Pink In The Night | Gary "Roach" Sanderson X Male Reader | Angst

Pink In The Night | Gary "Roach" Sanderson x Male Reader | Angst

Minors/Fem DNI

Warnings; Hurt/no comfort, cheating, minor alcohol consumption

A/N; I ALMOST MADE TWO OF MY BETA READERS CRY WITH THIS ONE LMAOOO, one being Doc, ty Doc. I could have sworn this was a request, but I can't find it so whatever. I feel bad cuz another person requested fluff with roach and this is comin out first 😭❤️ godspeed soldier. i left the other man unnamed. you can decide who it is :)

Synopsis; Mistakes are made on lonely nights. This is evident in a man's hands on another, and the turmoil of what he has done come after.

1.6k words. Short and sweet

How did he end up like this? Roach’s mind was buzzing with thoughts, mostly regret, but also a small part being exhilaration. Something so taboo so frowned upon, but it felt so good.

As he gazed at the man next to him, a co-worker and dear friend, he felt guilt begin to gnaw at his chest. Rapidly his body began burning with shame, nausea settling in as bile crept up his throat, threatening to force up his dinner.

“Fuck,” he groaned, shuffling out of the other man's embrace and crawling off of the bed, walking to the bathroom as quickly as possible. He hunched over the toilet and began retching, emptying the contents of his stomach into the bowl. When he finished, he spat the remaining liquid out of his mouth and reached for the toilet paper, ripping off a piece and wiping his mouth before dropping it into the toilet and reaching for the leaver.

He sat back and pulled his legs to his chest, resting his forehead on his knees with his arms at his sides.

“What have I done…”

The following days before he returned home were excruciating. He would have time to think of what he would say to Y/N, but inevitably knowing the outcome pained him.

He loved Y/N more than anything in the world, so why did he stray? He asked himself this over and over again, eventually concluding that a month and a half of being deployed left him touch starved and desperate. What a horrible excuse to cheat on your partner. He wanted to kick himself and force himself two days ago to stay in his room all day. Maybe if he played sick he wouldn't have had the temptation, though he doubted it.

There were only three days before he was going home. Why didn’t he wait? He knew Y/N would welcome him with open arms, treat him sweetly and shower him with love and affection. Why couldn't he wait?

As he was driven home in a cab after being dismissed, he felt worry invade his body. His hands were clammy, an uncomfortable warmth spreading throughout his limbs, settling in his throat.

By the time he arrived, it was later than he would have liked. The sun was about to set to allow the moon time to shine, to taunt him with the knowledge of what Roach had done in its presence. He flinched when he noticed the murder of crows on the roof, seven standing and watching him as he opened the door and stepped out, grabbing his duffel bag from the seat next to him and waving the driver goodbye.

He turned back to the house, unease filling his mind as one of the crows tilted its head at him. Their eyes were on him as he walked up to the front door and fumbled with his keys to unlock the front door. When he finally got it open, he sighed with relief, quickly slamming the door behind him to escape the beetie, endless black eyes that assessed him, silently judging every part of his soul.

They knew everything. They hold knowledge and power in their being. They carry secrets between their feathers. What secrets would they share tonight?

Roach takes a few deep breaths before dropping his bag to his side and kneeling to remove his shoes. Y/N emerged from the kitchen with a worried face before it quickly turned to happiness, a wide smile covering his handsome features.

“Hi,” he greeted, fondness written on his face. His head was tilted to the side as he gazed at Roach with a sort of longing.

“Hi, Y/N,” Roach said, pulling off his shoes and setting them to the side before grabbing his bag.

“Leave it, I’ll take care of it later,” Y/N said, waving his hand. “You must be tired.”

Roach just nodded, placing the duffel against the wall and walking towards Y/N who eagerly wrapped his arms around Roach’s shoulders and pulled him into a warm hug.

“Christ, I missed you so, so much, baby,” he whispered, squeezing Roach tight. He buried his face into his neck and breathed in his scent.

Roach hesitantly wrapped his arms around Y/N’s torso, holding him back. Tears stung the back of his eyes as Y/N embraced him, holding him close to his chest.

“I missed you, too,” he said. Y/N kissed Roach’s temple before pulling away.

“Dinner is almost ready if you’d like to sit down,” Y/N said. Roach nodded and wiped his nose with his sleeve as Y/N returned to the kitchen

He made his way to the small dining table and sat down, running his hands through his hair with anxiety. He rubbed his eyes and tried to calm his brain, taking deep breaths and counting down from ten to ground himself.

“Is Camille Giroud Bourgogne okay?” Y/N asked from the kitchen. Roach placed a hand on his chest as he looked back at him. “You look stressed. What’s going on in your brain?” he asked, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Nothing,” Roach lied, a small smile spreading over his face. “It’s been a long month.”

“So, red’s okay?”

“Red is good.”

Y/N hummed in acknowledgement and turned to grab two wine glasses from a cabinet, setting them on the counter before grabbing two plates of blood-red meat, seared medium rare with a wine sauce and green beans plated with it, well seasoned. He set one plate in front of Roach, placing the other at the seat in front of him.

Roach’s mouth watered at the sight, but he refrained from tearing into the meal, instead waiting for Y/N to fetch the wine and the glasses. He poured them each a glass before sitting down.

“I’m glad you’re home,” Y/N said, picking up his wine and taking a sip. Roach nodded before beginning to eat.

They ate quietly, all the while Roach had to think of how to tell Y/N what he had done. There was no way that he couldn't tell him. Rather quickly his appetite failed him and he set down his fork and knife, staring at his half-full plate.

“Are you alright?” Y/N asked, chewing on a piece of meat before setting his utensils on his plate. Roach didn’t respond. His hands twitched on the table. “Gary?”

He looked up and suddenly felt a pang in his chest. Y/N looked so worried for him. For someone who fucked a different man.

“I cheated on you,” he whispered. It was almost inaudible. Y/N thought he heard wrong.

“What?” he asked, eyes scanning his face in hopes of a lie.

“I-” Roach choked, staring back into the eyes of his lover. Was he still allowed to call him that? His mouth was dry as he fought to tell him the truth. “I cheated on you.”

Y/N felt his heart stop. His throat closed up and his face rapidly began burning with… what feeling was this? There’s no way to describe it. Partly embarrassment. Partly shame. Partly betrayal. Mostly horror.

“I slept with someone three days ago,” Roach said, turning to stare at the centre of the table. Y/N whimpered and covered his face with his hands, taking multiple heaving breaths. “I’m so sorry. I’m so-”

“Stop,” Y/N whispered shakily. His shoulders shook violently as he sobbed into his palms.

His eyes burned as he watched Y/N sob near silently in front of him, hunched over in his chair and shaking.

“I didn’t mean to. I was just so lonely, and- and-” he tried to explain, tears welling in his own eyes.

“Please, stop,” he sobbed, pulling his hands away from his face in favour of wrapping his arms around himself

“I’m begging you, Gary.”

“I just-”

“I can’t…” Y/N huffed, his bottom lip quivering. He hung his head and let out a guttural sob. “I can’t,” he whispered.

Roach wiped his eyes and frowned when Y/N stood up, pushing his chair in and taking his plate and wine. He scraped the food into the garbage bin and placed it in the sink before walking away. Roach watched him as he walked into the bathroom and locked it. Maybe he should have waited. Maybe he should have planned more.

Roach cleaned up after both of them before going into their shared bedroom and sitting on the bed. He thought it would be best to wait up for Y/N, but he ended up falling asleep anyway. He dreamt of that mistake, it looming over him like a horrible shadow, and it left him waking up in a cold sweat. The sun was beginning to rise behind the curtains, scaring away the night, but a crow sat on the windowsill. They always know.

He stood from the bed, noticing that Y/N was nowhere to be seen. Panic flooded his mind, and he quickly walked from the bedroom, looking into the living room. He worried when he saw nothing before remembering the bathroom. He walked to the door quietly and hesitated as he raised his fist and knocked lightly.

It was quiet for a long moment before Y/N said quietly, “Come in.”

Roach opened the door. Y/N was sitting in the empty bathtub with the light off. His hands were clasped on his lap. Roach flicked on the light and watched Y/N from the doorway.

Y/N’s eyes were puffy and bloodshot, his face stained with dried tears from sobbing all night. His eyes were fixated on the tile on the wall.

“Who was it?” he finally asked. Roach told him the name of the man, and Y/N simply took in a shaky breath before beginning to cry again. “Of course…”

“What?”

Y/N paused.

“You’ve always looked at him differently,” he said. Roach opened and closed his mouth. “If you want to be with him, it's okay.”

“Why,” Roach began, his head spinning with a headache, “Why aren't you angry? Why won’t you yell at me and cuss me out?”

Y/N turned his head to look at him, their eyes meeting for the first time since the night before.

“Because I love you.”