Astarion Ancunin - Blog Posts
does anyone else ever
so i send myself things on discord so i can have them on my phone and THIS is how i sent this one to myself
just. just felt like sharing
fellas. gamers. astarion lovers. i figured it out.
I FIGURED OUT HOW TO DRAW HIS HAIR
(ignore that he has no eyes or mouth im not emo or bad i drawing i swear i just didnt wanna ruin the good drawing so im gonna draw his eyes/mouth on some of that cool translucent sketch paper)
so i was reading this fic and the mental image of the shirt astarion likes just posessed me and i had to draw it
(ignore my little sketchbook comments. or dont what can i do about it)
thinkin about Astarion's eye color prior to being turned and everyone has the wrong idea. His eyes were blue. ik people have said "oh he has blue eyes" before but hold on
blue like "get brown contacts. NOW" blue. and Astarion refused to get brown contacts. so the universe turned him into a vampire
so im playing bg3 again after a week and a half of wanting to but feeling like I can't and i am once again realizing that astarion's sexy bait extends to the people (including me) who bought the game.
hes hot because that gets people interested in him so he can lure them away. HE'S HOT AND PEOPLE GOT INTERESTED IN HIM AND BOUGHT THE GAME
i realize its not a super profound thing but its like damn. his strategy breaks the 4th wall
I keep coming back to this FUCKING FANART!!!! Like you are so fucking real for this dude I’m absolutely bewitched I love the idea of Astarion healing and slowly getting healthier as the game progresses I’m just GHRBBRHRHHBBRHRHGGRGRRRRHGRRG
Doodle of Astarion going from starved and newly freed to eating better and getting chubbier
Controversial, but i'm six-pack hater. Out of romanceable male companions only Wyll should be allowed to have defined abs. Thank you for coming to my ted talk
[pspsps i yapped about it here]
instead of finishing my drawing of astarion. i drew him looking like a wet possum
THIS IS FOR ALL MY DELULU BABYS AND GRILLS
HE HAS ARRIVED
reminder to self to write the astarion eating oil paint fic
i hate the realization that a lot of the fictional men i find attractive are around or over 40, and even if theyre way (read: centuries) older they still look (or sound) 40ish.
why is it all old man yaoi.
Love it
before the fall little headcanon that Astarion is a Sun Elf and his parents have a portrait of him framed but closeted away so they don't weep when they see it. big golden boy energy.
patreon | prints
"Unascended" Astarion
Why I love the Spawn ending and why it's not "lesser"
Up until now, I've been lucky to stay on the Spawn-supportive side of the fandom, but yesterday, I stumbled upon some Ascendant-supportive interpretations, some of which surprised or even upset me. I want to make clear that my intention is not to point fingers here - I just want to work through my emotions and put the feeling into words, because, honestly, I felt a lot yesterday. Also, I think it's a great opportunity to share my own view: why I love his Spawn ending and think it is beautiful.
Let’s go through some points I’ve seen brought up:
"Unascended" Astarion
I’m not sure if this is a unified term for Spawn Astarion, but I’ve seen several posts refer to him as “Unascended.” That phrasing alone feels invalidating - as if he’s lesser or incomplete because he didn’t take the power offered. In a way, it echoes how Ascended Astarion refers to his former self, calling him pathetic.
But the Spawn ending isn’t about not ascending - it’s about reclaiming himself. This Astarion isn’t “less than.” He’s the same man they say they fell for, but now he’s free to grow, reflect, and choose who he wants to become.
"Miserable" Astarion
The moment when Astarion breaks down in tears after killing Cazador and then says he feels numb is mentioned a lot.
There’s a claim that it shows he’s miserable and regrets not ascending - in contrast to the Ascended version who laughs and says he feels alive.
But this interpretation completely misreads the moment. That breakdown isn’t weakness. It isn’t regret at having missed an opportunity. It’s emotional, cathartic release.
He just faced the man who controlled and tortured him for centuries, resisted over ultimate temptation with power, and chose to break the vicious cycle. He is finally free - not just to live to but grieve too.
Killing Cazador didn't erase or undo everything that happened, but it gave him space to feel it.
Up until now, survival was taking all the space, but now that the overpowering shadow of his former master is finally lifted, he feels empty, numb.
With that cry, Astarion releases the pain he was carrying for so long, mourning everything that was stolen from him, and feeling the weight of finally being free.
And there is this huge relief that it is finally over.
So he cries - and this is a perfectly natural and deeply human reaction. Crying isn't bad - it's a way to deal with strong emotions.
Meanwhile, the Ascended version laughs, high on power and control, - a very different kind of reaction.
“Depressed” Astarion
Some say that Astarion seems miserable or depressed in the Spawn ending. But what I see is the opposite: he’s calmer, more grounded, and more honest. They are concerned because he doesn’t constantly joke or flirt like before. But that version of Astarion - the flamboyant, seductive, constantly smirking version - was his mask. A performance he relied on over centuries to survive.
In the Spawn path, he still uses it from time to time - old habits die hard. But now, with Tav, he doesn’t need it. He’s safe enough to be real - to show vulnerability, to ask for connection, to speak softly and show doubt. Yes, his tone changes. He’s more serious, but that’s not sadness - it’s growth that shows in calm self-reflection.
That some interpret as a “loss of charm” is actually him finally lowering his defenses. He speaks softly, shows doubt, asks for real connection and allows himself to be seen. That’s vulnerability and real strength.
Well, of course, he can feel sad too. He needs time to process. And that's how the healing starts. It can't be a 100% nice and pleasant experience - it will be painful, ugly, even - but in a necessary, honest way, with shaking and tears. But you need to get through the thorns to reach the stars.
"Rejecting" Astarion
There’s a moment in the Spawn ending where Tav can offer to protect him now that he’s still a vampire spawn, and Astarion gently declines. I saw someone interpret this as a sign of distrust - that Astarion can’t forgive Tav for denying him the chance to walk in the sun, and that he’s pushing them away to protect himself.
Yes, Tav’s wording may come off a bit awkward - “I’ll protect you” - but I believe it is said out of love: a sincere attempt to comfort and reassure.
And Astarion’s reply is a gentle refusal. He accepts their care, but sets a new boundary. He doesn't seek to rely on someone strong anymore - he wants to be his own protector, because now he believes he is enough.
That’s the new strength he found in rejecting the stolen power promised by the Rite.
"Strong" Astarion
There’s an idea that the Ascended path gives Astarion power and confidence, while the Spawn path leaves him weak and miserable.
But that confidence? Try asking Ascended Astarion about his past - about Cazador. He snaps. He doesn’t want to talk. He lashes out.
Spawn Astarion, by contrast, can talk about it. He faces it, even when it hurts.
Ascended Astarion might have new powers, but inside, he is weaker than ever.
He might look invincible, might say all the pretty words about being in control, but he’s emotionally cut off. He’s angry, reactive, guarded. He doesn’t want his past mentioned because it still owns him. Why? Because he became its embodiment, continuing the wicked cycle of power-seeking and domination.
The powers gave him control, but cost him everything else: his softness, his openness, his ability to grow. He becomes what he used to hate, and that’s not freedom - that’s entrapment by another name.
I think the tragedy is that Ascended Astarion no longer believes in love or trust - only in power, and the illusion of safety it brings.
In contrast, Spawn Astarion chooses trust: in himself, in Tav, in friendship, in this world. He chooses life, with all its mess and uncertainty.
Yes, he has limitations as a spawn. But don't we all have them, one way or another? These limitations don't make us less valuable. And yes, he mourns them, mourns the sunlight and everything else that was stolen from him. And that's human. But it doesn't mean he regrets his choice. He embraces what he can have: love, freedom, real connection, the chance to shape his own path.
And it is very brave to learn to face your shadows and work through them, so they won't hold you back or make you feel bad about yourself. It can make one stronger and more compassionate toward other people's weaknesses. It reminds me of this quote that stuck with me when I saw it:
"Do you understand the violence it took to become this gentle?" (Nitya Prakash)
Astarion isn’t “perfect” in the Spawn ending. He’s still learning, still healing, still growing. But for the first time in his life, he’s doing it on his own terms. He is not rid of his wounds and uncertainty. The Ascended path is covering the scars with glamor and denial. But these scars don’t make Astarion someone less, they make him real. And his choice - to remain himself rather than become someone he used to hate - is strength, not loss.
The Ascended path closes its eyes on the inconvenient moments, unable to handle them. Believing that version of him is happy and content is doing the same - painting castles in the sky instead of looking at the radiant in its messiness truth.
"Humbled" Astarion
Another criticism I saw was that Astarion thanks Tav for being patient with him. And trusting him "when it was objectively stupid."
The argument was that he shouldn’t feel grateful for being “tolerated,” that this shows low self-worth and implies an unhealthy dynamic where love is conditional.
But loving someone “as they are” doesn’t mean you resist their growth. You can see someone’s potential and want this for them, but still cherish them in every stage of becoming. Patience in love isn’t about wanting to fix your loved one - it’s holding space for them while they are looking for their way to their better selves. It's about seeing someone with all their flaws and wounds and staying beside them anyway. Not closing your eyes and pretending everything is fine.
When Astarion says “thank you for being patient,” it’s not self-deprecation, it's recognition. It’s him saying: "I know I was difficult. And I’m so grateful you stayed."
Astarion was still discovering who he was. He believed in a cruel system, and it took time, trust, and care to step outside it. It’s a deeply vulnerable moment of acknowledging that he was in the process of relearning who he truly was, beyond what Cazador told him to be, shaking off centuries of trauma and manipulation. And it takes immense courage to face it.
So Tav’s patience is a form of love. A love that doesn’t rush him. That looks beyond a mask or performance. A love that quietly waits beside him until he’s ready. When Astarion says next that he feels “safe and seen”, it's everything. He’s not being humbled in the sense of being diminished or broken - he’s grounding himself.
Astarion gains a deeper understanding of himself - the freedom to feel everything fully and still keep going. That’s not being less. That’s becoming whole.
And yes - this humility is strength. A strength that the Ascended Astarion refused. He cannot grow, he's entraped, frozen in a performance of power, unable to confront or heal from the pain that shaped him into what he chose to become.
But Spawn Astarion can move forward. That’s why his “thank you for being patient” means something. Because he finally knows himself. Or at least starting to get to know himself. And he chooses to be loved as that man.
Conclusion
The tragedy of the Ascended path is that Astarion loses the one thing he fought so hard for: himself.
He doesn't believe in love anymore, only in power and control. He inherited the world that Cazador painted for him.
But the Spawn path is about choosing to live. To feel. To love.
Astarion chooses to leave the past behind and start again. To face uncertainty and shadows as himself, not as a vampire lord.
And hearing someone rob him of this, invalidate and pity for this choice... honestly? It hurts. And yes, I do feel angry about it.
I do try not to blame or disrespect people who see this so differently, but it doesn't mean I can't have emotions about this. So I needed to vent in the most civilized way possible.
Still, no one can take that from him, our Radiant Hopeful.
To my defense, I really tried to reduce the amount of screenshots, but I absolutely need you to see all of these! The point will follow.
Just look at this soft boy! I can't! (๑>◡<๑)💕
Ahem. Now to the point… 👉🏻👈🏻
I keep thinking about these early camp scenes with Astarion – and I still can’t get over how much warmth he already shows from the very beginning.
I don’t know how anyone can call this man weak when he’s endured such horrors and came out deeply scarred, but never broken. For two centuries, Cazador did everything in his power to crush him – and failed.
And then, on the very first night, just after he escaped (with the help of the Nautilouid, of course), Astarion is already reaching out – so sweet and sincere, sharing his thoughts, offering to take the watch, wishing you sweet dreams. It’s not a performance. He’s genuinely excited. Giddy, almost!
The contrast with Gale struck me recently. During his first night in camp, he’s already carrying so much – he’s been prepared to die soon, and now he’s stuck with yet another dangerous condition. It’s overwhelming.
To be honest, during my second playthrough when I romanced Gale, I missed that early scene. I remembered him as cheerful and chatty in Act 1, so seeing that moment afterward gave me a deeper understanding of how low he actually felt in the beginning. It’s the connection with others, with Tav, that pulls him back to the light.
But Astarion? He’s glowing that night. He’s finally free, and that feeling is so vast not even any fear about the tadpole can spoil it. He’ll worry about that tomorrow. But right now, he’s just... here. And free.
There’s no seduction yet. No manipulation. Just a raw and honest joy, and a warmth that’s easy to miss but unforgettable once you’ve seen it.
Astarion’s resilience is something incredible.
He hasn’t given up – not on himself, not on the world.
He has the strongest love of life. He wants to live, no matter what.
And no matter what life throws at him, he doesn’t let it break him – he immediately stands into the position, ready to strike, to fight till the last beat – with this fierce determination to insist on being there.
And even after everything, he still chooses to connect. He still cares. If you meet him with patience and sincerity, he readily lets you in – and that trust feels like the most meaningful gift.
His light was dimmed – but it never stopped shining.
Not in Cazador’s dungeon, not ever.
Knowledge is power. Sometimes literally.
Astarion: Still, if nothing else, maybe I can beat Cazador to death with it (The Necromancy of Thay).
I laughed so much at this but it also reminded me of my own experience while solving the Balduran trials, in Wyrm’s Crossing dungeons.
Still, to this day, I have no idea whether I did everything right or it was not how you are supposed to solve this (please, don’t tell me!)
But Roanael, my Tav, was already so frustrated after the previous trials that in the Camber of Insight she just… threw the books at the shadows of their authors.
…And it worked.
Roanael: *throwing the book*
Astarion: I did say beating someone with a book might be an option… I just never thought you’d take it quite so literally.
Shadowheart: 🤦♀️
Lae’zel: *enjoying the show*
Gale: *would disapprove if he were there but fortunately he wasn’t*
Ascension or Not?
(12/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Trigger warning: Spawn route / Ascension reflection
The Rite of Profane Ascension is the culmination of The Pale Elf’s story - everything has been building toward this: the fear, the shame, the survival instincts, the longing to be seen, the need to finally break free. It’s the most dangerous moment for Astarion - the fork in the road that will change everything.
We’ve already talked about how much Astarion longs to be truly seen. That’s why it hurts so deeply when he isn’t. When Tav misreads him - sees only the seducer, the witty, wicked vampire spawn - it encourages him to stay inside that mask. And he will, because that’s how he survived for two hundred years. But if Tav reaches gently toward what’s underneath, if they speak to the heart of him… he starts to hope: “Could there really be another way?”
The desire to be seen for more than he was made to be is so strong in him that it feels like he is constantly unconsciously searching for it. Not just admired or desired but truly known - it is woven into everything he does. But the tragedy is, the version of himself that he crafted to survive - charming, flirtatious, in control - is so convincing that even he sometimes believes that’s all he has to be. No wonder many players assume Ascension is what Astarion really wants.
That’s why the ritual is so dangerous. It is the ultimate temptation that seemingly can make all his fears disappear, promising eternal power. But it doesn’t free him. It traps him even deeper. Because it is the culmination of Cazador's legacy that he taught him: that power is everything, that it gives you the right to take and abuse, that to be weak is to be worthless and hurt, that vulnerability is pathetic. There is no place for kindness or love in this world.
If Tav helps him to go through with the ritual, it might seem like they’re validating his choice. But what it tells him is: you, as you are - frightened, hurt, still healing but craving connection - are not enough. That the only version of him others can value is the cold, invulnerable one.
It confirms his worst fear, so he clings to it harder.
That’s why, for me, Ascension isn’t Astarion’s "true self." It’s his trauma self - the final mask locked in place by a diabolical ritual, that becomes his new self forever. It's not freedom - it’s losing. Losing to fear. Losing to Cazador’s values. Losing the hope that was beginning to bloom.
But if Tav sees past those layers of defences and stops him - gently, lovingly - it’s not about forcing him to be "good." It’s about saying: I see you. And you're enough, just as you are. You don't need this to be free, to be loved.
That’s why it’s so moving when Tav instead gently reminds him that there is another way, reflecting his humanity back to him. In that route, Astarion finally allows himself to believe he’s more than what Cazador made him: not because he takes power, but because he rejects it and breaks that cycle.
When Astarion walks away from the Rite, it’s not weakness. It’s the first step toward becoming someone he never thought he could be - not a tool, not a monster, not someone else's shadow, but someone who can start discovering his real self. It’s a newfound freedom that finally allows him to start living again.
I want to say something about the Ascended route, too. I haven’t played it myself, only read and watched some bits of it - and maybe I might talk about it more later. But I’ll share just this for now.
For me, Ascension is a very sad and lonely choice for Astaion. By that, he forever separates himself from everyone else, from any genuine connection he could have had with the rest of the world.
Yes, Ascended Astarion still “cares” about Tav - they are still important to him. Maybe the most important person in his world, because he is not likely to let anyone in anymore. But it's not the same - not without that warmth, not when he owns them now. He puts them in the position he once fought so desperately to escape - completely dependent on someone else’s power. He might still be kind. But they are not equals. And I can’t help but wonder how long that kindness would last.
Yes, he can walk in the sun. He can taste food, enjoy luxuries. But without healing, those things are hollow. How long until the joy of novelty wears off? Until the hunger for power inside grows stronger again, forever insatiable? Until it can't satisfy him anymore, and he turns toward the one who cannot leave or say no? Love is not control.
So, for me, persuading Astarion to give up that idea is not forcing him against his nature - it's reminding him of it. Tav cares about him and doesn't want him to corner himself in a choice he might regret later. It's not about moralizing or controlling his choices, but about wanting him to be happy in the long run. If Astarion had made a decision in anger or desperation, its result would have haunted him forever.
That’s why I don’t even like calling it the “Spawn ending.” To me, it’s simply Astarion’s ending. The one where he can finally become who he truly is. Himself.
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After learning about that quote on Astarion's shirt in EA, I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I had to try to put it into words somehow:
"Could I kiss you?" you ask, still feeling that bashful flutter in your stomach. But he hums, visibly pleased with the idea.
"How could I say no?"
You smile, struggling to hold a wide grin that threatens to make you look like a fool in love. Which you helplessly are, no doubt.
You lean in, and your lips brush in a soft kiss - familiar, gentle. But when your hand settles on his shoulder, your fingers pause.
“What’s this?” you murmur, fingertips tracing an uneven spot in the fabric you haven’t noticed before.
"Oh, that." He barely glances over, already knowing what you mean. "It’s nothing... just something I made, a long time ago."
He takes a small step back, looking away, his eyes distant again. You wait, daring not to pull him back just yet. You let him decide. And he does, letting out a sigh and looking back with the same vulnerability that turns your heart inside out.
"It was something I made as a reminder, back when there wasn’t much to hold onto. When I was at... his place."
That piercing gaze is full of honesty and careful trust.
"It sounds important. What is it about?.."
You take a small step closer, tilting your head to get a better look, but you wait for permission. He hesitates for a moment but spreads the folds of the shirt, revealing a neat, eloquent line of words embroidered under the waves of ruffles, close to the heart.
"It says - lamentable is the autumn picker content with plums."
You reach out to touch the letters, and he remains still, watching you with the familiar intensity you didn't know you needed in your life. The silence is comfortable. You turn the words in your mind, catching the meaning.
You picture him bent over this shirt, needle in hand, stitching that one stubborn hope into the fabric he kept mending for too many times. Something no one could take. A reminder that even then, he was longing for more.
"I was a plum picker back then," he continues as his fingers softly tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear, taking their time, hovering over your skin, his eyes pensive. "Forced to live on bruised fruits and scraps. I had to remember there was more. There had to be more, even if I didn't know how it looked."
You turn your head, leaning into his touch, and look into his eyes.
“What about now?” you whisper.
He meets your gaze quietly, talking a moment to think, as if he’s still learning the answer himself.
“Now... I think I do.”
Astarion and Cazador
(11/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
This is also less of an analysis and more of a personal impression during the final scene of facing Cazador. I know there is a tragedy of the vampire curse that played its role in his life, too. But now I only want to talk about what I felt and saw with my eyes, solely based on my experience in the game.
When I first saw Cazador, I was honestly dumbfounded. In my imagination, he had always been that archetypal vampire lord - dark, composed, powerful and cruel. But the reality was... underwhelming. He came across as a petty, narrow-minded man who took himself far too seriously. There was nothing truly majestic or formidable about him - he just happened to be stronger than those around him and used that power to indulge himself in the worst ways.
It was actually quite brilliant of the creators to portray him this way - to show how low and hollow someone who takes pleasure in torture really is. That cruelty is just ugly and there is nothing appealing about it, no matter how much you try to cover it with aesthetics or mystery.
And then there was Astarion, standing before him. The difference between them was night and day. Astarion was radiant - beautiful, dignified, strong. Even in that moment of uncertainty, of raw emotion, he shone. I think I could have fallen for him all over again right then and there.
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I already dread the moment my hyperfixation runs out and I start loving Astarion a normal amount.
Ugh 😑
Haha yes that’s what I’m trying to do now:
I made sure to check everything with my 2nd Tav, the drow sorcerer Thalyn. We finished Act 1 & 2 and found the Gur camp and she agreed to help. Astarion is not in her party, so he wasn’t very thrilled to hear that she signed them up to something very risky yet again - and what’s worse, the deal was with monster hunters! She is not very close to him, so the conversation didn't go very well.
After reaching Wyrm’s Crossing, I really missed my first team badly, so I just impulsively started replaying my first campaign from the very beginning. That's why I still haven't experienced these events in the game.
And, yes, even after finishing Act 1 for the third time, I was still able to find something new. I clearly underestimated BG3!
It is very interesting, indeed! I want to reach Act 3 again with my first team and see how they will handle this.
But you reminded me of this interaction between Astarion and Gandrel. Fortunately, I took the screenshots:
Astarion: You're a monster hunter? I'm surprised - I thought all Gur were vagrant cut-throats. Roanael's face: "here we go again…" xD
Gandrel: And more! We steal chickens, curse your crops, seduce your daughters - the list goes on.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't see any hatred in him. On the contrary, Astarion seems quite pleased.
What I saw here: yes, Astarion expresses some kind of passive aggression, or at least demonstrates he is not quite fond of Gurs. But keeps the tone lighthearted.
Gandrel generously takes the joke and answers in the same key, but at the same time saying: "Yes, there are many rumors and stereotypes, but it doesn't necessarily make them true."
I think, Gandrel won approval here and some respect. Astarion even seems pleased with this interaction. Maybe it's my wishful thinking, but he is too intelligent to seriously hold all Gurs responsible for what happened to him - yes, they will always be associated with his death for him, and I think it's fair. But it doesn't mean he will hate every Gur he meets from now on.
The other thing is how Gandren responded to his humor: for Astarion, I'd say, it's quite a big deal and there are several places in the game when you can trigger his approval or disapproval depending on how you react to his jokes, sometimes quite sarcastic, or how you make jokes yourself. So when someone can take a joke and react positively, he certainly feels pleased with the exchange.
Softie Underneath
(9/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Maybe it’s just my headcanon, but I like to think there’s another side to Astarion, one he tries to hide: the part of him that genuinely likes children.
Of course, I haven't played his Origin run yet, so this is just the feeling I had during my first playthrough.
Take Arabella, the tiefling girl who stole the idol from the druids to stop the ritual. Astarion was all grumpy about getting involved, but there was something like admiration in his tone, even then. And later, when we ran into her again in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, he actually sounded excited to see her: “Oh, you’re that little idol thief!” - he said it almost with a kind of fond recognition. When we found her again in the Baldur’s Gate sewers, surrounded by corpses, listening to the Weave, Astarion whispered her name so quietly, like he was truly worried.
Then there was Yenna, the girl in Rivington whose mother disappeared. When we gave her some gold to buy food, Astarion didn’t say anything, but quietly approved along with the other companions. Later, when she turned up at camp asking to stay, he teased her, but it sounded more playful than mean. And when Orin kidnapped her, he was visibly shaken. He insisted we go after her and grew defensive about it, muttering that too many children had gone missing lately, and it had to stop.
For me, it’s one of those signs that no matter how much he tries to appear cold or indifferent, that’s not who he really is. There’s always been a warm heart under all that cruelty he was forced to learn.
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Sharess’ Caress: Trying to Feel Whole
(10/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
When we first arrived at Sharess’ Caress during my initial playthrough, I simply said no, and we moved on. But later, I saw others mention something Astarion says during the encounter with the twins - and I realized I needed to see it to understand him better.
I tried returning to Sharess' Caress from the old save file, where we haven't finished his personal quest yet. But the dialogue didn't go the way I saw it discussed, so after researching, I realized that the interactions are different, depending on when you come to the place - before defeating Cazador or after.
But in the end, I couldn't make myself go with it, not with my Tav, Roanael, so in the end I just watched a recording on YouTube (//v;)
If it happens before Cazador, Astarion gently but firmly declines the offer to spend a night with Tav and the drow twins. And it is wonderful to see him feeling safe enough to draw this line and protect his boundaries.
If you say you wouldn’t make him do it, he says, “Don’t be so nice to me! It makes me want to be nice back…” - it is framed like another joke, but he looks touched and sad at the same time.
If you decide to go alone, he shows some disapproval and concern - "Enjoy yourself, of course, but I dearly hope you aren't only having sex because we haven't in a while."
I feel he is trying to hide how much it actually bothers him that he might not be enough, that he can't give you want you want... and that you want it so much you can't wait for him, you still need it here and now, no matter who would be your partner.
Interestingly, this doesn’t even lower his approval (unlike, say, Gale’s) - maybe because Astarion doesn’t feel he has a right to disapprove. But that doesn’t make it any less painful.
What surprised me is that if you go there after defeating Cazador and finishing Astarion’s ark, he agrees, saying now that he is free, he is ready to try doing this again. Astarion tries to sound enthusiastic. He even reassures Tav that if he doesn’t like something, he will run away. But his laugh sounds almost hysterical.
If Tav goes with this alone, Astarion comments: “You have a type, don't you? Elven prostitutes? Again? It's rather embarrassing, dear.”
And while Tav and Astarion are spending time with the drow twins, he says all sorts of things like they are dealing with a professional, and he is being very attentive to everyone, but Tav notices that it’s all instinctual, and he is far away at the moment, clearly dissociating.
This place and situation trigger a lot of traumatic memories. And it also shows that even after we defeated Cazador and Astarion overcame his fear and decided to start a new life - he is still healing, it’s not like he magically recovered in a moment.
This whole episode in the brothel with Astarion is very difficult to see (I'd say it's horrible to do to him, if he didn't agree to this himself when he didn't have to) - but it also shows how deep his wounds are. Even after Cazador is gone, his shadow is still there: even if there is no one forcing him now, he does it to himself, cornering himself into the same patterns without realizing it.
Tragically, once Astarion agrees, the game doesn't allow Tav to change their mind, even if it's clear how distressed he is. But as they proceed, Tav can't help but notice just how skilful and gorgeous Astarion is in bed. He notices their eyes on him and asks why they are looking at him like this, and there is an option to reply, “Just making sure you’re okay.” And Astarion’s reaction is: “I wish to drink… And to be drunk.”
Honestly... it sounds a bit out of place, but it makes it even worse. Because it is not sensual. It is not said of intoxication by pleasure. It's numbness. Falling apart into the same state of performance as those thousands of times when he laid down on his back before.
But the way Astarion tries to push through is not a weakness - it shows how deeply he wants to feel whole again, even if he doesn’t yet know what that looks like. He’s trying to prove to Tav, but even more to himself: I’m free now. I can do this. I’m normal.
And it hurts because he shouldn’t have to.
Because healing is slow, messy, with ups and downs - and that’s perfectly fine.
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I try to sound all composed and sensible in my posts, but the truth is I just absolutely adore this man - it’s all really just a long love letter (๑>◡<๑)💕
So many great points, thank you! I do realize this is my weakest post in the series so far, that’s why I added the disclaimer in the beginning.
All these observations are based purely on my first play through experience, which, as I realize now, during my second and third ones, was very rushed. I’m sure just saying that we never met any of the Gurs until right after defeating Cazador will draw you a clear enough picture of just how much I missed there 🙈
(Oh, the surprise on my face: “Excuse me… who are you again, good people?..”)
But I decided to give this theory a chance since it’s still a part of my experience. After all, I can always write another post explaining how I realized that I was wrong before.
But it’s nice to hear there might be a chance this headcanon is not so far from being true!
Softie Underneath
(9/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Maybe it’s just my headcanon, but I like to think there’s another side to Astarion, one he tries to hide: the part of him that genuinely likes children.
Of course, I haven't played his Origin run yet, so this is just the feeling I had during my first playthrough.
Take Arabella, the tiefling girl who stole the idol from the druids to stop the ritual. Astarion was all grumpy about getting involved, but there was something like admiration in his tone, even then. And later, when we ran into her again in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, he actually sounded excited to see her: “Oh, you’re that little idol thief!” - he said it almost with a kind of fond recognition. When we found her again in the Baldur’s Gate sewers, surrounded by corpses, listening to the Weave, Astarion whispered her name so quietly, like he was truly worried.
Then there was Yenna, the girl in Rivington whose mother disappeared. When we gave her some gold to buy food, Astarion didn’t say anything, but quietly approved along with the other companions. Later, when she turned up at camp asking to stay, he teased her, but it sounded more playful than mean. And when Orin kidnapped her, he was visibly shaken. He insisted we go after her and grew defensive about it, muttering that too many children had gone missing lately, and it had to stop.
For me, it’s one of those signs that no matter how much he tries to appear cold or indifferent, that’s not who he really is. There’s always been a warm heart under all that cruelty he was forced to learn.
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Softie Underneath
(9/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
Maybe it’s just my headcanon, but I like to think there’s another side to Astarion, one he tries to hide: the part of him that genuinely likes children.
Of course, I haven't played his Origin run yet, so this is just the feeling I had during my first playthrough.
Take Arabella, the tiefling girl who stole the idol from the druids to stop the ritual. Astarion was all grumpy about getting involved, but there was something like admiration in his tone, even then. And later, when we ran into her again in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, he actually sounded excited to see her: “Oh, you’re that little idol thief!” - he said it almost with a kind of fond recognition. When we found her again in the Baldur’s Gate sewers, surrounded by corpses, listening to the Weave, Astarion whispered her name so quietly, like he was truly worried.
Then there was Yenna, the girl in Rivington whose mother disappeared. When we gave her some gold to buy food, Astarion didn’t say anything, but quietly approved along with the other companions. Later, when she turned up at camp asking to stay, he teased her, but it sounded more playful than mean. And when Orin kidnapped her, he was visibly shaken. He insisted we go after her and grew defensive about it, muttering that too many children had gone missing lately, and it had to stop.
For me, it’s one of those signs that no matter how much he tries to appear cold or indifferent, that’s not who he really is. There’s always been a warm heart under all that cruelty he was forced to learn.
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I like Holly Black’s «The Folk of the Air» book series and there something Cardan once said to Jude that was carved into my memory, even though I couldn’t fully understand the meaning:
“By you, I am forever undone.”
But now, after getting to know Astarion, I think I am starting to understand.
Maybe it’s kind of love that feels like a wave washed over everything inside you, leaving no place untouched, changing you the way you’ll never be the same again. And how when you look at that person there is nothing about them that lefts you indifferent - every time you look at them you feel something in you falling apart, but in the best possible way.
Thank you for this addition! I didn’t go that far in my thoughts and I am still figuring out for myself what kind of master Cazador was to Astarion and his siblings and what kind of life they had in that place.
And I love the other poster’s thoughts on the quote. I feel a bit sorry that Larian decided to remove it.
Astarion's Shirt
(8/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
This part is short, and probably has been talked about before, but I just wanted to share how much I love that the game gives us character insight through small, indirect details. For example, the description of Astarion’s shirt.
“A once-fine shirt that’s seen years of cuts, tears, and careful repairs. Clearly someone cares about looking good.”
At first glance, it’s a nod to his vanity - Astarion knows how gorgeous he is, and he clearly enjoys small luxuries when he can. But I think there’s more to it than that.
Yes, his appearance was Astarion’s tool to do his job - luring people for Cazador. But maybe this careful mending of that shirt feels like something else, something “human.”
I can't help but imagine Astarion’s frame bending over his shirt and fixing it up once again, working so carefully on the stitches… And there is something deeply sad about it - but also resilient. Him, in that cold castle, maybe after another torture or another night with someone he didn’t want to be with. So here he is, just sitting there in his little corner - a bed in a room he shares with other spawns - working on his clothes quietly.
Maybe telling himself that he can still look like this life as a slave doesn’t make him any less, like he still can carry himself with pride. It is something he still can control. And it is not about vanity, but dignity - another small act of defiance in its own quiet way. His insistence that he still matters, that he is still someone. Even if no one else cares. Even if it is just him, needle in hand, patching fabric like he wished he could patch up the holes inside his heart, too.
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Astarion's Shirt
(8/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
This part is short, and probably has been talked about before, but I just wanted to share how much I love that the game gives us character insight through small, indirect details. For example, the description of Astarion’s shirt.
“A once-fine shirt that’s seen years of cuts, tears, and careful repairs. Clearly someone cares about looking good.”
At first glance, it’s a nod to his vanity - Astarion knows how gorgeous he is, and he clearly enjoys small luxuries when he can. But I think there’s more to it than that.
Yes, his appearance was Astarion’s tool to do his job - luring people for Cazador. But maybe this careful mending of that shirt feels like something else, something “human.”
I can't help but imagine Astarion’s frame bending over his shirt and fixing it up once again, working so carefully on the stitches… And there is something deeply sad about it - but also resilient. Him, in that cold castle, maybe after another torture or another night with someone he didn’t want to be with. So here he is, just sitting there in his little corner - a bed in a room he shares with other spawns - working on his clothes quietly.
Maybe telling himself that he can still look like this life as a slave doesn’t make him any less, like he still can carry himself with pride. It is something he still can control. And it is not about vanity, but dignity - another small act of defiance in its own quiet way. His insistence that he still matters, that he is still someone. Even if no one else cares. Even if it is just him, needle in hand, patching fabric like he wished he could patch up the holes inside his heart, too.
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It is a quiet and thick summer night. One of those when the air smells like spices and leaves warmed by daylight.
Astarion steps back into the lightened circle of your campfire, lowering himself on the bedroll. He was hunting in the forest - successful but uneventful routine.
His hunger is sated for now, yet his brows still grow tight together as he looks around, taking in the silence. You aren’t here.
He picks up a book, turning the pages by the flickering light of the fire, his mind far away. Until he hears the steps and the corners of his mouth curl into a small smile.
He doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is, and he doesn’t flinch when your arms wrap around him from behind, gentle and warm. He just raises his hand to place over your arm as you rest your head against his shoulder and let out a dramatic sigh.
“You were gone for too long,” you mumble with a playful pout, softly nuzzling the curve of his neck with your nose. “I got bored waiting. So I went for a walk too. But really, you could’ve just bitten me instead. At least then we’d have spent that time together.”
Astarion chuckles, slightly leaning his head closer to yours. “Darling, your blood is far too invaluable to be treated as a mere convenience. It’s better reserved for more special occasions.”
You chuckle, brushing your lips along the pulse line on his neck. Your teeth grazing his skin in a teasing imitation of a bite.
“Then I’ll make us even,” you growl quietly, struggling to hold back a wide grin. “It’s my turn now.”
Astarion doesn’t hold back an amused laugh, short but light and unguarded. The sound you love so much. He turns around to look at you with a familiar smirk. “Oh? Is that so?”
He pulls you on his lap and you readily settle there, your eyes softening from mischief to warmth. You tilt your head, studying his face.
“Hold still…” you ask gently and Astarion arches his eyebrow but obliges, watching you raise your hand.
Your thumb carefully brushes his cheek, stroking a small drop of dried blood on his skin.
“Missed a spot,” you smile softly, wiping it away with the corner of your sleeve.
“…Thank you.” Astarion closes his eyes and leans into your touch for a moment, his lips brushing against the fabric wrapped around your arm.
You nod, satisfied, and lean back, reaching into the pouch still hanging on your belt, and luring out something small and delicate - a white flower with pointed, like a star, petals.
“A present! I found this while I was walking,” you say with a bashful smile. “It looked just like a star. Reminded me of you.”
He hums, both touched and amused. “Because my imperishable beauty outshines even the stars above?”
“Because you always shine, even in the dark,” you reply simply and tuck the flower behind his ear.
Astarion blinks, caught off guard for a moment, before a real, tender smile blooms on his lips.
He leans in and softly places a kiss on your forehead, then draws you close to his chest.
“So do you, my sweet.”
Thank you for sharing your perspective! I especially loved what you said about “my door is always open” kind of patience. That’s such a beautiful way of holding love and boundaries together.
It’s really interesting to see how our Tavs shared so many core beliefs, but navigated things differently in those moments.
From the moment they stepped into the city, Astarion already felt cornered and on edge - everything around him was a reminder of his past. And the confrontation with Cazador, the one who held absolute control over him for so long, was drawing closer. He couldn’t see reason anymore, not fully. But maybe, after defeating Cazador and lifting that looming threat, he would finally be able to stop and think.
Because while Astarion is incredibly intelligent and cautious, in moments of fear he tends to rush toward anything that promises safety. First it was the tadpoles - an unknown power, but one he thought could save him. Then it became the Rite - his last resort. He knows the risks, you can see the doubt flash across his face. But he shuts it down, because if he starts to question it, he won’t be able to do it. And he needs it to work.
So for my Tav, I felt she would stay grounded and patient, trusting that if she didn’t push, he might come to the answer on his own. That’s what she usually did for other companions, too.
I don’t think our party faced any difficulty that day and it took a while till we went to the castle. Considering all the pain your party went through, it makes a lot of sense that your Tav was exhausted, and scared for him. That emotional tension really does make the moment hit hard.
It’s also interesting that in your game Lae’zel was kidnapped! In our case it was that little girl Yenna who stayed in our camp.
And yes, that moment when he seemed to regress, returning to manipulation… for my Tav, too, it was painful. Not because he was trying to use her again, but because she felt the wall go up. That shift from their honest, vulnerable exchanges to something more distant, more desperate.
And I agree - sometimes, calling out someone you love is the right thing to do. I just think there are moments when holding space and letting someone come to their own conclusion can also be a way of loving them. For my Tav, that felt closer in the moment.
There’s no single right answer in that scene, I think. Both reactions are different ways of responding to someone you love when they’re not themselves and both are valid.
I really appreciated hearing your take. Looking forward to talking more!
Facing Vampire Spawns
(7/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])
(This part is less about analysis and more about how I personally approached this moment in my game, and the reasoning behind the choices I made. It isn't the only way, of course, but it felt right for Astarion and my Tav and the dynamic between them.)
There’s a moment when Cazador’s other vampire spawn appear, trying to capture Astarion and drag him back so their master can perform the Rite. They believe they’ll get to ascend too - but we know Cazador was lying.
At this stage in the story, Astarion still wants to perform the ritual himself - he doesn’t even want to hear anything against it. So when the spawns appear, he starts lying to them - saying that if they help him, they’ll get their revenge and live on, fully knowing the Rite would require their deaths.
There are two dialogue options Tav can choose in this moment:
(Persuasion) “Have you no heart, Astarion? You’re asking them to die for you.”
(Deception) “He’s free of Cazador’s command. You should follow him. He’ll save you.”
In theory, the first seems like the “right” option for a morally good Tav. But I didn’t like it - not here, not like this. It sounded too much like calling Astarion out in front of everyone, even after promising to support him. And sure enough, choosing that line raises approval with other companions… but lowers it with Astarion. He replies bitterly: “Don't look at me like that, I can't be who you want to see in me.”
We know he can, but he just doesn’t know that yet! And he is not ready either. Which is actually fair, because even though he's so sweet deep inside, he never hid from Tav how his own well-being was always a priority for him, from the beginning of their travel, and that he wanted to perform a ritual for himself.
(Isn’t it amazing how much he trusts them, never hiding his intentions and plans from Tav - when we clearly see that even the rest of their party disapprove?)
It's not even the first time Tav heard about his intentions, so bringing it up now feels less like a heartfelt plea and more like a tactical move to stop him - a betrayal, in his eyes, especially coming from someone he trusted. Which could be valid for a lawful good Tav, but it would also mean sacrificing the trust and understanding between them (not in the game, of course, you will just get a disapproval, but realistically it wouldn't pass without consequences).
I felt like discussing it and sharing your opinion was fairer to Astarion, that's why I went with the second option. Almost every other companion disapproved, but for me, that was the moment Tav showed they truly accepted Astarion as he was - in that moment. Not the person they hoped he would become. Just as he is.
So for me, it wasn't about deceiving the spawns, but about showing that Tav truly is on his side, without pushing him into something he wasn’t ready for yet. They don't try to fix or change Astarion - they are just there, grounding and patient, gently nudging him towards the light and believing in him. Respecting his autonomy and reminding him that there is more to him than survival instincts and revenge. Because Astarion can be a person who chooses kindness, but he needs to come to this realization himself.
Later, after the fight is over, you can have a private conversation. This is the time when he can feel safe and listen without being defensive. And Tav can softly raise that question: "Are you ready to sacrifice them?"
And now, indeed, Astarion is open to discuss it. He shrugs his shoulders, brushing it off - they are just vampire slaves. We talked about this in my previous post. He can’t put himself on the same level with them, it is too much: he is afraid to feel helpless again and he has to dehumanize them to be able to proceed with the rite.
When Tav asks if he doesn’t sympathize with those who share his plight, Astarion says that no one ever looked out for him. "You're the only one. Other people don't have a heart like you. You are you. No one is like that."
At first, for me, it sounded unrelated to the question. But it all kind of falls into place now. He is defensive here - probably because he understands how wrong it would be to sacrifice them. But he can't let himself think about it. He chooses to ignore the voice of sense, the voice of Tav advising him against the rite. He shuts himself down because he needs to do it - it promises everything he craved. Safety, freedom, perfect revenge. So he throws at Tav excuses, an attempt to justify and explain why:
This is the world he lives in. This is how things work. How he spent two centuries. What Cazador inflicted on him - be strong or be nothing. The one in power has the right to decide.
And Tav is an exception. A miracle, maybe. Something that wasn't supposed to happen but somehow did. But it doesn't change the rules.
When Tav says that the world can be kinder or that there will be others who care about him - approval rises even though he does not believe in it yet. But maybe he wants to.
It is a great detail how Astarion keeps saying this is also for Tav’s sake - while he is still desperately trying to grab at something that can guarantee his freedom. This might be just another excuse he is making to justify his ways, but for me, it does show the shift in him: Astarion is moving from a priority on self-preservation towards opening up to protecting someone else he cares about.
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