Beautiful ❤️

Thank you for those words, I really needed them right now!

how to have a healthier relationship with your stats page

1. Understand what stats can tell you - and what they can’t

AO3 stats tell you whether or not another user clicked something. That’s it. Hits tell you whether a user clicked the title of your fic. Kudos tell you that a user clicked the little ❤ at the bottom of the page. Comments tell you that a user typed something into a box and then hit the comment button.

Stats do not tell you why a person did any of those things. They also don’t tell you why a person didn’t do them. You know why you do those things yourself, but there are many types of people in the world and we all have our reasons why we do things. You can’t assume that every other user of AO3 uses the site the same way you do.

Stats are not a reliable way to find out if you’re good at writing. They’re not a way to tell if you are loved. They have nothing to do with the quality of your work or your worth as a person.

2. Don’t compare yourself to others - or yourself

Because stats are not a reliable way to judge quality or skill or the effort you put into a story, comparing your stats against another author will also not tell you which of you is the “better” author or which of you has a “better” story. They can tell you which story was more popular, but popularity itself has very little to do with skill or quality.

This is also true of your own work. Chances are very real that the story you’re most proud of is not the story with the best stats. Don’t let one story’s relative success or failure affect how you feel about another’s.

3. Focus on things you can control instead of things you can’t

Once you’ve posted your story, the reaction to it is out of your control. It will get however many hits, kudos, and comments other people decide to give it and you can’t do much about that at all.

What you can control, however, is the work you put into the story before you post it. Celebrate statistics like word count or time spent writing or the number of WIP you’ve managed to finish. Those are all numbers that are in your control, that you have the power to alter and affect.

Find something in every story that makes you happy. It doesn’t have to be the whole fic. It could be one particular characterization, a scene, or a line. Maybe you wrote a particularly funny joke or a really moving description or a hot love scene.

Highlighting positive emotions and being proud of your own work will make you less reliant on the opinions of other people. You’ll develop more confidence, and that will help you avoid the stats spiral in the future. Finding motivations inside of yourself is much more reliable than getting motivation from people who might or might not continue to provide it.

4. If you can’t ignore stats, avoid them

The first time I had an unhealthy relationship with my stats page, I ended up quitting fic entirely for about a year. I still wrote, I just didn’t post anything on AO3. I couldn’t trust myself not to focus on the numbers and make myself crazy, and so I didn’t allow myself to look at them at all.

The second time I found myself starting down the stats spiral, I knew the signs and I was able to pull myself out of it. I stopped looking at my stats page, but I was able to continue posting work. I still refreshed the page for the first day to see the hits/kudos/comments but after that first day I only returned to the fic in order to post a new chapter or answer another comment.

There are tools you can use to help you avoid stats. This AO3 skin hides stats entirely. This code hides hits. Here’s one for hiding kudos with additional instructions on how to hide any stats you choose.

5. Be your own cheerleader

When it comes right down to it, the reason why we focus in on stats is because we’re looking for reassurance. We want to know for sure whether we’re a good writer or not. Unfortunately, our stats are never going to tell us that.

A lot of us are also told by others that being proud of something we’ve done or liking something that we’ve created is boastful or bragging or other negative personality traits. But there’s a difference between bragging about how good you are and acknowledging your own skills.

Give yourself permission to like your own work. You might never get that permission from someone else, so you need to take that on yourself.

Start talking to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend of yours who was working on a fic or a piece of art or doing anything else that requires time and skill. You wouldn’t tear them down, so don’t tear yourself down. Build yourself up. That positive self-talk can be difficult at first, but it’s a habit that pays off over time.

6. Know that I’m proud of you

It takes courage and strength and determination to have an idea and then to act on it. It’s easy to think. It’s a lot harder to write things down. No matter whether you post your story online or you keep it to yourself. No matter whether you get a thousand hits or a dozen. You’re still amazing, and I’m so glad you took that leap ❤

More Posts from Wtfismygender and Others

wtfismygender

3 years ago

I’m sorry can we just appreciate how fucking incredible the translation of heartstopper was from comic to screen. I was watching it and I could have sworn I was just watching a colourised version of the book. This show was absolutely incredible and I cannot wait to see what else they do.

Also I love kit Connor so much lol

6K notes View Post

wtfismygender

3 years ago

what really gets to me is just how earnest nick is about his feelings for charlie, despite how confused he is about himself at first. he immediately goes to charlie the next day after their first kiss because he wants charlie to understand he doesn't regret the kiss, he's just really conflicted about himself. he doesn't ignore or shut charlie out while figuring out his sexuality and wanting to keep quiet about it at first, unlike ben. he makes it clear to charlie that he really likes him and doesn't want to go on dates with anyone else despite not being official yet. he gets really emotional when he wants charlie to realize how amazing and wonderful he really is and that he's changed nick's life for the better, and that he doesn't regret a single second with him. nick just communicating with charlie throughout the whole process is such a refreshing change from some of the shows we've gotten with lgbt+ representation in the past, and i'm so glad that lgbt+ youth and the community in general have a show like this to watch.

8K notes View Post

wtfismygender

3 years ago

the little animations added to the netflix adaptation really made it so special for me! the flying leaves, little sparkles and electricity bolts when nick and charlie held hands, the tiny hearts over one of the main couples and the black scribbles around charlie when he had intrusive thoughts... they all added such a nice touch and connection from the comics to the show <3 everyone involved in making it put so much love and care into the show and it really shows on screen

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wtfismygender

2 years ago

emperor kuzco was clearly gay

361K notes View Post

wtfismygender

1 year ago

✩ Webs ✩

╰┈➤ Jegulus fic on AO3 link

★ pairing: Regulus x James & Remus x Sirius (w/ background ships)

★ Summary: Regulus Black has a lot on his plate; killing people to get by is under no means his dream job but it’s the job that pays and after lying to his brother about a trust fund post-running away, he’s not sure can afford to quit. A swinging super-hero tries to change his mind, change his morals. Regulus had never been good at changing his ways.

★ genre: Spiderman x Deadpool

★ Status: Ongoing

art credit: @/ashbee_.art

89 notes View Post

wtfismygender

3 years ago

sometimes you read a fanfiction to distract and enjoy yourself but you end up reading a dialogue or a sentence that fundamentally changes who you are as a person and how you perceive the world around you, and honestly i wouldn't have it any other way

23K notes View Post

wtfismygender

3 years ago

One of my favourite things about heartstopper is just how explicit it is that being closeted isn’t bad. Ben isn’t awful to Charlie because he’s closeted, he’s awful to Charlie because he’s cruel and insecure. And everybody tells Nick at every opportunity that he shouldn’t have to come out if he doesn’t want to, especially Charlie because he knows how hard it is to be out and he cares more about Nick being safe and happy than being open about their relationship

The closest anyone gets to telling him to come out is during the conversation he has with Tao. And even that’s just him saying that Charlie deserves more than to be the guy he kisses sometimes on the downlow, but it’s fine if he can’t give him more than that and that Charlie would never make him come out if he isn’t ready. He isn’t telling him to come out, he’s telling him to consider what Charlie would be feeling. And it feels more like he’s telling him to make it official than to actually come out, it was Nick’s decision to come out because he wanted to make it official

I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever seen a queer story be this kind to closeted people before. They aren’t treated like cowards or liars or burdens, they’re treated like people in situations where they may not feel comfortable/safe enough to come out. Because in a lot of cases, that’s what they are. And they’re treated with as much kindness and understanding as they deserve and I just love that

8K notes View Post

wtfismygender

3 years ago

110K notes View Post

wtfismygender

3 years ago

kit connor absolutely NAILING nicks confusion mixed with attraction in the first couple of episodes is so special to me. like it’s so clear- especially in eps 2&3 that he is so confused but likes charlie so much he doesn’t know what to do with himself. and that culminated brilliantly at the start of episode four with “i’m just so so confused” (and when his voice broke </3) it was so realistic and SO well done like i was floored

8K notes View Post

wtfismygender

3 years ago

Heartstopper is different because it takes pleasure seriously

Two characters from Hearstopper, Nick and Charlie, are shown in dim light, Charlie holding Nick's face. They are clearly about to kiss.

Since I watched Heartstopper, I've been trying to figure out what about it made it feel so different from other stories similar to it. When you just describe the plot of it, it sounds like something straight (har har) out of Glee or Sex Education or Elite or SKAM or Skins or Degrassi, or...you get my point.

But it felt so different to me, and I realized yesterday what it was. Hearstopper takes the pleasures of queer romance and eroticism as seriously as it takes the pains of it. By which I mean, it gives an incredible amount of screen time to the excitement of it, the thrill of it, the visceral good feelings of it. Pleasure drives Heartstopper, in a way that is still incredibly unusual in mainstream queer media.

In most other stories like this, the pain and the angst and the ambivalence and the negative social ramifications of the premise take up like 90-95% of the screen time. The pleasure aspect typically exists as minimally as possible to catalyze all the negative or difficult parts that are the 'real' story. And while Heartstopper doesn't shy away from those things, it gives a roughly equal amount of narrative and screen time to the two leads getting a lot of pleasure out of their relationship, too. The amount of time the show invests in showing Nick and Charlie enjoying each other romantically -- throughout the story, not just at the very end -- is just absolutely decadent (and I mean that 100% positively).

The first kiss is a perfect example. In any other TV version of this story, the boys would have kissed that first time for less than 2 seconds, and then IMMEDIATELY been interrupted by the other boys. Instead, Heartstopper lets them kiss once, take a breath, and then have a second, very extended kiss enhanced by animated embellishments designed to emphasize just how incredibly enjoyable this is for them...before finally disrupting it again with Plot™.

And the amazing thing is, from a pure narrative standpoint, you don't need the second kiss. It's completely unnecessary to the plot. You could completely eliminate it and the plot would hold together exactly the same. The second kiss is there exclusively to emphasize the intense pleasure of this experience for them. That's all it does.

Heartstopper is serious about foregrounding pleasure, and how important pleasure is in all of this. Which frankly, is a thing you usually only ever see in romance novels and fanfic.

***

One of the reasons I was hesitant to watch this show initially is because I have limited tolerance for coming out stories that are so focused on the unappealing parts of the experience. It's not that those things don't MATTER. But there is such a cultural allergy to making the pleasures of the experience a serious focus, particularly (yes I'm going to say it) the sexual pleasures of it.

Hearstopper, blissfully, refuses to shy away from pleasure, and from making it important.

It's not just that my tolerance for queer pain in media is limited (although admittedly that's true). I also grow so weary of popular culture treating queerness as mostly a political identity upon which we simply moralize about tolerance, and engage in self congratulatory yarns about ~being yourself~ and loving yourself. It's not that I think any of those things is BAD. But a) I've seen that story many times before and b) there's an ENORMOUS piece of this experience that we're still mostly skirting around the edges of because we're still very chickenshit about it, to be perfectly frank.

We, as a culture, are still scared as fuck to really say, very bluntly: queerness feels fucking good.

In the midst of this, Heartstopper does something wondrous. It says to the audience, in no uncertain terms: Queerness feels fucking good...so, let's spend some time actually talking about THAT for a while.

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