Self-Discipline Isn’t Always The Answer

Self-Discipline Isn’t Always the Answer

So I wasn’t really taught to brush my teeth every day as a kid. So I didn’t. I got to be an adult and realized “hmm teeth are expensive I need to start brushing them” and brushing my teeth twice a day has been on my actual to do list every single day of my college career. It’s a habit I needed to build.

Have I successfully done it? Absolutely not. I’m pretty good about doing it at least once a day, but some days it just doesn’t happen. It’s not that I forget usually, I just had some aversion I couldn’t figure out, until last week.

I’m at the grocery store, in the toothpaste aisle with my roommate, and I complain about how much I hate mint. I FUCKING HATE THE TASTE OF MINT. The taste and the smell, any kind of minty thing in any form, I HATE IT. But literally every “adult” toothpaste in the aisle was some type of minty disgusting nonsense. And my roommate was like “you know you could like get kids’ toothpaste? You like bubblegum right?”

And y’all, it was like the clouds parted. I got some strawberry bubblegum kids’ toothpaste. I brushed my teeth with it and it was a whole new experience. I have successfully brushed twice a day every day since, because the mental block I had towards it is gone!

I thought my lack of brushing was just a moral failing on my part; I was too lazy, too undisciplined, to build a good habit. But really? I just hate the taste of mint so much I didn’t want to brush my teeth.

This made me realize that when presented with a change you want to make, a habit you want to build, if you’re encountering resistance in yourself, you should lean into that resistance and really investigate what’s causing it, then work on accommodating that.

Say you hate washing dishes so they pile up and then you’re overwhelmed by how many you have to do. Why do you hate it? Deep down, what about it do you dislike? Is touching wet food super gross for you? Try thick rubber gloves while you’re washing. Does the sound of dishing clanking together grate your nerves? Do them with headphones in and turned up loud. Do you hate the smell? Light some candles, spray some air freshener.

Do these things instead of gritting your teeth and forcing yourself, then ultimately failing and getting discouraged by your “lack of self-discipline”

TL;DR: When a task is consistently hard for you, relying on self-discipline, forcing yourself, and gritting through doesn’t always work. Lean in and listen to your discomfort, and find what makes the task hard, then try to accommodate that. Also, mint toothpaste is gross.

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How to make and use a Coping Board

A coping board is used to help you keep yourself “on schedule” throughout your day. It can be used by people who have trouble doing “daily” tasks like showering, eating, or taking medication. It’s also beneficial to people who have trouble keeping track of what they’ve done that day due to mental health related memory problems. This is also beneficial to people who (like me) don’t have the energy to make daily to do lists because that task alone is pretty exhausting and depending on my mental state can be overwhelming. By having a set list of things already prepared, it makes my tasks less draining.

This is what a Coping Board is, a piece of cork board with short lists of things you want to or should be doing. I made my lists out of index cards, and I continue to add them as I have the energy or remember things I want to do. First, start with tasks you want to complete each morning

This is what my “morning” list looks like. As I complete each task, I move the pin from To Do to Done. This helps me keep track of what I have already done this morning and what I still would like to accomplish. You don’t have to do them in any particular order, it just so happens I did my first four in order today.

Next, make a list of things you’d like to do each night before you go to bed.

This is what my “nighttime” list looks like. I also reset my morning list as I complete my nighttime list, so its ready for me the next day.

You can also add other lists that pertain to you. For example, I have a very hard time keeping track of what day of the week it is, so I added a “day of the week” list.

Each morning when I wake up, I move the pin to the next day. I also added a list of things I’d like to make sure I do at least once a week.

Personally this list is more of a “wish list” of things I don’t want to forget about, but definitely don’t always have the energy for. I reset this list every Sunday.

Finally, you can also add things that you use as self care tactics or coping skills. For me, since I practice energy work, this list is mostly about changing the energy of my personal space in my room.

I try to do these daily, but sometimes weekly is more realistic.

The great thing about a Coping Board is that its so easy to add or remove things from your schedule. If you have a medication change, you can make a sheet to help you remember what dosage to take each day as you transition. This is my summer board, but during the semester I would probably add different lists for each of my classes or things I need to complete like a paper or an art assignment. The possibilities are endless, and it’s easy to customize to what you need most.

I hope this has been helpful for all of you! Good luck, and stay safe everyone.

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sundove

2 years ago