People Underestimate How Much It Fucks You Up To Be Subtly Excluded As A Kid. I Would Try To Talk To

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

More Posts from Emaille09 and Others

4 months ago

y’all gotta give it to got7 bc they could have left jyp and be done with it but here they are coordinating comebacks and making music together just for the love of the game like jaebeom has become got7’s attorney just so they could hang and make music together and hold concerts for their fans it wasn’t expected of him but he’s been at it for years on top of getting all the other members together between different countries and schedules and enlistment bless this man and thank god we have got7 releasing their bangers every few years to remind us why music and being a fan is fun


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1 year ago

Irritates the hell out of me when people respond to a post or comment like, "everyone does this, it's not just [disorder/illness/neurotype], it's called being a person."

Yeah and everyone coughs once in a while but it doesn't mean someone with pneumonia doesn't cough?? It doesn't mean pneumonia doesn't cause coughing??

Everyone gets dizzy once in a while but it doesn't mean vertigo doesn't exist??

Just about every symptom or group-common trait is going to be experienced by people who don't belong to those groups or have that disorder. It's about the frequency and intensity with which that symptom or trait comes up.


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1 year ago
Sometimes I Have The Feeling There's A Monster Living In My Head. Sometimes I Think I'm Going Crazy.

Sometimes I have the feeling there's a monster living in my head. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.

All these thoughts scare me to death. I know that I will never follow one. I know that I am not violent. Yet I can't look myself in the eye and I feel so lonely, so wrong about it.

I wish my head would just be quiet...


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1 year ago

I found these passages incredibly important.

There were a few moments in the movie theater where everyone laughed, but the laughter disappeared pretty quickly.

One moment it was funny and the next you realized how the joke had only reached the people in the auditorium and how everyone was horrified to have laughed.

In my opinion, the message couldn't have been conveyed any better.

I was shaking when I left the movie theater.

there was a moment when the people in the movie theatre and the capitol audience in the stands were laughing at the same things, having the same reactions to the games, to the deaths, to flickermans jokes, to the doctor's announcement...i wonder aren't we watching it for entertainment too

suzanne collins' books may exist in popular culture as "dystopian", but they have always been a meticulous and startlingly close social critique of our world. at what point does our own idolization of the movies and the books repeat that story? we watch just as the capitol audience does.

all dystopia eventually crosses a line from realistic futurism to current relevancy. how long will it take us to realize we've already crossed that line with these books? and the very people who need to realize this are the ones in that audience...real or fake, we're the same: consuming and consuming.


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emaille09 - Chá Mèng
Chá Mèng

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