Beautifulburnout:

Jax,  Happy birthday! I found this when I was digging through some of my old stuff. This was the last trip we took to the lake back in New York. I thought it was nostalgic and sweet so I wanted you to have it. Look how young we were!  Anyway, happy 31st. I know you were never big on birthdays but I hope you enjoy it. Let me take you out for a drink soon.  Have a great day (don’t be too grouchy). -Jay

[ sms → jonny ] thank you for the picture. and the birthday wishes. that’s very sweet of you. 

[ sms → jonny ] i’ll try not to be too much of a grump. 

@tatemcallisterr asked “ ❢ ” [ ❢ ] my muse discovers yours all bloodied and bruised.

he’d gone through the list. yoga, taking a long walk, reading a book, doing something with his hands. he was really trying to find better coping mechanisms, but the ones that the counselor at the VA recommended just really were not cutting it. or doing much of anything at all. with the reappearance of jonny in his life, and all the complicated bullshit that came along with that, plus the hardship his family was going through with the cafe not making as much as it needed to... the inside of jaxon’s head was not a fun place. and god damn, he just wanted everything to slow down for a moment. he wanted the world to just get a little quieter. four shots of whiskey and a bar fight later, things had slowed down. his brain could only focus on the throbbing and the bleeding and the blurring effects of the whiskey. jax sipped slowly at his flask, sitting on the concrete edge of a planter outside the bar. blood slid slowly from the re-opened cut on his cheek, and leaked from the inside of his mouth. it should be trouble that jaxon felt calm, and centered like this, for the first time in weeks. 

jax ✉✉✉ jonny

jonny: no hahah. I don't really like the idea of getting struck by lightening.

jonny: believe it or not I do have some sense lol

jaxon: hey i dont know. you're pretty wild. thrill seeker haha.

jaxon: man, i haven't been this wet since the time we went swimming at the lake in the rain.

beautifulburnout:

On the sidewalk Jonny saw cars just keep flashing by. It was a little discouraging when so many people refused to stop, but he supposed this Las Vegas. He wasn’t sure he’d stop for a stranger on the side of the road either. He probably looked insane sitting here barefoot anyway so he felt less bitter as time went on and more just miserable. He didn’t want to deal with all the fallout of this either. Cancelling cards, getting his license again and all the bullshit that went along with that. He humored the idea of going in search of a payphone but who was he kidding? This was 2017.  Jonny was too absorbed in his thoughts to notice when someone did finally stop to see if he was okay. He didn’t notice Jaxon pulling up or him at all until he was shining a light towards his face. Disbelief was written on his face. Of all the people to run into him in this state it had to be Jaxon. A complicated wave of emotions crashed over him. Relief that someone was there for him but also a confusing mix of doubts he knew were just creeping in because he was feeling so low. He hated how much of a slave he was to his own emotions. He couldn’t even respond to Jaxon properly. He just shook his head ‘no’ when he asked if he was okay. If he spoke he might cry. Even if Jaxon had seen him cry a thousand times, that was ten years ago and he should be able to handle himself by now. He knew that didn’t answer all of his questions but it was all he could muster at the moment. 

it didn’t matter at the moment— all of their... stuff. all of his feelings, past and present, all of his confusion, all of their strange tension. it didn’t fucking matter. not when something had happened, and jonny was upset, and hurting, and dear fucking god, hopefully not injured. he wanted to hug jonny close against his chest, kiss his forehead, tell him it would be okay, he’d look out for him, like always. but this wasn’t high school. this wasn’t 10 years ago. 

instead, he reached forward and touched his jaw, gently and hesitantly, just enough to get a better look at him. no blood or bruising. that’s good. but jonny was obviously shaken up and upset.  “ okay, alright. it’s okay. c’mon. let’s get you outta th’ gutter, huh? ” he murmured gently, standing up and offering his hands out to jonny. worry clawed through his ribs, and he worried that he was the wrong person to help jonny at a time like this.  “ wanna drive through starbucks? get something hot? ” he asked, opening the passenger side door for jonny to get into. 

Ask my Muse ANYTHING. There are ZERO LIMITS!

tylerbeyond:

there was a story there. tyler didn’t know what it was, but he felt he could relate. thankfully, he had enough tact not to ask. “yeah! rip every party i’ve never been to! they could never be perfect because i never showed up. listen, you’re joking, but you’ve never been to a party with me.” he wagged his eyebrows at jaxon suggestively, then gave him a tight one-armed hug. “i’ll buy the first round. since it’s your birthday.”

“ maybe i’ve never been to a party with you. but i’ve been to a bar with you. and th’ roof of a bar with you. and snuck into a vip section of a club with you. so i think i get the gist, ” he laughed, squeezing tyler’s shoulder and grinning warmly at him. this was definitely a perk up in his usual birthday mood. leave it to fucking tyler.  “ well aren’t you fuckin’ generous? ” he teased, keeping his arm around tyler’s shoulders.  “ so where to, party god? since you scoff at my dive bars. ”

Because you look after me and kiss me till I bleed I don't want anything, but all of you I know I swore, I said I'll never love again But—man, oh, man—you're my best friend

then & now // jaxathan aesthetic

@beautifulburnout​ & @theprodigalsoldier

i have terrible luck with technology. and my modem crapped out on me tonight. so replies will have to wait another day. sigh. im sorry to everyone D: 

also i need to plot all the things with all the people. so hit me up xox

tylerbeyond:

“nope!” tyler said in a faux-cheery tone. “he never even cared to know me. honestly, i don’t remember much of him before we moved in. maybe i do but all shit that came after just blocks it out.” he shrugged, carelessly. it didn’t matter now. tyler never had to see his grandfather unless he really wanted to. laughing, he stuck his tongue out at jaxon. “fuck you man, no party is actually a party until i show up. oscars after party? not a real party until i show up.” wicked smirk on his face, he added, “it’s gonna be fuckin lit.”

“ yeah, i know that feelin’. i worshiped my dad as a kid. but after... everything with him went down. now he can get real fucked, ” jax replied, nodding in agreement with tyler’s sentiment. he hadn’t seen his father since he’d made sure the man went to jail. and had no plans to ever see him again. but jaxon didn’t dwell. instead he laughed at tyler’s little scowl.  “ oh yeah? damn, there are... so many parties that are real fuckin’ disappointed. ‘cause the great party god, tyler beyond never showed up to bless them party-hood, ” he shot back, a mirrored smirk.  “ c’mon, party god. i’m thirsty. ”

“ okay is just a word I use so I won’t have to talk about what’s inside.  okay is a word that means I am going to keep my secrets. ” 

          — she told me i was fatalistic. i told her she was right. 

jaxon sawyer + the things inside his head // aesthetic