I Love How Many People Click The Link To My Blog But Don’t Follow Or Nothing Just Being Straight Nosy
i love how many people click the link to my blog but don’t follow or nothing just being straight nosy 😂
More Posts from Jailposes and Others
10.20.18
Im tired, i want to brush my teeth. however i dont want to be home. this year has been crazy a lot of downs and a few ups. thank you to everyone who held me down this year. Melissa, Joel, Alexus, Elena, Roy, JC, Jaylen. Y’all deserve special shoutouts. You all have made my year worth it. As i get older im learning people make mistakes. People do things that aren’t always good but these things are done without reason. I have made a list of mistakes this year and i can admit to that. The funny thing is its very hard for people to forgive. Most issues happen because of communication and thats fair. It happens. I feel like people assume more then they communicate. Im not sure why. Pride? anyways it doesn’t matter. Its not about peoples actions its whats in peoples hearts that matter. That’ll show peoples true colors. Either way im ready to get out of Arizona. Im in a very ugly situation and the people around me has given me no relieve from stress. I found a bike yesterday. I hope i didn’t steal it, but it was definitely put in my path. Bike rides are actually therapeutic to me. I like feeling the wind and shit. Im not sure what i would do without the few friends that ive had this year. i know ive been acting and assuming that some people dont care about me and im sure they do but im getting older and i want to create my family. I need to know the people that are riding for me for forever. i hope i dont sound selfish. but i just need my foundation laid straight. im always down for friends. Next year will be my year. Much much love to Melissa. Not sure how i would breathe without youAlexus youre more than a lifesaver. Thanks for being my greatest friend out here, i hope i taught you some things. i really hope i can get my group in action again. we need each other i know it.
old playstation ads
Dakota i love you bro. i miss you, nobody cares i miss you. idk how many years it’s been since you’ve been gone. i’m just mad i was gone and never reached out enough just to see how you were doing. my greatest memory will forever be coming over your house and learning to play the bass a little bit. we only had a few lessons but for you i’m going to master the bass. Rest up buddy ❤️
FOCUS!FOCUS!FOCUS!
man i truly do apologize to everyone i’ve hurt and affected so negatively in this lifetime. i just read about my mars in 3rd house (Virgo) and i better understand myself, i think it may have fully clicked. nothing left to do but make much better choices and make sure i’m on the high vibrational side and know what and when to do when i’m on the lower vibrational side. i’ll never give up! not on myself not on those who remain present with me. just learning my lessons and being delicate with myself 🤎
i know it probably means nothing at this point but a sincere apology from the bottom of my heart. i’m great full to experience a low so low it propelled me into internal evolution. everything is fine and i’m happy with all parts of myself. the marathon continues ✌🏾
Weekly Introspective Perspective #1 (3/3/23):
This week has been a small and uneventful week. Due to lack of communication I failed to take advantage of an opportunity given to me. This affected me so deeply because I had future plans set around this opportunity simply for it to slip right underneath my feet.
Im learning to be more realistic with myself. I feel like some things are simply not flowing and circulating in my life. The question I ask myself is how do I break out of this? How do I change the things that are having adverse effects on me?
Well I don’t have the answer yet. The only thing I’ve considered is further education. I need to educate myself further what I know now is nowhere near enough to live the life I truly feel led to leave.
Im considering cutting off all attachments in a healthy manner. Not to disappear and never have people hear from again, moreso to figure out what is and isn’t working in my circle.
I find myself doing the best that I can, not only for myself but for others. The people I care about. The problem is, I simply don’t feel like people care about me enough the way I do for them. Ive ignored it for years it’s something I’ve always struggled but I had chosen to ignore it because of the negativity that came with me questioning if people really care about me the way I do for them.
Well despite my ignorance the answer still remains the same. They don’t. I come up short just as anybody else does from time to time BUT ive have never not given the best I am to those I love and support.
My problem is people come up short when I need them just to feel supported, just to feel like I’m not alone out here. I go thru life I need things I ask for help, I don’t really get it that often hence why I don’t really ask for much from individuals when shit actually gets crazy.
But things weren’t crazy this time around I just wanted people there for me.
So here I am trying to start from zero all over again.
I simply feel blinded in my path right now.
On a positive note, ive gone back to my morning meditations and breathing exercises. I find it very hard to breathe when I am in a state of stress. I caught myself just holding my breathe like I was being choked by invisible forces. My chest was hot and the burden of it felt unbearable.
Ive gone back to praying because for so long I kind of stopped/ kept it to a minimum. Im not a fan of asking the creator or universe for things to change in my life. It often feels like game of take, take, take instead of being give and take. But for now I’m just trying to communicate with the higher energies, simple conversations.
So here I am. All alone, covered in angels. Trying to get myself back.
And now I start to feel it. Joshua coming back to his self. All it took was surrendering my heart, softening up and acknowledging the love I have to give because it’s who I am. Not because of what I want.
I am so kind when I’m hurt, it’s the only thing that makes me feel like anything. The one thing I can always resort back to when I’m in shambles: I am actually a good human being with pure intentions and love in my heart that wants to expend that love to everyone I touch. No one can ever take that away from me and you can never discredit me on this statement. Its who I am.
“Jetlife” chill ass beat i made for Curren$y
Another R.I.P. Post.
M NOT WRITING THIS TO BE DEEP OR TOO INTROSPECTIVE. THERES NOT MUCH OF A STORY TO TELL FOR ME BUT IM IN FUCKING SHOCK BRO. WE PLAYED BASKETBALL ON THE SAME TEAM SINCE 6TH GRADE UNTIL HIGH SCHOOL. WE DEFINITELY WERE ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE SPECTRUM. I DONT THINK I EVER HAD YOUR RESPECT ON THE BASKETBALL COURT BUT YEARS LATER I COULD FEEL YOUR CURIOSITY, INTEREST AND A NEW LEVEL OF RECOGNITION FROM YOU. EVEN THEN I KNEW A LOT OF PEOPLE DOUBTED YOUR MUSIC. YOU HAD YOURE OWN CHALLENGES IN THAT AREA BUT I GAVE YOU MY RESPECT ODDLY ENOUGH (ASSUMING ID FEEL BITTER OR BE ON SOME HATER SHIT BUT NAH). I COULD TELL YOU TRIED TO FIT YOURSELF IN ANY WAY YOU COULD, JUST LIKE ME YEARS AGO ON THE BASKETBALL TEAM. ITS JUST SO TRIPPY BRO. I SEE ALL THESE RIP POSTS AND NOT A SOUL TAGGED YOUR MUSIC OR EVEN PLAYING IT IN ANY VIDEOS. I THINK JUST PETEY TBH. ANYWAYS BRO THIS IS JUST AWKWARD FOR ME, BUT I STILL HAVE MUCH LOVE FOR YOU. BELIEVE IT OR NOT YOU (AND THE REST OF THE BLUEJAYS) PLAYED A BIG PART IN MY SENSE OF SELF, BEING THE REASON I WAS SO FEARFUL, OVERCOMING THAT SAME FEAR AND SO MUCH MORE I COULD GO INTO. I NEVER TALK ABOUT THOSE DAYS THEY WERE THE HARDEST OF MY LIFE. BEING SO YOUNG AND ALONE. I DID LOOK UP TO YOU IN A SMALL WAY. YOU HAD EVERYTHING I TRUTHFULLY DIDNT AT LEAST ON THE SURFACE. THE FRIENDS AND FAMILY SUPPORTING YOU FROM SIDELINES, WATCHING YOU SAVE OUR TEAM FROM COUNTLESS LOSES. YOU WERE OUR HERO AT THE TIME. ITS SO CRAZY TO THINK ABOUT. NOT YOU OR ANYBODY ON THE TEAM UNDERSTANDS THAT I LITERALLY WATCHED IT ALL. MAYBE THATS WHY IM SO BLOWN AWAY. BUT THROUGH ALL THAT IVE COME TO REALIZE THAT YOU AND I WERENT SO DIFFERENT. AFTER ALL IF IT WASNT FOR YOU AND THE REST OF THE TEAM I ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT BE WHO I AM TODAY WITHOUT A DOUBT. THANKS FOR GIVING ME A HARD TIME SERIOUSLY. LOL.
IM HAPPY WE SOMEWHAT RECONNECTED THANKS TO SONNY. I HAD FUN SHOOTING VIDEOS FOR YALL AND EVEN DOING THE PHOTOSHOOTS. I TRY TO TELL FIRETEAM WHATEVER YALL NEED IM DOWN IM NOT THE BEST SUITED OR TRAINED BUT I AM ALWAYS WILLING TO WORK ON SOMETHING AND IMPROVE FOR THE GREATER GOOD ESPECIALLY MUSIC RELATED THINGS. BUT ITS OKAY I SAW YOU AGAIN IN ACTION INA DIFFERENT LIGHT AND I THINK THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. AT LEAST IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE YOURE AGAINST ME ANYMORE. MUCH LOVE TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. MAYBE WE CAN MEET AGAIN ON COMPLETELY NEW LEVEL AND PLANE OF EXISTENCE.
SMOKE WEED, DRINK WATER
MAN IM LOOOKING FOR THE VIDEO WE DID TOGETHER AND I CANT EVEN FIND IT DAMN.
