becomes a problem when your whole social life is fueled by fear. Be there for your friends when they’re not doing okay, but let them know when you’re not doing okay either. Make sure they care.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading.