Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)

Reclaiming post!

hii I am going to be reclaiming the HC-DID term for programmed systems since the person that made it is an awful antisemitic conspirator.

HC-DID means "highly complex DID". It is a term for ramcoa survivors that were programmed to have DID. It exists because the experiences between a programmed system is different than those of CDID systems that aren't programmed.

HC-DID is NOT meant to be a trauma olympics term, it is just a modifier to differentiate the experiences that programmed systems have.

Something I've noticed is how some CDD systems (and general trauma survivors) sometimes treat "extreme" trauma like a fictional concept when trying to valid themselves. I understand where "you don't need to go through RAMCOA abuse/a war/a dictatorship/etc to be a system and have cptsd" comes from and I fully agree with it. Some shitty ableist singlets can be very annoying with how they only accept trauma when it's "extreme" trauma. But I think the way some people talk about it sometimes just makes it sound off. I don't know it's just the way some people phrase it like "Not everyone traumatised is living in a war zone 🙄" makes me really uncomfortable. Like it's not the faults of people who have gone through "extreme" trauma that some people are ableist and uneducated

Also, people who go through those do exist? Like idk most people I see talk about it like it's some far-off vague fictional out-there concept and not like, a thing that real people experience and go through? Like RAMCOA abuse is real and valid (I'm not a survivor myself so I won't talk about it a lot but I felt the need to bring it up because the way some people talk about it is just weird), people who have lived through wars exist? and their trauma is valid, people who have been trafficked exist and their trauma is valid, people who have been tortured exist and their trauma is valid, people who have survived genocides exist and their trauma is valid, and people who have been in cults exist and their trauma is valid. In general, people with "extreme" trauma exist and their trauma is real

Survivors of "extreme" abuse/trauma shouldn't be made to feel like their trauma is too taboo to mention. Or feel like they can't talk about it out of fear of "invalidating other systems". All trauma is valid (including "non extreme" trauma). I think validating traumatic things that aren't usually viewed as trauma by the average person is good but please try not to bring down anyone else in the process

People should be allowed to talk about RAMCOA. Is it fucked up? Yes. Should you be careful if you're gonna look into it? Also yes.

But the fact that most people don't even know it exists is wrong. You can't stop something from happening if you don't know it's happening in the first place.

do you have any advice for trying to figure out if im a RAMCOA survivor or if im experiencing delusions? there are some alters in my system fully believe we are a RAMCOA victim and claim to have memories to support this, but the rest of us think that we are just experiencing delusions and that these memories are incorrect or exaggerated.

I want to preface this by saying most of our delusions come from excessive paranoia in our OCD. Fear we have done something, will do something, are evil, and will do more evil, all when fully unreasonable to think and not comporting with reality. However we are not by any means a fully reliable source for this. Ultimately differentiating repressed memories and delusions should be done by a professional who is knowledgeable in both fields.

First of all, do you have a history of delusions or any type of delusion-prone mental health condition in your family? If not it is more likely it is an actual memory than a delusion. If you don't have a disorder that makes you delusional/delusion-prone or easy to be convinced of false things, it is more of a possibility than it would be otherwise. Do you have an anxiety disorder that can allow for delusional paranoia? That can sometimes happen.

Second, why do you think it's a delusion. What genuinely makes you feel it is one? If you can find a reason that reason may lead to more of an answer. Sometimes you can figure out that you think its a delusion because it has no basis in reality or doesn't properly fit into whatever gaps you do have or it doesn't seem to make sense in your specific case.

Another thing to note- a lot of the time RAMCOA survivors who are systems will have an entire grouping of alters who had little to no awareness of the RAMCOA whatsoever. I myself writing this now (Dorian), am not an alter who has any connection to that trauma. I find it strange and odd- the only reason me and others in my grouping have accepted enough of it is due to articles and exposes and literally drama board blogs around the cult we grew up in, as well as more things to do with excessive gang activity in the area. I also have had to realize my role itself spawned from RAMCOA but was so niche and specific that it didn't need to have me be aware of why it was going on. (Most likely I am made out of fused fragments which is why I'm a fully fleshed out alter today with no awareness of what my main role has been for- or perhaps my role was able to cover other things happening organically enough that it was more common).

One other way we differentiate delusions and genuine memory for ourselves is that... if the memory explains something like an entire OCD theme, a grouping of behavior, nightmares, and specific issues that could reasonably be tied to the specific memory, we tend to be pretty sure it is genuinely a memory. Most recently these have also only come up via flashbacks that have made alters become incredibly self-destructive and distressed to a degree that has only ever happened with uncovering of horrific trauma memories before.

Again we cannot tell you anything that will be 100% accurate. This is something that is incredibly personal and should be talked over with a professional. Additionally be careful because there are some bad professionals who think ALL ramcoa is delusion because they reject the reality of of ramcoa existence blatantly. Make sure it is someone who is properly trauma informed just as much as you need them to be informed on delusions and delusional disorders to make sure they don't just fully ignore that either.

Adhd really is like... bedroom is slightly messy it would be nice to tidy it some

bedroom is very messy I really should tidy up

bedroom is chaotic I NEED to tidy but my brain says no. Why. Whyyy.

I guess I’ll just have to watch where I step in here for the rest of my life. The mess is everywhere. I’m one with the mess.

A sudden Need to Clean™ makes you get the room looking like some fancy homes magazine cover, and you think “I’ll never ever let it get that bad again, and then...

bedroom is slightly messy (uh oh)

Hello! I keep looking for resources on how to know if you've experienced DBMC but a lot of what I've read so far is confusing or really detailed in what drugs are used but not the aftermath effects for a person who has experienced DBMC.

We're already a C-DID system questioning HC-DID after a subsystem of alters accidentally gave us vague memories that imply DBMC. Could you maybe give insight into what a person would experience after DBMC aside from having alters that behave drugged? Thank you!

There are a few studies about this but most of them are about the drug itself. I will continue by pulling from our own experiences and nothing else.

The effects on alters depend on the substance used and for what. Some drugs aid relaxation, some worsen anxiety or pain, some are hallucinogens, and so on. Perps can use these substances in addition to torture, instead of it, or as their own application.

Narco progs are often done with something to sedate the fronter. This could be a drug made for sleep, a medication known to cause that side effect, an allergen that knocks them out after exposure. One purpose can be achieved with whatever they have on hand, and some perps are specific and educated when it comes to DBMC.

Awake progs are the opposite, some kind of stimulant effect. Progs can be mood centric, specific or broad behaviors, anything. Depending on an alter’s use, they may be kept in a substance-specific state as their baseline or be cues into it.

Betas may be constantly bubbly, lacking impulse control, unable to encode memories. Thetas may be cued into trance or out-of-body experiences. Both of these can be done primarily or entirely with substances.

Conditioning could look more like a torture-based route, with a repetitive cue and a release of dopamine upon completion. When drugs are used like torture, they may cause pain that will be stopped upon finishing the task.

The aftereffects of DBMC are different depending on what exactly was done. It can look like alters perpetually in a state, alters with barely any memory of the state, most of the possibilities for TBMCed alters.

This didn’t feel helpful to write, but idk if I can do any better. If you have a slightly different question or something else entirely, I can try again another way. Good luck y’all!

I’ve been having a bit of a rough time the past couple weeks so I’ve decided to make a self care post of things I do when I’m feeling crappy for other people going through a rough time!

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious then breathe in slowly and deeply for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds, then breathe out slowly for 8 seconds and repeat til you feel calmer. I’ve been told this way of breathing makes your heart rate slow down. It’s helped me not have panic attacks before

Drink water drink water DRINK WATER!!! Honestly a lot of the time when my body is feeling crappy, I just have been drinking enough water (if you struggle getting yourself to drink water then try getting flavor packets to put in it, it’ll make you more likely to want to drink it if it tastes good)

If you’re stuck in one of those vicious cycles of feeling sick because you haven’t eaten and then not eating because you feel sick, then seriously just force yourself to eat a piece of bread or toast or saltine crackers, even if it’s just a few bites. It’ll seriously help you feel just better enough to stomach eating more things a little bit later

Sprite helps settle upset stomachs (this is my go to method for car sickness)

Coca Cola can help with migraines

If you’re congested take hot showers or boil some water, place a towel over your head and lean over the pot breathing in the steam

If you have phlegm in your throat, gargle salt water, it can help clear it out. Doing this consistently for a few days is really helpful

If you’re feeling under the weather at all then drink orange juice or take vitamin c tablets or gummies, vitamin c boosts your immune system

If you’re about to have a panic attack find something physical to focus on or ask someone to bring you something if you can’t yourself. Something that you can feel is a very good option like an icecube to hold or a cold water bottle to press against your face

Drinking cold water when on the verge of a panic attack or coming away from one is helpful too, the sensation of cold water going down your throat can be very calming

If you don’t have anything like those around you then try to list things you can hear or see. Also physical movements can keep you grounded, this is especially helpful if you have someone to talk you through it. Start by rolling your wrists, then flex and unflex your fingers, try doing this with individual fingers, and alternate between these, even adding in more things like rolling your head or shoulders

If you’re feeling lightheaded, especially if you think you might pass out then sit down and put your head between your knees for a while

If you’re going through a depressive episode, if you can’t muster up their energy or motivation for anything else, at least go outside for a few minutes even if you’re in your pajamas. The sunlight and fresh air will help immensely. If you can’t then at least open your window

Open your windows periodically to freshen the air in your room

When you’re feeling crappy take showers! Even if you have to drag yourself in there and just sit in the tub with the water raining down on you, even if you can’t find the motivation to wash your hair (you can even just tie it up and out of the way) just get yourself in there, it’ll do you a world of good to feel at least a little more hygienic

Along these same lines, brush your teeth! Even if that means doing it for half the time you should or even without toothpaste. One of my roommates even just kept a toothbrush on her nightstand and on bad depression days she’d brush with that, where she could do it in bed

Get dressed! Don’t spend all day in your pjs! Even if it’s just changing into sweats or other comfy clothes! Do it! And take the time to dress up nice for yourself once in a while!

If you have any motivation at all for it, clean your room!!! Even if this means just picking up one item of clothing or throwing something on the floor away, it’s a million times better than nothing and you’ll feel better for it even if just a bit

Anyways, I love you all! Take care of yourselves! If you ever need advice or someone to talk to I’m here for you! I love and appreciate all of you! I’m proud of you for everything you’ve accomplished even if it’s just getting yourself out of bed!

Thank you for running this blog. I was held in troubled teen industry facilities for all of my teenagerhood, and am severely traumatized as a result, and it's been extremely hard to find words to describe what I went through to other systems or to trauma therapists.

It feels "too much", like there's no way this could all have happened to me, and I've been accused of lying about the organized abuse that went on there. Sometimes it feels almost like i AM lying, though I know I'm not.

Although feeling like I have "too much" trauma is something that I have to continue working on personally, I want to say thank you for pointing me in the direction of a framework that I can research and use that fits me more than any other one I've seen before.

I wish that none of us went through the horrors we went through, but I'm glad that there's a community out there and people talking about the things that have affected me. Thank you again for what you do running this blog.

Before anything else — thank you. This is an incredibly kind message and I'm really glad that you could find solace in this blog. I aim to provide resources that may not be (physically or emotionally) acessible otherwise, and highlight lesser-discussed aspects of RAMCOA.

The troubled teen industry is definitely part of the wider picture of organized abuse, and I wish it was put in that context more. Unfortunately, most discussions of RAMCOA focus on early childhood manifestations, and situations primarily focused on adolescents, adults, seniors aren't as referenced. Basically, the older the victim, the less likely it is to be included in definitions of RAMCOA; which is a shame, because those perspectives are crucial. Abusive care homes & inpatient facilities, prisons, and yes, troubled teen facilities are all forms of organized abuse in my mind, but the strong correlation with pedophile rings and cults has... Alienated? Many people from describing their experiences as OA.

I totally understand the feeling of having "too much trauma", and I feel like many survivors in general, not just ones of RAMCOA, can relate to that sentiment. "It's just too unlikely for all these things to have happened," I'll say to myself, "I must be exaggerating." Something that's helped me is the idea that some predators can smell blood in the water, and if all you know is hardship, it's hard to break out of hardship. Experiencing layers of trauma isn't... Rare, and you're not lying about it.

Once again, thank you. If you need any resources specific to the troubled teen industry, let me know. There's not a ton of research on it in the context of RAMCOA like I said, but I'm sure I'll find something of use.

Wishing you a gentle and fulfilling recovery. Aisling

I am just going to say this outright and bare with me until the last paragraph. The idea that "the few people who are faking this disorder aren't actually hurting real people with DID or taking away resources" is demonstrably false. I check around sometimes for other people looking for dissociative specialists and ever since ~2019/8, if I call and ask a therapist if they have experience with DID their questions are "does this person spend a lot of time on social media" and "have they actually been diagnosed with DID before." I've met therapists who took their dissociation specialty off of their websites because they kept getting tons of calls from people who were seeking a diagnosis and they could not keep up.

This trend where large amounts of people are claiming to have RAMCOA and polyfragmentation within the past few years, which a significantly smaller number of specialists believe in and treat, IS going to detrimentally affect survivors even quicker and harder than general DID where there are a larger amount of people involved both professionally and not. I called this a few years ago that sometime in the future polyfragmentation would be commonly considered a "fake marker" (just as prior community trends turned into "fake markers" like introjects and kid parts) and that's already started.

We need to be able to talk about community issues like this from a practical perspective for people who need those resources, without it turning into a validation discussion or a discussion about malingering or pointless discourse. We need to step away from "shoulds"--yes it is true that practitioners should not let these things affect their overall care, but it does and simply saying it should not be that way doesn't fix anything. We need practical discussions that say "We are at this point. Now what?"

Feel free to reblog for sample size & add comments in the tags.

RAMCOA stands for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, & Organized Abuse.