I've Been Out Of A Toxic Relationship For About Two Or Three Years Now, And I Still Find Myself Craving

i've been out of a toxic relationship for about two or three years now, and i still find myself craving for that validation that he would give me. i still find myself craving *his* attention because i had spent almost a year in that environment and have had nothing to fill the void. i can't imagine the amount of damage he would've caused if i had stayed.

there's an epidemic of attention seekers and it's been villanized to the point someone can very blatantly cry for help and it'll be pushed to the side that "they're just an annoying attention seeker, don't fuel their delusion"

but this behavior typically is from traumatized people who have been victims!!! let me break down how attention seeking behavior ties back to being abused for you to understand.

first your abuser makes you nothing, your self worth is zero and you are completely worthless. then bit by bit, your self worth is drip fed back to you ONLY this time it comes with a clause. your self worth now belongs to that abuser, so the moment you leave and escape? you become nothing all over again. it's like an addiction really, feeling worth something after feeling worthless for so long. and the cycle just repeats over and over, it's easy for abusers to take those who already view themselves as nothing under their wing - and for the victim? the pattern continues again and again until it is etched into their brain that the only way to make them feel worth something is to be abused.

so what happens when someone gets out of abuse and doesn't find another abuser? well that's where the attention seeking behavior comes in. they are free but they feel lost, and attention is the only thing that comes close to the feeling they had back when they were being abused.

so can we stop viewing attention seeking behavior as an inherently negative trait and start realizing it may be signs of something more going on beyond the surface? people don't do things for no reason and especially regarding syscourse issues, some people REALLY need to have more compassion.

Bsd lolita dresses (part 2)

I wont stop with Nikolai so NIKOLAI AGAIN!!!

Fyodor (again)

Chuuya

Akutagawa

RANPO

Yosano

Dazai (DEAD APPLE)

Hunting dogs

Atsushi (ignore the fact its ouji)

Kouyou

Rimbaud

Verlaine

Shibusawa

HELP I HIT THE IMAGE COUNT IM GONNA MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE STILL

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lixheng

2 weeks ago

Please draw FlutterTwi

Flying together.. as a date maybe?

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lixheng

3 months ago

as she should 😤😤😤

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lixheng

1 year ago

can we talk about the darker parts of attention seeking in hpd? not just dressing up and being flirty.

let's talk about compulsively lying

let's talk about compulsively lying so much that you're not even sure if what you say is true or not

let's talk about wishing you were injured or ill for the attention

let's talk about faking injuries or illness

let's talk about purposefully injuring yourself

let's talk about putting yourself in dangerous situations by talking to sketchy people

let's talk about not knowing how to say no to those people

let's talk about involuntary trauma dumping

let's talk about socially ostracizing yourself by acting in an inappropriate way for the temporary rush of attention it gives you

let's talk about questioning your own personality, values, and morals because they get so easily shaped by whoever you're around

let's talk about how easily manipulated people with hpd are

let's talk about how easily abused people with hpd are

let's talk about vulnerable people with hpd are

let's stop this dichotomy of demonizing or romanticizing/fetishizing hpd

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lixheng

3 months ago

thinking about sylus “it may not look like it but i am very good at taking care of people”

taking in the twins after they tried killing him, training them, providing them with a home, status, power

constantly updating mephisto, giving him upgrades and cleanings, giving him a perch in his room, sitting down and talking to him like he would a real pet

and then theres you- making sure you arent drowning in work, not alone handling wanderers, indulging you when you want a fight, coming out to festivals and photobooth dates, buying you the plushies you cant get from the clawmachine, making sure youre ok during the time of the month, always intertwining your fingers together when you hold hands, keeping you safe in the n109, buying jewelry, inviting you to galas and auctions, always having your back when you need him o my sweet loverboy

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lixheng

2 weeks ago

i feel like a doll sitting on a shelf waiting until someone wants to play with me in order to feel alive again

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lixheng

3 months ago

Who would’ve guessed our colonel is a memelord