I Think It Should Be Illegal To Not Have Paper Menus. And It Should Be Illegal To Only Accept Digital

inspired by the beautiful variant cover by stephen byrne

he totally gives me phantom thief vibes!

The first time Duke crashed out wss the first time the batfam ever truly met him

I still stand by the fact that he was heavily code switched when he first joined the fam

But when he crashed out for the first time (which was probably over Bruce parenting him) he cussed them out like he was back in the narrows, yes he did heavily use the n word, yes his accent is heavier than jasons, yes his AAVE comes full swing when he argues, and yes he was spitting such facts and was so unfiltered that this argument could come close to an argument with dick and bruce

Like once someone crosses duke's boiling point there's no going back

He probably would have to hold back from swinging on someone since he grew up in a school w frequent fights and frequently fought

And then for Duke he's not arguing with his dad or siblings he's arguing with some rich ass people who decided to take him in rn

He isn't holding shit back cuz his parents are jokerized and he couldn't give two flying FUCKSZ about anyone else rn

And ik duke's comebacks are sharp and quick cuz having and argument with an incompetent high-school boy has to be a form of psychological training

When Duke argues with them for the first time they watch as "newly adopted, kind, hope if gotham, rise of the sun-" Duke go flying out of his body, and the enter of "no bullshit, quick to clock a hoe ass bitchs shit, fuck yo self and fuck yo knocked kneed mf granny, your not my mf daddy bitch ass nigga,- Duke

And don't get me started on how loud this man will get, especially if he's crying- cuz if you tell him to calm down it's overrrr

This man will make the walls shake w the power he will put in his voice if someone dared to get loud w him- if they go low he goes lower

The moment Damian tried to shit talk him they argued for an hour, Duke prolly gained Damian respect from them tearing eachother apart- like their both kids maybe not close in age but still argue with no remorse cuz there's no respect your elders shit goin on

And you think this man won't act a fool at a gala? Think again

Hell turn this snobby gala into a block party real mf quick

Look down on him and all you'll see is that uppercut he finna give ya

Neway stan bitch ass menace Duke🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

I've rarely seen a more validating sentence in my entire life.

batkids reactions to TikTok ban

Alfred: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of somebody who has been like another member of our family. Somebody who lifted our spirits in times of need and provided advice in times of crisis. Our very own TikTok.

Steph, in a black veil: *weeping*

Tim: *hugs her*

Duke, wistfully: I can still hear its AI voice.

Barbara: Shh, it's okay.

Bruce: May I say a few words?

Alfred: Of course.

Bruce: I didn't know TikTok well, and that is a regret I will carry for the rest of my days. But the way my family interacted with it, it's like it became a Robin on its own. I may not have much to say, but I will always remember the one-of-a-kind way it told Reddit stories on top of Subway Surfers.

Jason, angry: It should've been me, damn it!

Bruce: On behalf of all Americans, I would like to send my condolences to the Europeans, whose feeds will be dry without us. I would also like to send our regards—and data—to China, who has been supporting us through this difficult time. In lieu of flowers, please sign up for RedNote.

Cass, nodding: Anything but Meta.

Dick: That's right. We'll figure it out together.

Kate: *bursts in*

Kate: We have a situation.

Dick: What's up?

Kate: TikTok's back.

Steph: *screams*

Tim: Don't mind her. It's always a shock to the widows. What happened, Kate?

Kate: Lazarus Pit? Flashpoint? Who knows. The point is, TikTok is back.

Dick: That's fantastic!

Kate: I wouldn't celebrate so fast. It's back, but it's different.

Bruce: What do you mean?

Kate: We have to proceed with caution. TikTok is in its Red Hood era and the League of Assassins just scooped it up.

Bruce: You heard her. To the Batcave!

give battinson a robin and have it be stephanie brown

crazy how fanfic authors drop the most beautiful and gorgeous pieces of work ever, leaving you speechless and sobbing at three in the morning as you quietly contemplate the masterpiece you just read

and they don’t get paid for it they just do it because they’re having fun and they want to share their joy with you

like I would literally die for all of you fanfic authors out there reblog to swear your allegiance to fanfic authors

Another dream lol, I’ve been sitting on this one trying to put it into words

——

Something terrible happens on patrol. It’s one of the rare nights that Bruce is completely alone, the rest of the family too angry to even be in the same room as him. Bruce understands, he really does. He hates himself too.

So, instead of sitting his family down and risking the inevitable fumble of his words, which would ultimately just make things worse, he does what he always does. He dons his cowl and he roams the streets, looking for someone to save, even if he can’t save himself.

It rough. It’s like all the petty criminal somehow got the memo that Bats was going at it alone. Bruce hardly had a moment to breathe as he jumped from alley to alley, just doing what he could.

Whether or not Bruce gets distracted by trying to protect an innocent civilian, overwhelmed by sheer number of perps surrounding him, a flashback of intense trauma, or another reason; Bruce gets shot.

Batman takes down the criminal who shot him with ease, pretending that the bullet missed or was deflected by his cape.

Bruce stumbles into an empty and desolate alley, bleeding severally from his side as he slumps down against a wall. He can’t help but remember his parents in a ln alleyway so similar to the one he was in now.

And fuck, if that doesn’t make him want to see his family. So, he calls them. The rapid blood loss making his hands shake and his vision swim with every movement.

Dick first. His first baby that he made so many mistakes with, but they still love each other. Dick is a constant in his life that he can always rely on for joy and to see the brighter side of things. Bruce is sure that if he never got involved Dick still would have grown into the wonderful and impressive adult that he was currently.

He goes straight to voicemail

Jason next. He’s not technically supposed to have his number but he’s Batman so it wasn’t that hard to find. Letting Jason down has always been Bruce’s greatest regret. He’s happy where they are now in their relationship, but he can’t help but think of the what-ifs. He wonders if Jason truly knows how much he loves him and never regrets taking him in.

He goes straight to voicemail

Tim pulled him out of the most depressive time of his life when not even Alfred or Dick could. No matter what Tim thought, he would always be his little boy, not just the neighbor’s son. He’s so intelligent and kind that Bruce feels his hearts swell every time he sees him

He goes straight to voicemail

He wishes with everything in his being that he had been in Damian’s life since the beginning. He wishes that he could connect with him now. Damian is so sweet and kind, not only with animals despite what he and a lot of people think. Bruce loves seeing him grow and learn away from the League of Assassins.

He goes straight to voicemail

Alfred has taken care of Bruce since the very beginning, even before his parents died. Even if Alfred would never acknowledge it, he knows that the three of them were in love with each other. Alfred took the place where his father would be if he was still alive. He’s always been there to set him straight or encourage him. Alfred promised him, when he was just a boy in a world of unknown, that he would always answer when he called.

…

Bruce finally calls the Batmobile and has the car auto drive to his location. He limps into the front seat and watches his city fly by.

When he gets to the cave he collapses in a cot, shivering slightly, wondering why that cave suddenly feels so cold and why he feels so tired.

Bruce doesn’t have any time for that. He patches himself up, extracting the bullet from his side and stitching up his wound. He writes his report, keeping it simple and void of an unnecessary actions and emotions.

If anyone asks him, Bruce will tell them that nothing happened. It was a quiet night.

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

when youre in a crackshipping competition and your opponent is me

I can't explain it, but Batman needs to be mythologized. In Gotham, that is.

Logically, they know he's just a man, made of skin and bones and blood, like all of them. Those who met him, who had the ill luck to, say he feels like the city itself.

When danger approaches, with the click of a gun or hiss of a knife, it’s not the police people pray to. There's a single name that rivals Gotham‘s, and it’s not them.

So much so, there's whispers of what might happen, about guidelines being stepped. Kinda like how if you're compared to Aphrodite, you might die.

Such as:

If you see a wounded bird, of any kind, take it to a vet, or nurture it back to health. You’ll get robbed otherwise.

Don't wear pearls. Just don't.

Never let your son walk alone at night. Never lay your hands on them, either. The Bat doesn't take kindly to it.