Oldsaints - Monsters.

Neil: i'm fine

Everyone else: you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means

THE TRAGEDY OF LOVING A SOLDIER:                            the battlefield never really leaves them.              (you see his hands still shake, finger glued to the trigger) THE TRAGEDY OF LOVING A GENERAL:                     the battle may be won, but the war never ends.           (you watch sleep continue to elude her, eyes dull with grief) they both look at each other as though begging the other to be selfish.                     (the bloodshed ends, but they never find peace)

THE WAR & OTHER METAPHORS ( a.c. )

Button author Hanif Willis-Abdurraqib’s poem featured on the sign of a BBQ restaurant in Toronto. Get your copy of Hanif’s incredible book here.

this line makes me want to cry

like i know rich people live on a completely different realm of existence than me but how can a 14/15/16 year old kid with ptsd and a probable anxiety disorder be permitted by his own parents to just… roam the continents of the world… essentially by himself… next to no supervision… what’s up with that… “bye tiny son see ya next christmas don’t die” like ?

WHAT IS TO LOVE? you think this is it. when you crown him king with his halo dazzling against the blackness of the stars because they, of course, they are dimmed against him. he outshines them all. this is love. WHAT IS TO LOVE? you think this is it. you hollow out his thighs and worship his mouth and surrender to his army. you build a temple out of the prayers you have whispered to him against the breathless warmth of his lips and you kneel. you kneel. this is love. WHAT IS TO LOVE? you think this is it. this scrambling of limbs and waking together in the morning, falling asleep at night with your arm dangling over his sun-stroked (for the sun, even the sun loves him– how could it not?) torso, tracing the dimples of his back with the pins affixed, haphazardly, to your palm. you scar him with needles and he kills you with knives. this is love. WHAT IS TO LOVE? you think this is it. the boldness he has inspired, the boldness he regrets. the calluses on your palm, the calluses he carries in his chest. the fraying leather you don, the shining steel he was born in. you love the idea of one last supernova, you taste the idea of going down in storm and glory on your tongue, a phoenix in the fire, of matching his brilliance for the first and the last time. you know with dread and you know with terrible clarity and you know with the unerring confidence of a boy who knows he has nothing to lose. all you can lose is him. all you can lose is him. and you are saving him, you are, you are saving him from drowning in his own blood. you think that, as you become him and soak up his fire and swallow his flames, that this is it. this is love.

you would burn the world down and build it up brick by brick for him // s.w. (via bluesergente)

gansey: *sighs dramatically, looking out the window*

ronan: what, is adam late for your nerd circle jerk?

gansey: *face pressed into the glass* yes

Don’t mind me, I’m just going to go lay face-down on the floor and think about Neil’s insistence on thoughtful navigation of Andrew’s post-abuse boundaries.

the best parts of the tdt outtakes:

when it’s ronan’s turn to take out the trash he takes the bag to kavinsky’s place and dumps garbage all over his lawn and/or car

actual puppy richard campbell gansey iii hoping that blue will notice he’s giving consideration to adam’s work scedule; blue not noticing because she’s too busy fixing her hair

“why can’t you be like you used to be?” / “i don’t know”

gansey, ronan, and noah deciding that the dead nightmare-bird-man thing was too gross to deal with without first showing it to blue and getting the Blue Sargent Stamp of Approval on the fact that it’s gross as hell

ronan looking at jesse dittley’s yard and seeing that all the random debris had been repurposed for flowers and beauty and recognizing that as a sign that blue had been there, how sweet is that

“i was unaware kavinsky was familiar with the nuances of the united states postal service” gansey u are being blackmailed right now pls act like it

ronan quoting ovid at an inappropriate time; adam recognizing it, being “furious” and probably turned on

“ronan,” he’d said, voice tragic, already blaming himself, making it about them and not ronan, “you damn fool”

the entirety of the last scene, which i’m not going to touch with my dirty hands

in conclusion: see you all in hell bc i’m there now

when Charles Bukowski said "and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"