CACKLING - Blog Posts
lena just gets on with her life every episode even tho shes been manipulated into horrible situations by her abusive mother and almost murdered by her brother several times WHILST getting blamed for everything they do NOT TO MENTION been thrown off a fucking balcony and been absolutely sure that she would die in the fall yet she ISNT EVEN FAZED by it is honestly?? unrealistic
i just found out that the pope died on team fortress 2 this world is a beautiful wonderful place
I love the hair braiding trope, but there is some serious debate about whether it's dwarves who have the hair-braiding customs or elves, so I'm here to settle that once and for all.
Legolas, hoping they just seem friendly and doesn't know dwarves have the same hair customs: Hey Gimli, could I help with your hair?
Gimli, hoping he just seems friendly and doesn't know elves have the same hair customs: Uh, sure!
Aragorn, who knows that hair braiding is romantic for both elves and dwarves: ......... WHat
Slow day... dropping this Brad Dourif chaos compilation back in the Enclosure
YouTube poster Abbi, you are a legend. Recently rediscovered this and lost my shit all over again
i probably wont ever write jaysteph because i dont think they ever date i do think they hook up just once though because he's perfectly stephs type (enormous ego) (closeted as something). i think it's great sex even but i dont think they do it again. My issue as a writer is that i dont actually want to write the sex i just want to write pillow talk. and not sappy pillow talk either. one time i sucked my boyfriend silly and then we had 1.5hrs of Gender Discussion and Slur Discourse. who cares how much they love each other or how good who is at munching whoevers carpet I want to hear about how one time you thought your ex was cheating on you and you went up to him and his date in a huff and it was his mom
we've been living in this apartment for two months now, and while we've observed most of our new neighbours (my slavic Windowsill Watcher Grandmother gene already activated), I don't think they had the chance to see us often enough to recognise us yet.
I do know, however, from my observations, that the tiny funny dog upstairs is called Gucio. I've passed him once or twice during his walk and heard his owners use the name - and, while both the dog and his owners are oblivious to our existence, Gucio became an apt topic of discussion in our house. you know, we hear barking, ha, that's Gucio, he must be home alone again! or there's a stick left by the building door, that must have been brought by Gucio and he was forced to abandon it before entering! a household name, really.
yesterday as I was leaving to go to the store, walking down the narrow staircase, there he is! tiny funny looking dog, slightly startled by me suddenly appearing on the floor he just reached on his tiny funny looking legs.
"good morning Gucio!" I say joyfully, the most natural thing in the world.
well. remember that Gucio doesn't really know me. so he looks at me in the most flabbergasted way a dog can look at a person. he is positively aghast. agog! not sure how aware dogs are of their own names but he seemed genuinely puzzled at the apparent stretch of social convention.
and as I try to contain my laughter, I see his owner standing on the stairs below. the woman is sort of awkwardly frozen, speechless, and she looks at me.
"you... know each other?" she asks.
is that not the funniest way to phrase it. is this not the funniest question she could have asked. ma'am do you know my dog? you went to school together perhaps? you've met? do tell, are you old friends? maybe you worked together? you know each other, my dog and you? this dog? you know him? he knows you? he never mentioned you I'm afraid
grug hate two factor authentication. first grug have to remember password. then grug have to point out which cave painting has birds. now they want grug to hunt and gather new thing called numbers. grug won’t do it grug miss the bird paintings grug was getting pretty good at birds.
Peter creating like. a jammer. to stop all electronic devices within an area, including even Stark’s tech so that he’s not accidentally caught on a secret device changing in and out of his suit after a close call
And then he gets kind of lazy and just has them stay up in certain areas instead of dismantling and reassembling it every time he changes
Which means eventually someone notices that they’re up there, and it’s incredibly suspicious, and it gets linked back to Peter, and fuck he’s under investigation again for being a supervillain
I like to imagine that he has one set up near the Baxter building cause he hangs out with the Fantastic 4 a lot and it’s Reed who finds the device and starts investigating Peter
Jason the type of guy to get so mad at how slowly the streets are getting plowed that he steals a snowplow and starts doing it himself. There’s tiktoks of it. “The gotham municipality department so bad at plowing snow the fucking red hood is doing it 😭😭💀💀💀💀” (video of red hood blowing down the street in a ford f350 w a plow on it that says GOTHAM MUNICIPAL DEPARTMENT on the doors). Viral video of him waiting at a red light like a good boy & some civilian takes it upon themself to do an impromptu interview aka knocks on his window & asks why hes plowing the snow & he’s so mad that he takes off his helmet (got a mask underneath) and leans his whole torso out the window to gesticulate about it as he hollers. Hes so mad his accent makes him very nearly unintelligible
as much as i love angst i do also adore familial league of assassins shit, and since i keep seeing them on my tiktok fyp i cant stop thinking about those videos of idiot teenagers in military training being. teenagers. and thinking of jason and damian. just those two having weird little gimmicks and traditions that confuse the absolute fuck out of the rest of the family from their time at the league.
damian will refer to grapes as ‘assassination implements’ because of that time jason tried to throw one at him, missed, hit ra’s in the back of the head, and to avoid getting out of trouble gaslit him into believing it must have been some kind of dart that hit him from a coup attempt. ra’s went into lockdown and had the entire base searched and jason’s been lying about it for a year, nodding along whenever ra’s brings up the ‘irritating failure that escaped capture’.
nanda parbat had a specific bar that a lot of the assassins would go to when off-duty for a break, but damian wasn’t allowed because talia said he was too young so jason and a couple other loa workers dressed him up in fake facial hair and convinced the bartender he was just a really short old guy to get him in, and since then whenever they talk about something damian’s done that he wasn’t supposed to do they say it was ‘old man brutus’ that did it. bruce has no idea who the fuck brutus is or why two of his sons find his existence so amusing.
whenever the assassins were fucking around on loa grounds they would have a specific low-down gravely tone of voice that when any of them saw talia or ra’s approach, they would use to warn the rest of the group by saying ‘al ghul’ in that tone to indicate everyone had to straighten up and act like they were training. damian can copy that tone perfectly, and will use that voice when saying non-sensical words like ‘ooby-dooby’ and ‘birch tree’ because the tone makes jason instinctively straight up and whirl around like a soldier hearing the word ‘sergeant’. it works every fucking time.
one of damian’s tutors and jason’s mission colleague hated coconut milk with a fucking passion and would rant about it every time it was brought up in conversation. a lot of the guys would take bets on how long she could go talking about it and then purposely brought it up to set her off as a game. every time anyone around the loa base was seen with coconut milk somebody would respond ‘what would eden say if she saw you with that?’. tim dick and bruce do not know who eden is or why they hate coconut milk and at this point they’re too scared to ask.
all im saying is the loa becomes much funnier if we consider it just to be a very strict assassin boarding school that jason attended and damian grew up in.
Clark’s favourite post-big-mission-destress is using his super hearing to tune in to whatever bullshit Bruce has to deal with on the batplane ride back to Gotham with whatever batkids were on hand during the fight.
Bruce: alright is everybody strapped in-?
Tim: -fucking told you to move up- BRUCE TELL DAMIAN TO SHOVE IT
Jason: oh my god did you see Green Arrow eat shit when that guy shot at him?
Dick: Jason YOU shot him
Bruce: Damian you have to let Tim- Jason that was YOU-?
Jason: hey i TOLD him to move out the way it’s not my fault the bullet ricochetted off a lamppost into his leg-
Bruce: i told you to leave the real bullets at home- TIM STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER
Duke: WAIT I LEFT MY IPOD BACK AT THE FIGHT
Tim: how am i the one getting in trouble- HES LITERALLY GOT HIS KNIFE OUT
Damian: i told you if you got in my way during the battle you would regret it and WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Stephanie: shut up Damian you were totally about to kick it, Tim saved your ass.
Tim: THANK YOU! AND WHAT DO I GET IN RETURN?
Jason: who the fuck takes an ipod to a fight we literally have bluetooth in the comms
Duke: who the fuck dies to the Joker he’s literally just a guy
Jason: OI-
Stephanie: *cackling*
Bruce: OK- Damian and Tim, opposite sides of the plane! Duke we can’t turn back now, i’ll just have to get you a new ipod-
Dick: BRUUUUUUUUCE JASONS BLEEEEDDDIIINNNNGGG
Jason: shut the fuck up you fucking snitch!
Bruce: WHO’S BLEEDING?!? JASON-
Stephanie: hey Duke can i paint your nails- TIM GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE
Damian: Father, Grayson has passed out
Bruce: WHAT-
Jason: HAH! I WIN THE BET HE FUCKING OWES ME 20 DOLLARS
Tim: what bet?
Jason: we both got stabbed so we didnt tell anyone to see who could stay awake the longest
Bruce: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT-
Duke: do you guys even understand how many songs i had downloaded on that ipod? it was fucking engraved, man
Stephanie: Damian stop moving your fucking hands you’re gonna mess up the nail polish
Damian: I HAD TO ITCH MY NOSE
Jason: does anyone wanna see the video of Green Arrow eating shit or what?
Tim, Damian, Duke, Stephanie: YES
Bruce: WE HAVE TO GET DICK A BLOOD TRANSFUSION-
-back with the Justice League-
Clark: *sitting back with his eyes closed, a serene smile on his face*
Barry, whispering to Ollie: what’s he doing?
Ollie: i think it’s a post-battle meditation thing, calms him down
Barry: man, i should really start getting some healthier habits. i never bother meditating.
Ollie: he truly is an inspiration to all.
timothy the teetotaler kills me. hes a DARE kid. dumping out his roommates alcohol and threatens to get him expelled. i know he acts like someones pulled a gun whenever they take out a joint and it will never not be funny. his idol is dick "lets all try cocaine!" grayson.
anyway i bring that up because i think jason's singular hobby is that he's a line cook. which you would argue isn't a hobby at all and i would agree with you but Jason doesn't know how to have fun outside of the context of work and restaurants take all kinds of nutjobs. he interviews and shit and gets the job because he doesn't care about things like "being paid" a "livable wage" and seemed like he was on the least amount of drugs at the time of the interview. upon showing up the first day he's getting settled on the line and the servers come in to be like hey whats up man welcome and like the 5th server is none other than dick grayson. they look at each other in silent horror for 5 seconds before dick visibly comes to some sort of decision and is like. Hi Man I'm Rich Nice To Meet You. and jason is like. im jason. and then they have to pretend not to know each other from there on out until dick gets fired for exhibiting freak behaviors
My favourite fan theory about anything is "Gandalf fucked a hobbit once", as an explanation as to why he's so invested in them. Like several generations ago, purely by happenstance he just happened to encounter a fearless Took lass who decided to Fuck That Old Man and by the powers of supreme hobbit reproduction skills, the natural happens.
So Gandalf just goes "ah well fuck, gotta fix this", somehow makes sure she's arranged an excellent marriage, and pays her future husband a visit like "just a heads-up you're going to have an early, unexpectedly large and supremely excellent child and you are going to be nothing but loving and proud of your firstborn, or she is going to become a very rich young widow whose husband tragically died of a mysterious case of Killed By A Wizard, ok?"
And after that he's been visiting here and there to discreetly keep track of which ones are his descendants, and then after keeping track of all of them becomes too much work, decides to narrow down to the ones he's deemed to take after him (the ones the other hobbits think are weird, mostly) until deciding that Bilbo was his favourite. Probably has zero wizard blood in him by now and Gandalf doesn't even consider the hobbits he's been keeping tabs on as his offspring in any way anymore, it's basically a hobby to him by now.
So any time other Maiar or other immortal races notice him keeping an eye on the hobbits and ask him what's his deal with the halflings anyway, he just shrugs and goes "idk I just think they're neat."
