Latest Posts by theprodigalsoldier-blog - Page 3

Hollywood Stars | Kellan Lutz

Kellan Lutz in Geoffrey Beene Spring Summer 2017 Campaign 

Because you look after me and kiss me till I bleed I don't want anything, but all of you I know I swore, I said I'll never love again But—man, oh, man—you're my best friend

then & now // jaxathan aesthetic

@beautifulburnout​ & @theprodigalsoldier

jax ✉✉✉ jonny

jonny: thrill seeking isn't death seeking lol

jonny: hahaha that was fun though. i miss that fucking lake

jaxon: depends on who you ask

jaxon: yeah me too. there's a pretty great one out here. up in the mountains. pretty good fishing.

jax ✉✉✉ jonny

jonny: no hahah. I don't really like the idea of getting struck by lightening.

jonny: believe it or not I do have some sense lol

jaxon: hey i dont know. you're pretty wild. thrill seeker haha.

jaxon: man, i haven't been this wet since the time we went swimming at the lake in the rain.

jax ✉✉✉ jonny

jaxon: you're home and safe, yeah? not wandering around in the storm like i found tate.

killcrquccn:

       “i’m gonna have to pass, sweetheart. i’m watching my figure.” eden declined with a soft smirk, nails tapping against the off-yellow envelope in her hand afterward. “i’m here to see your boss, sugar– know where he is?” she then questioned, arching a well-plucked brow in the process.

       eden didn’t make many deals with people, in fact, if you stood in her way, she was way more content with running through you rather than around you. however, there were benefits to having some cops in your pocket, but she knew which she could turn and which she shouldn’t bother with. the one that was before her now? she was unsure of, but she wasn’t going to take any chances.

he had some time to kill before his shift, and he was desperately trying to get rid of these cupcakes. no fucking way he was gonna eat them all himself, and throwing them away seemed disrespectful. even if mama was being cheeky by giving them to him in the first place. this attempt didn’t bring him much luck though. pretty girls and their aversion to treats. he smiled politely at her anyways, vaguely aware that he’d seen her somewhere before. 

“ umm... i’ve got about 8 bosses, ma’am. i’m just a beat cop. yer gonna hafta be a little more specific than that, ” jax shrugged, playing a little with the frosting atop a cupcake.  “ desk sergeant would probably know more about that than me though. ”

tatemcallisterr:

as much as tate hated to admit it, jaxon knew him better than probably anyone else on earth. they had been through a lot together throughout their friendship, quite a bit more than a normal friendship could handle. tate knew that jaxon had been through and still dealt with some of the same things he was currently going through, maybe not as intensely but still. he knew it was why jaxon preferred to work at night and sleep during the day. even when tate tried to sleep during the day he was jolted awake by the nightmares. finally setting his fork down he rested his elbows on the table and let out a heavy sigh as his gaze met jaxon’s. “because every time damn i close my eyes i’m back over there. except it’s fucking worse.” he shook his head, putting his head in his hands. it made him angry when he thought about it — it made him feel weak and god, he hated feeling weak. “alcohol helps. i’m not supposed to be drinking though.” 

jaxon sighed at tate’s response— it was the one he expected. and feared. it seemed like no one left the war whole. physically, mentally, emotionally. they were all tainted and damaged, and nightmares fucked with sleep and sanity in a very special way. he wished he had an answer for tate. a way to help make them go away, or even ease them slightly. but fuck... he’d been searching for that answer for two years and had come up with very little.  “ hey, man. it’s alright. don’t think i’ve ever met a soldier that didn’t have nightmares. yer not alone there, ” he offered quietly, intimately familiar with feeling weak or broken for struggling like this. fuck, he still felt like that a lot. but it helped... knowing his brothers felt like it too.  “ why aren’t you supposed to be drinkin’? i thought you were all healed up. ”

shvdykiid:

“Hm…” he sighs like he’s giving it some real thought. “You know– I wouldn’t mind being both. I would like to still be around to do your autopsy,” he says with a genuine tone. If only the boy knew how strange it was to say such a thing. He forgets other’s aren’t as twisted on the inside. While he wants to do his best skill as a favor, he doesn’t understand just how creepy it really is. “I’ll make sure no one stuffs you and your casket with money and/or drugs.” He speaks with a teasing tone, but his eyes say there is truth to his promise.

Despite the talk of death in their conversation, Ollie gave a shrug when it came to the cupcake. “I don’t normally like sweet foods. Yet, I can see myself buying these cupcakes from a bakery. It’s the highest compliments to your mother. You’re being a brat and nothing is wrong with your age,” he speaks with a smirk.

jaxon laughed warmly and shook his head, no doubt amused by oliver’s dark sense of humor. in a weird, fucked up way, it was familiar. after all, nothing like gallows humor to alleviate the drudgery of war. it must’ve been why jaxon felt so comfortable around the odd boy.  “ sounds like a nice way t’ go out. just promise you’ll keep me heavily drugged, ” jax replied, leaning back in his chair and smearing the icing beneath his finger.  “ awe, thanks. that’s sweet. no cupcakes either, yeah? homemade or bakery. ”  jax had come to terms with death and dying years ago. maybe it should phase him, and yet.  “ yeah, i’ not huge on sweets either. which she knows. but if you knew my mama, you’d know she’s teasin’ me with this. but i’ll let her know you like ‘em. against all odds. and yer right, i know i’m being dumb. i dunno. do you like yer birthday? ”

tylerbeyond:

“you are a buzzkill, but―” tyler threw his arms wide, “happy birthday! ya big jerk!” he gave jaxon a one armed hug. “whatever, i’m glad you’re still around. mostly for the cupcakes, though,” he teased, bumping jaxon’s shoulder with his own. “eh, my grandfather’s a bastard. hates my guts, thinks i’m a fuck up, whooped my ass way back when.” he licked off the last of the icing on one cupcake, then took a bite out of it. “dunno why mom keeps trying. i’ll be nice when he’s nice.” actually, since he lived on the other side of the country now, he mostly just ignored his grandfather. it seemed to suit everyone just fine, except, apparently, his mom. “got any plans?”

as grumpy as his birthday made him, there was only so much scowling he could hang onto when tyler was beaming at him like that and squeezing around his shoulders. tyler was good like that. and jax relinquished a small smile in exchange.  “ yeah, man. thanks, ” jaxon murmured in response, returning the half-hug. as tyler spoke and explained, jax played with a swipe of icing between his fingers. “ wait, thinks yer a fuck up? how? yer in a signed band. that doesn’t sound like a fuck up to me. i’m with you, man. fuck that guy. my father was shitty like that too. and hell no, ” jax shook his head, licking his fingers clean of icing.  “ not really. havin’ dinner with the family. maybe i’ll go out for a drink. but i’m workin’ in the morning. so i can’t get too crazy. what’re you doin’ tonight, rockstar? ”

beautifulburnout:

When the door closed with a soft thud Jonny slummed down in the seat a little. Now that he wasn’t sitting on the side of the road he let himself relax. At least some. He knew he was safe with Jaxon. That was something that never changed. The extra moment it took Jaxon to get the blanket was used to collect himself as much as he could. He took a couple deep breaths to calm his pounding heart and ease his nerves. He was thankful he could do this and even if there was tension between them he was contented here in the passenger seat. Especially when Jaxon laid the blanket in his lap. The warmth Jonny felt wasn’t from the blanket he covered up in but rather in knowing that in the face of all the years apart, Jaxon still knew him. And knew how to care for him.  The feeling of a finger against his wound made him hiss in surprise. It wasn’t incredibly deep but it stung and he wasn’t exactly prepared for that. In fact, he’d forgotten about it until that moment. His hand shot up to cover his arm as he flinched away. “Yes, please stick your finger in my open wound.” His tone was sarcastic but that was only trademark hurt or upset Jonny. Both in this case. He looked out the window as the pulled away, watching the lines on the road flicker as they passed. Jonny was quiet for a long moment before he finally spoke up. “I got mugged.” He didn’t go into anymore detail than that. He didn’t really feel like reliving it. But he didn’t want Jaxon to over worry more than he was already sure he was. “He pulled a knife on me.” He didn’t tell Jaxon how the knife had been at his throat, or how he knocked it away with his arm causing the slice. He didn’t tell him about how he was shoved against the wall after that and the mugger had overpowered him because he hit his head. Instead he swallowed and fiddled with the rip in his jacket. Anything for a distraction.

he felt better knowing that jonny was in a safe place with him— that he was warm and comfortable and protected. so many times over the past 10 years he found himself worried about jonny, wondering where he was, if he was okay, if he was happy. all that time, jaxon knew jonny must have found some trouble, some pain, some problems. it was a weird twist of guilt he felt about not being there to protect him. but all those years ago, all the stupid shit he'd done and said and caused... it was too much, and it had been so much time. now they were here, and even if jaxon couldn't figure out his feelings, or figure out his role in jonny's life, he could help, and watch out for jonny the best he could.

jaxon tsk'd at him and gave him a scolding little look. “ take it easy. it wasn't in your wound, ” jaxon replied, though his voice was still gentle and soft. that weak, biting tone was nothing unfamiliar to him. jonny was still jonny, even after all this time. jonny's response confirmed his assumption. from the looks of him, a mugging was most likely. but jax was glad it wasn't any worse.  “ i got a first aid in th' trunk. i can patch that up for you... if you want, ” he offered, glancing over at him. jonny looked fucking miserable, and cared. sure, some things hadn't changed. but what had changed was that jaxon didn't know him anymore. he didn't know what would help. 10 years was not nothing, and things did change. he pulled into the starbucks drive through, waiting in the line.  “ do you want t' file a police report? ”

Look what they do to you Look what they do to me Must be joking if you think that either one is free, here Get up off your knees, girl Stand face to face with your God And find out what you are (Hello, my name is human)

I'm ready for love and I'm ready for war But I'm ready for more I know that nobody's ever been this fucking ready before, hey (Do you need some time to think it over?)

✉️| DANNIE & JAX

dannie: well, shit. i was shopping for a birthday present for you. i'll scratch that.

dannie: any particular reason why?

jaxon: yeah right haha

jaxon: i dont know. birthdays just aint ever been pleasant. and i spent nearly a decade of them in the desert overseas. just. i dunno.

shvdykiid:

                        The pair share a strange relationship and it shows Oliver holds a fondness for the man currently scowl. The ginger just rolls his eyes and takes one of the many cupcakes. Gingerly taking a bite before he begins to start the bickering that just seems to always happen between the two. Maybe it was the clash between personalities. Jax is warmer in comparison to Oliver’s standoffish personality.

“What’s the big deal? You’re still young and got loads of years to go through before you start needing my help around here,” Oliver teased as he held a serious face. He takes another bite to enjoy the cupcake.  “Are these homemade or from a bakery?”

sure, they hadn’t met in the most conventional of ways. but jaxon’s life hadn’t really been conventional anyways. so what was one more? plus, the kid was interesting and amusing, and the morgue was a quiet place for jax to get away when he was tired of all the bro-y cop shit.  “ you gonna be my hospice? or jus’ gonna do my autopsy? ” he shot back with a mirrored teasing. the cupcake was mostly unconsumed, but he picked at the frosting, very slowly eating it.  “ homemade. mama likes to be smug about doin’ shit by hand for me. just tell me if i’m bein’ a fucking brat. ”

marclarkin:

the sweet smell of heaven wafted through his nostrils and his feet lead him to the kitchen, following the scent of coffee. jax’s coffee was moderate enough for his tastes. he would pick up worse or better, depending on where he found himself. his cousin’s brew only cost him an earful lecture, most of the time. he could handle that. with his ex-wife, there were many o’times that he tuned her out. jax was not difficult to tune out too. “i’m not stupid enough to be drinkin your ma’s carton anyway. you, i’m not so scared of,” he teased back and put the milk back before grabbing a mug. “check yourself for a concussion. i’m fine,” he replied as he poured himself some coffee. as marc sipped from the cup, he walked over to a window and glanced down to see his bounty still cuffed to the gate. a broad smirk crossed his lips. “fucking idiot,” he mumbled and turned back to his cousin. “what, no pancakes? or, what do you prefer, crepes? you are a terrible host, primo,” he mocked his cousin with a shrug and continued to sip his bean brew.

“ we’re not kids anymore, marcus. i could definitely kick your ass now, ” he shot back, trying to be serious. but the smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. marc and all his bullshit amused jaxon, despite himself. he was the closest thing jaxon had to a brother, and his fondness couldn’t be overridden no matter how annoying marc was.  “ you show up bleeding at my house, and yer gonna be grumpy ‘bout me wanting to make sure your brain ain’t fuckin’ bruised? ” jax replied, dubious and giving him a look that was half scolding and half a glare.  “ i give you a bed and coffee, and yer still fuckin’ complaining? god, yer a brat. if you really wanna whine more about it, i’ll make you french toast. but fuck, i’m way too lazy t’ make you fuckin’ crepes. you could say please, ya know? instead of insulting me. ” despite their near constant bickering, jax was always on the verge of a smile, and he genuinely enjoyed his cousin’s company. no one else would guess that they actually really did like each other though. 

tylerbeyond:

“your mom sends you cupcakes to annoy you?” tyler asked, skeptically, but taking two cupcakes nonetheless. “i wish my mom annoyed me with home made cupcakes. my mom just annoys me with complaining about why i don’t get along with my grandfather.” he began licking the icing off the first cupcake. “so what’s the occassion? like, literally to annoy you, or a congratulations maybe?” his wide eyes and bouncing leg made it seem like he’d already had five cupcakes. “and why do you look so bummed out?” this time there was more concern in his voice.

“ she’s fuckin’... sneaky, ” jax scowled slightly. he knew he was being ridiculous. it was cupcakes, and it was his birthday. but his mama’s slightly sarcastic smile as she sent him off with cupcakes and made the girls sing happy birthday to him over breakfast told him that she was at least slightly teasing him.  “ what’s th’ deal with your grandfather? ” he asked, curiosity getting the best of him. tyler seemed to enjoy the cupcake, and jax forced himself to stop being a grump and give it a try.  “ eh. it’s my birthday, ” jax shrugged, pinching off a piece of the cupcake to taste. they were good, of course. but his mama knew he wasn’t super fond of sweets.  “ jus’ not a big fan of my birthday, ya know? which, i know. makes me sounds like a fuckin’ buzzkill. but i dunno. ”

beautifulburnout:

Things between them were beyond complicated. There was a lot unsaid and a lot that needed to be said. But despite all the years and despite the tension Jonny trusted Jaxon because he knew that he still cared. He felt weak, vulnerable and small but with Jaxon it didn’t matter. He knew he’d take care of him and Jonny knew he needed that right now.  The touch to his jaw had him meeting Jaxon’s eyes. Even if he wasn’t crying there was no hiding the fact that he had been. He didn’t have anything to hide from Jax and when he offered his hands Jonny took them without hesitation. He almost went in for a hug because he wanted the comfort but he checked himself. The last hug they shared hadn’t exactly been the most encouraging thing in regards to affection and even if he was having a rough night he didn’t want to push that on Jax. Instead he just climbed into the car and hugged his jacket around himself tighter. “Um, sure. Sounds good,” he finally replied. His voice was soft and hoarse. All the yelling that he did only served to make him lose his voice. Coffee did sound pretty nice. “Thanks…”

the tension, the history, the complicated feelings— all of that was monumental and waiting between them. but that was for another time, another night, another place. not with jonny hurting and scared and in need. jaxon would chalk it up to his duty as a cop. he was supposed to help people. that’s all this was. but the way worry ached in his chest, and the way he wanted nothing more than to comfort jonny with physical affection... that wasn’t exactly standard cop feelings. but he was doing a job, and playing a role, and his feelings were easier to ignore when he focused on that. 

he closed the door behind jonny, pausing at the trunk to grab a blanket as he walked.  “ here, jay, ” he said, laying the blanket gently in his lap. he knew how cold jonny always got. and being shaken up and barefoot probably wouldn’t help that.  “ okay, ” jax replied softly, watching him for another long moment. he noticed the tear in jonny’s jacket, and he grazed a fingertip over the slice. when his finger came away with a slight smear of blood, jaxon concern peaked sharply.  “ alright. i know yer really shaken. but i need t’ know what happened, jonny... ” his voice was still gentle, and empathetic. but he put the cruiser into drive, and pulled away. maybe it would be easier for jonny to talk when it felt less like he was filing a police report. 

punsandgun:

“wait! lemme guess,” darby mused as she attempted to put her walkie on her shoulder, on the correct side this time. she was still getting use to what to do and when to do it. being a rookie was harder than some people believed. thankfully she had jaxon around. her buddy from the big apple. “elvis?” she offered sarcastically. impersonators were the best. she was slightly sad that she never got her own impersonator. who wanted to impersonate an olympic gymnast. “aw thanks bud,” she replied in appreciation at the coffee. her daughter definitely kept her on her toes but she loved it. “and i saw a drag swayze on friday at The Garage. Man I miss that guy.”

after checking he had everything, he gave darby a once over (maybe twice) to make sure she was ready too. today, she was. there’s been plenty of days that she wasn’t. but darby was learning, and getting better, and jax was a little bit proud.  “ well... i mean. yeah. usually. ten bucks that we stop and interview an elvis today, ” he replied with a wry little grin. it was too easy to joke around with darby, even when he didn’t feel particularly cheery.  “ you got an exciting night life, kid, ” he replied, the amusement in his eyes though he couldn’t manage a laugh.  “ c’mon. this is serious. jonny’s in vegas. i saw him couple nights ago... ”

tatemcallisterr:

At the sound of a familiar voice in response to his request Tate looked up to meet Jaxon’s gaze. He was right, but there was no way he was going to get any sleep more at this point in the day. It might as well be noon Tate-time. Jaxon had always been able to read him. Although it wasn’t that hard right now to tell that Tate was exhausted. Between the bags under his eyes and the mess of hair he hadn’t bothered to comb through before he left the house, it was clear he had just rolled out of bed and come to the diner. Tate shook his head slowly letting out a sigh. “Thought you were the waitress.” He replied, setting his fork down as Jaxon took a seat across from him. His gaze moved to his plate at Jaxon’s question, staring at the barely eaten contents momentarily before he answered. “Just couldn’t sleep is all.” He shrugged, looking back up at his friend.

they’d been through a lot together— overseas, fighting side by side, and abroad, fighting each other. but after years, and months of trying to repair things, tate was coming around, and their friendship had slowly started to rebuild. thank fucking god. jaxon folded his arms on the tabletop, giving tate a quick once over. he knew the look well. on tate, on himself, on other veteran friends. it worried him. but even more, he worried that he wouldn’t be able to help.  “ she looks much better in a skirt than me, i can promise you that, ” he teased gently, trying to fight the sympathy from his smile. tate didn’t need that.  “ couldn’t sleep, because...— ” he trailed off, but the tension in his expression spoke enough. it was the reason jaxon worked graveyard. those nightmares were easier for him to deal with when he slept during the day. but he knew tate’s nightmares manifested worse than his did.  “ does anything help? ” 

Jax,  Happy birthday! I found this when I was digging through some of my old stuff. This was the last trip we took to the lake back in New York. I thought it was nostalgic and sweet so I wanted you to have it. Look how young we were!  Anyway, happy 31st. I know you were never big on birthdays but I hope you enjoy it. Let me take you out for a drink soon.  Have a great day (don’t be too grouchy). -Jay

[ sms → jonny ] thank you for the picture. and the birthday wishes. that’s very sweet of you. 

[ sms → jonny ] i’ll try not to be too much of a grump. 

Jaxon Sawyer && Three (5) Fictional Characters

Dean Winchester ( Supernatural ) // “As long as I’m around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you.”

Nick Miller ( New Girl ) // “You love me too much! And you picked the wrong guy! And when are you gonna get that through giant head of yours? I’m just gonna let you down.”

Vic Carboneau ( Survival Code ) //  —"You wanna run your business in my bar, fine. I don’t complain.“  —"What are you talking about? All you do is complain!”  —"WHAT?! No, I don’t!“

Kristoff Bjorgman ( Frozen ) // “Of course I don’t want to help her anymore. In fact, this whole thing’s ruined me for helping anyone ever again……— Hold up! We’re coming.”

Jeff Winger ( Community ) // “I’m just a grown man who can’t even look his own friends in the eye for too long, because I’m afraid that they’ll see that I am broken.”

✉️| DANNIE & JAX

dannie: happy belated birthday, shit head.

dannie: 😘

jaxon: thanks??

jaxon: i feel like such a fucking grumpy old man because i dont really like my birthday.

jaxon sighed and picked at the cupcake in his hand. the small tray of chocolate treats was his mama’s way of being cheeky about his birthday. it was silly, feeling like he’d grown out of birthdays, but after 8 years of them in afghanistan— the novelty had definitely worn off. now all the happy birthday texts, facebook notifications, and voicemails just served as a reminder that he was 31 and only 2 years into his career. in any case, he definitely didn’t need this many fucking cupcakes. 

“ please, for the love of jesus, eat one of these cupcakes. or all of them. my mama made these jus’ to annoy me. ”

tatemcallisterr:

It was early, even for Tate. But after another night of restless sleep he thought maybe some food would take his mind off things and help him relax a little bit. So he sat at his favorite twenty-four hour diner, pushing the food around on his plate with his fork absentmindedly more than he was actually eating any of it. He had a million things on his mind since he had gotten back home three months ago. Losing his mother, his injury, the end of his career in the marines — it was all a lot for him to handle in a short amount of time. Rubbing his sleep filled eyes he could hear someone approach him, and just assumed it was his waitress checking in on him for the one hundredth time since he had sat down forty-five minutes ago. “Just another cup of coffee, please.” He muttered.

god, he was tired. after a long overnight shift, his whole body ached with weariness. it wasn’t anything like the long overnighters in the military. but it didn’t mean it was particularly fun or easy. especially tonight. with a rough domestic violence call, with kids involved. he was ready to go home. but he was starving. and eating at home meant cooking, and he definitely didn’t have the energy for that.  “ hey, daisy, ” jax smiled warmly at the waitress behind the counter he knew too well after so many early mornings. “ steak and eggs? with sweet potato fries. to-go, please. and a black tea. thanks, darlin’. ”  he was about to sit down, waste time on his phone, when he saw tate. looking just as exhausted as he felt.  “ i can grab you one if ya really want. but you look like you need a nap more than caffeine, ” he pointed out, gentle and understanding as he sat across from his old friend.  “ hey, man. rough night? ” 

“ you are not gonna believe who’s in vegas, ” jaxon said suddenly as he lowered himself into the driver seat of their patrol car. with coffee in hand for both of them, jaxon settled in, making sure he had everything he needed to start the shift. it was always easier, at the beginning. in fact, he usually enjoyed the first few hours of a shift. when they both had more energy, more willingness. the strain of the job hadn’t yet set in.  “ i saw you had yer daughter last night. so i got you an extra espresso shot t’day. ”

@punsandgun

rcbeccxs:

— @theprodigalsoldier

    The news that Gavin was deployed longer than he should have, deeply troubled Rebecca. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, she overly worried about her brother’s life. It wasn’t as though she could help – even though she had some security around Las Vegas, with the family her brother had made inside the marines and presented her with, it was still different than having her brother around. She would have to give the news to her parents, she would have to give the news to little Sarah ( that she wasn’t excited about in the slightest ), but for now, she needed to be with someone who could help her making some sense out of it, who maybe could put her head in the right place and tell her it was all going to be alright in the very end.

   Which was exactly how she came to a stop on the doorstep of Jaxon’s house, facing the door as she waited for him to open it so she could let out her frustrations. Word vomits were not something she often did, but whenever she did them, they were in front of Jaxon, after all, he was the closest thing Rebecca had to a brother when her brother was away. The bond they ended up forming stunned her and whenever he was around, the woman just couldn’t believe how actually lucky she was. Upon hearing the door opening and seeing the large man ( her big bear ) behind it, she smiled almost nervously. “ — I’m so sorry for showing up so suddenly, I just didn’t know where else to go. It’s Gavin, he called today telling me he is going to be deployed longer and moved somewhere he can’t say, but it’s probable we wont have contact for over a week. That’s normal right?” Word vomit came, and she couldn’t quite stop. “Uhm, this is not some let’s catch Bin Laden thing?”

it was a bad habit, and he fucking knew it. rationally, he knew this was probably the worst thing for him. but that didn’t stop him from isolating himself and falling into the dark spiral of old emotions he couldn’t sort out. and he wasn’t sure what ever would. this didn’t stop it from happening, but becca showing up at his door, with worry and anxiety scrawled across her brow and in her gaze... it brought him out of himself just enough to cause a shift. from unsure and scared and lost in his head, to straightened shoulders and hands pulling becca into the house and against his chest. 

he hugged her warm, and tight, and just a little too long to help ease her nerves.  “ first, never apologize for showin’ up here, becks, ” he murmured, kissing her head and closing the door behind them.  “ c’mon. let me get you a drink. what do ya want? coffee? tea? whiskey? ” he asked, a teasing little smirk in attempt to soothe her tension.  “ and yeah, babe. that’s normal. lots of classified stuff in th’ military, especially at the level he’s at. and communication is always difficult when yer moving bases. gotta make sure its safe, ya know? and bin laden is already dead, love. he’ll call as soon as he can. but he’s still workin’, ya know? not calling could just mean busy. not necessarily compromised. ”

beautifulburnout:

On the sidewalk Jonny saw cars just keep flashing by. It was a little discouraging when so many people refused to stop, but he supposed this Las Vegas. He wasn’t sure he’d stop for a stranger on the side of the road either. He probably looked insane sitting here barefoot anyway so he felt less bitter as time went on and more just miserable. He didn’t want to deal with all the fallout of this either. Cancelling cards, getting his license again and all the bullshit that went along with that. He humored the idea of going in search of a payphone but who was he kidding? This was 2017.  Jonny was too absorbed in his thoughts to notice when someone did finally stop to see if he was okay. He didn’t notice Jaxon pulling up or him at all until he was shining a light towards his face. Disbelief was written on his face. Of all the people to run into him in this state it had to be Jaxon. A complicated wave of emotions crashed over him. Relief that someone was there for him but also a confusing mix of doubts he knew were just creeping in because he was feeling so low. He hated how much of a slave he was to his own emotions. He couldn’t even respond to Jaxon properly. He just shook his head ‘no’ when he asked if he was okay. If he spoke he might cry. Even if Jaxon had seen him cry a thousand times, that was ten years ago and he should be able to handle himself by now. He knew that didn’t answer all of his questions but it was all he could muster at the moment. 

it didn’t matter at the moment— all of their... stuff. all of his feelings, past and present, all of his confusion, all of their strange tension. it didn’t fucking matter. not when something had happened, and jonny was upset, and hurting, and dear fucking god, hopefully not injured. he wanted to hug jonny close against his chest, kiss his forehead, tell him it would be okay, he’d look out for him, like always. but this wasn’t high school. this wasn’t 10 years ago. 

instead, he reached forward and touched his jaw, gently and hesitantly, just enough to get a better look at him. no blood or bruising. that’s good. but jonny was obviously shaken up and upset.  “ okay, alright. it’s okay. c’mon. let’s get you outta th’ gutter, huh? ” he murmured gently, standing up and offering his hands out to jonny. worry clawed through his ribs, and he worried that he was the wrong person to help jonny at a time like this.  “ wanna drive through starbucks? get something hot? ” he asked, opening the passenger side door for jonny to get into. 

There are so many pieces of you I see in myself. So many slivers of your soul that slipped into mine. Part of me loves them, I can feel them spreading warmth and sunlight to the darkest parts of my soul. I know that wherever I am the best thing that ever happened to me is in me. Another part of me hates them, I want to rip them out of my chest with my bare hands and crush them. Not in anger but in frustration that only a little crumb of you is here when I need all of you. I love you too much

Mustxngkid (via wnq-writers)

@beautifulburnout