I Forget What It Was Like To Be In Love With Your Best Friend Until My Mind Betrays Me With A Memory

I don’t know how I knew, but I did.

I could feel it in my bones. The silence crept in once again, filling the space that contained all my chaos. I haven’t heard a peep since. You know the silence kills me, I’ll lose my mind in the emptiness. But the thing is I didn’t know why the silence took over. I didn’t know why I couldn’t get it back. But then I saw the ring on her finger and it all made sense. . .

When she’s walking down the aisle to you I know I’ll be the furthest from your mind. But there’s a piece of you stuck in my veins. It’s the piece of you I know you’ll never share with her but you were willing to share with me. It’s the only part of me that isn’t dying slowly, knowing there’s still something you’d only be willing to give me.

Tell me every terrible thing you ever did and let me love you anyway.

Sade Andria Zabala, WAR SONGS (via wnq-writers)

“Were we ever meant to get it right?”

I’m still mesmerized by your writing, I hope I didn’t take that from you. Do you ever think about me ? I’m sorry it’s selfish to ask.

— Clementine Von Radics

I let you ruin me, and the worst part is I’d do it all again without a second thought. I’d beg for it.

no ones ever let me break my own heart like you did . . .

the diary in my head. 

You should’ve killed me when you had the chance, but it isn’t in your nature to be that kind…

I liked the way you let me break my own heart. I think I always knew I was safe to let you see that side of me. To see the broke down girl in the corner crying on her birthday. Because you’d always be there. But I know now that doesn’t always mean you’ll be in my life. We loved in the world of writers, we wrote each other into our stories and left them for the world to see. I will never be able to unravel you from those words, and why would I want to? In those stories lives a love so strong that it blew up so many lives. A love filled with sacrifice and two people finding their way back to each other over and over again. In those stories lives a love worth remembering. I used to compare us to the great love on the big screen, I think I was looking at the wrong ones. We found each other and burned too brightly this time around. But something in me can’t believe we won’t meet again and next time, we’ll get it right.

Because no matter how many goodbyes we’ve had, none have felt like forever.

when i first met you i thought

“damn that boy puts the sun to shame” I thought that you were this piece that i didnt know i was missing as if my life had been in chaos because you werent in it yet But then it happened.. Moment by moment you began to take pieces of me without me realizing it you took my thoughts, my dreams, and my plans for the future when your shine was no longer blinded me i noticed something was different you told me that you were just fixing the things that you took when you gave them back to me they were no longer the same you gave me back street maps, marked with coffee houses, and vegan restaurants along the roads i would take to the job you picked out for me your sparkle was still in the corner of my eye so i thought that you were helping me, for a while there i thought that i wanted those things. But then the days began to get cloudy, you could never tell me when youd be coming home once i moved across the world to be with you. I was left to my own devices in a room that didnt feel at all like mine. At first i would grab my umbrella and walk to the coffee shop before i headed off to work and at lunch would try out the new vegan place down the street. But after one too many cloudy days i realized that the coffee was burnt and i didnt even like tofu, and my boss was a bitch. So i began to make my own sunshine, and boy did it show the cracks that you left me to mend. you’d come back home occasionally to tell me everything was fine, but i could no longer feel any light radiating from you. you were pale and grey, you were actually pretty cold. You slept so peacefully knowing that you weren’t sure where i was or what i was doing but at some point id sneak into bed and id awake with you gone again. You used your light to blind me, so that while i could not see you created someone else, someone that you wanted me to be and convinced me that I wanted to be her too. But without constant upkeep i began to wipe away parts of the girl that I never was. When i began to show you parts of the person I really was you didn’t like her, you began to call her names and say she wasn’t the person you fell in love with. But i don’t think your feet ever left the ground, you were too busy there planting seeds in my mind to tell me you knew what was best. maybe that was my fault for letting it happen, i was much younger than you and you’d never let me forget that. But now years have past and i don’t even recognize the girl you tried to make me become. I saw you walking down the street and you turned the corner at the sight of me. I heard that you had a new girlfriend, one that you’ve been with before i kicked you out of my bed. It makes me want to say sorry to your ex, you villainized her so much when we were together that i thought she was no good. But i am sure that you tell your new girl that I was just the same, that i didn’t deserve your love because while you were at work i was at a party down the street. I am sure that she doesn’t know you were still with me when you first kissed, or that the sweatpants you wear when your sick were mine. I am sure she thinks I’m horrible, and i will admit at times i was, but you cant expect to cage someone in and not have them fight their way back out. I wonder how long it took her to stop starring into your light, for her to see what your real intentions were. I wonder why your light is so blinding, when behind it there’s just a selfish little boy trying to make himself a puppet.