I Don’t Know How Else To Explain It. If Someone Says Something To Me That Initially Hits As Horribly

Kevin McCarthy losing four five six consecutive Speaker of the House votes (so far) is legitimately one of the funniest things to ever happen. This is 2023's boat stuck in the Suez Canal. Something important has ceased working for the most hilarious possible reason and we are all watching desperate attempts to get it working again while secretly hoping it does not, and I think that's beautiful

Me while running a fever and doing many nebulizer treatments: I'm going to hang out with some friends!

My concerned mother: but you're sick??

Me while blowing my nose aggressively: My covid test is negative, it's fine

My very concerned mother: but you are really sick????

Me while shivering from the fever and having difficulty standing up: its not covid, I'm fine

My mother who is tired of my bullshit: no, you are staying here and doing another round of the nebulizer

Me while giving up and taking a nap: fine, but you have to turn off the light for me... Thanks...

weirdest side effect of the pandemic is how many people i know who get sick and say 'but my covid tests are negative so i should be fine' like you know other illnesses. exist. right.

once again a promising erotic story ruins the sexiness by concentrating on sex, the least sexy part of sex.

This is so simple yet sweet. I love it :33

Im gonna try to take my meds more consistently

LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH THIS

Badass zouxie anyone?

Tw minor blo0d and injury below

And it was a nice yard once. A garden bed full of tulips, a lawn blanketed with small clover. A tall willow tree perfect for a child to play pretend under and make magical memories in. A cobble path winding from the door to the street. The houses on either side were just close enough that you could hear the neighborhood children laughing. Yet they are far enough that it felt like a secluded little fairy wonderland. A perfect place to settle down and raise a family.

Left to its own devices, the garden has turned brown. The small patches of crabgrass you insisted I leave be have spread all throughout the lawn. Unmaintained and uncontrolled the small patches have now grown over everything else. Each tendril of it working to suffocate the soft clover. Poking and prodding at the cobble path with ever reaching arms.

The willow tree hangs heavy with the weight of itself. Without someone there to trim it, all it can do is droop down further and further. Left alone a little longer it might have died under its own weight. So much has changed here since that day but the house... The house looks the same it did the day we bought it. The day we stood in front of it, your arm around my waist, and knew that this would be where we would raise our kids.

You deserve to be buried here my love. You deserve to wither and rot under the very same willow tree. We once imagined our future here together and I will ensure our dreams come true. I will make you a home under that willow tree. A place where you can rest soundly and watch as I raise our child.

I will rid the yard of your crabgrass. I will spare no expense in removing the evil from the very root. The blood on my hands is a necessary sacrifice for what I must do for her. Ripping up the crabgrass and replacing it with the soft sweet clover I once knew. The clover I fell in love with when I fell in love with you.

Look I love unconditional devotion love stories as much as the next person, but there's really something so deliciously raw about conditional devotion.

I have served you and I have loved you for decades, but I will not give up my principles for you. You cut out part of my heart and took it with you down that path that you insist on walking, but you walk it alone. Even when the bleeding, gaping hole you left in my chest kills me, I will not follow you.

These people could be anywhere! Maybe even your own mother! Or work friend!

i love when people on here well be like “who DOESN’T want their blood to get sucked ? 🤨” well i hate to break it to you but the average person does not, in fact, want to have their blood get sucked. statistically there is a large amount of people who do not want this to occur. this is shocking and appalling, i know. the world is full of unsettling things

B disarms A, swinging their sword back up and preparing for the final blow. As eyes widen.

A: you wouldn't- no no no. It's me! It is me under the mask!

A lifts off their mask revealing their face as B looks at them with sad eyes.

B: I know.

Bs guard falters and A reaches out toward B

A: you? You knew? Then why have we been fighting this whole time?

Bs grip tightens back up and they press A against a wall. Sword to the throat.

A: oh-

B looks away as their calculated assassin face leaves and they start to cry.

A: oh honey- its okay.

B: I have to kill you, you know.

A: its okay! We can fake it and they will never know. We can run away, live in the woods. Wake up each morning side by side. Doesn't that sound nice?

B: ...you know that you would get bored. You would come back to this life.

A: I won't! I will do it for you!

A reaches out and cups Bs face

B: and yet we both know thats a lie.

B takes As hand and kisses it, looking sweetly down at A.

B: You were always my star. You will always be my star. I love you.

A: I love you too.

A pulls B close into a kiss, B reciprocates and they both lean into it, touch starved and frenzied. Breaking only for air.

as they both breath heavily, B readies their sword and As eyes widen as they tense up.

A: The order of-

B shakes their head and A shuts up.

B: don't let their name taint this moment, love.

A closes their eyes and exhales slowly.

A: I love you.

B puts their lips back on As. A gentle and soft kiss as B brings the sword in with a swift and practiced motion. Causing a quick and painless death.

B: I love you too my star, I love you too.

Look I love unconditional devotion love stories as much as the next person, but there's really something so deliciously raw about conditional devotion.

I have served you and I have loved you for decades, but I will not give up my principles for you. You cut out part of my heart and took it with you down that path that you insist on walking, but you walk it alone. Even when the bleeding, gaping hole you left in my chest kills me, I will not follow you.

I need to know who this 30% is and how to avoid them at all costs.

deep insights into the american psyche