What Counts As TBMC?

Feel free to reblog for sample size & add comments in the tags.

RAMCOA stands for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, & Organized Abuse.

what are the first steps you would recommend for someone who thinks they may have gone through RA/OA/RAMCOA?

Here's some tips that I and others have recommended. I want to emphasize that I am not a professional, just a survivor with experience and some research under my belt. What helped me may not be what helps you.

Track! Your! Symptoms! This is the best advice I can give you. RAMCOA is all about repetition and patterns, and being able to look at reoccurring symptoms on specific dates, times, triggers, etc. can give you a clue into what happened. If you are a system/pwDID/pwOSDD, see if certain alters/parts show up in specific ways too.

Do not try to figure it all out now. Don't overanalyze everything, don't obsess over every detail, don't scour your system (if you have one) for information. You will not learn everything right away. If you did experience RAMCOA, you may experience some severe internal retaliation for pushing too hard, and no one deserves to be hurt. It's a hard lesson to learn; everyone wants to solve all the mysteries as fast as they can, but it's infeasible.

Similarly, don't overload yourself with external information. It's almost compulsive at first, the want to research and explore the topic, but that can create some issues. You can end up triggering yourself (RAMCOA related or general trauma related), accidentally mess with your own memories, and you won't retain much at first. I'd recommend only baby steps at first when it comes to research, and specifically overview sites and not journal articles or case studies. Give yourself a break. It's scary and stressful to go through all of it.

Don't worry about the lingo yet, either. RAMCOA survivors use a lot of specific terminology and I promise, if you choose to, you'll learn it in time. You can also ask here or other blogs about what stuff like "screen memories" or "CSEC" or "Beta" mean. It's unfortunately a big barrier to entry with these communities but don't stress too much about it.

Find community. A lot of spaces for RAMCOA survivors are specifically welcoming to unsure folk, and encourage questions and discussions. If you come off anon/DM, I can guide you to spaces (primarily private Discord servers) that are run by knowledgeable people who aren't old conspiracy theorists, as it seems most spaces these days are.

What you remember may be confusing, contradictory, outlandish, or downright impossible; this doesn't mean you're faking or a liar. Abusers are known to mess with their victims memories, and this goes double during RAMCOA. Costumes, stage magic, film or music, and flat out lies are all in the toolkit. Additionally, factors like dissociation, (often forced) substance use, dehydration & hunger, lack of sleep, etc. can warp memories. Don't take what you recall at face value, but don't throw it away, either. "Crazy" memories are often substitute beliefs or smokescreens that when re-examined, tell a "more true" story. And it's okay if it turns out you didn't experience RAMCOA at all. You're not faking our a liar in that case, either.

Our story was different than most; instead of suddenly remembering trauma, we always knew we experienced what we did, we just didn't have the words for it. (Especially since our situation uncomfortably straddled the line of "too organized to be considered 'normal' CSA, but not organized enough to be considered a formal group whatsoever".) We found that communities online have been a lifesaver in navigating our past, present, and future as survivors.

Take care! Aisling

Read an article about repressed anger and I'm kinda just messed up because I checked all 15 boxes.

Here's 15 signs you may have repressed anger:

1. You are busy all the time. Keeping busy is a sure fire way to have no time to feel things. This might include being quite codependent, taking care of other people’s issues instead of your own. And it often includes being a workaholic.

2. You are never angry but have constant mild depression. The problem with blocking one emotion is that it often messes up or blocks our ability to feel other emotions, too, like joy and excitement. It also takes a lot of psychological energy to keep things repressed in our minds which can leave us feeling drained, leaving some to call depression ‘anger turned inwards’.

3. You are known for your sarcastic humour.Repressed anger often parades as sarcasm, meanness, or an apathetic ‘I don’t care’ attitude.

4. You self-sabotage often. Perhaps you are always late getting to work, are a student who skips classes, or don’t respond to opportunities you want until it’s too late and you’ve missed the boat.

5. You hate rejection. The habit of repressing anger often stems from growing up in a household where showing emotion led to being silently ostracised. This can leave you a grownup with a deep fear of being rejected that surfaces in your relationships. It can also show up in your work environment, where you might get told you are oversensitive to criticism.

6. Little things really bother you. Perhaps you are the one in the office always complaining if someone puts back the milk carton into the fridge with only a drop left in it, or the one at the gym who feels really upset if someone doesn’t wipe down equipment they have used. This is because bigger repressed anger is seeking an outlet and it comes out in the form of frustration and annoyance.

7. You suffer muscle tension. Anger has to go somewhere, and often it goes to our body, leading to a tense jaw, sore upper back, or a constant tense stomach that can lead to ulcers (if this is you, you might want to try progressive muscle relaxation).

8. You suffer from ongoing fatigue, many colds or flu, or perhaps chronic pain. As well as muscle tension repressed anger can lead to anxiety, which affects sleep, which then lowers your immune system. As for chronic pain, some specialists believe that psychogenic pain (physical pain caused or exacerbated by mental and emotional factors) can be a distraction to keep oneself away from repressed emotions, although this is still considered a controversial theory.

9. You have nervous habits. Things like nail biting, chewing the inside of your mouth, orpicking at your skin can all be signs of repressed anger.

10. You struggle with addictive behaviour. It doesn’t have to be drugs or alcohol. It might be that you are a shopaholic, a love addict, an over-exerciser, or a food addict. Addiction is often a way to distract ourselves from things that feel painful, and if we are in pain over something, we are often very angry about it, too.

11. You need to be in control of your life. If we are controlling emotions, it can lead to a desire to also control our exterior environment.

12. You’ve been accused of being passive aggressive. Passive aggression happens when instead of expressing our anger directly we do it indirectly. This can include things like being nice to someone’s face but gossiping about them behind their back, or telling a partner we aren’t angry about something important like how they spent the month’s budget but calling them lazy for not putting the rubbish out.

13. You have trouble saying no. As healthy anger is what leads us to set boundaries, never showing anger often means never saying no or even realising that you can.

14. On the rare occasion you do get upset, it tends to be a blowout. You might only get properly upset once a year, but it tends to be explosive and something others live in fear of. This is what happens when there is a build up of emotions.

15. You feel happy all the time, just pure peace and love. This kind of belief about oneself generally points to some deep-rooted denial. The human mind and emotional system is not one-sided. Nobody feels great all the time. If we did, we’d never learn anything, as we grow from being challenged and by contrast – which includes not always liking what other people do and say.

♡ DID/OSDD Positivity! ♡

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - alters been quiet for a while?  *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - nonhuman alters? *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - trans alters? *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - little alters? *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - fictive heavy systems? *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - alters acting similar to the host? *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - all persecutors are *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ -  all protectors/caregivers are *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ -  all trauma holders are *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - your trauma is *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - your disorder is *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

MARCH 2022

Read:

Changing Your Mind Can Make You Less Anxious

Life in the Stacks: A Love Letter to Browsing

Excerpt from We Learn Nothing, by Tim Kreider

World wide open (How deep brain stimulation changes a person’s sense of confidence)

How to gain more from your reading

Assertiveness is a virtue that anyone can develop with practice

Lies and honest mistakes

The Pandemic Did Not Affect Mental Health the Way You Think

The invisible addiction: is it time to give up caffeine?

Curiosity Depends on What You Already Know

“Get Me Off Your Fucking Mailing List” is an actual science paper accepted by a journal

Imagine you could insert knowledge into your mind: should you?*

Want to know, even if it hurts? You must be a truth masochist

Mental disorders are brain disorders - here’s why that matters

Forget morality

Unlocking the ‘gut microbiome’ - and its massive significance to our health

Our Little Life Is Rounded with Possibility

In praise of habits - so much more than mindless reflexes

How Social Media Shapes Our Identity

The Forgotten Women of the Antibiotics Race

Diagnosis as Detective Work: Lisa Sanders and the Art of Not Knowing

Do Brain Implants Change Your Identity?

The Promise and the Peril of Virtual Health Care

Adam Savage on Lists, More Lists, and the Power of Checkboxes

What We Get Wrong About Joan Didion

How to find focus

Biotechnology Greed Is Prolonging the Pandemic. It’s Inexcusable.

Why some of the smartest people can be so very stupid

In praise of possibility

Empathy is, at heart, an aesthetic appreciation of the other

‘I Can’t Stop Trying to Be Perfect!’

Reports of a Baleful Internet Are Greatly Exaggerated

How to Unlearn a Disease

Can Reading Make You Happier?

Expert by Roger Kneebone

Watched:

Vaccines & Freedom

Succession - The Toxic Culture of Success

the problem with plastic surgery

L to the OG: How Succession Uses Music**

Peaky Blinders (S6)

Dopesick

Listened To:

I’m still going round the same playlist as last month

Went To:

Life Through A Royal Lens @ Kensington Palace

Swan Lake @ Royal Opera House

my depression tips:

* whenever you go to the bathroom, try to do one hygiene task like brushing your teeth, moisturising or washing your face, bc ur already in there so you might as well

* leave out clothes in the bathroom so if u feel like you have the energy to shower you don’t have to waste time on picking out clothes, you can just get straight in

* if u wanna shave but you don’t have the energy, u can get an electric shaver and shave in bed, you won’t get as much hair off but it still does something

* get some of those one time use, water free toothbrushes and keep some next to ur bed, and use some water and any empty bowl or container to spit the toothpaste into. you can also keep a mini mouthwash next to your bed

* for food, try to get ready made meals and frozen meals. i keep a mini fridge in my room with drinks and snacks so if i can’t make it down to the kitchen i have something to fuel my body with

* if u can’t clean your room, make a list in order of priority (mine is floor, bed and surfaces) and whenever you feel like u can or u get a random burst of energy, just do a little bit

* keep a waterbottle next to your bed, and if you have clean tap water refill it whenever you go to the bathroom. i usually use fizzy water and squash so i feel like i’m drinking soda but it’s much healthier

* if u can’t get out of bed but wanna feel more clean, change your underwear and your shirt, then use some dry shampoo and wipes on ur armpits and sweaty areas

* if u have pets, make them a priority bc they need you to live, and they care about you so much, so spending time with them will make u feel better and loved

* if u can’t brush ur hair, don’t tie it up bc it will turn into a rat’s nest and you just don’t wanna have to deal with that. even detangling it with your fingers is better than nothing. also braiding it will protect it

* if u can’t sleep, lying still and closing your eyes still is rly good rest, and if u don’t wanna be alone with your thoughts you can listen to a podcast (any true crime or mythology ones are my fave)

* buy multiple pairs of ur comfort outfits so you always have something you want to wear to change into

* try to get up and open your window to air your room out of the smell, incense also works well to cover it

* to keep you entertained, here are some ideas:

* listen to ur fave songs, podcasts or an audiobook

* browse some social medias (tiktok, reddit and tumblr are my faves)

* join a discord server and just kinda idle on that and watch ppl chat

* play a mindless game on ur phone or if u have a handheld device like a switch (on my phone i love life is strange and on my switch i’ve been playing legend of zelda: breath of the wild)

* read some fanfics on ur phone (all the young dudes is a must read)

* kids activity books of ur fave fandoms are rly fun

* read some webtoons (heartstopper is amazing)

* watching a game play through on youtube (minecraft and skyrim ones are my faves)

* rewatching ur comfort movies or watching some funny cartoons

* if u have a laptop, download sims and play that

hey there! if you dont mind me asking, what does programmed mean coming from a traumagenic system? ive only ever seen endos use that one so im curious what it means to someone who Legitimately has DID. /gen thank you! :-)

Hi, I'll answer this the best I can.

Programmed means that someone has undergone trauma programming. It's not exclusive to dissociative systems either - a singlet can also be programmed.

If you've been trauma programmed it just means that somebody has purposely used a more "organised" form of abuse to change or control you, and it leaves an imprint on who you are.

In systems this can mean having alters who behave in a way / have an identity that suits an abuser's preference, but it can also be done to singlets in small ways such as an abuser programming you to have a phobia of something.

But essentially, it's when an abuser has purposely used abuse and/or stressors to change the way you think or behave.

Honestly I don't know how an endo could claim to be trauma programmed bc that would mean they're not endogenic. To be programmed you literally have to undergo immense trauma that's how it works. But that's what it means anyway.

- Leo

Can you explain what a shell alter is and what their purpose is? /gen

Shell alters are a dissociated system member who is fronting all the time, or almost all the time. They often lack elaboration. Shells work as an interface between the rest of the system & the outside world by never leaving front, and having the rest of the system either blending with them temporariality or being forced into co-consciousness. This serves a few purposes; make the system more covert, mask inter-switch amnesia, blunt or filter out emotions/urges/etc. from the rest of the system, and more. It's uncommon, but there can be multiple shells one system, serving different subroles.

In some cases of OSDD-1a, the shell is the "unified" identity. Think like, if the system is made up of "angry Sarah", "scared Sarah", "work Sarah", etc., that shell would be the "Sarah" identity.

They're most commonly seen in OSDD-1a, but can come up in other forms of multiplicity, like DID, but typically when RAMCOA is in the picture. Although it can be daunting, healing with a shell is possible. You can reached out to them, they can be integrated, they gain more elaboration, etc etc. Whatever healing path works for you.

We don't have a shell, but I'm sure some pwDID/OSDD on this hellsite (affectionate) have talked about their experiences with them more in depth. There isn't a ton of research on them — many sites point to Alison Miller's books, but there's no actual like, raw data, just summations of what's she's found in her practice/case studies — so take that as you will.

Each shell is a different, and different systems may use slightly different definitions. Hopefully this was a good overview. -Aisling

Question, would maladaptive daydreaming about the torture also, counties as creative expression of the trauma? Also, please stop calling us out/j

On expression of trauma in childhood through creative means

(CW/TW: Abuse, Torture, Trafficking, etc.)

I've seen lots of survivors of various kinds of abuse, particularly RAMCOA, post recently about how either one of the first signs they were abused in that way, or something they rediscovered/recalled later on, was that during childhood they often re-enacted traumatic scenarios or scenarios similar through games, or playground role-playing. Expression of trauma and abuse through creative means is very common in childhood - scientifically, it's more difficult for anyone to express their trauma through verbal means than it is through art, or etc, and this is the basis for art & play therapies commonly used with children and younger patients. It's a recognised phenomenon in psychology that there are certain markers in children's art for trauma, as it alters one's self perception to go through these experiences, especially in youth. So, in reference to RAMCOA/OEA in particular - recreating these situations in childhood games is perfectly normal, and if you feel this is an experience that resonates with you, you're not at all alone.

RAMCOA changes one's perception of what is normal, and intentionally so, and so to see a child express this through games which would ordinarily be much more domestic - like playing house, whereas a survivor might reenact a scene of torture, or an imagined trafficking ring - is a child survivor expressing a scenario which is normal for them without having to acknowledge it verbally through any means. This extends again to art, and writings, etc - if you look back on the "ordinary" parts of your childhood, and feel the trauma bleeds into those regardless, this is perfectly normal. Even if you feel that at the time you shouldn't have known about those things, or that you didn't see them with nearly the weight that they should have carried - all of this is okay. Everyone works things out at their own pace. All of us survived.

— Muse

Here are some resources on childhood trauma expression through art:

Psychology Today

When Trauma Happens, Children Draw: Part I

When trauma happens, children draw.

Frontiers

Children’s drawings as a projective tool to explore and prevent experiences of mistreatment and/or sexual abuse

Reality shows us that situations of mistreatment and sexual abuse in childhood are still seldom visible, despite their high prevalence aroun

Trans Ramcoa

I dont want to make this a habit however, when looking for terms to reclaim, I came across a post that made me recoil in disgust. @ cincinique made a post defending the not reclaimed term Trans Ramcoa and I would like to bring this to people attention so they can block the people interacting with this post and defending this term. I would like this to be perfectly clear, if you use the term Trans-Ramcoa or similar Trans-id terms, you are:

Defending Child pornography

Romanticizing Child Prostitution

Romanticizing the torture of Children

Defending Child rapists

YOU. ARE. BORDERLINE. PEDOPHILIC.

Not in a million years will these people understand what we went through as a child, all the abuse and torture we experienced at the hands of the people who were supposed to love us. To call this a kink, to say its just you being "kinky" is you getting off to the idea of child torture. You calling this a kink is you pushing people into dangerous situations were they will be abused and tortured. What you post matters. What you do matters. Do not make your legacy online supporting child rape and child torture.