What I Think Would Happen If The Batfam Gets Shipwrecked To An Abandoned Island.

I have been reading a lot of headcanons of the justice league, my favorites are when batman reveals his identity but only to....Green arrow

It's so fun because imagine if for any reason Batman is forced to reveal his identity and everyone thinks he will choose Superman or/and Wonderwoman (because you know THE trinity, the dream team) BUT NO, he chooses green arrow

at this point the justice league already put aside whatever they were doing and start questioning batman, that is to say without hate towards Ollie but he is not the most secretive, nor the most competent, I mean HE IS NOT EVEN THE CLOSEST TO BATMAN, so yes, even Oliver is wondering why him?

and then without anything else Batman does or says some kind of code, at that moment everyone thinks that he must have already lost his mind when they hear the BIGGEST gasp from none other than Green Arrow, now he is running to hug Batman jumping and holding on like a koala while screaming

"WHY YOU NEVER SAID IT BEFORE SILLY"

"so you understand?"

"OF COURSE I UNDERSTAND IT'S OUR SUPER SECRET SUPER BEST FRIENDS CODE"

That's when J'onn leaves the room because he's not going to deal with the nonsense that these supposed heroes are thinking, the earth is doomed with these fools

Flash is screaming terrified that someone replaced Batman and brainwashed Ollie

Aquaman and Captain Marvel are pretending to know whatever is going on because they totally didn't sleep for half of the meeting

Black Canary's eyes are so wide and she looks like she had an epiphany from something Ollie said

Green Lantern still doesn't get over the fact that Batman is revealing his identity? (of course in such a weird way that only one of them understands, fuck him) but at the end of the day revealing his identity?

Wonder Woman and Superman are having a crisis and they are GREEN with envy, because not only did Batman reveal his identity to Green Arrow of all people, but he is also HUGGING him (also, they are the Bat's best friends, thank you very much)

Then Oliver, oblivious to everything, finishes by saying

"Wait, this means I kissed THE KNIGHT OF GOTHAM, THE BATMAN?, wow B you are killing me"

everyone explodes

totally based on this amazing post

Bruce truly hates magic with every pump and beat of his heart.

What kinda curse is Slang, anyway?

“This is the best day of my life.”

“Bro really thought he ate with that.” Bruce physically feels a full body shiver, charged with nausea and cringe. “This is level 10 cringe. Can’t have shit in Gotham.”

Dick is his earth bound angel, but he laughs like a demon at him, holding onto Jason for support, pledging his eternal loyalty to Zatana and her pettiness.

—

“Hey, old bat, hook me up with an adrenaline shot.”

What he wants to say is Jay, do not try and fight with 6 bullets in your stomach.

What comes out instead, through Bruce’s grit teeth and intense, fierce glaring, “Not you trying to go back to your corpse era. See how I only took 2 shots? Very demure. Very mindful.”

Jason passes out from blood loss, but mostly laughter.

—

“Chat, is this real?”

Stephanie barely bites back a full belly cackle. “I think he just asked us if we copied.”

“I wish I was Jason, 15.”

—

“This is not a slay environment. Killing is flop behavior.” He keeps his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. Trying to convince Damian not to stab someone doesn’t seem to work.

Damian gives him a pat like he’s a pitiful cat. “I’ll only stab the non lethal areas.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

nightmare mission trio

And that's why we love her

when ignoring how fucked up it is, its a wee bit funny to me that steph was the most ethically responsible robin and then the one that bruce treated the worst.

because dick was like 10 when he became robin, what the fuck were you doing making a ten yo go fight crime? plus he was under bruce's care which is like a massive thing of coercion and power dynamics.

jason had like NEGATIVE reason to be robin, he just needed to have a home and therapy probably

tim didnt want to be robin he just thought that batman needed one. and after getting adopted there is once again the issue of being under your virtual boss's care

and Oh God Damian. it was technically dick's fault this time but like kid did not have a choice in the way he was raised and shouldve gotten like happy fun learning to be a kid times not violent child soldier times

all of that compared to steph who

was already a vigilante when meeting bruce

voluntarily chose to be a vigilante

was not under bruce's care or guardianship and had a trusted adult

was almost a legal adult herself

had some fighting experience

like BRO in terms of ethics steph is The Best option and then she was treated like absolute Garbage. wild shit.

'Cause I'm stuck with your stories

The funny this about John Constantine is that the writers that like him and hate him write him the exact same way.

Like bastard, man whore, selfish, manipulative, self centered, con man, untrustworthy, hated, lives in a horror movie, etc.

Like the writers that like him do that and the writers that hate him think that ate with doing that but it’s just his character.

Jason: The eternal victim. The murderer.

Cass: The eternal murderer. The victim.

Cass: Can I have your burger.

Dick:??? No I'm eating it. You have your own right there.

Cass: Remember when you abandoned me to Slade when I was drugged and mind controlled and then after I got free the first thing you did was punch me in the face.

Dick, sliding his burger over: You KNOW it's more complicated than that. You know it.

Tim, watching this all go down: Hey Jason remember when you broke into Titans tower just to beat me up?

Jason, taking a large bite of his own burger: Keep annoying me and this time I'll do more than just leave you unconscious.

Tim: :/

Cass, whispering to him: You gotta go for the ones with guilt complexes. It doesn't work otherwise.

Tim: Gotcha, good to know.

Cass:... Soo remember when I was drugged and brainwashed and you did nothing but accept it for months?

Tim, grumbling and sliding his own burger over to her: I never accepted it! That's just not true!

Cass, now eating three burgers at once: :)

okay so post epic odyssey where odysseus and Penelope have surfaced from their room finally and he and diomedes are catching up I'm imagining the conversation going something like this

Odysseus: so then I gave up being merciful and became the monster.

Diomedes:....you tried being merciful?

Odysseus: Yes?

Diomedes: you did? You tried being a good merciful person? You?

Odysseus: Yah okay fuck off it was polties dying wish. I had to try.

Diomedes:.....90% of the war crimes in the Trojan war were suggested, planned out, and carried out by you. We literally stoned to death the guy you had a personal grudge against. We framed him for treason and stoned him to death. 70% of why Athena liked you was because she thought she knew all the ways to kill someone and then you'd suggest something insane and I'd see her taking notes. You literally gave Ajex a psyoctic break just being yourself.

Odysseus: shut up

Diomedes: I'm not wrong. Did you tell Penelope about your attempt to be a good person?

Odysseus: What? Of course I did. I told her everything.

Diomedes: did she laugh?

Odysseus:...shut up that's not the point

Diomedes: she did didn't she!!!

Odysseus: ANYWAY eurylochus wasn't appreciative of my return to monsterhood and he started causing problems so I

Diomedes: killed him? Yah saw that coming. No shit. I'm so shocked.