Me Holding A Gun To A Mushroom: Tell Me The Name Of God You Fungal Piece Of Shit

A very normal day at the Watchtower

Clark : B, I want you to fuck me six ways to Sunday till I can't walk straight.

Bruce :

Clark :

Bruce :

The JL :

Diana : *surreptitiously removing the end of her lasso from where she had dropped it on Superman's lap*

Clark : *turning twelve shades of red and slapping a hand to his mouth*

Bruce : How does eight tonight sound?

Clark : *turning another twelve shades darker*

The JL : *quietly exchanging money underneath the table*

Diana : *evil grin and a thumbs up*

Dick: Are you talking to yourself?

Damian: It's the only way to have an intelligent conversation around here.

Okay, so hear me out. There are species of animals that reject their offspring if they don’t “smell” right. Like something about the pheromones are off and thus the vibes are bad. You can’t be mine, you smell funny. Similarly, we know that hormones and neurochemical reactions play a large part in bonding between human babies and parents. Our brains are swimming in chemicals that have us looking at our squishy, decidedly odd-looking newborns and saying “it’s so cute, I wanna bite it.”

My dudes (gender neutral). My people. My fellow nerds. Superman initially rejecting his clone because he doesn’t smell right. The kid was in a soup of artificial, clone-making chemicals and he doesn’t smell like he should. But what the fuck is he supposed to smell like? Superman having no frame of reference for this crazy feeling, for this intense dislike of a person with his face, and struggling internally with it because he knows logically that this deep revulsion doesn’t make sense. Problem is, he physically can’t help it. Something about this kid makes his teeth itch and his fingers twitch.

Then the kid takes a shower and changes his clothes and oh. Why would I push him away? That’s my baby. Hate him? How could I hate my baby? My baby. My sweet, perfect, amazing angel baby. My baby. My baby. My baby. Mybabymybabymybabymybaby.

And it’s probably hilarious from the outside looking in, because Superman looked ready to light the kid on fire a minute ago and now he’s all gooey-eyed. No thoughts, just sappy smiles and burying his nose in the clone’s hair. He’s ready to pluck the moon from the sky and hang it on a string for his kid. It’s sweet and adorable.

It’s also completely, utterly terrifying. Seeing how quickly one of the strongest beings in the known universe fell victim to his own biology, how wildly the pendulum swung from one extreme to the other. Batman’s immediately planning a trip to the Fortress to gather intel on this reaction. How long does it last? Is it normal? Is it supposed to be like this? Does it have anything to do with the clone being a teenager and not a newborn? Would it be worse with a newborn? Does the League, does he need contingency plans for this?

And Superman—Clark recognizes the sudden shift, but can’t do a thing about it. He should be scared of how every concern in his mind gets swept away by this out-of-control hormonal response, but he doesn’t want to do a thing about it. He can’t help the smile plastered on his face when Kon—what a perfect name, a beautiful name for my baby, mybabymybabyMYbabymyBABYMYBABYMYBABYMYBABY—sighs contently in his sleep or scrunches his nose in disgust at new foods, new sensations.

Something in Clark’s eyes says “I don’t know what’s happening, help me,” but it quickly gets snuffed out by “I will flip this entire universe over if a single hair on my baby’s head is out of place.” And honestly? Yeah, it’s scary, but every parent he knows—Bruce included—totally gets it.

I know people talk about MyS Gene and Laurance being exes, but. Hear me out. MCD Gene and Laurance being exes.

(This was specifically written for an AU where Laurance got married pre-canon but it still works well if you take that bit out.)

Think of the potential, especially if Gene is the one who turned Laurance into a Shadow Knight. Imagine the things he could draw on during Laurance's stay in the Nether. The narrative potential.

Maybe they were in a relationship in the guard academy. They met in Brightport when they were both checking out the guard academy with their families, maybe they ran into each other on their way to their barracks. They weren't very serious about it going in, had more of a friends-with-benefits deal that became boyfriends after a short while. They had a very good relationship, rarely if ever fought, and tried long distance for a while after their graduation before eventually deciding to officially break up. It was all very amicable and they still send letters to each other.

And then suddenly Gene stops answering. And it takes a long time for news to travel between Boboros and Meteli. Laurance sends a few letters, not knowing that Gene's parents have been getting rid of them. Maybe they send back a note saying Gene had been executed. Maybe they don't. Laurance can only wonder what happened.

Hear me out: Gene turned bad so quickly and drastically because all he wanted was to be loved. I swear I'm going somewhere with this. Gene wants to be loved so badly, he's craved it all his life, to the point where when he loves someone it will twist into an obsession at the slightest hint of rejection.

He loves his family, he lives with them and raises Dante and helps their mother with anything she could ever need. He loves Laurance, and is safe in the knowledge that Laurance never falls out of love with anyone even when they're halfway across the region from one another, and its clear in his letters even though they're not technically together anymore. He loves his men, and they adore their commander, and the same is true with the Lord. He loves the Lord's daughter -

And she doesn't love him. No matter what he says, what he does, she doesn't love him. And he has the power to change that. And then before he can, Dante, arguably the person he loves the most, turns his back on Gene.

And the obsessive part of him rears its ugly head. It doesn't matter how old Dante is, it doesn't matter that he's doing the right thing. He's betraying Gene.

Dante and his Lord and his Lord's daughter, even his own men, they all turned their backs on him when all he ever did was love them. So he swears his vengeance. And he wakes up under the eyes of a monster, a man who hands him his vengeance and all the love and adoration he could ask for on a silver platter, so long as he does this one job for him. So long as he's a good general.

And Gene can do that, Gene can be that. And he's adored for it. By his new Lord, by the men who fall under his command, and he can make the prisoners that fall under his purview adore him too.

And then he sees Laurance again. And they can have what they once had. Laurance, surely, never stopped loving him. Laurance never falls out of love with anyone. Gene saves Laurance from the other Shadow Knights, and he's so kind to him, so sweet, just like they once were, and Laurance is wearing a wedding ring.

A wedding . . . ha.

Laurance has fallen out of love with him. And he has the power to change that.

He tries to do it the easy way, with his magick, but Laurance is frustratingly resistant to it. Probably because of that damn swamp of his, the one he once said blessed him as a child, but that's fine. If he couldn't replace this spouse of Laurance's, he'd make him adore him again the way he does all the other prisoners.

By turning him. By giving him power beyond his wildest dreams, and a place at Gene's side like he once had.

And in the end, Laurance only hates him more. In the end, Laurance fears him. And that's okay. If he won't love him, fearing him is the next best thing.

All this to say Laurance and Gene are exes in the Drop of Sunlight universe.

"You could just use ai" yeah well I could also just kill you.

I don't think people understand or grasp the comedic and fluff potential of Jason's goons gentle parenting / KNOWING he's young without knowing he's young.

They debate on his age, most settling between 16-20, but nine of them think he's twenty-one, but then again, they also suspect he doesn't have an I.D. They know he's a legal citizen, he's giving t the accent and Gothamite-born-and-raised attitude, but they don't freaking know, man.

Jason died when he was fifteen and lived with assassin ninjas for the next four years after rising from the dead, as one does... He doesn't know EVERYTHING, and sometimes he does stupid, childish things.

His goons are adults, some have children, some have children Jason's age, they're mostly all older than him, and so they kinda just... Just take to it, sometimes?

They side eye the f%#& out it him when he smokes, like, is he ALLOWED to so that? Boss, what about your health?! You're still so young!?

And Jason isn't even entirely aware of it, he's independent, of course, but deep down he's still just a fifteen year old kid who didn't grow up properly. Forced to grow up to fast, then not at all, and he doesn't realize it, but his goons do.

I cancel all the people who make jokes about Batman always being serious. He is fucking hilarious

btas bruce robot going against its programming and sacrificing itself for the people of gotham..... bruce wayne your heart is so strong......... your soul is a virus.......

I mean canonically he did

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