DUDE READ THIS!!!! ITS PEAK!!!!!

DUDE READ THIS!!!! ITS PEAK!!!!!

for @cristaformanimations cuz your art has been on my mind for HOURS

i hope you like it :)

Even since she was brought back all those years ago, Leafy has just been...tired. She's been tired of living in the shadows, tired of being the villain in everyone's eyes, tired of having to barely get any sleep out of fear that she could get attacked if she let her guard down, tired of HIM.

Her hands hurt from carrying her blades with her; at first they held a form of comfort and safety for her, but now they just remind her of what she lost. Even though it's been years since she escaped yoyleland, her hands still itch for that feeling of handling a knife.

She's envious of course, she's been for a while now. Ever since she joined BFB and even when she got moved over to The Losers, she's been envious of everyone around her. She can't go one day without someone bringing up what she did or someone looking at her like she's the scum of the earth. So often she just wants to leave, just quit the show entirely and not look back. Hell, even TPOT sounded more appealing than having to deal with what's going on now. She's forced to wait until everyone is out of earshot before she's able to break, to let every hurtful word and accusation thrown at her finally sink in.

All she wanted was to be nice to everyone, but every day makes her want to just become the person who they think she is just for the sick gratification of watching them realize how horribly they treated her. Her screams and cries for a better tomorrow are muffled by her pillow and knowledge that it'll never come.

The days where she just wants to give up scare her the most. That one year where she was dead was agonizing and the thought of never coming back at all terrifies her, but it also sounds so alluring to her. The thought of not having to deal with them anymore, not wondering when will be the day she'll snap and do something that she'll terribly regret? The only thing stopping that thought is the knowledge that someone would bring her back. They're still in the competition, so her wanting to be free from them would only be a hindrance in the end.

It's not like she can just go up to 4 and X, going "Hey if I die, can you not revive me? Thanks!". That would be too suspicious; X would undoubtedly be worried for her (bless his heart), while 4 would dismiss it unless she stepped down from competing and after him claiming she was his favorite student, she couldn't stand to upset him. And so, she forces a smile on her face every morning, loudly greets everyone with a chipper attitude that never felt genuine in years and awaits for the next burn that'll keep slowly eating away at her until there's truly nothing left.

--

At first, watching her left a grating and uneasy feeling in the pit of Firey's stomach. Watching her smile and chat with everyone as if pretending what happened back then never happened. He'll be honest and admit that watching others being rude to her and snapping at her left a sick sense of enjoyment in him but seeing her stand alone with a distraught and sad expression on her face made something in him twist, but he kept pushing it down because to him and to everyone else around them, he doesn't know her and they aren't friends.

There's been days where Leafy has a blank expression on her face, making him feel uncomfortable. He's always seen a smile on her face and even though he's been pushing her away, seeing her so despondent didn't sit right with him. The night before the split, he remembers overhearing her talking to Coiny and listening to her push down her feelings made him wonder what else she's been pushing down.

--

It was a beautiful night for stargazing, which is what Firey decided to go do. He couldn't fall asleep, so he figured he might do something to make him relax. He quietly exited the cabin his team slept in and walked out, looking for the perfect spot over the hills. It wasn't long before he found one, before he looked over and saw...her.

He was about to turn around and leave when she unexpectedly stood up, "Don't worry, I was just leaving". Her voice was just barely above a whisper, but it was enough to make him uneasy. He reached out to stop her but his voice was caught in his throat. He watched her walk away before deciding enough was enough and wanted to genuinely check up on her. "L-Leafy, wait!" He ran after her, hoping to catch her before she went into her cabin. He reached out to grab her shoulder, "Hey, are you ok--", her arm swatted him away like he was nothing but a pesky bug and it struck a cord with him.

She didn't turn to face him, instead wrapping her arms around herself in a weak facsimile of a hug. "...Why do you care?" Her tone sharp with barely laced bitterness. He paused, letting her words process for a moment. "Leafy, what? I-I've always cared--" "Well you sure have a funny way of showing it." He reeled back at her words, having not expected Leafy to get genuinely angry at him.

"Y'know, Firey?" She'd began, the years of hurt finally making her voice break, "I noticed that while I was gone, everything was so much better for you and everyone else." His eyes widened he started to pick up what she was implying. "It made me feel like, maybe....it would've been better..." She turned to face him and seeing her look so utterly broken and defeated torn him up inside. "...if you never recovered me."

"....What?" His voice cracked, tears starting to form. The idea of never recovering her never even crossed his mind, it was something that he would never regret and wasn't going to take that decision back at any point in his life.

He watched as she turned away from him and walked back to her cabin, for once feeling cold in his own skin.