I Am NOT Doing My Paperwork Please Why Am I Doing The Paperwwork I Just Wanna Storytell Not Make The

good evening

How to tell if you're in a historical Chinese drama:

(Inspired by this classic!)

Someone offends you unforgivably by calling you by your actual name.

You are preparing for a bloody battle in the rain. Your boots are made of exquisitely embroidered silk duchesse.

Everyone you know is god-tier beautiful. You ignore this.

Significant tea is being poured.

Your soulmate tells you in plain words that they love you. You comically misunderstand what they said, and will keep doing so, because the plot is not over yet.

The only thing more elaborate than the villain's cunning plan is the engineering of your man-bun.

Duels are scored like gymnastics routines. To beat your opponent, try a triple-twisting double tucked salto.

You have been married for thirty years. You have never seen your spouse's wrist.

Sometimes peasants and servants are killed horribly in front of you. It's a normal part of life. The other peasants will presumably take care of the practicalities, such as burial and being upset.

Any injury, including a broken nail, makes you vomit blood.

The year is 400 AD. French tips have been invented.

You're on a moon bridge and you are yearning.

Ftm Yin Yu ftm Yin Yu

drunk sqq has something to say...

Yue Qingyuan is a master of reframing. Unfortunately for the rest of CQM, he is both their leader and head of HR.

(Thanks to @gaywarcriminals for the input!)

cold

Shang Qinghua: I would like to apply to be your spy

Mobei-Jun: Do you have any experience being deceptive?

Shang Qinghua: Oh, yes! I lie to myself all the time!

on the yqy gets truth serumed thing: we find out because during a peak lord meeting, lqg says smth smth sqq sux and i hate him, and usually what gets said is "shidi is permitted to his own opinion, of course, but blablabla-" what comes out the sect leaders mouth THIS time, however, is "oh fuck your mother you foul tempered brat; jiu can do as he pleases and so help me if he threatens to leave because of this i will use your skin as a rug ^^" no one was ready.

YES

Exactly this is the vibe I picture if Yue Qingyuan got dosed with a truth serum.

Someone says something about how Shen Qingqiu's whoring is dragging the sect's reputation down, but what could they really expect from a man like that. Complete with a meaningful glance. And of course it's expected that Yue Qingyuan will take his side, even if he tries to word it diplomatically, they all know how he is...

And then Yue Qingyuan says "I'm going to break your jaw and rip out your lying tongue for slandering Shen Jiu. We don't even have anything in the rules forbidding sex you stupid piece of-" at which point Liu Qingge and Mu Qingfang both tackle him because something is clearly wrong with him and they can't rule out possession right away.

Everybody is mortified when Mu Qingfang confirms it's a truth pollen, but Shen Qingqiu just sits there completely floored because Yue Qingyuan would commit violence for him? Despite everything?? Then why hasn't he done any of that?! At least put in a little more effort when standing up for him to discourage the rich idiots from picking on him! Useless shixiong.

They wrap Yue Qingyuan in immortal binding cables because they don't trust his word that he always thinks like this and the risk of him acting on it is not one the can take, and he kneels in front of Shen Qingqiu and tells him that he would do anything to have his trust, his love back. If Shen Jiu asks him to rip out his useless, treacherous tongue, to crack open his chest and hand him his still beating heart as proof of his love, he would do so even if it's the last thing he would do in this life.

And Shen Qingqiu swoons because okay, there's something fishy here, but that's the kind of devotion he wants (devotion to match his own) and he is still fucking mad, don't get him wrong, but keep talking he's listening.

if sy's brothers in the modern world are actually yqy and sj i will riot. bc sy has been subjected to their "divorced but never married" and "i will kill for you but i will not tell you that i love you" shtick that he will create spotify playlists for them, lovingly labeled as follows:

- "er-ge when da-ge fucks up again" with the sassiest breakup songs ever. sy def plays it in the car when qijiu has their monthly cold shoulder fights (yqy is tearing up). possibly includes good 4 u, abcdefu, ain't shit

- "da-ge internally" feat. the saddest and most lovesick songs ever. i feel like devil's backbone def fits. can't think much bc i am in class rn

sy and his meimei plays "bad idea right?" every now and then bc they're getting tired of qijiu's shit

love qijiu bc yqy is the only character as obsessed with shen jiu as i am