Hold On Hold On Wait A Minute

One of the most frustrating things about being ADHD is the way hyperfixations and skill levels work.

So I, an ADHD person, will get obsessed with A Thing. I will research, I will practice. I'll check out library books, watch YouTube videos, seek out podcasts, all to learn everything I can about The Thing.

Thiat Thing is often a skill or hobby. Painting, writing, candlemaking, baking, mixology, tea blending.

But the thing with ADHD is that you'll be obsessed with it only to a certain skill level. Something where all the mystery is gone. It's not as fun once the learning part is over and it's just boring practice to get better.

Then abruptly, you'll lose interest and move to another fixation.

That skill level you've earned may be higher than your average person with a passing interest. But it's also lower than someone who specializes in said thing, who has put in those hard hours of practice and work.

So you start just forming this miscellaneous collection of things that you're good enough at to earn some praise, but still leave you feeling like you're just never *quite* good enough at anything because you can't just choose anything.

And you want to pick a Thing. To find Your Thing. The thing that fits, that you can finally excel at. But you just can't seem to.

Love it when my brain makes me feel like i dont fit/ belong anywhere.

are u ever sick w longing. and i don't just mean romantic longing. i mean longing for a place you barely get to see, longing for friends you no longer have, longing for feelings you might have left behind in your childhood, longing for creativity, longing for a rich and more expansive life, longing for less inhibition. longing for more passion. longing for ur life to be so incandescent w something it thaws all the frost in ur bones. are u ever so consumed w it it rends ur heart in two. do u understand me

How did you do the booooo boop

Honestly I'm not sure, maybe it just does it randomly?

Oh—(⁠灬⁠º⁠‿⁠º⁠灬⁠)⁠♡

Update: I called again and got a referral for a therapist :)

Anxiety is soooo cool, I called my providers mental health line to finally get some help and as soon as an actual person started to pick up I panicked and hung up.

This floating around my group chat as a reaction pic.

not enough fucked up little freak animals in the barbie movie. not enough busted ass capital-c Creatures. barbie god's™ mistakes.