I Feel Really Unhappy.

I guess I'm at this stage now. Huh.

Why do I even need friends? I can just think to myself things that I want to tell someone.

I can think things I want to say. I can think them through nice and hard. Think everything. I guess that's the only way.

I don't feel close to anyone. I tried to force myself. It just doesn't fucking work.

I see myself having a family eventually. Not now though. I can't spend a lot of time with people, it's tiring. I am so peaceful right now during quarantine.

This makes me wonder if I will ever feel sourceful (if you can say it like these) to have someone for a long time in my life. Especially children. Will I ever feel like I won't be completely out of energy after just some time?

I just thought again that this "I don't hit women rule" is shit. It only means "I won't hit you until I'm really angry as hell because I think you're weak and I prefer to use my anger to hurt people physically". It just means that you're not that good in controlling yourself. People must be treated with respect no matter if they are or aren't strong enough to hit you back. It says "women are weak" and "I am quick to judge and get physical" at once. Why do you think that being fragile must be what stops you from being aggressive?

This thought is not complete but it is important.

Have you ever just felt that not only don't you have noone to talk with but also nothing to talk about? No. You have things you could talk about but you don't anything to say.

God

Please

Listen to my fucking prayer

I do not know what to do at all

Please help me

Send me a friend or give me internal resources

Make political situation better

Or financial

Please

Give me a friend

Or a sound mind

Help me

I am so lost

I have no direction or concept

My desires are feeble

They come and pass

Please

Give me a friend

An awesome friend

And connect me back with my little sun, I miss him

Please God

I am a mess

I feel bad

I feel bad

I feel bad

I feel bad

I feel bad

Okay so I recently watched OFMD season 1 and I just kept constantly hearing Ed's laugh in my ears until I realised it was NOT Ed's laugh.

It took me a minute to figure out but I finally remembered. And... This makes so much sense. It's literally them.

I hope good things happen in 2025. I wish I would find a friend. I wish interesting things would happen.

I wish. For that. Which is unrealistic and dumb. Wow. I'm not going to say what it is.

A friend. Please. God, please. It's like I didn't ever try. It's not my fault I don't like them. I shouldn't take up someone's time if I don't like them.

What should I do?

I am very tired.

I don't feel like I have friends.

I have people I talk to, we hang out. But I don't LIKE them. I don't like them the way I want to. Am I dumb? Am i doing stupid shit? Is this how it's supposed to be? Is this the extent to which other people like their friends?

Is what I want even possible?

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