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Why do I love thee, Chastity?

This blog is intended to cover a wide range of spicy topics but, well, it seems like people are so curious about my own fascination with Male Chastity play that it has sort of taken over. I get so many questions per day about it that I thought I’d just nail down some of the basics in a little FAQ.

How did you get into chastity play?

The short answer is through a college boyfriend. (The long answer involves my childhood tomboyism, an early romantic rejection and a little game the kids used to play called, “lock up the hero.” I’ll save that for another post.)

My second boyfriend in college brought up the idea rather bluntly to me in 2004. We were in his little apartment bedroom laying on the bed, “studying”, and he suddenly said. “Okay, I found this crazy thing online and I want to know what you think about it.”

I don’t remember exactly what I thought or felt when she showed me the pictures on very sketchy looking websites. I think I was kind of naïvely ambivalent. I said something like, “Woah freaky. But whatever you into, right? Am I right? Am I? Dale?” When I could tell that he was very much into it, the only thing that flashed in my mind was, “A hundred bucks for one of these? It better be made of gold!”

He plunked down the CC, meaning we’d be making dinner for out dates for the next month, and within a few days he was the proud owner of a CB-2000. I remember how much he trembled when he fumbled with it, how difficult it was to get him soft so we could get it on him. It was all very…interesting to me. I wasn’t freaked out. I was an evolved, sophisticated seeker of truth and a devote of science. I was so curious, maybe more than he was. I remember turning it over and trying to make the pieces fit and saying, “I think you pee through here.”

That began a long journey into chastity play that has never been my main focus but has always been a source of endless fascination.

Does chastity play turn you on?

At first it did not. Not in an erotic or sexual way. It definitely seemed important. I kept asking, “Why have I never heard of this? Why isn’t everyone talking about it?” To be honest, I still ask myself those kinds of questions.

Over time, however, it has become one of the most pivotal aspects of my very active fantasy world from which all of my orgasms emanate. Chastity play, and the things it allows me to do to men, <ahem>, I mean with men is so erotically thrilling for me. I find myself thinking about it, daydreaming about it and, well, doing it all the time.

So what exactly does turn you on?

I like a good romance novel like the rest of the female population but I’d say my little barb of kink lies in making a difference in men’s lives in such a way that it’s obvious to them and to me that I caused it. I like tangible change for my sake. That sounds a bit vague, doesn’t it? For example, many women enjoy the fantasy of prostitution. Why? Because if a man pays money, that’s a tangible transaction of value from him to her, a manifestation that she was worth some sacrifice to him.

I’m not big into paid sex so let’s come up with another example. If a man were to come to me and say, “Because of what you were saying about privilege I went and read up on it. You’re right. You’ve changed my mind and I accept my responsibility as a receiver of high privilege.” That would make my day. That would make me feel so incredibly valuable, powerful and influential. I’d probably go home that night and take care of my needs while replaying those words in my mind. 

I love the thought of, say, a man donating to science or charity because of something I did or said. I love the idea of a man joining a club, starting a Netflix series, starting to exercise or improving his diet because of me. Those things are all positive things but some of them can be difficult if not downright painful. For some reason, the greater the change and the greater the sacrifice, the hotter it is to me. And when I say “hotter” I mean sexually. The more permanent the change, the stronger the endorphin rush I get.

Back to my college boyfriend. Before we started playing with chastity, that boyfriend surprised me with a small tattoo of a whale on his ankle. It was for me, in honor of me. (If you know me, you know I’m a bit of a whale nut.) That permanent little mark in his flesh enflamed me. We made love for hours afterward. I remember running my fingertips over it knowing that it would never come off.

When I broke up with that same boyfriend a year later I wanted to see that tattoo. He was sitting on my couch and it was totally visible peeking out from under his pant leg. I remember being drenched, just quaking with the squishy shivers knowing that he was about to become an afterthought in my life and yet he’d bare that tattoo forever. (And yes, he still has it. He showed it to me last year when I ran into him at a mall. :-) :-) :-) ) 

Changing men permanently in a way that persists even after I’m no longer in their daily lives is my ultimate turn-on.

How do you play?

So, as you can imagine, chastity play is a great way to make a lasting mark on a guy and a very deep and sexual way. I love all forms: physical device chastity, hypnotic chastity and yes, even “on my honor” chastity. I love it in person. I love it over the web. I find it doesn’t make all that much difference in the experience.

A word on security

Security in chastity, and by that I mean that the man is unable to escape, is of the utmost importance. I have found that it’s generally very easy to make chastity 100% secure but it’s not in the way you might think. A device or hypnosis does not need to do the heavy lifting of enforcing prison-grade security. It just needs to be strong enough or tamper-resistant enough to prevent momentary lapses in judgment. The security comes from the addiction that chastity play creates in the male mind.

Chastity creates an addiction. The constant sexual high releases a slow drip of endorphins that lasts all day long. Once he’s addicted, he’ll be his own toughest warden. He’ll keep coming back to it again and again, seeking that same high he got the first time and seeking to lengthen out that bliss which denial produces. If you haven’t experienced it you’ll probably never understand it. I think I know now, after locking up so many guys and making them explain to me their every emotion with wide eyes and in great detail.

That addiction is life-long and virtually unbreakable. Nothing makes me happier than convincing a reticent man to try chastity for me, then six months later, releasing him into the world a locked, submissive, self-enforced chastity addict who will never orgasm normally again. Nothing.

The Importance of Milking Him!

Milking him is one of the best tools a Domme has for controlling how much pleasure her submissive will feel.

Ejaculation feels good, except when milked.

Even with ruined orgasms he will feel a little pleasure. It will be more like a tease, but it will be pleasurable.

Milking him on the other hand, gives him no pleasure, and might even make him feel a little bit of discomfort, while also draining him completely.

It will relieve the pressure, without any side effects, and keep his body producing more for maximum frustration. All without any bit of satisfaction on his end.

Instead, the focus is on her pleasure, and her pleasure is the only pleasure that occurs, so he learns to enjoy giving pleasure rather than receiving it.

It means the only time he will feel pleasure, is when giving it, so he will always be eager to please!

The chastity cage doesn't need to be removed when milking him either, he will make a mess, but he can clean that up easily.

Milking can be reserved as a punishment, if she normally allows him any kind of pleasure, like an erection, or teasing, or even cumming.... milking him instead removes all pleasure, it's a very effective punishment.

Or milking can be his only form of release, for those in a more extreme FLR, where she wants total and complete control of him.

As always, use milking as it works for you.

No FLR is the same, these are just tools to create your own unique FLR the way it suits you and your partner.

Check out the Practical FLR book series...

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10 tease & chastity tips

Whether you lock up your man for the weekend, for Locktober/NO-vember/Denial December or some other amount of time, here are 10 fun ideas & tips to make the chastity experience better for you while your man gains his pleasure through yours. Most of what is below is meant to create a horny, frustrated, caged man because they will do almost anything for your pleasure! Enjoy.

1. Part time bitch! I love my husband. I love to run my fingers through his hair. I love kissing him deeply. But I also LOVE the look of surprise and flash of fire and excitement in his eyes when I get a bit bitchy with him when he’s locked up. I’m not talking about being an unreasonable psychopath, just assertive. This would include telling him things I want to happen like a massage, oral pleasure, making meals, snuggling or getting me a drink. I don’t ask, I just tell him. His little cage becomes that much tighter when my inner bitch comes  and I love the feeling of control.

2. Sizing him up. I’ve found this works whether locked or unlocked. If you’ve read any of my other posts, you’ll know that my husband is my 3rd lover that I have engaged in chastity with. All 3 would get hard as a steel or would twitch in their cage when I called their manhood small. Let’s be clear, I’m not a dominatrix so I’m not trying emasculate them or humiliate them.  But in times of passion or even casusal conversation, asking how my ‘little friend’ is doing down here, or telling him to stroke his little dick slower or faster, if I allow it, or commenting on how cute his little penis looks all produce very effective results. I also love that I can get him instantly hard with my playful and sexy words.

3. Edging. The longer your man is locked up, the more handsy, horny and pleasing he becomes. One way to build that excitement more quickly is through edging. Edging is when he is stimulated to the near point of ejaculating, but he’s not allowed to cum. Either he can do the edging or you can. Personally, I like to do it because I have full control of his pleasure. I love laying next to him with one leg over his. I love stroking his cute little dick and talking dirty because I am causing him such pleasure but love even more that I have the power to take it away. “Does it feel good baby?” “Do you like when I jerk it?” “Ask me to stroke your little dick.” “You know you’re not allowed to cum, right?” Usually there is a whimper or sigh here which makes my heart skip a beat and my inner thighs tingle. “Tell me when you’re close because if you cum, you’ll have to start your lockup time all over again.” This goes on until he tells me he’s close, where his hips are deliciously grinding into the air, that’s when I stop stroking. He usually lets out some frustrated noises and I tell him to go clean up and lock up. The rush of excitement I get is intense. I used to feel guilty years ago with my first chastity boyfriend, but I have learned it is such an erotic rush for the man and the control I have over his pleasure, it gets me so wet. Once he returns and he’s locked up I have him use his tongue to bring me to orgasm. Nothing beats the tongue work and energy of a sexually frustrated, locked up, horny man! 

4. Ruining things. One very small step further from edging is a ruined orgasm. This happens when you push ever so slightly past the point of edging where the ejaculation process initiates just after stimulation stops. It is not full on “cumming” because the stroking, rubbing, stimulation ends before or immediately at the point of no return starts.  The result is the release of some cum but no reduction in arousal. I do this sometimes when I’m feeling very naughty. I may even take some of his cum and use it as a lubricant for a few moments of self masturbation before I climb onto his face. If you’ve never had your man go down on you with his cum on your pussy, I highly recommend it. You’ll be cumming from his tongue action in record time with amazing intensity!

5. Cage cumming. At times, just to drive him wild, I will take my Hitachi wand and run it on his aching balls and all over his cage. If I do this long enough, he’ll cum but I won't  always let him. If he does cum, it is basically a ruined orgasm because just before his little willy begins to spurt, I take away the vibration. Sometimes I make a game of it. I’ll tell him if he can last 5 minutes then he can get something he wants, except he can’t ask to be released. He usually doesn’t last, especially if he’s been locked up for any length of time. Remember the cum lube for masterbating? Another option if you let him cum is to rub his seed on your tits and let him suck on them - all very fun and very, very sexy!

6. Make love to your husband. Sometimes I will let him out of his cage and let him have sex until I cum. He may not cum and he locks up after I have had my orgasm. But when I tell my husband I want to make love with him, I literally want to fuck him in the ass with my strapon. Again, I’m not a dominatrix. I’m not fucking him, yelling, “take that dick bitch!” while beating his ass with a whip. We are moving lovingly and romantically. It’s me laying on his back, skin on skin grinding into him or it’s him laying on his back and we are passionately kissing while I play with his cage. There’s moaning with lots of dirty talk by me and sometimes we both cum together. I love sending him a picture of me wearing the strapon and telling him what a romantic evening I have planned.

7. When he fucks me. One of my favorite things to do, aside from getting oral pleasure is to get fucked with his strapon. I love the look of his small cage just below the dildo. I love feeling his little caged dick smacking against my ass while he’s fucking me. I love how this bigger dick feels inside me and the places it reaches. You can be sure that I’m telling my husband exactly how good this larger dildo feels and I compare his size to the dildo which drives him crazy! This excitement causes him to pound me even harder! Yes, we sometimes both grt to cum, but I cum every single time. 

8. Grab him by the balls. I like to caress his balls, especially when they are caged. They feel so full and firm! I love to squeeze them with some force at the request of my husband which I’ve really grown to love. The feeling of his 2 balls in my hand, the warmth and several nice, firm squeezes makes him moan. This also gets me turned on as well.

9. Vacations. There is daily teasing that goes on at home whenever my husband is locked up. Me brushing my ass against his cage, flashing him my tits or ass, or fondling his cage or balls. I like to keep him locked for a minimum of 2 weeks at a time or longer to get the full effect of the frustrated, horny man. I also don’t tell him how long he will be locked because it is MY decision, not his. Sometimes a vacation lands in the middle of his lock time.  First, my husband’s cage is metal and if you are going anywhere with a metal dector, like an airport, you should have a backup plastic or resin cage. Prior to leaving, I will have him switch cages to the plastic model then we’ll fly to our destination. I’ve had him caged at the beach and scuba diving, at a several weddings, 2 different countries and 4 theme parks (cages and roller coasters are amazing!). Yes, there have been times I’ve let him out on vacation and we’ve been a 'normal couple’ which is a fun surprise for him.  But more often than not, his little boy is locked up and his mouth and hands are quite busy during most of our vacations

10. Inner bum. The art of a prostate massage can be quite pleasurable. Inside of a man’s anus, about a half of a finger length in and opposite the spine is the prostate. If massaged, it can give an intense feeling of pleasure. This is the area where the fluid of semen is produced. By massaging the prostate, you can also make him expel this fluid which appears like cum minus the sperm which are.produced in the testicles. It is amazing that you can make him “cum” several times until he has ejected all of the seminal fluids that were built up and boy is it sexy to watch. I prefer using my finger so I can feel what I am doing but they also make prostate massagers that you can insert that do the same job.

I hope these ideas, suggestions and tips help to make a more sensual, enjoyable and pleasurable chastity experience for you because YOU are what it is all about.

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