Tom Kaulitz - Blog Posts

kaulitzily

1 week ago

FUCKING GOD, IT STUCK IN MY HEART LIKE A REFLECTION OF MY OWN FEELINGS, IT WAS IMPRINTED IN MY BRAIN LIKE A WHISPER OF THE SAME REASONING, IT LEFT MARKS ON MY BODY LIKE SCRATCHES FROM DIGGING NAILS INTO MY SKIN WHILE I WAS TRYING TO HOLD BACK MY SCREAM TO FINISH READING IT, AND ONLY THEN DO I LET MY FACE SINK INTO THE PILLOW AND SCREAM. I WILL PRAY FOR THIS, AS WELL AS FOR THE SPEEDY RELEASE OF THE CONTINUATION OF THIS MIRACLE. JUST LOOK AT WHAT A MASTERPIECE FRIEND I HAVE, SHE IS LITERALLY MY CHANCE OF SALVATION, AND I AM SO PROUD OF HER BECAUSE SHE DESERVES MORE ATTENTION TO HER POSTS, EACH OF WHICH MAKES MORE SENSE THAN IN MY LIFE..

— 2nd Chapter: Not over you.

"I can't escape, I can't erase you."

★ Fem!reader x Bill Kaulitz 2016.

★ Tags: Angst, fluff.

| Summary: Bill gets back to his roots; he leaves the city in which he had fallen in love for the first time, trying to forget his now ex-girlfriend—But soon he understands he's not over her yet.

• Bill narrates;

I've left California—moved away from what I've loved most in my life... the excuse? that I did it just for her, to not dig in the wound any further. In reality? I did it to get away of it all, exactly as selfish as it sounds.

I try and search for a meaning, for something that would keep me alive through this insanity, but when I close my eyes she's all I see.

I wish I could lose my other me; this has really messed me up this time.

While I was saying my last goodbye to her, picking up my last few things from her place; I repeated in my head over and over that I wouldn't regret this, none of it. But now it's been months of this back and forth of feelings that I can't even put a label on myself.

'I need to put an end to this.'

I've never felt this way before.. lost, you could say. I can't even recognize me—yeah, when I was with her it wasn't easy, but at least I knew what I wanted, her love.. her warmth. Being able to have someone to go to when I felt like I wanted to hide away from the world.

I need something to ground me, someone, whatever it is. While I was in my high, promising myself that everything would be fine—I've hung in the club on weekends, gotten home with different girls every night, hooked up with them.. but right after, they'd leave and there was nothing else behind that.

It felt empty, far from what I've been looking for: to feel the same way I've felt with her before everything got this fucked up. Because no matter what, I still search for that feeling in someone who isn't her.

Even though, as much as I try I can't get involved emotionally with anyone else. 'Cause everytime, the graphic memory of that beautiful smile appears at the back of my mind as well as all our time spent together.

And god knows I've felt guilty, like it was something I wasnt supposed to be doing, like I was betraying her.. she was still sacred to me somehow.

But I can't get home to her, and I definitely can't face my broken heart.

I stand in front of the bathroom sink, the dim lights and the foggy mirror making it hard for me to look at myself—my hand wipes it down, the clinking sound of my golden rings against the glass.. and I take a deep breath.

'I need a change' I talk to my reflection. That was it, I had to try to get rid of everything that was linked to her, and that also meant myself at some point.

I run a hand through my silver locks, while with the other, I quickly reach for the electric shaver that I've been eyeing all week.. so I plug it on, taking a deep breath before I make it land on my head after hearing the buzzing noise coming out of it when I pressed the little button—I don't even hesitate, I know what I've got to do.

From one moment to another, I see big lumps of hair starting to fall into the sink in front of me.

My eyes wet, I don't know if it's from the despair I feel or how angry I am at myself.. but I never stop, not till I have no sight of who I was before.

Right after, I have the need to light a cigarette; I make my way back into the room, with my shaky hands I grab the pack laying on the vanity—and I let out the smoke after one long drag, and for the first time I think I'm satisfied with what I see..

And no vision of her.

Inspired by the 'Not over you' MV. For a better experience, listen to the song while you're reading.

[ I made this, everything written here are original ideas by me. ]

Tags

tokio hotel tom kaulitz bill kaulitz georg listing gustav schäfer bill kaulitz x reader torturedbrat bill kaulitz fluff bill kaulitz fanfic bill kaulitz x you kaulitz bill kaulitz 2016 tokio hotel fanfic

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kaulitzily

2 weeks ago

JUST LOOK AT THIS COLOR!! OH MY GOD.. My blood pressure drops exactly like this gradient when I see her amazing posts..

Hey! I want moots that are into Tokio Hotel and/or interested in fanfiction, which I'll write often, so keep 'em coming! I'd also like to make friends with my same age range if possible. :)

♡ Dm's always open if any of you wanna talk ♡

• Spotify.

• My community.

| Masterlist at the end of the post. |

Hey! I Want Moots That Are Into Tokio Hotel And/or Interested In Fanfiction, Which I'll Write Often,

I also like other bands such as Bôa, Hole, Jack off Jill, Mazzy star, The Sundays, Cinema Bizarre, Panik, Extremoduro, HIM & She wants revenge! & artists such as Lana del rey, Antonio Orozco, Jeff Buckley, Lady Gaga, Fiona apple, Marina n Shakira.

- About me;

She/Her.

Bill girl, obviously!

I'm nineteen.

Don't interact if anything related nsfw bothers you.

I'm from Spain, so of course that's my first language.

Currently trying to collect all of tokio hotel's discography.

My favorite song rn is Elysa, even though that changes all the time.

Into makeup, 2000s stuff, esoterism n journaling.

My favorite movies are Coraline, Logan & Leon the professional.

I will write sometimes, so feel free to drop your request.

I can write mostly about anything, as long as you give me a detailed plot.

I'll write about all the members, no matter the era as long as they're not underage.

What I won't write about: Twincest or hardcore topics such as; eating disorders, rape, mafia, violence etc..

Masterlist;

Bill Fics:

✧ Bill eats you out ✧ I want you so bad

✧ Held in his hands ✧ At your mercy

✧ Lost in you ✧ Quiet desire

✧ Tenderly yours

— Love don't break me:

✧ 1st chapter

Tags

tokio hotel tom kaulitz bill kaulitz georg listing gustav schäfer torturedbrat

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kaulitzily

2 weeks ago

Over all these days of existence this post has changed so much, and my love for her has only increased..

Hey! I want moots that are into Tokio Hotel and/or interested in fanfiction, which I'll write often, so keep 'em coming! I'd also like to make friends with my same age range if possible. :)

♡ Dm's always open if any of you wanna talk ♡

• Spotify.

• My community.

| Masterlist at the end of the post. |

I also like other bands such as Bôa, Hole, Jack off Jill, Mazzy star, The Sundays, Cinema Bizarre, Panik, Extremoduro, HIM & She wants revenge! & artists such as Lana del rey, Antonio Orozco, Jeff Buckley, Lady Gaga, Fiona apple, Marina n Shakira.

- About me;

She/Her.

Bill girl, obviously!

I'm nineteen.

Don't interact if anything related nsfw bothers you.

I'm from Spain, so of course that's my first language.

Currently trying to collect all of tokio hotel's discography.

My favorite song rn is Elysa, even though that changes all the time.

Into makeup, 2000s stuff, esoterism n journaling.

My favorite movies are Coraline, Logan & Leon the professional.

I will write sometimes, so feel free to drop your request.

I can write mostly about anything, as long as you give me a detailed plot.

I'll write about all the members, no matter the era as long as they're not underage.

What I won't write about: Twincest or hardcore topics such as; eating disorders, rape, mafia, violence etc..

Masterlist;

Bill Fics:

✧ Bill eats you out ✧ I want you so bad

✧ Held in his hands ✧ At your mercy

✧ Lost in you ✧ Quiet desire

✧ Tenderly yours

— Love don't break me:

✧ 1st chapter

Tags

tokio hotel tom kaulitz bill kaulitz georg listing gustav schäfer torturedbrat

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kaulitzily

2 weeks ago

|Bill & Tom's BTK app ━╋

Tags

tokio hotel tom kaulitz bill kaulitz kaulitz twins torturedbrat kaulitz

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kaulitzily

4 weeks ago

I go crazy every time I read something she did. Did she invent a new kind of air? It makes me suffer so much while I burn with a flame that is hotter than hell. It is so cold, as if everything turns into porcelain ice to let my heart break harder. The author's hands are so satisfying with what she gives that it is time to make a paid entrance, like in a movie theater. The reincarnation of God came in the guise of Bill to torment my soul, but who will resist this? I'll just let him leave me like this, because I agree to any kind of attention. So why not give this attention in order to admire day after day that stamp that proves to me its heartlessness and the desire to be grateful even to pain? Is it possible that in order to maintain the shape of an angelic body, Bill, like a god, eats other people's hearts? I'm going to change my religion and become the most obedient to my divine master. Can't tell if he's going to make me die or just ease my pain..

PLSSS CAN YOU DO A BILL FICTION INSPIRED BY ONE OF THEIR MUSIC VIDEOS?? YOU CAN CHOOSE WHICH ONEEE

IT WOULD BE SO COOL<3

★ Fem!reader x Bill Kaulitz 2016

★ Tags: Angst, fluff.

| Summary: Bill and his girlfriend have been going through different rough difficulties in their relationship for a long time now, they both know it's useless to keep being together. None of them tried to do anything about it till he decided to put an end to it.

— 1st Chapter: Love don't break me.

"I need to get home, but I keep on holding on."

PLSSS CAN YOU DO A BILL FICTION INSPIRED BY ONE OF THEIR MUSIC VIDEOS?? YOU CAN CHOOSE WHICH ONEEE

• Bill narrates;

I can't believe I'm here again. I want to hold her and tell her that we'll be okay, but I don't know how cause even I don't know the answer to that.

I look around the dark room, the blinds shut, I predict it's around 2 in the morning. My arms are around myself, unable to move after another successful fight; this time seeming worse than ever, after reproaching each other about every stupid little thing there is in the book.. even though this time they weren't just a few misunderstandings—It was much more than that.

I furrow my left eyebrow, once I hear the faint sound of her sobs in the background, hitting my eardrums. I hate seeing her cry, she knows that well, as much as I also know how I shouldn't cave in. But she's already scooting closer to me, wrapping her arms around my body loosely, tightening even more the second I tried to move.

My head fell to the front, a few of a blonde-platinum strands of hair pushed to my face. I sigh as she tries to comfort herself while in touch with my skin, 'Please, don't.' She mutters as she feels how I'm starting to stretch out my limbs to stand up this time, a thing I can't get through with because my body simply won't respond.

But I'm angry, so why are my arms moving around her, why are my eyes filled with tears when I keep hearing her say over and over how sorry she is? Maybe I don't really want to go.

Why can't my heart and my head work at once?

I open my mouth to speak, her face is buried on the back of my neck, and so are my fingers in her hair when I reached out to finally touch her. 'Why do we do this?' Is everything I manage to say—I can't understand how we've gotten to this point; The fighting, the aggressive make-up and when you think you're done, more fighting again.

I want to tell her that I won't be here forever, laying on her bed—completely wrecked and thinking about all the times we've been okay together instead of living the moment. And I've got a feeling that she doesn't want to be stuck in this back and forth for much longer.

But how will we move forward? we still love each other, there's no doubt, and even if we've been told that our love is gross, we'd always managed to prove them wrong.. this time we'll make it again, right?

She looks at me, untangling herself from the grip she's had on me before—I've got a feeling that she knows what I'm thinking about by the way she's shaking her head at me. 'Don't say you're gonna give up on me.' The look on her face said it all; regret, even fear, dispair... everything at once—like she expected the worst.

But I didn't say anything, I didn't dare. I couldn't get my mind to work, everything oh so overwhelming. Till her voice pushed me off my trance. 'Say something!' It was only natural she would react like that after getting no reaction out of me, so that's when I finally managed to push myself on my feet, looking around for the shirt I discarded earlier god knows where before this argument started, to slid it back on.

'I'm tired of fighting.' I said, bitter tears still stinging the corner of my eyes as I put on the rest of my clothes, pacing around the room to pick everything up, anything that I must be forgetting to grab while I make the feint of leaving.

I sniffle from my nose, and from one moment to another she's standing up from the bed, looking completely hysterical, not even bothering to put her shirt on as she tried to get ahold of me, eyes closing tight.

'You can't leave like this..' She said again, trying to change my mind, but this time I can feel myself getting a little bit of impulse, ready to leave it all behind. The black eyeshadow that I know is staining my under eyes, I wipe it off with my knuckles.. now I'm the one who's shaking his head. I can't listen to her this time, If I keep doing so I know I'll never leave. I know I'll never run free from this golden cage that we named love.

'I'm sorry, It's over.' And I didn't even stutter this time, It felt like I've been holding those words inside me forever, like I've been meaning to say it for a long time now. A big relief rushing through my veins, as if I could breath properly again.

But she didn't look relieved, she didn't look like it had been taken a big weight off her shoulders like I thought it would. She was silent, still.. It was even frightening. I wanted to turn to her and say something else, my hands even itching to touch her one last time, but I knew it would just make it worse than it was already.

So I went away, with broken wings.—I picked up my dignity, all my pride and I walked out.

But was I doing what was the best for us? wasn't I making it worse? what if I just regret all of this in the future?

I guess I'll never know.

Inspired by the 'Love don't break me' MV. For a better experience, listen to the song while you're reading.

[ I made this, all fanfics posted here are original ideas by me. ]

Tags

tokio hotel tom kaulitz bill kaulitz kaulitz twins georg listing gustav schäfer bill kaulitz x reader bill kaulitz smut tokio hotel smut torturedbrat bill kaulitz fluff bill kaulitz fanfic bill kaulitz x you kaulitz bill kaulitz 2016 billy is not ok love don't break me

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kaulitzily

4 weeks ago

I'm bragging about my friend ;)