I Finally Got Enough Motivation To Do A Thing \o/ Credits For Sirenhead Design Go To @slimyswampghost

死ぬ気で /all the time /

Kaneki and Touka: Parallel Journeys, Part 3

Link to First Part here.

Link to Second Part here.

Touka’s Self-Reconciliation

When we meet Touka again, 3 years later, she practically glows with human kindness.

Thankfully, her feelings of impotence have not convinced her to erase the admirable human side she had been developing, because she has had the support of the remainders of Anteiku and their hybrid viewpoint. And since that is a hybrid viewpoint, the Ghoul side of her has resurfaced as well, as we find out at the end of the Tsukiyama Family Extermination arc.

Her re-acceptance of her Ghoul self is reflected through the regrowth of her kakuhou and being able to use her kagune again. But while she has brought herself to kill people again, it is not a revenge killing, as it was with Kusaba, but a commitment to violence in order to save a friend. Like Yoshimura before her, she is peaceful when she can be, but when a friend is endangered, she’s willing to fight. A true spiritual Half-Ghoul; something she proves again when she helps rescue Hinami from Cochlea.

And the symbol of this reconciliation is her creation of :re. As Tsukiyama points out, it is a second Anteiku; a second symbol of human nature and Ghoul nature co-existing. And just as Yoshimura created Anteiku as a home for the prodigal Half-Ghoul close to his heart, Touka created :re as a home for the prodigal Half-Ghoul close to hers.

Kaneki’s Self-Reconciliation

Kaneki’s struggle to reconcile his two selves, however, is still ongoing. At the end of the first series, in Kaneki’s mind his Ghoul self comes into direct contact with his Human self, and the Ghoul realises what a great mistake he’s made in abandoning the Human. But the Human sees the virtue in the Ghoul self as well. 

They embrace, and they fade away together, to merge into one.

To merge into Haise, whose hair is both black and white to symbolise the co-existence of the two selves. As Haise, he seems, like Touka, to have mastered this balance. Simultaneously, a kind and gentle soul…

…And someone who is willing to fight when it’s called for, especially when it’s to protect his loved ones.

However, the transformation is not yet complete. Haise still fears sliding back full-swing into the Ghoul World, reluctant to use his kagune. Rather than his two selves being in union, they are fighting for dominance. He sees his past self as the demonic figure in Yamori’s chamber, and it frightens him.

The reason that he has adapted so badly compared to Touka is that the pain the Ghoul side of himself brought him was so extreme, he tried to shove it away entirely, locking away his memories. Being raised in the CCG with its strong prejudice against Ghouls only made his self-denial worse, to the point of crying when Urie calls him a Ghoul.

Touka equally fears Kaneki slipping back in the Ghoul World after seeing what it has done to him (and the own pain she felt because of it), and it’s her principal reason for not trying to bring back Haise’s memories. She believes him to be better off in this not-quite-there state, lest he regress dramatically (as indeed he later does).

(And of course Tsukiyama wants Kaneki back in the Ghoul World, because that’s where he is.)

But to Haise’s surprise, the mental image of the devil within changes into that of a child.

A white-haired child. The Ghoul self he was hiding from was as vulnerable as the human side he treasured. Haise re-examines his perspective, and seeks to understand the part of him he was suppressing. Beginning to understand the Ghoul inside of him is an important part of Kaneki’s development, but it takes him to darker places before brighter.

The confrontation with Eto, the reflection of himself - the Half-Ghoul who strayed from Anteiku into the Ghoul World to fix the world herself - brings Kaneki to a crucial revelation about himself.

Kaneki had always believed that the Ghoulish side within him was something that came about with the implantation of Ghoul organs into his body; indeed he initially tried to carve them out in the hope it would make him human again. However, with the flood of recaptured memories, Kaneki remembers that his life characterised by violence had begun long before that. He had been in the ‘Ghoul World’ even when he was human. The stream was poisoned from the source, and there was no escaping what he saw as his tragic fate - so he embraces it, seeking to at least do something positive with his Ghoul abilities before he can destroy the violent monster he so detests for good.

The white-haired child had represented the major memory Kaneki had been suppressing all along, an ability he possessed that was foreshadowed by the existence of Haise. It represented that he had his Ghoul nature even when he was a child - as foreshadowed by the ‘Black Goat’s Egg’, suitably written by his doppelganger - and so, though it is red in actuality, in the monochrome style of manga, his hair turns black as he accepts the Ghoul as an irremovable part of himself. Black hair was the colour of his human self, but the Black Reaper is the most Ghoulish of Kaneki’s personas - it represents how the distinction in Kaneki’s mind has been utterly obliterated, and he can no longer see where the Ghoul ends and the human begins. 

This destruction of the boundaries could be a positive thing for his character, if he didn’t despise himself for it. His hatred for himself is symbolised by slicing his doppelganger in two - although, of course, she survives, and reforms, because the Ghoul within Kaneki cannot be destroyed so easily.

Another thing about doppelgangers; according to legend, when one first meets their doppelganger, death will soon follow. And that is exactly what Kaneki believes. But this is a conviction that is thrown off balance when Kaneki comes to interact with someone who has been a Ghoul since their birth, and who has dived into the human world as well. Someone who has managed to demolish the boundaries between her Ghoul and Human sides in a far healthier manner.

Though Kaneki believed himself to have been part of the Human World, his past was characterised by the Ghoul World in his mother’s abuse long before the attack by Rize. And although Touka believed herself to have been part of the Ghoul World, her past was characterised by the Human World in her father’s kindness long before she went to school. Seeing Touka again is what triggers Kaneki’s self-doubt over his initial goal. Seeing such a healthy specimen of Half-Ghoulness - having now seen her both kindly serving customers in :re and breaking into Cochlea to save Hinami - makes him start to question his self-hatred.

Then, in his mind he speaks with Hide, and recognises that the Hide he is talking to, urging him to live on and demonstrating Human kindness to the highest degree, is a mental conjuration. Which makes that Hide part of Kaneki’s own mind. And if that’s true, then Kaneki can be Human too, after all. Human and Ghoul - he’s always been both. So he doesn’t have to hate himself anymore.

His hair turns white once more to represent the new peace he has found with his Ghoul self, and to call back to the self-confidence and determination to change the world that the first Shironeki possessed. With Ghoulish hair and a Ghoulish eye, his face is lit up by a Human smile. He’s finally mastered the way of the Half-Ghoul.

And that is precisely what makes him the One-Eyed King.

And where does Kaneki wake up after all of this?

In :re, the home of the half-Ghoul.

Kaneki has finally returned to Anteiku.

Now both Kaneki and Touka have destroyed the boundaries between their two selves - also represented by the mixed membership of Goat between Anteiku, Aogiri, CCG, and independents - they have saved themselves, and now that they have saved themselves, they can save the world.

JUNJI ITO

-[laughs]

you wake and see this. you are unable to move from the fear...

complete the story if you want to ^~^

VAGABOND • TAKEHIKO INOUE pt.2

jojo’s bizarre masterpost

manga

phantom blood (colored, black & white)

battle tendency (colored, black & white)

stardust crusaders (colored, black & white)

diamond is unbreakable (colored, black & white)

vento aureo (colored, black & white)

stone ocean (colored, black & white)

steel ball run (colored, black & white)

jojolion (colored, black & white)

the jojolands

anime

phantom blood + battle tendency 

stardust crusaders (volume 1, volume 2)

diamond is unbreakable 

vento aureo

stone ocean (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3)

spin off manga

thus spoke rohan kishibe (colored, black & white)

under execution, under jailbreak

light novels 

over heaven

the book: 4th another day

purple haze feedback

jorge joestar

ovas

stardust crusaders (1993)

stardust crusaders (2000)

thus spoke rohan kishibe 

Hah! Yeah I’m dying inside but you know what, music helps. So here’s my continuation of my top JoJo music references. I considered adding in Joshu’s Nut King Bolt, cuz Nat King is goals but maybe next time.

If you don’t know what the stargazer one is, it’s sung by Dio’s namestake, and the song literally describes the Polnareff stair scene and the ability to stop time.

Parts: 1, 2, 3, & 4

autophobia.