“Mr. Gavin! Mr. Gavin! Over Here!” 📸

look man the swords great i love swords too but its clearly not working for you

[ID 1: Ace Attorney characters drawn over a twitter screenshot. The tweet, from user hoshiumisexy, reads “i had a roommate who was a blacksmith and he kept a sword under his bed and just had knives lying around. one time he got cut by his sword and we had to take him to the ER and he was so smug because the doctor was like “that was a really really sharp knife it cut so cleanly.” In the corner of the tweet, Athena Cykes and Simon Blackquill’s faces are doodled. Athena looks exasperated and has her mouth open to speak. Simon has his eyes closed and is humming with a smug grin. ID 2: A two-panel comic, featuring flat-color Ace Attorney characters on a red-to-grey gradient background. In the first panel, Simon Blackquill, shown from the chest up, brandishes his sword and gestures to it with his free hand. He smugly speaks a text post by tumblr user yourhourisup, which reads, “while you were attending therapy i was studying the blade.” The back of Athena’s head is visible and shows anime sweat-drops. In the second panel, Athena is visible from the chest up and Simon is visible from the waist up. Athena puts her hand on Simon’s shoulder. She looks concerned. Simon now looks annoyed and confused as he lowers his sword, the hand that was previously gesturing clenched into a fist. He speaks tumblr user yourhourisup’s follow-up post, adding, “what do you mean i need better coping mechanisms.” /End ID]

it’s foolproof!

[ID1: A one-panel comic featuring white characters on a gray-to-blue gradient background, with light blue shading. It depicts Apollo Justice and Clay Terran from Ace Attorney. Apollo is hunched over a legal bench, expression frustrated and forearms braced against the wood. He glares over at Clay as he says through gritted teeth, “Me as a lawyer: ‘now why the fúck would my client do that’.” (screenshot of twitter user Str0ka) Clay is behind the witness stand. He pokes his pointer fingers together in front of himself, sticking his tongue out in a smiling expression with closed eyes. He is blushing slightly and going “hehe.” ID2: A one-panel comic featuring Clay Terran from Ace Attorney, colored with flats on a bright blue gradient background. He is wearing his astronaut suit without the helmet. He grins proudly and gestures with one hand, the Hat-1 capsule under his other arm. Sparkles are next to his face. He announces, “My favorite thing to do before executing a risky maneuver is to loudly proclaim to anyone nearby that ‘I’m young, I’m fantastic, and I’m never gonna die’. This is firstly to pump myself up, secondly because if I succeed I’ll be proven right in front of an audience, and thirdly because it is the funniest possible thing to say immediately before being horrifically mangled in a completely dumbfuck sort of way.” (screenshot of tumblr user teaboot) /End ID]

Ace Attorney Lawyers Ranked By Their Abilities in Physical Combat

Winston Payne: I’m pretty sure the average Tumblr user could kill Winston Payne with their bare hands.

Sebastian DeBeste: Look, the only reason why this wimp ranks higher than Payne is because he is so sopping wet pathetic that there is a significant chance that his opponent will just start feeling bad about kicking his ass and punch themself in the face instead.

Klavier Gavin: While Klavier is a physically fit young man who is known to keep his cool in extreme situations, he is also a giant law-abiding nerd who has never thrown a punch at anything that isn’t an inanimate wall. It probably wouldn’t be that hard to shove this guy into a locker.

Miles Edgeworth: Look, Miles is an even bigger locker-worthy nerd than Klavier. Anytime anyone, friend or foe, suggests a violent solution he just gets freaked out and begs for them to follow procedures. And no AA Lawyer is more easily thrown off his rhythm and startled than he is. He might have some bulk under the magenta and frills (or at least some impressive leg muscles from climbing 12 flights of stairs every day for like seven years), but he has no idea or will to actually use them in a fight. However, he did try and stare down a man who was aiming a gun at his back that one time and managed to keep his cool throughout all of this.

So like, he’d probably talk a big game and try and intimidate his opponent into not engaging - but if that won’t work he will get his ass thoroughly whooped. And then he’d try to sue them, which is what his threats were about all along.

Apollo Justice: Actually a considerable step up in power-levels from the previous ones. Apollo might be smol, but he is Done With Your Shit and this gives him Strength. Not to mention that one time he successfully tanked an explosion. His famous Chords of Steel can also serve as a tactic to confuse or weaken his enemies.

Kristoph Gavin: Although he is primarily known for his schemes and poisoning, he did kill a man with a single blow to the forehead with a bottle, showing he does have some decent upper-body-strength to use in a fight. And being known as ‘the Coolest Defense in the West’ means he can keep his calm even during hectic combat. But he’s also very pretentious and his constant pontifications might just be the perfect opportunity for someone to smash his face in.

Blaise Debeste: Okay, look, is Blaise a scary tall man who successfully stabbed a woman to death with a candelabra and constantly carries around a deceptively-powerful lighter and has like, implied, motorcycle gang background? Yes. But also I think anyone who encounters Blaise Debeste face-to-face is overcome with such bloodlust rage that it might give them an edge in the battle against him.

Mia Fey: Mia ranks fairly high on the Battle Scale considering the one time she was faced with a violent altercation she just tried to escape and it… didn’t end well.

However, in the two times we get to play as her it’s also clear that she wants to Punch. All of the Things. While Apollo is fueled by being Done With Your Shit, Mia has righteous anger - so I think in a situation where she is actually prepared to do battle she would be able to throw a few decent punches. Also assuming we are talking about Mia while she was still alive, there’s also her Spirit Channeling powers to account for. While we’ve never seen them on screen, Maya told us they are “first rate” and I believe her. Maybe she could channel the spirit of a great warrior to try and get an edge in combat?

Manfred Von Karma: While he also has the same Bloodlust-Inducing-Factor as Blaise, and he does seem less physically fit even though they’re about the same age - I feel like his cane could do more serious damage than Blaise’s lighter. And he has that dangerous fucking Stun Gun on him to easily neutralize opponents. Plus, he did tank that one gunshot he got in the shoulder. Manfred’s opponents might have Rage on their side, but also you cannot underestimate the power of his sheer Spite.

Godot: On one hand, Godot has shown an ability to keep his cool in very dangerous situations. He can smash a coffee cup with his bare hands and barely react, showing that he’s decently strong and resilient to pain. And he is yet another proud (?) member of the exclusive “Lawyers With a Body Count Club”. And while stabbing a waifish, 155cm college student (and part time-poisoner) in the back isn’t exactly the most epic demonstration of battle prowess in the history of Anime Lawyers - he did it (and moved the body and doctored the crime scene and prosecuted in court) while tanking a knife slash in his face, showing his pain-resilience once again, as well as general tenacity that would also be useful in battle. Also, he can summon an infinite amount of hot coffee mugs at will, which must make for a decent improvised long-ranged attack.

On the other hand, his health is also heavily implied to be deteriorating and that he’s basically dying over the course of the final case… possibly due to all of that physical exhaustion. If a fight goes longer than just a single backstab, I feel like these health complications are gonna harm Godot’s performance.

Phoenix Wright: Okay, so this is actually the hardest one to place. I keep flip-flopping on where to put him, especially compared to Mia, and Apollo. Because unlike most other lawyers currently ranked below him, he is a disaster when it comes to being on the offensive; Phoenix Wright is a total wimp who has never returned a punch in his life. However, he is also almost supernaturally durable, unbelievably lucky and deceptively strong. If a solid iron door, a raging freezing river and a speeding car didn’t manage to take him down, what chance does a fellow human, even a more combat-capable one, have???

Calisto Yew: She’s not even a real-lawyer! She’s a Secret Spy who successfully pretended to be a Lawyer for years! She’s got a gun, she’s got a knife, she's got crossbow bolt as hair decorations, she probably has some combat training from her time in Interpol… While she’s clearly more specialized for espionage and infiltration, and not as physically strong as Lang, she’s still got an impressive advantage over most of the regular people who went to Law School. In fact, her skill with barefaced lies and manipulation might also be a skill she could use in a fight to catch her opponent off-guard.

Nahyuta Sahdmadhi: Nahyuta is, in fact, one of the few AA Lawyers to canonically participate in what I would unambiguously call a ‘fight’ (rather than a ‘murder’), when he single-handedly disarmed and apprehended a Defiant Dragon rebel in the sorta-canon ‘Spirit of Justice’ Prologue video.

Like, that rebel guy probably isn't the world's greatest warrior, but the Defiant Dragons have been around for enough time to give their members at least some basic self-defense/combat skills… more so than the average lawyer on this list at minimum. And Nahyuta very easily crab-stomped him. Showing that he has strong nerves, some amazing reflexes and the martial art skills to knock a man unconscious with a single blow. Not to mention the seemingly supernatural skills with his prayer beads, which he already uses as a sort of ‘weapon’ in court. Also that... thing he did to Apollo's bracelet that one time.

Nahyuta might be just straight-up Magic, that's pretty OP.

Franziska von Karma: Look, Franziska might not have official martial-arts, guns, or Literal Magic Powers - but what she does have is sheer determination and force or personality. Franziska von Karma has been intimidating grown men since she was a 149 cm tall 13 years old with a riding crop (I mean, one of those men was Miles, but still…..). She had once whipped Phoenix Wright into unconsciousness in a temper tantrum, and like I already mentioned that taking him down is quite a feat. She is also very resilient - while the shot to her shoulders was designed not to kill her, being up back on her feet doing investigation stuff a day after is still very impressive! Her whip might not be as dangerous as a sword or a gun, but she will not relent until she defeats you.

Simon Blackquill: Let me just give it to you straight, Simon Blackquill is 1.88 meter tall, he owns a katana and a trained attack-hawk (giving him both short range and far range advantage), he can break solid metal chains with his bare hands, he can cut your hair halfway across the room with a feather. Not to mention how he could probably use the whole psychological manipulation in battle to intimidate or goad his enemy. There’s not even a lot of funny or interesting points to bring up, he is literally an action movie character who just happens to also be a lawyer.

Athena Cykes: Athena Cykes is the strongest lawyer. One day, she’ll be stronger than whales. I believe in her.

after many years of being strong // may you have the chance to be gentle again

Investigations 2 official localization but at what cost?

WHOOOO GYAXAPOSTING

it wasnt a double dog dare klavier

these fuckass attorneys

mea culpa!

followed u & realized u’re a fellow fil! unless ph stands for something hnggghhh. may i pls request a nice floof sketch with klapollo and/or wrightworth? just them being cute together. have a nice dayyy labyu po hihi

- ◡̈ anon

hiiiii fellow fil 🥴 i've had these for a while now but they're still pretty recent so have my broadway actor apollo au and this other au where klapollo goes to my old highschool<3

wjhen did i draw this..