What If

what if

what if i never did what i did? would it still be hard knowing that you deserved better, that if you were with someone else you’d be happier? maybe

but i cant go back. im stuck with the decision of letting you go and that i was too scared of being with you and disappointing you. yeah i know its dumb but what can i do now? its not like i can go back?

i have a question, do you ever think about me? yes i know this is dumb and the answer is probably no because i hurt you. but i just wanna know because i think about you. yeah i know you’re probably thinking why and maybe kinda pissed but i do and its all these little things that trigger it, like the stuff that trigger memories. happy ones. but really i just want to know if you ever just a little thought about me.

well yet again you’re never going to see this…

growth

a mind possible of thinking about anything a body fit to run around all day through the fields a age where you feel free to wonder and i’m here reminiscing about yesterday the mind focused on the work the body of a child is all grown up the age where you want to be rebellious and i’m here thinking about today not sure about what to do not sure if you’ll achieve your goals not sure if you’re free to wonder and i’m here wondering about tomorrow ~c.e

message for him--

hey, you’re never gonna see this but i just have to write this down or else it’s gonna kill me on the inside. so me and you have history, i loved you and you loved me at least that’s what we’d say. but i broke it off well because i just couldn’t handle the “school stress” and having the thought i could only see you once a week, i just couldn’t. so at that time of course i thought it was a good idea to end it with you and so you could move on and maybe actually get a girl that is there with you and you can actually see in person. then i texted you because im a coward and said some lame excuse and not actually tell you whats wrong which would’ve been a better idea but i didn’t i just broke it off. then i immediately “liked” someone which wasn’t worth it, then i guess i “moved on”. well that’s what i thought, i was wrong. all the the people i had “feelings” for were distractions. what i mean is that me having those “feelings” for them was a distraction to how i really feel. i feel like im going crazy, because every second im not busy thinking about whatever, im thinking about what you’re doing or what we could’ve been doing at that moment. so all those people i thought i had feelings for were a distraction of how im actually missing you. but yet again im dumb because you’ve moved on and you probably hate how im crawling back to you right now when you’ve moved on so im sorry that my actual feelings and thoughts just hit me now because most of the time i have no idea what im doing. yet again you’re never gonna see this.

What If

what if

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growth

message for him--