If I Can Collect The Imagery, I Think I May Make My Own Moodboards..
If I can collect the imagery, I think I may make my own moodboards..
More Posts from Introspective-in-somnia and Others
I suppose it's not wholly correct to say that I've only been doing this for around a year; I've definitely experience kinning before, with a specific event around five or six years ago sticking out in my memory, I just didn't know the words or anything beyond what jokes I'd seen people make. Of course, I was too afraid of how I'd be perceived if I identified with it, so I'd kept it silent. This time, I'd like to change that.
Almost funny in a sense that all my chronic illnesses are showing symptoms that look similar to butterfly traits.
I have POTS, for sure, I self-tested with my blood pressure cuff and laying down, I had a heart rate of 71 bpm, while standing brought it up to 134. That's a 63 bpm difference, when only 30 is necessary for a diagnosis. I still need it officially documented so I can request accommodations and whatnot, but you know what else is a sign of POTS? Inability to regulate body temperature. I'm often cold and need to either layer clothing or sit in sunlight to help warm myself up.
Notably, a trait seen in insects.
POTS symptoms, specifically the heart ones, are eased with the addition of lots of water and extra salt into your diet. I would consider that to be nothing short of a miracle cure ("cure" loosely used).
Interestingly, butterflies need to supplement salt in their diets due to nectar not providing it, leading to behavior called "puddling", because they're usually seen feeding from mud puddles, though tears and blood and other sources also provide the necessary sodium.
Lately, I've also been noticing a flare up in my stomach issues; I'm thought to potentially have gastroparesis, with my main issues being that I have stomachaches after nearly every meal, as well as losing my appetite early into meals. I'll be picking up some soups and broths tomorrow to try and get myself to eat something, going for an almost entirely liquid diet.
Do you know what else famously has a liquid diet?
Quite interesting really, to see the same themes from roughly eight years ago resurfacing once again, though with a much different emotional flavor to it.
It's the question almost of asking what exactly he is to me - a word, a phrase, a term to encompass, with the full knowledge that there simply may not be one.
Kin or fictive, for certain, but also with the presence as an f/o as well; the actual relationship I have with this character is muddled but he's remained an ever-present force in my life and I simply would not trade my experience for the world.
I want to be associated with him, I want people to see him and immediately think of me, I know it's what I've wanted for quite some time, and the amount of love that has come from my interactions with him speaks volumes about him and what he means to me.
I suppose there simply may not be any one answer. That's something I've come to terms with and have accepted. But, it does interest me so greatly to see how this has grown and developed.
Icon update! I wanted an icon that reflects how I've become much more comfortable in my identity 💖
With an edit where the hair more closely resembles my own:
//...Vladimir Donatovich Orlovsky...// (1842-1914)
Storm Clouds, 1884.
Yes, actually, that does feel like the best description of my alterhumanity experiences, not of one soul through two lifetimes, but two souls in one lifetime
Othercon 2023 Schedule
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