*always Adding More

a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes

text your landlord

remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response

briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada

remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 

look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”

remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you

enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday

order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.

exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.

return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open

back up

ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead

release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it

you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways

the door swings open

run up the stairs

open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat

cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home

write tumblr post

this is superior humor

God's away on business

(A diptych of Saw portrait studies vaguely in Disco Elysium style for no real reason other than I like drawing them in scratchy angular shapes.)

this is my 20th text post meme.  pls join in my celebration (●＾o＾●)

I think the most damage this site has done to me is making me think "It's fucken wimdy" when it is, in fact, fucken wimdy outside.

Little gem from Reddit

I get so sad every time someone says they couldn't get into TLT because they got lost so I MADE THIS. enjoy. Please let me know if Im missing anything or anything is wrong!

EDIT 3/15: UPDATED SOME INFORMATION IN THE BoE SLIDE

Link to all the artists' websites/blogs below!

Slide 2: ttbret on twitter

Slide 3: decemberiste on twitter

Slide 4: midnightcrows.tumblr.com

Slide 5: exmakina.tumblr.com

Slide 6: haveyoumetmythief.tumblr.com

Slide 8: BriarwickArt

Slide 9: fluffehwuffeh.tumblr.com

Slide 11: mothmanforreal.tumblr.com

Slide 12: ydteus.tumblr.com , sermna.tumblr.com

Slide 13: notedchampagne.tumblr.com, marceline2174.tumblr.com

Slide 14: lulafia.tumblr.com, by melli4uhbees on twitter

Slide 15: melli4uhbees on tumblr , reaandull on tumblr

Slide 16: starcanist on tumblr

Slide 17: cutetanuki-chan on tumblr

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

enough coffee shop aus. time for ‘the thing’ aus. they are trapped together at a research station in antarctica. everyone stands around tensely while getting a blood test. somebody’s head turns into a spider.

Is there anything better in this life than girls dressed in men’s clothes?