Wonder How He'd Feel If He Knew And Saw The Extent Of My Cutting And Scars.

“Way to high, I'm way too drunk

I'm not gonna cry from the things I've done”

I'm about to lock myself in the bathroom and cut. I'm talking with Z about A. we're trying to fucking find him. he's been on Spotify in the past week and Pinterest like a month ago.

is he ignoring us? but why? and for 3 months? did we do anything? if something is or was wrong, why couldn't he have just, I don't know, said something?! even if it's vague or blunt, anything would be better than this.

"But you were fine 2 seconds ago"

yeah and now im not

"But you said you were getting better"

yeah and now im getting worse

“Made my bed

cleared my head

closed my eyes

let me rest

fuck the help!

fuck my friends!

fuck my life!

let me end!”

I swear so much has happened these last 3 days that nothing feels real, and it's not even bad stuff, just very eventful days and it's leaving me very floaty and confused

it feels like I haven't stopped to take a break or take in anything fully

failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure

i hate this, I don't want to start over

wanna cover myself and the bathroom floor in blood.

i don't think you get just how much I need A back. i needy my lover back.. I need him to come back. i need to feel okay again. i need him.

2nd degree burns again but this time its from a sunburn. it fucking hurts because this time its blisters unlike a few years ago when the er doctors just cut away the skin (I casually set my hand on fire)