Want To Learn Something New In 2022??

Just because I'm AroAce doesn't mean I don't want a relationship. I want one, only instead of it being like Marshall and Lily from "How I Met Your Mother", I want one like Penelope and Derek from "Criminal Minds". Full of name-calling and innuendo, that shocks people and makes them feel scandalized and completely platonic.

Adult Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase are the most surreal power couple in the mortal world.

Annabeth Chase, world renowned architect who was entrusted with repairs and renovation on the Empire State Building…

…and her husband, this guy who was wanted by the FBI for blowing up the St Louis Arch seventeen years ago

"average cat owner spends 3 years in prison" factoid actualy just statistical error. average owner spends 0 years in prison. Miette's mother, who kicked her body like the football and went to jail for One Thousand Years is an outlier adn should not have been counted

Aroace!

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

I hate the way the Cullens treat Bella, but Edward and Alice are especially despicable. What makes their leaving despicable to me (other than Edward destroying Bella’s already-nonexistent self esteem) was that they knew she wouldn’t do well, and they knew Victoria was out there. Sure, Edward could track her, but without Alice checking, she could have found Bella easy! Say Bella grows a backbone; what does she say when they crawl back to Forks?

On Bella's lack of anger on the Cullen's return to Forks and why the Cullens had decent reason to leave. Remember, in their defense, they did not know how Edward would handle the goodbye or just how dependent Bella was on them (when from their perspective they barely know the girl).

But onto your question.

The Set Up

Bella attempts suicide, Jake saves her, and Charlie is coincidentally at his good friend Harry Clearwater's funeral. Now, Bella was at a low so low that she committed suicide, almost on impulse, in the hopes she could see Edward Cullen's face.

She's not over this guy.

Had she been, the cliff jumping likely would not have happened and as a result Alice would not show up in Forks and the Cullens would not return. Edward might return on his own later to stalk her from the shadows like a dark protector, but that's a different story.

My point being, for your ask to work out (where the Cullens return so Bella can lecture them), we pretty much have to be in this timeline where Bella gets Super Ultra Character Development in the course of a few hours.

Jake gives her the pep talk of a life and Bella decides to live. The Cullens are never coming back, they left her to be eaten by vampires, and all she can do now is move forward with her life and try to live.

Then she blinks and Carlisle Cullen's car is in her driveway. Funny, how the moment she decides she's over them they suddenly show up.

Alice Shows Up

Turns out, it's not Carlisle, it's Alice. Bella who now remembers how to feel anger isn't sure how she feels about this. On the one hand, she's glad to see Alice. On the other hand, Alice has been ghosting her for months and of all the Cullens had to see how Bella has been doing.

Alice explains that it's all Edward's fault. You see, Bella, Edward told Alice to do it. Bella's... not really impressed with that.

On the one hand she's not sure if she wants Alice to leave (because then it means she really won't see the Cullens ever again, and despite her new outlook on life it's one thing to think it when they're already gone and another to actually do it herself) but on the other hand she's... very upset.

Between Bella's cool demeanor and Jacob being in the room the meeting is very awkward and very frosty. Bella and Alice eventually just stare at one another.

Alice tries to bring up Jake is a werewolf. Bella knows.

They stop talking after that.

The house gets the phone call, Jacob tells Edward that Charlie's at the funeral, and Alice gets her vision of all hell breaking loose. Alice needs to call in a favor.

And here's where Bella has to make a choice.

Choice A: LET THEM BURN

Alice tells Bella that they have to go to Volterra where the kings of the vampires live, as Edward is going to ask for assisted suicide, and if Edward sees Bella is alive he'll stop.

Alice doesn't come right out and say this is a death sentence for Bella but she does admit it's... dangerous.

Bella sits there and she thinks hard.

In this timeline, she says no.

She's a little confused on why Edward's committing suicide over this, given that she's effectively dead to him anyway, but what did he expect to happen? Bella's mortal, she's being hunted by vampires, she did almost drown today.

This is his choice and his survival shouldn't be dependent on whether Bella lives or not.

Especially since, in the process of saving Edward, Bella will very likely be murdered herself.

And Bella's tired. She's really, really, really tired.

Alice begs, points out that they're talking about life or death, that no matter how upset Bella is, if she does this, then Edward Cullen will die. However upset she is, surely Edward who she once loved so much isn't worthy of death.

True, Bella says, but Bella wants to live. Can Alice guarantee that if she goes to Italy?

Alice can't.

Alice desperately tries to concoct a backup plan. To get a hold of Carlisle to get a hold of the Volturi but as she foresaw, it doesn't work out. Edward is murdered for breaking the law and Bella never sees Alice nor any of the Cullens ever again.

Choice B: Bella Still Goes to Italy

Bella may be conflicted but Edward isn't deserving of death, especially not when (in a very round about way) it's her fault as she jumped off the cliff.

Bella goes to Italy with Alice, telling herself this will be the last time she sees any of them (as she did in canon, actually, Bella was convinced they'd all leave the moment this was done with).

Well, canon shenanigans happen, with Bella slightly less dazed at seeing Edward's beautiful non-hallucination face again. Bella, on meeting Aro, begins to realize that... something not good is happening.

On returning home from Forks, Edward begs Bella to take him back. She stalls.

If she says no, he'll leave, she knows that much now. If he leaves the entire family leaves, they have no other reason to stay. If he leaves then the Volturi will come for her and she'll either be their minion forever or they'll murder her.

If it's up to Caius, it'll probably be murder.

Bella asks to see Carlisle. Edward is very... displeased with this, but acquiesces (realizing he's on thin ice).

Bella asks Carlisle point blank what's to become of her. Carlisle admits that she has to become a vampire or die. The Volturi know about her, the best they can stall is a few months at best, and if she doesn't turn it's very likely Edward himself, maybe Carlisle, and maybe the entire coven will be murdered with her.

This is the price Bella pays for Edward having told her.

She never had a choice, doesn't even have one now for all she wants one. She and the Cullens are stuck together, bound by destiny, whether they like it or not.

There's no vote, there's no need for one, Bella tells Carlisle to turn her after graduation. She'll join the Cullens.

However, she's not going to like it and she'll make sure no one else likes it either. She refuses to take Edward back (certainly refuses to marry him) and instead resigns herself to her last few months as human (while Edward desperately tries to win her back, "BELLLLLLAAAAAA!")

The despair of rejection, of knowing what Bella's now becoming, and knowing it's all his fault, may drive Edward to Full Edward Madness where he mercy kills her. He may reattempt to kill himself by having Jacob do the honors this time (whether Jacob agrees or not flip a coin to decide). He may try to lay siege to the Volturi in order to free his lady love from her doomed fate. (All while the Cullens and the wolves have to deal with Victoria, of course).

Regardless, by the end of this, the coven will still be at seven members, between Edward and Bella only one will stay in the long term.

Jaskier meets Lambert after the mountain and they quickly become friends.

Lambert complains to Jaskier about not getting enough contracts recently, because people think of him as "foul mouthed and rude". Jaskier offers to help him with that.

Jaskier takes Lambert's clothes and swords and starts introducing himself as a Witcher. Jaskier does the talking part, getting a lot of contracts and even higher pay. Then Lambert does the monster-killing part. In the end, Jaskier comes back, dressed as a Witcher again, collecting the coin.

They go on like this for almost half a year, having fun and earning lots of coin.

Until one day, when Jaskier and Lambert arrive at a small town, looking for another contract. Jaskier goes to the town's mayor, dressed as a Witcher, and offers his services.

The town's mayor greets him with a smile. "Oh, I'm so glad you came here! We could use another Witcher on this!"

Jaskier blinks in confusion. "Another Witcher?"

He turns around and sees Geralt, sitting on a chair by the door, staring at him with his mouth open.

so funny story: during the pandemic my sister and I were so bored we recreated the pro-shot of Newsies in LEGO stop motion. We never finished it, but we got through the entirety of Act One and King of New York. So please, enjoy this small part of the Seize The Day dance break!

(If enough of you people want to see the rest I may post more...)

I FUCKING LOVE NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE

I’mma sing you a sacred psalm

On your knees, pray along…

—

We did a Hatchetfield marathon recently and my decade-long on-again off-again Starkid obsession came ROARING back!! Grace Chasity was designed to appeal to everything I love to paint, so naturally here I am ✨