no-mes
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Latest Posts by no-mes
As part of her social media detox this girl on YouTube made herself do one hour of understimulating tasks every day and she just counted rice for 60 minutes straight because its no different from doomscrolling in terms of wasted time
Actually really really hate how spiteful my mom is. Towards herself and most especially towards me. I tell her I didn't move in with her just to pay for my own transport to school and pay for my own food too and she starts acting like I smell.
Move away from the same seat as me and wrinkles her nose when I pass. She's acted like this for so long, I hate that I loved her so much I didn't see it for what it is.
I see the results from one of my professional exams tomorrow and I can't deal. I've never been this worried. I'm worried for myself, for my parents, for my friends, worried all around.
God please.
I miss running to Tumblr everytime I have a thought, I stopped using my free will properly, it's annoying. This space is mine and mine alone, it's not like I can run out of ink or anything.
I do not like sex.
Two occasions now and I'm not impressed. Really glad my partner cared enough to make sure I finish before penetration but that shit is intrusive af, do not recommend.
I hope to God it feels better for him cos God forbid we are both pretending to be cool and I'm suffering for nothing.
Reposted this only to not take the advise.
one of the biggest things I can advocate for (in academia, but also just in life) is to build credibility with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking of yourself as someone who does things last minute or who struggles to start tasks. people will tell you that you just need to build different habits, but I know for me at least the idea of ‘habit’ is sort of abstract and dehumanizing. Credibility is more like ‘I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it, and more importantly I trust myself to do it’. you set an assignment goal for the day and you meet it, and then you feel stronger setting one the next day. You establish a relationship with yourself that’s built on confidence and trust. That in turn starts to erode the barrier of insecurity and perfectionism and makes it easier to start and finish tasks. reframing the narrative as a process of building credibility makes it easier to celebrate each step and recognize how strong your relationship with yourself can become
Pretending i forgot my tumblr existed lol.
Update: the love I held on to, the one where I'd rather type in an obscure corner of my room than express myself too much to, I let it go. I let it go and I am vindictive enough to hope that it hurts them more than it hurts me.
I'm in a new one that I feel will end badly but at least I think I'd be the least hurt.
More of the pictures that I hoard.
Took me too long to write this down.
Too long that now, my mind has overcooked my thoughts and abd this version might now be heavier, weightier and still mean nothing at all.
This is my POV, there is no part of this that reflects anyone in a way I did not perceive them, their image in these words are from a mirror that I made from my mind, my memories. Nothing else.
I hear the word codependent and think 'That doesn't describe me.' I've found out now, I'm at risk.
I talk about how much my friends save me, that's now. Before, things were different. I've always been in danger of getting my heart broken by myself, how I wholly immerse myself in being that one friend you can't discard, shaping myself to please, to impress, to look up to, to emulate. It's always with one particular person, thank God. There'd be nothing left of me otherwise, stretched to thinness from my folding and cutting over multiple people, my friendship monogamy saved my life.
I don't remember a first that is not B, she was the moon to me, I longed for her approval, ready to be her minion. All she had to do was exist, I wanted to be seen by her, cherished the way I cherished her. I tried so hard to hold on to her but I saw even then that I didn't fit her mould, she wanted things and people and an image and sometimes, I wasn't in these images and so I was left behind, often. At Navy for GCEs. That's all on that episode, that was the first time it started. Or the first time I saw. Years passed and texts looked like that line from the Eilish song.
Our conversation's all in blue, eleven 'hey's.
I saw her convos with other people and I wanted to be them, have half of what she had with them. It couldn't happen, maybe it was me, maybe it was her, it doesn't matter. I wasn't used by her. I used myself by myself. I wanted to be close to her so much and I was, I took every part of her she gave but I was never going to get what I wanted but I didn't think of that and so never realised it and I held on and on. Used myself up to fill a longing for kinship. Why? I don't know. My retrospection has left that corner of my mind.
I don't regret. It's such a waste to regret. I hate that I didn't learn this part of myself sooner, that way I'd have avoided doing the same for M. I don't remember much, she was not as intellectually challenging as B. There was no game to her words, they showed all the depth that they had immediately she spoke them but still I bent, backward and forward for her to see me, to like me. I am my own danger, years again of being what I would hate later, something I couldn't forgive. I gave her precedence over my sister. More than once. That's all. I do not remember how I came to devolve. But M came with more drama, a ruined reputation and a family gathering where I wasn't there. It's a pity really, that event taught me shame in a weird way and still I fold. In bigger pieces now but still for her, for her family. I forgive myself her.
I am needy and selfish with people, that is the core of my problem. Like a leech, I am clingy to the point of pain. I will not leave till I've been embarrassed. I will also not turn back.
It isn't shocking then that the last time I'll cling, it will be to a MB. Oh, how closely did I cling. It's not embarrassing this time. I started to unravel myself with her, started learning what my issue was. Spoke about it like a warning. 'Be careful, I'd die for you. Just please don't hang out with your other friends too much.'
Insane, very insane. I'd coordinate outfits and be rejected and in rejecting me she shamed me and in my shame, I learnt there might be strength in my knees, I could stand up and walk away. But she did it first. That MB and the imperial need for me to leave her space.
That's enough unspooling. For now.
27 July 2024
Anyway, to do list :
Lipid metabolism ✅
Protein
Amino acid metabolism
CNS
It's scorching hot here with 37° celcius and I am literally struggling to even stay sane to study.
Also, ignore my digital handwriting. It's the worst lol.
Tumblr is more pictures than words so I'll post my favourite images rn.
Who am I going to tell that I needed you more than I need air? That I knew that I was going to be okay but I needed you to tell me in words, I needed you to know I'd be okay and say it to me. Who will I tell that your prayers would have gone the longest to soothe me? No one, so I'll write it here.
I'll write here that in the moments when you didn't answer, in the dead of the nights when you could have met my needs, my hope dragged on and on. I had important things to do but I kept hoping your name would pop up and that you'd say the magic words and everything would get better, that you'd reply just at the right moment for everything to go back to being good. This is important to me, you know it is, I've spent months spooling myself up so I can be ready for this. Who better to have seen how tightly my spools had gone round and round? Who better to check if they'll keep that way, till after the critical moments?
Not you, I guess. Not you at all, that's fine. I've been taught a lesson I already know but in my knowing I've found experience with you. Romantic love will make your heart pound but only your friends will save you. I didn't have to be experienced in this tho, you could have made sure I only know it, not felt it.I know now that I don't need you, I never did. Not in the literal sense of the word. I want you, so acutely it presents as need. Each time I feel it more strongly than the last and I don't meet you in those moments, I come away knowing that I can need you and not get you and still thrive. That's not a good thing to know if you're in love, I guess but I guess everyday I need you less and less and now I just have to find other things to love about you, the fact that you fulfill my need is no longer part of it.
one of the biggest things I can advocate for (in academia, but also just in life) is to build credibility with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking of yourself as someone who does things last minute or who struggles to start tasks. people will tell you that you just need to build different habits, but I know for me at least the idea of ‘habit’ is sort of abstract and dehumanizing. Credibility is more like ‘I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it, and more importantly I trust myself to do it’. you set an assignment goal for the day and you meet it, and then you feel stronger setting one the next day. You establish a relationship with yourself that’s built on confidence and trust. That in turn starts to erode the barrier of insecurity and perfectionism and makes it easier to start and finish tasks. reframing the narrative as a process of building credibility makes it easier to celebrate each step and recognize how strong your relationship with yourself can become
You are not overwhelmed, you know where to start, you gain speed, you understand, clarity comes, in bursts, in a flood, you know, direction is available, nothing is too difficult, you have ease, you have rest.
I believe and I know, I do not see results from what I have worked for but from what Christ has worked for. I know, I being in the way, the Lord leads me, now, tomorrow, forever. I am confident, I am not confused, blessed is my knowledge, my memory. I have direction. I read from a place of rest, I do not panic. All of these and more as the Spirit prays for me by the finished work of Christ.
Simone Biles is a great athlete, she is so beautiful to watch. I know she is great, everyone does but since I do not understand the scoring system in gymnastics, my love for her is not on par with Shelly Ann Fraser-Pryce.
My God, that is one woman who inspires me a lot! Did it, left, got pregnant, came back, did it again (this time as the fastest woman alive!) I'm so proud of her and I can't wait to watch her for the last time in this year's Olympics. I'm rooting for her with all of my heart. She has motivated me by deciding to push herself to her best and for that, I'm grateful.
My exams are soon and every time my eyes are watering from reading or I drop my book because I do not 'feel' like it. I tell myself that postpartum SAFP prolly didn't feel like practicing too. She prolly just wanted to watch reels for a while and chill but she prolly didn't and so I can watch her and be proud, I can draw strength from her story. A woman whom the world thought it was over for but one who knew she wasn't done and showed the rest of us just how not done she is.
Don't know when and how it happened but I've slowly come to terms with my adulthood. From a child who didn't want to turn 13 because she was sure that was when adult's problems started to a 19 year old calling herself an ex-child.
I can't relate with most sentiments and call it a journey but there's more to me than there was last year, may be the more isn't admirable even but I'm no longer at odds with the words 'adult'. I accept it, I'm responsible for stuff now, it's on me, most of it is. I won't let that thought weigh me down, it's rather liberating when I think about it. I, not anyone else, get to decide what I can be and when it should happen.
Oh, what wonder, I'm not an empty canvas, neither am I finished. I'm in between an incompleteness and perfection; an incomplete yet perfect being.
Emotion permanence.
Oh what a day to be kicked in the face that I suffer from this cos why do I feel unloved if I so much as get no response for a while from my partner. I'm going to be investigating this further, hang out with me till then.
I think it says something about me that my comfort book is Twilight 1 (not the other books, just the 1st one) and the movie I never delete from my phone is 50 shades.
I don't know what it says but it says something.
In a reading slump, not novels. Obviously. State exams are in 30 days. What am I doing with my life?
Send help.
Babies. Are. So. Uglyyyy.
I swear I'm not a bad person, I just think they look weird, I don't see the beauty y'all see. They loook so weird and wrinkled and frowny and I just saw a video and twitter and my God. 'A face only a mother would love' applies to all of them, I'm not even lying.
I'm trying to restrain myself from complaining about my results here but that's just making this space redundant. This is my diary, no one knows me here. No one ever will.
Here goes:
What. The. Heck? I didn't slave through notes and PDFs and PDFs on end to see my results and be groaning in pain. It's an ugly little feeling when my hardwork doesn't translate to my grades and I hate it here.
Sighs.
It's okay, I've decided that it's okay for me to like you more than you like me. It's fine. Not really but writing about it and I see it was a stupid idea in the first place, I'm too far gone to come back whole, I have to let you continue to chafe at my obsession with your appropriate level of affection. Maybe I'll get used to the ache, maybe I'll not. 'All I know is, I love you too much to walk away now.' (M n M)
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I always thought girls acting out, being cold and doing weird things in a relationship was weird. You like this boy, what are you doing? What do you mean you don't pick up until he calls the second time. What do you mean you wait for a minute or two to text back? What's going on? Who wrote these rules? No double texting, no public confessions, just alluding to the fact you are in love and no one needs to know the details.
Sadly, I understand now. Like mad. It's a silent shouting for receiving affection first, you want to be needed the way you need. You want to be liked just as much as you like the other person or even more than you like them. That way you know your affection isn't wasted. Because what is more comforting than knowing that you love and you're loved back in return?
When your love is reciprocated in the actions just as much, when they do call back the second time, double text you, put up with the attitude even you know, is silly, you are comforted. 'I love and I'm loved. All is right with the world.'
I see you, you don't want a love that's complacent, comfortable in a way that is lazy. You want to be pined for in the way you pine, nothing is more human than that.
hello !! i’ve been having some trouble making the most of my day, hence this rly mini guide on it ! it sort of works together with my guide to getting ur life back on track !!! hope this helps ! :]
[+++] get ur life back on track | beat procrastination | school organization | transitional words | bullet journaling | school supplies | gr8 powerpoint | homework tips | essay writin | study tips | more !!!
Structuring Your Fight Scene
adapted from <Writer's Craft> by Rayne Hall
Suspense
Show your characters gearing up, readying themselves.
The pace is slow, the suspense is high (use suspense techniques)
Provide information about terrain, numbers, equipment, weapons, weather.
May have dialogue as the opponents taunt each other, hurl accusations, or make one final effort to avoid the slaughter.
Don't start too early - we don't need to see the hero getting out of bed, taking a shower and having tea.
2. Start
Fighters get into fight stance: knees slightly bent, one leg forward, abdominal muscles tensing, body turned diagonally, weapons at the ready.
Each side will usually try to be the first to strike, as this will give them advantage.
The movements in this section need to be specific and technically correct.
3. Action
This section may be quick or prolonged. If prolonged, no blow-by-blow descriptions are needed.
Focus on the overall direction of the fight
Make use of the location to make characters jump, leap, duck, hide, fall, etc.
Mention sounds of weapons
4. Surprise
Something unexpected happens: building catches fire, a downpour, relief force arrives, staircase collapses, bullet smashes into the only lightbulb and everything goes dark, hero losses his weapon, etc.
Add excitement, raise the stakes.
5. Climax
Both sides are tired and wounded
The hero is close to giving up, but is revived with passion
Move to the terrain's most dangerous spot: narrow swining rope-bridge, a roof-edge, sinking ship, etc.
Don't rush the climax! Hold the tension
6. Aftermath
The fight is over: bes buddies lying dead, bandaging, reverberating pain, etc.
Use sense of sight and smell
The hero may experience nausea, shaking, tearfulness or get sexually horny
Fight scene length
Historical/adventure/fantasy: 700-1000w
Romance: 400-700w
Two lovers have reincarnated throughout history, destined to find each other and fall in love all over again. There’s also this third guy that reincarnates alongside them… we don’t really know what he does.