1hr Ago Me Was Wrong Btw

my thoughts when someone says "I love you" is just

ha ha. no, you don't. you just love the idea and perception of me that I have given you. you don't love me.

it's whatever. doesn't fucking matter.

want to commit but I got a thing going on tomorrow, so suicide debate is postponed. (I'm upset for no reason and hating on everyone)

debating to post on my art blog but it's sh art. like, I dunno man, some irl's follow that account.

if I don't refresh myself about something or why I have it often enough I believe I don't have it and everything's a lie and im completely normal and making everything up

guess I'm going to fucking prom.

slight regret for how deep I cut on my wrist is now setting in

I love how I even told him of how much I've been trying to die and failing lately. and all he has to say is "mm.."

im getting so fucking upset I'm about to look for attention in the wrong people and places again.

i genuinely feel like I'm dying. my chest and heart fucking hurt now. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? what do I mean to you? what does Z mean to you? nothing?

no messages or contact for 3 months straight and still none, and I finally decided to look at your Spotify again. so you are alive. what? just avoiding us? because I see a new playlist, A WEEK AGO?

i don't know how to feel. i don't fucking understand anything. and I can't cut to get some form of sanity cause moms in the bathroom. I have no appetite for the food in front of me. i want to fucking blow up.

i just want some fucking answers.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO GODDAMN COMPLICATED AND CONFUSING