I Was Trying To Write A Bartyus Fic But Then Started Feeling Guilty Cuz Evan Had No One....

barty who fucks regulus and sends proof and flaunts the hickes around james after jegulus break up

neil’s not allowed to talk to the press anymore bc the last time he did they asked him his thoughts about trojan v foxes games and he says “i think any games with the foxes and trojans competing against each other should be legally classified as gay porn”

“Moonwater size and height difference,” I say into the mic.

The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room.

“She’s right,” they say. I look for the owner of the voice. There in the back of the room: Remus Lupin himself (Regulus is also behind him, but I can’t even see him on his tippy-toes </3).

Anyways, to all the moonwater height (and size) difference truthers out there—this one’s for you.

moonwater don't use silencing charms when they fuck in the Slytherin dorms because Barty likes jerking off to them

regulus, barty, and evan being the hottest in their grade (they’ve each rejected at least 20 diff ppl)

also headcanon reg was probably always asked to model for the hogwarts school uniform

barty still being in love with regulus while regulus is trying to move on is just so good.

"you can't possibly think that Potter can fuck you as well as I can." regulus tries to tell him that's not the point, that they're awful for each other but it doesn't matter he let's barty lie him back on his bed anyway. he lets barty fuck him for so long he's late to his date but James doesn't have to know.

......is that why the marauders were kinda crooked?? maybe they sniffed some while-.......??

i think dumbledore was growing weed in the forbidden forest the whole time and that’s why it was forbidden. that’s also why he acts the way he does.

oh i think we all know how what it was used for

the first gift barty gave evan when they started dating was a knife, an elegant thin-bladed dagger with an obsidian handle, dark and wicked and pristine, along with a single note — “to keep you safe. or to slit my throat. whichever you prefer”

sometimes i make posts like 'aaron minyard deserves to kill' which he does but then i backtrack and remember that he actually shares a podium with ichirou moriyama and stuart hatford as the only AFTG characters to ever kill someone onscreen, and i get this sudden burst of pride like "that's my boy!!"

Sirius fucks Remus.