Dream Is Waiting...

"That cool untranslated indie gem you just found", a primer

IF YOU’RE READING THIS I NEED YOU to go to neocities.org and make an account.

It’s an emergency. Look. People are really getting into it now. Do you want to be the last kid on your block still depending on corporate social media for your self-actualization?

i saw a man with cerebral palsy who had top surgery, and lots of people saying he cant consent and assuming things and being ableist.

but the response from people ‘defending’ him was…

cerebral palsy is 100% physical and not mental

he doesnt have any kind of cognitive impairment

i even saw someone say ‘hes disabled not dumb’

i need help with consent, including medically, and theres nothing i want more than top surgery. im so worried about my future

this isnt just abled people, it comes from other disabled people a lot. most people who have been ableist to me have been disabled and use the fact theyre disabled as an excuse to be ableist to me. we need to do better to intellectually disabled people

when playing danmaku games, is it better to focus on your character or on the incoming projectiles?

you ideally develop a sense of spacial awareness for your character, kind of in the same way that you develop an awareness that makes it so you don't have to be entirely conscious of where the cursor is when you move to click something across your screen

as for projectiles, it's best to never focus on the projectile itself, but the empty space around it, so you can interpret the field less as "a wall of mass that will kill me" and more as "the shifting space where it is safe to move"

your life is not an optimization problem

I know we talk a lot about keep jumping on boxes, but I'm honestly so grateful for Joe hills' knife theory; a variation on spoon theory that says once you're out of spoons, you can choose to take knives instead in the knowledge that it will hurt later. and the number of times I've told myself 'ok let's take the knives' is so high that I've found it really helps to acknowledge it. Thanks, Joe

A Isma em BRASILEIRINHAS CUNTY:

a message to all the haters and losers: miau miau miau miau miau miau miau miau miaumiaumiau

just like going through the members of my family and my friend groups one by one, i can't think a single damn person i know who does not have a disability. ARFID. Autism. Metal rod in the spine. Arthritis. Cancer in remission. Long-term effects of repeated concussions. Bad back. Exhaustion. Crohn's. EDS. More Autism and ADHD. Migraines. Periods that lay them out for a week. Chronic depression. Alcoholism. Bipolar. Cataracts.

I do not know a single person who is not disabled, typically in multiple ways, and we all face increased disability as a natural consequence of aging. Literally every person on the planet becomes disabled on a long enough timeline. Yet we still talk about disability and organize around it as if it isn't social, economic, and contextual. people treat disability as an innate quality that some people have and some people do not have, and as if there is some large class of intrinsically abled people who are benefiting under capitalism and are withholding the fruits of their abilities from us or something.

i saw this post on twitter months ago that was like "I need people to understand that if you are in a relationship with a disabled person you are going to have to do more than them. you're not disabled and so you're going to have to do more of the work (around the house, logisticially, etc). that is what you owe them as an abled person."

and it just baffled me. because i have only ever seen disabled people in relationships with other disabled people, caring for one another in a stitched-together, messy web of interdependence and missed deadlines and dirty dishes and acceptance and love, not because disabled people are ontologically more generous than non-disabled people but because non-disabled people don't even actually exist.

the mythological abled person who can work a full time job, keep a clean home, do all the dishes, buy all the groceries, cook all the meals, run all the errands, stay on top of all the bills, carry everything, dash up the stairs, stand on their feet for hours, and have boundless energy without any mental consequences to that does not exist. it's an ideal created to oppress us all. it is an impossible standard the reification of which disables us all.

there is no one on this planet who is not disabled under capitalism and colonialism. there are only people who lack the class consciousness to recognize that they're disabled.

it's gonna have to be us taking care of one another. it's going to be the disabled caring for the disabled. it always will be that. that is the human condition.

the word slop is overgeneralised, generic and imprecise, applied with a minimum of analytical thought to anything the user categorises as low quality or beneath their consideration. its ubiquity neutralises the expression of individual taste or creative flair in describing what is objectionable, or even unremarkable, about the work to which it is applied. in this way the word slop itself is slop. be ever vigilant.

I always feel kind of uneasy when people who are apologizing say, "I don't even know who the person who did that was. They feel like a totally different person from who I really am."

Sweetie, I'm sorry, but you have to get to know that person. If this person you apparently detest on every level just occasionally hijacks your body and does something awful, your understanding of how and when and why that happens is essential to your ability to promise anyone else that they won't be on the receiving end of that.

It might sound a little backward, that the key to avoiding destructive behaviour is not forcibly repressing that detestable energy inside yourself. You can deny those feelings and force them into exile, but they're going to come back and take over sometime in the future when your defences are down.

If self-loathing actually got shit done, I'd still be in favour of it. Unfortunately, it's only good at satisfying emotions in the short run, so you can really feel like you're putting in serious effort. It's not a winning strategy if you want to genuinely change your behaviour or thought patterns or emotional responses.

Self-reflection is not supposed to be a lesson in flagellating yourself. It is more brutal and gentler, because it rakes over the twisted shards of what happened in your mind with the dispassion of an engineer assessing a bridge collapse and says, "What really happened here? How can we prevent it from happening again in the future?"

It's possible to get to know your shadow, but not be consumed by it. You could eventually feel able to turn over the rocks in your brain, and catalogue and understand all the things squirming beneath. The shame won't kill you.

And being able to understand your triggers and tells, spotting your brain taking off before it's completely left atmosphere, is an incredibly important part of that.