Me @the Bros

How does the username escape me Everytime?

My dog was attacking my pant legs like he sometimes does, when suddenly he started multiplying infinitely in all directions. It also was the first and currently the only time I slept with my eyes open.

Very tragic story but like when you put it like this...

Captain 3 is the funniest Splatoon character actually

Be some kid on the street

You're 14

Get pressured into joining the army by an old man??

Start going by Agent 3. Which is not a name

Never speak a word (you're canonically too shy)

You just start blasting??

Save the world and liberate an entire race of people somehow???

The entire rest of the series can only happen because you did this

Almost kill the protagonist of Octo Expansion (she is in love with you now)

Turn 16

Become a DJ as a hobby??

Your DJ name is DJ Sango. Sango is just "number 3" in Japanese. Still not a real name

Start taking yourself really seriously

Start wearing a cape

Get knocked unconscious multiple times

Get mind controlled???

It's fine you got better

Turn 21. The old man quits and puts you in charge of the army???

You inherit his hobo outfit. Why are you actually wearing it

Start going by Captain (still not a name)

Still never speak (a girl speaks for you) (she's a famous singer and older than you, why are you making her do this)

Do one (1) cool thing and just sit on your ass the whole rest of the game

Say booyah once

Happy new years, have an anime girl proportions Steve Minecraft

Pov: my gf

The grandma urge to complain about my back pain and joint aches, knit all day, cook big meals, and sleep constantly.

The feminine urge to sit on the couch and knit all day

HEY YOU GOT GAMES ON YOUR PHONE?

Passing anyone on a one lane

merging lanes