Love Again

˖  ݁ . ࿓ DROWNED IN REALITY’S GAZE ( AVENTURINE. )

🎬 premise. in his reflection, he saw eyes harboring secrets, and lines mapping tales of triumph and struggle. in our reflection, he saw shared laughter, whispered promises, and the unspoken language of devotion. in his reflection, he saw a man of solitude with stoic resolve, a man that has truly — lost everything. [ late bday gift for @aventurne :D ]

In a pool of water, Aventurine stared into the depths of the substance — watching as he combed back his unruly blonde hair. His eyes loomed over as he witnessed another “him” in the azure liquid performing the same action.

Despite others' inability to perceive a difference between the two, stating that it's merely a copy of himself lingering in the waters, he disagrees with that statement wholeheartedly. Even when decorated with the finest fabrics and leather shoes, his eyes narrow at the sight of himself, scoffing before walking in the opposite direction. A mockery of the person he’d become is what puddles of water resembled to him. A harsh reminder, a cold greeting, the feeling is worse than chains binding him to the ground — worse than hands creeping onto his skin only to scar it.

A lost man in rags, dirtied hair filled with sin. It is a lost man in expensive clothing, drowned in gold, with his hair combed and high-quality items adorning his person, yet he is still filled with sin. Keeping one hand behind his back, he could feel it trembling as he grasped it. The twitching of his fingers would forever remain a hallucination, the hesitation to move them anymore clouding his brain before he stopped clutching it into a fist. He released the tension from his joints — allowing his hand to rest on his side.

That same hand rested in yours, a choice between left and right — yet you chose the one that almost flinched on instinct with every contact. “Is something wrong?” you would inquire in a mellow tone, caution evident in your voice. Every syllable was full of vigilance, a gentle rub of the back of his palm.

“Of course not, what made you think otherwise?” he’d do a dramatic wave of his hand, stare at you with a cunning grin full of falsity — intertwine your fingers as a sign of assurance, and hope you believe him. He’s okay, he’s fine — the hole that swallowed him spit him out a long time ago, he’s free.

(Don’t let it shake, don’t flinch, don’t allow anything that could indicate that you’re not fine.)

“Are you.. certain?” your gaze was one he would fail to understand, what could he have possibly done to earn it? He was scarred, buried under sand, lacking the certainty you craved desperately. Your hand reached out to cup his cheek, watching as his eyes slowly shut.

An alleviated smile graced his lips, not even you could discern what his inner voice was muttering — was it tormenting him? Screaming to allow him a moment of having a loose tongue, even? “I’m certain.”

(You’re such a liar.)

You felt him lean his head downwards until his cheek was fully against your palm. The skin was slightly rough, for your knowledge that the not-so-presumptuous man’s external battles allowed you to swipe your thumb across his cheek.

I wonder what’s going on in that head of yours, Kakavasha. You sighed, before pressing a chaste kiss to his nose. Will you ever allow me to peek into your bridled mind?

Adjusting his clothing during early mornings was one of your favorite activities, lighting and brushing the fabric to ensure the lack of wrinkles — making sure the collar of his shirt was neatly folded, all while sneakily snatching his hat and placing it onto your head.

“How do I look?” you’d stand proud, gripping the edges of the hat until you found a comfortable position.

“Wonderful, you likely outclass me wearing it.. not something I’d ever willfully admit.”

The chuckle that escaped your lips wasn’t too mellow or too boisterous, containing the sweetness of your voice that he sought after every morning. “That so?”

A gentle kiss to his cheek, a reminder that your presence was the soothing medicine he never thought he’d acquire. You gently grabbed hold of his hands, bringing him towards you until the mirror captured both your positions. Your very essence would never be able to be captured, not even by your other “self” shown in the glass.

The longer his gaze lingered on the surface, the more his mind felt as if it would shut down. His emotions were a complexity not even you could solve, your love was the greatest treasure he’d ever found — but was it enough to relieve the ache in his chest at the sight of the other “him”?

Perhaps if he held onto you tighter, that ache would magically fade. It was a gamble, one he was all too familiar with — his hold on you tightened, only slightly. Are you afraid to let go?

(No, that can’t possibly be it.)

You took it as a mere loving gesture, unaware of how he swallowed his words at that moment to make sure he could breathe properly.

(Breathe, everything’s fine — it will all work out in your favor.)

Everything did not work out in his favor.

The next time he saw his reflection in the mirror, it was shattered — pieces of glass fell and landed on the wooden tiles. A representation of the shape of his soul, battered and bruised, shattered and unable to be repaired even with all of the pieces. A few would eventually get lost in due time, the smallest shards would be required to complete the entire puzzle.

He clutched you tightly to his heaving chest, crimson stains on his gloves and clothing. Gaiathra, did I truly deserve this? Is this the “luck” you’ll continue to serve me?

(You deserve every last drop of their blood.)

There was a feeling of freedom in his hands, as restraints were ripped into quarters and he was robbed of his breath. A knot formed in his throat, until a weak sob escaped from it. There was nothing he could do to stop the tears from flowing from his eyes, as they no longer glowed brightly - blocking the sights of the sun, the broken mirror, and your lifeless body, as well as himself. The wretchedest of all beings, the supposed luckiest soul in the universe, the one who loathed to see his other self, was the most miserable of all beings.

"I failed you," he declared with a firmness that almost stopped his heart from beating. It was habits such as biting his lips until they bled, habits that he had promised himself he would not allow himself to revert to in the future. “I lost.”

The next time he walked through the streets of Penacony, he found himself looking at a lonesome puddle - where his reflection was once again, mocking him for what he had lost, for what he had become, for what he could've had. He knew that his other self would follow him wherever he went, a curse in disguise that would follow him until the day he drew his last breath.

© YVNAOLOGY 2024. all rights reserved. no reposts · plagiarism · edits · translations.

𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆.

pairing. dan heng x gn!reader cw. hurt/no comfort, implied relationship between reader and dan heng, falling out of love (or is it), heavy angst that is carlyle's brand™ author's note. i say i love dan heng then subject him to my heaviest angst ideas. teehee, whoops. is anyone still surprised that i wrote yet another fic to a taylor swift song? listen to you're losing me for maximum enjoyment. ❤️‍🩹

dan heng would have to be the luckiest man alive to have known someone like you and simultaneously, the most foolish man alive to let you slip through his fingers.

dan heng did not know where to begin when it came to describing you. to merely think he was lucky enough to call someone like you his was an understatement; you were perfect for him in every way possible, that it baffles him just how he's with you.

the way your eyes sparkled at the mention of stars, your favorite subject, before dan heng listened for the millionth time to your lighthearted ramble of where the stars came from. the way your laugh echoed melodiously in his head when he made a small but harmless mistake, how he would frown a little in shame but your toothy grin would make him forget his initial embarrassment. the way your head rested on his chest, humming to a childhood lullaby that would always have the same effect on his heart — to grow bigger in affection and adoration for you.

and you made him a better person, better than he ever thought he could be. dan heng had always carried the burden of his past reincarnation's sins on his back, but your presence always made the weight seem lighter. a glimpse of you was a glimpse of a life that he could live without guilt. and he wanted to make sure that he was worthy of it. worthy of you.

in short, dan heng found the perfect lifelong partner in you, end of story.

which ... just made your words pierce deeper than a knife to his heart.

"i think we should stop."

dan heng was too deep in his thoughts that he had not realized that he crumpled the paper flower bouquet in his hand. he was supposed to hand this to you the moment he stepped inside your room; march had teased him on the amount of dedication he put in perfecting his craft — according to the archives he has read, they called it the art of origami — but dan heng found himself smiling the entire process. secretly, he thought of it like his practice of building a life with you; handling the paper with subtle gentleness and care, folding it neatly to avoid any creases, before constructing a foundation for the camellia flower, your favorite flower.

what a joke this all seems to be now.

what was going on? where did he do wrong? why were you doing this? dan heng tried to remember if he had forgotten anything important. was it the time that he brushed you aside because he was engrossed in the mission? was it because dan heng constantly locked himself in the archives all by himself, that you grew tired of that?

".... stop what?"

you looked up at him, your stormy eyes brimming with tears that you were still trying to hold back. even when you were crying and breaking his heart, dan heng could not help but think how captivating you still looked. "you know what i mean."

why? "why?"

from his perspective, he could already see how much you were struggling to say it. you were shaking your head as your body was trying to hold in the biggest sob. it took everything in dan heng not to run to you and hold you in his arms, but what are the chances that you'd end up pushing him away? your words were evidence enough that you did not need his grasp right now.

"i just... i just don't see a future with you in it."

well, that hurt. that hurt more than the days that his other self wasted away in the shackling prison, mind swimming in terror and confusion as to why he was restrained the moment he was born. that hurt more than the time he sustained his deepest injury, because you were the one who ended up patching it up for him, all the while chastising him for being too reckless again. he won't have that anymore.

"why?" it was a repeat of his former question, but dan heng could hear his voice breaking as he repeated himself. moments ago, he was just dreaming about spending the rest of his life with you. to be able to wake up with you next to him and be the first to see the satisfied smile on your face. to stay by your side until the day you inevitably passed on before him.

and now, you were asking him to let that all go?

despite his initial reflections, dan heng took a step towards you, to which he was greeted with you stepping backwards, a sight that sank his heart even deeper. "but i love you." dan heng started, his heart soaring when he saw that his words still elicited a reaction from you. at this point, he was just grasping at non-existent straws that would bring you back to your senses. back to him. "we can figure a way—"

"dan heng." he stopped at his name, before slowly looking up to meet your gaze. your eyes were clouded with pain, sorrow, but most importantly, it was devoid of the warmth that dan heng sought solace in.

"i... i don't know if i can do this anymore."

you were no longer facing him, your back shaking in muffled sobs as dan heng stood there, as he watched you push him away for the first and last time. the feeling of the crumpled paper flower on his palm left nothing but a sour taste in his mouth. to think that he was so excited to see you.

"you're giving up then? on us?"

his voice came out hollow, his once forlorn expression twisting in incredulity and subtle frustration. to think that he was so excited to make things finally official between the both of you. he was finally ready to settle down and become the better man— no, the best man for you. could you not see how hard he worked to deserve you?

how cruel were you, really?

you didn't turn around to face him, but your silence told him everything he needed to know. it took everything in him to stifle the urge to let out a bitter laugh. how could he be so foolish? who would love someone as stoic, risk-taking and tactless as him, anyways?

"i didn't take you for a quitter, y/n. but i guess we're learning something new about each other right now." he spat out, which earned a turn from you. dan heng could see the hurt in your eyes. it annoyed him that even when you're hurting him, it still pained him to see you in distress. it took everything in him to reel back and stop himself. "so this is it; this is how all... this ends." he refused to let this flurry of emotions overwhelm him, as dan heng took one step closer towards you, and to his surprise, you stood, feet firmly planted on the ground. well, what does that matter now.

he was now towering over you, his eyes never leaving your figure and now was looking down at you. a part of him begged him to not say anything else, to leave with his dignity and his head up high. even if they weren't ... partners anymore, he could still try salvaging a friendship. and yet, his emotions took full control of himself at that moment. "i can't believe i even thought you were the one for me, but i guess i would probably outlive you, anyways. "

he could have sworn he heard your breath hitch as your eyes betrayed everything you were feeling at the time. a mix of grief, sadness and surprise at his words, no doubt. however, it was a fleeting sight that only slipped into another unreadable expression. "leave. please... just leave."

typically, dan heng would be able to tolerate the silence between the both of you, but that was because he could lose himself in your gaze. not now, though. his hand crumpled the paper flower even further before he threw it at the ground. dan heng took one last look at you, a small hope resurfacing that you would take everything back, that you were simply saying it in jest — but there was nothing.

he allowed his anger to overtake him and close the door behind him with a loud slam, huffing in mixed grief and anger and leaving your room for the last time. even when you were no longer looking, dan heng still refused to let that flurry of emotions overwhelm him. he shouldn't cry over someone who gave up on him as easily as that.

if he had lingered for a moment longer, he would have probably heard you breaking down in the loudest sobs on the other side of the door.

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

it had been three months since you left the astral express. three months since dan heng closed the door to the possibility that he would spend the rest of his long, long life with you.

three months since he hurled all those hurtful words towards you, which he has regretted since then. but his stupid ego would not let him utter a single apology to you the following morning.

it didn't take long for you to pack your bags and leave, which dan heng actually found relieving. the more he didn't see you and mourn over what could have been, the better.

still, it had been three months. dan heng would be a liar if he said that you did not cross his mind once. well, maybe more than once. maybe a million times since you left. he hated how you still had a hold on him, hated how your voice would be the last thing he's reminded of before he drifts to sleep, but most of all, he hated how he missed you since that fateful night.

how could he have missed the signs?

the tug on his sleeve brought him back to reality, as march looked over at him with a concerned glance. dan heng just shook his head and looked down at the very thing he was holding.

a bouquet of camellias. real ones, this time.

"dan heng, if you're feeling overwhelmed, we can just—" he was already walking ahead of march without listening to what else she had to say. truthfully, nothing she would probably say would deter him. the cold weather of jarilo vi was enough to drone out his ever active mind. so this was the planet that you called home after you left the express.

it did not take long for him to reach his destination, especially with how fast he had been walking. dan heng could barely even see the identifiable pink hair belonging to march behind him anymore. he'd probably have to offer her an apology for leaving her behind later.

it was a desolate deserted place, save for the monsters that roamed nearby and the dilapidated house that dan heng could only surmise as your house. though, he knew already what he was looking for.

"hey, y/n. i know you probably don't want to see me again, but ... here are your favorite flowers, just how you liked them."

to find himself face to face to a makeshift tombstone wasn't a sight that dan heng could have ever prepared himself for, but the fact that it was your tombstone that he was leaving flowers for made his last words towards you sink a knife deeper in his heart.

how could he not have noticed your erratic heartbeat?

when you told him that you couldn’t see a future with him in it, he didn’t think that you meant you did not have a future.

all those months, dan heng refused to let the flurry of emotions overwhelm him, but maybe for this time, he could just blame the emotional downpour on the bleak cold weather.

"if you had told me you were dying, i would have stayed."

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

‘CONFESSION’ aventurine x fem!reader (fluff, ballroom dancing)

this is actually a part of my fanfiction that i just post on AO3 ! it’s actually kinda long (honorable mention; wingman topaz)

A night filled with stars, sounds of people talking in the background, and occasionally the moon gives off reflected light to the ambiance.

A day before Aventurine left to go to Penacony, he was invited to attend an event. The event was nothing more than a dance party in a ballroom.

Fancy and elegant, if Aventurine had to describe it. Several statues representing Greek gods and goddesses are carved beautifully, even the corner of the ballroom looks majestic. And of course, the other invited guests were none other than important people. Aventurine felt a little honored to be invited.

And of course, you are also invited to the event.

Aventurine couldn't take his eyes off you; how the expensive satin dress you're wearing captures every curve of your body perfectly, and how the makeup on your already bewitching face makes you look even more divine.

Aventurine couldn't help but wonder; How does it feel to have you? Will you always allow him to put his hand on your waist so that everyone knows you are his? Will you always call his name with a smile?

Aeons, Aventurine can’t get enough of you.

“Ves'tacha, you look enchanting.” You were surprised by the nickname he used on you, but a blush managed to appear on your cheeks.

“Thanks, Aven. You look even more attractive.”

Schwanengesang, D.957: No. 4 Serenade. Something you wouldn't expect to be played by the great and talented musicians invited to the event.

Sipping the wine given by the waiter who went around to offer wine, you looked at the couples who were dancing to the rhythm.

It tastes good, you think to yourself.

Feeling a hand on your shoulder from behind, you immediately turned around quickly. Finding Aventurine who is now holding your hand.

“Mind for a dance?”

Your confusion was quickly replaced by a smile. “Why not?”

Aventurine kissed your hand, then guided you to follow him. You two look like a couple, that’s what you always thought.

The way Aventurine led the dance immediately, his hand was always gently on your waist, his other hand holding yours.

“You’re going to Penacony tomorrow?” You asked between the silence between the two of you.

“Mhm. Will you miss me?” Aventurine didn't know where he got the courage to get the confidence to ask it.

“Of course,” you answed. Aventurine's eyes easily showed that he was surprised. He felt a slight warmth which relieved him.

“Then, let's go together.” Now you are the one who is surprised. But you can't lie to your heart that wants to say yes.

Just by your smile, Aventurine knows your answer. He shouted victory in his heart.

“Aven,” you called.

“Yes?”

Masquerade Suite: Waltz. You gave him a smile.

“I like you.”

Aventurine was silent. It took him three seconds to process and try to say something, but his mouth couldn't say anything.

His hand was on your waist pulling you closer. Without saying anything, he kissed you when the music was at its peak. “Ves'tacha,” he whispers.

‘May this heart beats for you.’

short lil aventurine imagines I have in my head..

dark content dni. / also mention nightmares and fem reader!

aventurine who’s really touch starved so he cuddles , hugs you any chance he gets.

aventurine who teaches u how to gamble just in case you two play together.

aventurine who laughs when you call him “rinrin”.

aventurine who haves you on his lap n’ lets you kiss his chips for good luck.

aventurine who wins every round of gambling then thanks you for the good luck.

aventurine who slowly opens up to you about his past slowly trusting you.

aventurine who will kiss you every time you wake up.

aventurine who lets you do skincare on him as your home date.

aventurine who watches horror movies with you on date nights.

aventurine who secretly wants to marry you sooner or later<3.

aventurine who wakes up early to draw doodles on your face as a prank.

aventurine who wants to have a family with you.

aventurine who loves to spoil you rotten.

aventurine who wakes up to nightmares you slowly comfort him<3.

NO ANGST IN MY HOOD BRO😭🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾‼️‼️🗣️🗣️ sorry

the ruikasa sewing incident

Firm believer that Aventurine takes off his glasses each time you're within the vicinity, even if you have no clue of his existence, he always reaches out to take them off. It's his own way of letting everyone know who has his attention.

(aventurine x reader /// continuation of this concept)

"explain to me," the good doctor demands, "why do you need my help?"

"because." you fumble around you're words. your lips feel cold. herta's space station, especially this deep in it's bowels, is an unpleasant place to have any conversation, let alone one that is also unpleasant. "i don't have time."

"and you assume i do?"

"partially?" you rub a hand over your cheek. "throw me a bone here, doctor."

ratio has been sizing you up for the better part of half an hour, scrutinizing your intent in any way he can. you have been skillfully attempting to dodge most of those attempts, but veritas ratio is as diligent a man as he is intelligent. which is to say that he is not letting up until you divulge the truth.

you sigh.

"you will explain to me," he says outright, gaze piercing. "how one of the intelligentsia guild's most esteemed researchers needs help with an algorithm that is far below both of our skill levels. it's insulting to both myself, and yourself."

you sigh again, deeper and harder, "i, once again, do not have time. i have the 'full time job' of handling aventurine's odds, and those calculations don't run like any other odds i've ever worked with, and he is a variable constantly in motion. i need help making this algorithm so i can have some assistance with my main job at hand."

the doctor scoffs, and walks a circle around you, "i'm sure he's just thrilled with the company."

"we— he manages."

more than. but, veritas doesn't need to know that. you're sure he'll figure it out eventually.

veritas tagged the briefcase on a nearby table. it's gleaming, with a discreet ipc logo embossed on the side. the sight of it makes you nauseous with anxiety.

"is this bribe from him?" he asks.

"no." you've stopped aventurine anytime he has tried to intervene and make things easier for you. he rarely listens, but your relationship with ratio and the guild make him somewhat neutral territory. "higher up."

"i assume diamond wouldn't bother to dirty her hands. so, jade?"

"yes."

dr. ratio, for the first time, seriously considers your offer. then scowls. "it would be a waste of my time."

you sigh. there was a 67.22% chance of this outcome. luckily, you have gamed out the conversation from here.

"so you can't?"

"you know i can."

then, you laugh, and shake your head. "yes, i do. sorry to tease. i'm quite tired."

"you should go find your gambler." veritas crosses his arms, looking sidelong at the briefcase.

"i will, eventually." you turn your back to veritas as you begin to leave the open atrium. the air is hollow and frigid. "i'll just ask some other intelligentsia guild members about the project first. i'm sure they'd be happy to help."

you only take a few steps before dr. ratio grabs your arm. his grip is far too strong.

(chance of failure to secure dr. veritas ratio's assistance: decreased by 31%.)

"don't bother them."

"someone needs to help." you turn back to look at him, expression schooled. "and if you won't, i'm very sure someone else will be happy to work beside 'one of the intelligentsia guild's most esteemed researchers'. or, does such a title not truly apply considering i've been ousted from my previous position?"

he frowns, but before he can speak, you interrupt him. you haven't seen veritas since being tied down to your current post. you haven't let him have it. he deserves it, maybe.

"i heard from jade that i received a glowing recommendation from another well-respected scholar. apparently, the position was being considered for either one of us. somehow, with that recommendation, i drew the short end of the stick and now play handler for a man with a death wish and a statistically measurable chaos quotient that's ever-changing in multiples of three."

veritas's face is unmoving. unchanging. but you know you've struck something. it was to be him or you in this position. and you don't have the pride he does. you place your hand over top of his, posed to speak, to tear him apart—

a shrill ringtone shatters the tension. it's yours. you already know who it is.

you flip your phone open with one hand, still staring at ratio.

"hello," aventurine's voice beckons from the other side, smug and smooth. "where is my favorite, most brilliant mind hiding out? we're due to leave soon."

"sadly, with another one of your favorite, brilliant minds. i'll be finished up shortly and meet you at the docks."

"aw, did he not get onboard? that's quite the choice for him to be making. do you want me to give him a talking to you?"

"no, it's fine. i'm working something out."

"you sound upset."

"i'm tired." you rub at your eyes and break away from veritas with a yawn.

"you can nap on the ship. we have quite the journey."

"that we do. i'll see you in a bit?"

"see you there." you can hear the smirk in his voice.

sending you down to veritas alone was aventurine's gamble. one that is working out, predictably. never mind the damage your reputation will take after these next moments. you close the phone with a sigh and begin toward the grand elevator.

"veritas," you call his name. "i forgive you, for what it's worth. try not to do it again."

"i couldn't."

you laugh and shake your head as you ascend. by the time you arrive at the docks, the ipc's premier vessel is packed away and priming its engines. lights and sirens echo from it. aventurine's idles outside, waiting for you. he beams when he sees you.

"so," he whistles, guiding you with a hand on your lower back. you let him. "was the good doctor as prickly as ever?”

"if not more so" you admit. aventurine gestures with a sweeping hand to your shared quarters for the time being. there's a single bed, but you're used to this. you've come not to mind it. "i think i bruised his ego."

with a genuine laugh, “i don’t think that's possible."

"want to bet on that?" you ask.

your phone's text tone chimes and you shoot aventurine a sharp smile.

aventurine's odds are ridiculous. ever changing, constantly moving. none of your perceptions and calculations that are usually steadfast and unmoving can keep up with him. not with efficiency, anyways. it's exhausting work. however, the likelihoods of everything but aventurine? the predictions of a man like ratio?

easy. simple. you could do them in your sleep.

aventurine squishes against your side as you open your newest message.

[SENDER: Doctor Ratio <intelligentsia guild>]

> here is a first draft. forgo payment. i do not need to be in the stonehearts’ pocket.

[file attached: STONE ALGORITHM DRAFT 1.0.spqxxxiun.pqo]

aventurine laughs, muffling it against the side of your neck. his teeth are sharp and his breath is warm. it settles something in you. you lean into him and deflate, sliding down into your lap so your head is pillows there. a gloved hand cards through your hair.

"you're quite good at the game, when you choose to play." aventurine reminds you. he tells you this often.

"i know." you turn your face into his hand as the ship rumbles. "but it's your job."

aventurine pauses his pets, then thumbs over your lips. he looks sour, only for a moment, before resuming his motions, a bit rougher this time. you relish the feel of it, sinking into it.

"one of us has to, right?"

"right."

"and the other," he taps your lips. your sputter, indignant. "plays support."

"one of us has to." you remind him.

it's silent between the two of you as the ship whirs and bellows, taking off from herta's space station without reverie. onto your next destination, wherever aventurine is deigned to be needed, with you by his side, dutifully.

you press your face into his stomach, letting the smell of linen and his cologne envelope you.

neither of you have a choice to play this game. the cards are stacked, and you best not loose count from aventurine's side. you'll be damned if you do.

(there is a 98.769% chance that you are damned regardless.)

at least, at least, you have each other, you think as aventurine bundles you up closer, and you wrap yourself around him. you'll take that, for as long as it lasts.

I may not get bitches but i DO get full combos

{ 49 }

the hauntingly beautiful phantom.

akira kurusu x fem.reader

10 stages of love

1 - first sight

it was the start of the new year for you at shujin academy, and you were becoming curious with all the whispers about this new transfer student.

akira kurusu.

that was the name you heard being whispered throughout the hallways of shujin, everyone appearing wide eyed and nervous at the thought of meeting someone so "dangerous."

according to the rumors, he was on probation for violently beating up a grown man. that his actions were somehow connected to the mafia and that everyone should stay away from him lest they wanted to face his so-called "wrath."

foolishly enough, you almost fell for their rumors and believed your peers hadn't it been for the fact that you had already seen akira in the flesh. your friends suddenly stopped you, keeping you pinned against the walls when they whispered your name and pointed an accusing finger at the lanky boy steadily approaching.

"that's him. kurusu, the madman that's on probation for a year."

more whispered murmurs came forth from your friends' mouths, and as they spoke with fear, all you could do was stare at the boy that walked with his head down and his hands shoved deep into the pocket of his pants.

only when he met with your curious gaze did you finally get a good look at him.

with locks of messy hair the shade of a deep moonless night and eyes that appeared to hide some deep emotion within its silvery depths-

and he was beautiful, achingly beautiful with the loneliness that exuded from his form.

for a few seconds, it seemed that he was going to stop and speak to you-

yet that possibility was ripped away when your friend takes a protective hold of your arm. "back off, freak. she doesn't want anything to do with you."

you only caught a glimpse of the sudden flash in his eyes, taking note of how hurt he looked all while you were dragged away from him.

it was then that you decided you needed better and new friends.

2 - introduction

you were stalling, and you knew you were.

but really, what could you even say to him?

hey, you may not remember me, but during the first day of school, you saw me staring until my friend dragged me away. but no worries! i dropped her ass and stopped being her friend just so i could get a chance to talk to you!

nope, there was no way in hell you were doing that, even though you had ultimately decided to ghost your ex friend for being so rude to him. you knew his name, but some part of you wanted him to know your name and who you were.

something about akira captivated you, and you wanted to tear down his walls and solve all the mysteries he had to offer.

you were barely paying attention in class when your gaze landed on ryuji's form. it was strange, he was always angry and a bit jittery when he suddenly quit track, but something about him today seemed restless.

his legs kept on jumping up and down, as if desperate to get out of class and run-

but to where, you couldn't say for sure.

when class finally ended for the day, ryuji was close to bolting out of the classroom, only to be stopped by the teacher's stern voice, "sakamoto, may i have a word with you."

"dammit." you hear him whisper beneath his breath, running a hand across his hair as he slouched toward the teacher, "yeah yeah, what is it now?"

with your books collected and your bag slung over your shoulder, you ease out of the classroom only to be met with grey eyes looking deeply into you.

akira's sudden appearance in front of your classroom makes you do a double take. you awkwardly bow to him, stuttering out your name before apologizing. "back then, i'm sorry for how my friend- well, ex friend behaved when she pulled me away from you. i just wanted to tell you that i don't believe the rumors and i'd love to be your friend."

you still weren't brave enough to fully face him, but when you heard a rich chuckle coming from the hauntingly beautiful boy, you couldn't help but lift your gaze-

only to lose your breath upon seeing him smile.

he comes closer to you, almost lifting up a hand to touch at your face, only to decide against it seconds later. he drops a hand back to his side and gives you a soft smile.

"thank you, that means a lot to me."

by now, your heart was racing, becoming warm with a familiar emotion you weren't brave enough to name just yet.

however, the moment was quickly interrupted when ryuji bursts back into the scene, all too eager for something when he traps akira in a headlock. "come on man, let's go to the usual place and plan."

paying no attention to you, it was now akira who was being dragged away from you by ryuji. you could only watch and raise your hand in a wave when akira looks back to flash you an apologetic expression until you were left all alone with your thoughts.

3 - interaction

throughout the following days, you wanted to believe that you were somewhat friends with akira-

but the way he kept disappearing on you was making it difficult for you to keep up.

not only that, but it seemed as though akira's friend group was steadily increasing. you could tell that something powerful tied them all together, making akira happier as he smiled more often now.

a part of you was sad about how hard it was to get closer to akira. despite how much you wanted to, it just seemed impossible.

so imagine your surprise when it was akira that came to you.

you were about to head home for the day when akira stops you, calling out your name when he beckons you to follow him towards the school's vending machines.

"do you want to see something neat?" his eyes were alight with happiness and an eagerness you had never seen before. feeling the tiniest bit enamored with his smile, you could only nod in response when he places his shujin bag on top of the table.

widening its zipper, you gasp upon seeing a black and white colored cat appear from the bag. he had startling blue eyes and kept meowing at akira, sometimes even swatting away at his hand when he tried to pet him.

"he's so cute, i bet he's such a sweet boy." you reach out your hand to pet the cat, earning a purr from him as you scratched behind his ears, "what's his name?"

being distracted with the cat, you didn't catch akira's smile, or the way his cheeks seemed to take on a hint of pink against his pale skin the more he kept on staring at you. "his name's morgana, and he likes you."

you spent some time in akira's company, petting morgana and spoiling him with your gentle scratches in a comfortable silence.

4 - attraction

you were falling for akira.

despite how you've only known him for a handful of weeks, you couldn't deny your feeling for him any longer. your heart was aching for him, and you wanted nothing more than to get even closer to him.

one afternoon, during lunch, you decided to head over to his classroom, hoping he was still there. in your hands was a homemade bento you had made for him this morning, filled with rice and side dishes you hoped he would like.

your heart was felt thrumming against your throat, getting closer and closer to the classroom as you peeked inside-

to see akira and ann takamaki holding hands.

the sight of it makes your heart drop down to your stomach, its weight heavy as a wave of heartbreak and nausea washes over you.

akira was clearly flustered as ann said some things to him, appearing so achingly beautiful that you couldn't help but feel like such a wallflower in comparison.

you knew about ann takamaki, the gorgeous blond who actually had a modeling gig at such a young age. sure, girls badmouthed her a lot, but really you knew it was because they were so jealous of her.

and you were feeling pretty green with envy as well.

before you could witness them potentially sharing secret kisses with each other, you clutch the bento box close to your chest and turn away from them.

you refused to let any tears fall.

what right did you have, believing akira was ever yours to begin with?

5 - date

something weird was going on, and it all started spiraling when kamoshida actually interrupted the school assembly. he was a wreck, absolutely in tears when he told the whole school about his abuse to students on the volleyball team.

his admission makes you shiver, and you wondered if all the rumors were true after all.

a few weeks after akira's appearance, there have been talk about this group of vigilantes known as the phantom thieves of heart. apparently, they were able to change the hearts of their targets based off of their calling card posted on the school's bulletin boards.

the card had called out kamoshida specifically, and you thought nothing of it. believing it to be a prank as there was no way scum like kamoshida would ever change. hell, kamoshida was the sole reason why you never joined any sports and did any extracurricular activities. you were fearful that his slimy hands would somehow find a way to ruin it-

but now, the man was actually turning himself in?

did that mean the phantom thieves were real after all?

these questions kept plaguing your mind, and admittedly, you weren't paying attention when someone was calling out your name with desperation.

you were about to exit the school when a hand was felt pulling you back. your wrist was suddenly gripped by this stranger, and you were forced to turn around and face the person that had stopped you.

"akira."

he appeared out of breath, his face turning a light shade of pink when he calls out your name. "h-hey, it's been a while."

you try to shake him off of you, earning a frown from akira when you begin to lightly shove against his chest.

"stop, just let me go. wouldn't takamaki get the wrong idea if she sees you with me?"

akira's frown deepens. "what does ann have to do with this?"

it was now your turn to give him a puzzled expression, "isn't she your girlfriend? i-i mean, i saw you holding hands with her not too long ago!"

the realization that dawned on akira's face made him all the more beautiful to you, and he laughs once more. stepping closer to you, he gently runs a hand across your cheek before saying, "silly, she's not my girlfriend. uhm, that day was just practice."

he appeared sheepish then, moving his hand away from you to run them across his unruly locks. "i really wanted to make sure my hands weren't too sweaty in case i wanted to hold yours during our first date together."

the relief you felt was staggering, and you had to fight back the urge to kiss him right then and there when you accepted his offer for a date.

6 - holding hands

he takes you to a classic dinner and a movie date.

during dinner, your conversations were kept lighthearted, the subject matter being solely on you alone as you told akira all about yourself.

yet when you tried to find out anything about akira, he kept his answers clipped short, never quite meeting your gaze as he distracted himself with taking casual sips of his drink.

you figured that he was just being shy, since this was your first date together and all.

with dinner finished, akira takes care of the bill and leads you outside of the restaurant. you figured he would simply walk beside you, carrying on with the conversation casually.

so when you felt the night air hit at your skin, you weren't expecting akira to suddenly reach out to you. the touch was brief at first, his pinky simply linking together with yours as his gaze appeared shy.

you squeeze your pinky together with his for a few seconds before pulling away. akira was about to protest until he felt the palm of your hand meet with his, your fingertips lightly caressing at his skin before intertwining them together.

both of your hands were now interlocked, earning a shy smile from akira as he squeezes your hand before proceeding to walk toward the movie theater.

7 - first kiss

why did akira have to pick a horror movie?

let's just say you weren't a big fan of horror. each time something horrifying popped up on the screen, you found yourself hiding within akira's shoulder. you refused to allow such horrid imagery to haunt your daydreams and leak into your nightmares when you fell asleep at night.

akira kept holding hands with you, squeezing them here and there each time you got scared. when he leans in to whisper in your ear, he sounded genuinely apologetic. "i'm so sorry. if i had known how much you hated horror, i would have asked if you wanted to watch something different before buying the tickets."

in hindsight, yes, you should have said something to akira to prevent this from happening. but you payed no mind to the movie, solely feeling happy that you got to spend more time with him.

but now, you figured you should have said something after all.

a blood curdling scream was heard, and you were left whimpering, hiding yourself even deeper within akira's shoulder. you felt him trembling a bit before letting out a sigh.

he brushes his lips against your ear and whispers your name, "would you like me to do something to distract you?"

you cling to the front of his shirt, desperate for anything to keep you away from the scenes the movie was playing. looking at akira, you take a moment to admire his handsome face being lit up by the movie screen behind him.

he whispers your name once more before leaning in to press his lips against yours.

they were slightly chapped, but still so soft when his lips slanted against yours. you were breathless, practically drinking him in as you both tentavively tasted each other.

he tasted like coffee and the dessert you shared at dinner, making you moan when you suddenly cry out to him.

"excuse me, but if you could refrain from making out on the seats, some people are actually trying to watch this movie."

you heard someone whisper harshly from beside you, causing you and akira to break away from each other almost immediately. your cheeks felt heated as akira's own face began to light up with his own blush.

despite how embarrassed you were, you felt grateful for akira's kiss since it was all you could think about all while the horror movie continued to play.

8 - relationship

there was a sudden rift growing between you and akira.

lately, it seemed as though he were spending less and less time with you. his days were spent with catching up on schoolwork, yet every time you went to meet with him, he would either avoid you or tell you he was too busy for a date.

"i'm sorry, treasure, maybe some other time, yeah?"

when he blew you off the first few times, you thought nothing of it. it was getting close to midterms and he was probably busy with his studies.

yet when your brief weekend came, and you texted him, asking him if he wanted to meet you at your favorite cafe, he would leave you on read and not even bother to reply.

while the distance seemed to be increasing, it seemed as though akira gained even more friends, which included other girls.

nijima and okumura were suddenly added to his growing crew, both of them incredibly intelligent and lovely in their own ways that you felt your self esteem shrinking considerably.

weren't relationships supposed to be something wonderful? a compromise made between the two parties involved solely because they wanted to be together?

so why did it suddenly feel like akira wanted nothing to do with you anymore?

despite his nickname for you, with akira often referring you as his treasure, you felt as though the nickname was filled with irony.

you didn't feel cherished by akira at all.

perhaps it was due to your loneliness that you visited the phantom aficionado website, posting on their own forums with your information along with this angsty title and phrase:

completely left broken-hearted by my boyfriend. i love him so much, but i don't think he feels the same way anymore. please, if the phantom thieves of heart do exist, can they steal away my feelings for him?

9 - love

you ended up deleting your forum post the next day, berating yourself for being so stupid.

there's no way in hell they'd even recognize your pleas. in comparison to how they wanted to change the world for the better, your feelings amounted to something extremely trivial and didn't warrant their so called services.

just how selfish could you be?

you sigh, laying back in bed and looking at the ceiling. the air was still warm, and you left the window open in hopes of having some fresh air to clear your mind.

with your eyes closed, you thought about what you could do when it came to your relationship with akira. a part of you wanted to just end this heartache and break it off with him-

but the part that still loved him refused.

you were probably stupid for this, but truly you wanted to stay with him. your memories together of all the dates you shared kept repeating, painting a beautiful mesh of emotions that stemmed from your heart.

you loved akira kurusu-

even if he didn't love you.

the breeze suddenly felt stronger to you when you felt a presence in your room, causing you to sit up with a gasp.

standing in the middle of your carpeted floor was a phantom thief you had seen captured in the blurry images posted on the internet. he appeared absolutely dashing, with a beauty that displayed his playful nature.

a bird-like domino mask covers his eyes, and it was strange, but you swore that the phantom thief simply known as joker was looking at you with fondness. the ends of his cape kept rustling with his every step, coming closer to you as he held out a hand for you to take.

"w-what are you doing here?" still caught up in your heartache over akira, you could only gaze up at him in confusion, earning a rich chuckle from him-

the sound being achingly familiar to you as you shivered in response.

"is it wrong of me to want to comfort a maiden in distress?"

his deep voice oozed with confidence, and you found yourself becoming mesmerized with him. without even thinking about it, you allow joker to take your hand. yet instead of holding it, he uses it to bring you into his arms as he carried you bridal style toward your open window.

"w-wait! put me down! just where are you taking me?!"

"somewhere fun." joker simply winks at you before jumping out of your window.

you had to hold on to him for dear life, your hair whipping in the wind as he moved lithely from rooftop to rooftop. only when he reached the rooftop of the tallest building did he stop.

still refusing to let you go, joker tells you to look up, and you do so.

you were blown away, completely in awe of the night sky with the full moon shining against the darkness. it was so beautiful that you slowly felt your prior heartache and loneliness melt away.

"thank you, joker, for taking me here. it's beautiful."

"not as beautiful as you are, my treasure."

you stiffen upon hearing the familiar nickname, looking at joker to see his teeth biting at his bottom lip. you saw a light sheen of tears against his silvery grey eyes and reach out at him to push back his mask-

and be met with the face of akira kurusu.

he lets out a sob of your name, suddenly kneeling against the rooftop as he buries his face into your neck. "i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to make you feel unwanted or unloved, not when i adore you so much."

slowly, things began to click into place. like how akira and joker were one and the same, and the fact that joker was notoriously known to be the leader of the phantom thieves.

it was because of him that the world was changing, and the mere thought had you reeling with just how intense your love was for him.

delving your hands into his soft hair, you pull him away from you. you were both crying, becoming filled with emotion when you lean in to kiss one another, finally coming together after spending so much time apart.

you catch bits and pieces of akira's confession, mainly telling you how much he wanted to keep you safe and away from his double life as a phantom thief.

"but when i saw your post on the phansite forum, i knew i had been neglecting you and decided to do something about it." he frames at your face and presses a kiss against your forehead.

"i love you, my treasure. and i swear to you, i will make this right again."

10 - commitment

the days leading up to akira's arrest was filled with dread, and you were happy that he was finally safe and sound and in your arms once more.

when he had been betrayed by one of his teammates, akira had saw it coming and had a plan to escape if only for a brief moment, until they could finally put an end to shido.

by some twisted fate, it was thanks to a corrupt politician known as shido masayoshi that akira was arrested. akira had simply protected a woman from being assaulted by shido, and in his drunken state he fell against some steel beams.

in his anger, he called the cops and had akira wrongly arrested for assault.

just hearing akira's story made you upset all over again. you hated what the police did to akira and wanted desperately to protect him.

here, he lay in bed, covered up in his hoodie and a pair of sweats. despite everyone's best efforts to help with healing the cuts and bruises on his face, he still looked awful. his lip was still cut, and fresh bruises were still seen blossoming all across his form.

tears dot your vision when you lean into him, pressing butterfly kisses all across the darkened skin seen on his face. while you continued kissing away at his bruises in hopes of easing his pain, you felt akira lift up a hand to lightly brush against your back.

he had woken up upon feeling your tears land against his skin. with his hand on your face, he gently pulls you away, looking into your eyes with love.

"is my treasure crying for me?" he caresses at your skin, making you close your eyes in response as you lean into him.

"they're monsters for doing this to you, and i hate every single one of them."

akira sits up, welcoming you into his arms as he held on to you. you whisper words of love to each other and seal it with several kisses.

when you pull away, you realize akira was searching his pockets for something, appearing troubled and nervous for a few seconds before he pulled something out.

he quietly tells you to close your eyes, so he could properly give you your surprise gift. with a nod, you do so, waiting with anticipation when you feel akira take a hold of your left hand. you feel something cool slide against your ring finger and hesitantly open your eyes to see what akira had given you.

your eyes widen when you saw a lovely ring with your favorite gemstone attached to the middle. you had never received something so beautiful before in your life and was practically left breathless when akira leans in to kiss at the ring.

"we're too young for marriage, b-but still, i wanted to give you something to signify my promise to you. i love you so much, treasure, and i can't imagine spending my life with anyone else but you. my best friend, and the one person who truly gave me a chance."

you smile at akira, feeling overwhelmed with the amount of love and joy you had for him. you come together in a tangle of limbs, falling back in bed with whispered promises of forever, not caring about what the future may bring as long as you were together.

epilogue

the morning had finally came and was currently shining its rays on a pair of lovers still sleeping comfortably in bed. the sun was felt shining directly in your eyes, causing you to moan as you hid your face within your lover's bare chest.

you wanted to sleep some more, but it seemed as though he had other plans when you felt his hand gently stroke at your bare back.

"why're you up so early?"

his voice was raspy, making you shiver as you smile against his skin. letting out a yawn, you shove yourself off of him and decide that it would be much better and more fun to do this instead.

you were now straddling your husband, settling yourself across his lap as you admired his lithe and muscular body.

akira opens one eye to look at you, its silvery hues still managing to make your heart race even after all these years. crawling on top of him, you eagerly kiss him, not caring that it was morning and you had both just woken up.

you feel akira smile against your kiss, suddenly switching your positions so that you were now pressed into the bed with him hovering over you. he smiles down at you, and you felt your heart become stolen all over again as your beloved phantom thief peppered your face with sweet kisses.

it was clear now that your heart would forever be within your beloved thief's clutches-

but lucky for you, you had long stolen his heart. from the moment akira first locked gazes with yours, he knew that becoming your forever was inevitable.

a.n. - i'm so happy, i'm finally able to write a full 10 stages of love story with the boy i love the most. i love you akira kurusu, and i hope this story does justice in painting you as the soft and kind boy you always were ♡

this is currently unedited, but i hope you readers enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it ♡ i'll fix any mistakes throughout the day once this story is posted ♡

all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.

absentminded musings.

“can’t stop staring at you, it’s like i forgot that staring is rude.”

(in which he either succors you back to disciplined focus…or simply makes for an attractive and infuriatingly worse distraction.)

characters: albedo, ayato, childe, diluc, itto, kazuha, scaramouche, thoma, xiao

“the fuck are you looking at?” scaramouche sneers at your dazed expression, snapping you out of your temporary trance. you must have lost track during your daily dose of his colorful reproaches and stubborn chiding, at some later point…which wasn’t exactly very difficult to distract yourself with. after all, his face seemed to be a much more interesting subject, and posed for a hundred rather curious questions — starting with how an attractive boy like that just so happened to have one of the shittiest personalities in the world. “…oi, you idiot. you’re doing it again.”

you’re about to plainly retort that you were simply being wrongfully accused once more, but you bite the words between your teeth when he suddenly draws his face closer towards yours, eyebrows scrunched in irritation and a bratty frown pursed on his lips. you feel your breath catch in bewilderment, and find yourself instinctively shying away from the eerily close proximity. besides, scaramouche isn’t particularly adept in the scope of feelings either, but one look at your oddly timid disposition and he knows you’re flustered because you’ve been busy staring at his face. he wonders if you’ve noticed how long he’s been quietly staring at yours too.

“archons, it’s like you lost your manners.” xiao snorts at the dazed look glazed on your features, only rolling his eyes at you when you suddenly meet his piercing gaze with an awkward and surprised expression contorting across your face. you feel yourself scramble to apologize with reddened cheeks for not paying attention to his words…and you felt even more embarrassed when you see his features quirk into disappointment, for you knew deep down that you had covertly spent the last few minutes staring at him instead of actually trying to hear his statements. “honestly, mortals are so damn annoying. maybe this will help you listen better.

you let out an abrupt gasp when you feel him suddenly pin you on the rail of the balcony, caught between his chest and the wood, and his slanted amber irises reflecting the enchanting sunset behind you. you swallow the thick lump forming in your throat, and wait for him to continue speaking where he had left off in the previous conversation. and this time you decide to hear him out, and hope that the sound of his low and comforting voice slowly drowns out the incessant noises that foster quietly inside the depths of your chest.

“see something you like?” ayato smiles, tilting his head curiously at you. halfway through the chess game, you had already decided it was best for you to give up and think about something else to soothe the depressing sense of defeat. ayato was undeniably brilliant, and it could be perceived within each one of his move-sets during the stretch of the game. he was also…infuriatingly pretty, you couldn’t help noticing the way his pearl white hair shone beneath morning sunbeams. you sigh to yourself, muttering an apology and shifting your gaze back down to the board, ready to accept your imminent and rather upsetting fate…when you notice how your queen just so happened to be within the range of ayato’s king on the field. “your move, y/n.”

you can’t seem to hide the joy that begins to spill across your face when you hurriedly make a move with your queen piece to the other end of the board, unable to control the shriek of victory as you jump up from your seating position and raise your arms in excitement — after all these dreadful years, you had finally won a single chess game against ayato! and you’re too engrossed in your unexpected triumph against the boy to recognize how ayato sinks his head in his hand to admire the smile glowing on your face. there’s not many people he can honestly say he doesn’t mind losing to, but he figures getting distracted by you mid-game and subconsciously allowing you to win…makes him feel happier rather than defeated at the astonishing notion of it.

“…are you still listening to me?” albedo muses, an eyebrow raised at your stupor expression after listening to him talk about his experiment for a few hours. which you didn’t actually find boring — in fact, it was rather interesting at first…but then you started wondering about the curious shade of blue in his effervescent eyes, and how his locks of blonde hair began to look oddly similar to a golden aureole. and before you knew it, you were dozing off as you stared at his lips, and albedo was already getting up in your face out of instinctive concern. “apologies. that was probably boring for you, wasn’t it?”

you shake your head with a smile, apologizing to him for distracting yourself with some pre-occupied thoughts. but albedo knows you’ve simply been busy staring at him for the past few minutes, and yet chooses not to mention it aloud to perhaps spare you the vocalized embarrassment. besides, who was he to call you out on the endearing gesture when he had often found himself occasionally staring at you too?

“staring is rude, sweetheart.” kazuha smirks, raising his bandaged hand to gently caress the side of your face, consequently tugging you out of your little daydream. you blink at him in confusion, avoiding his playful and accusatory gaze, while also boldly claiming you had listened to his words loud and clear. when you’re about to move forward from the awkward point of the conversation, he suddenly inches closer towards your body and shifts his fingers to skim over your lips, a sly smile quirking across his mouth as he sees the way your eyes widen at the unexpected action. “that’s real cute, darling. why don’t we hear you repeat what i said again this time, okay?”

and you absolutely loathe the way kazuha coyly simpers when he witnesses you utterly caught in your words, still busy poking and blatantly staring at your lips while you try (and unfortunately, fail) to form the proper sentences to say beneath his animalistic gaze.

“quit dozing off.” diluc sighs for the umpteenth time, snapping his fingers in front of your face. your glazed eyes flicker over to meet his intense scarlet gaze, and you merely smile in apology for allowing yourself to be distracted. but lately, you can’t really seem to help it — despite wanting to truly learn the art of winery, it’s already difficult enough to end up getting tutored and trying to concentrate with your boyfriend’s attractive face in your line of sight. “…did you write that down?”

you hum softly in assent, busy skimming through the entirety of what you had just written based on what he talked about for the last thirty minutes. however, what you’ll eventually fail to notice is how the tables have astonishingly turned — and for the ensuing ten solemn minutes of your diligent review, diluc’s attention becomes completely enraptured and foolishly dead-set on you.

“um, is there something on my face?” thoma awkwardly chimes, scratching his cheek in embarrassment when you finally realize you’ve been staring at him for…clearly way too long. which wasn’t entirely your fault! you were just never consciously aware of how attractive a man could look while passionately chattering about housekeeping, especially when it came to the courteous boy standing in front of you. “sorry, perhaps the concept was a bit confusing. why don’t i say that for you again?”

you hope he assumes it’s just that, to spare yourselves the imminent awkwardness upon realizing that you were actually secretly admiring his face. but when he turns around and you barely perceive the light flush of pink that clouds on his fair cheeks, you think to yourself that…you’re probably fucked, and you’re almost a hundred percent sure he just caught you openly gawking at him. but for some reason, something in his throaty cough and his inability to meet your unwavering gaze, makes it seems as though the feeling is mutual and oddly reciprocated anyway.

“maybe consider taking a photo, darling. it lasts longer.” childe snickers lightly when he sees you scoff at him with flushed cheeks. so sure, the cruel asshole was stupidly attractive and he clearly knew it. and sure, you may have stared at him for a tad too long this time…still! you could admit he was handsome, but you couldn’t bear to accept the fact that you were somehow, and perhaps almost impossibly, in love with such an arrogant and deceitful man. “i was kidding! jeez, don’t get all sensitive on me again. anyways, where were we…”

but you’ve probably never considered the fact that perhaps the reason why childe was so intent on flirting with you, was due to the fact that he had accidentally harbored some romantic emotions towards you as well. he’s normally good at getting to know girls and forming relationships with them, since you had always been more challenging than the rest, as well as difficult to get to open up. and although you’ve made it perfectly clear in your intentions that you would never even think about dating an utter jerk like him, he likes to think that the brief moment of vulnerability in your previously flustered state, gives him at least a sliver of a chance.

“you’re staring awfully hard, shrimp. it’s like you’re in love with me or something.” itto winks in a cheesy manner when he sees you come back to your senses — because the thought that pops in your mind processes as a concept that’s outrageous and utterly absurd. him? please. you’d be insane to want someone as terribly reckless and brute as him. but his horns are adorable, his face is oddly endearing, and deep down he’s actually some kind of silly, big and caring baby towards the people he cares about, including you… “you’re staring again.”

you’re not staring, you emphasize it to him again. you can still hear him right now, how he’s busy rambling about the irodori festival, and you’re too pre-occupied with drowning in his apricot-hued irises to discern how he slyly asks you to accompany him while visiting the merriment held in ritou. all you could do was nod at his request in stupor — and end up chastising yourself over and over later in the night, for carelessly falling for glazed orange eyes and that boisterous man who had walked you home with that stupidly victorious grin that evening.