bubbles7724

Latest Posts by bubbles7724

you can never replace anyone, can you? I mean you can try. you can try like hell. you can try and forget but its always there.

it was a present from my sister. I can never forget what my first bracelet looked like. green, black and yellow zigzags, all glued together to make the string seem almost, unreal. I never took it off. I loved the feeling of wearing something and never taking it off. I guess that's why people didn't notice when I started wearing more and more bracelets, and 4 years later, my reasoning for wearing it became more of a fashion statement, but a cover up. some days, I 2oild feel brave enough to take them off, just to see if anyone would notice. they looked, they acknowledged, but they never said a word to me. not even an "are you okay?" but just an endless nightmare of stares. God, life was so much simpler before she gave me that bracelet. that one bracelet isolated me, and built a mental barrier between me and happiness. unachievable unless I was willng to pay a price. sometimes just one, sometimes 100.

I don't see him anymore... i think about him all the time, and its neither of our faults. Sometimes I think whats the point of bei g with someone if you can't even be with them? but then I think about him- because he's the one, if that were to exist.

I've never felt like this... fuck I miss him.

Were keeping distance because were both not ready.

my scars haven't even healed, and i don't think they're going to heal anytime soon.

Hes not ready to be open and trust me

My mind is a constant battle, and even when we were "together", I couldn't mentally handle it.

I'm really not ready, and neither is he, and it fucking sucks because I think he's the one.

ik its only been a short time, but I think I love him.

but it doesnt matter. he's gonna move on soon, but I never will.

it shouldn't be this hard... right?

I dont even know who I am anymore its like I have no control of my actions, thoughts, or feelings. I'm so fucking done with everything in life and i wanna end it I wanna end it so fucking bad I don't even care anymore I hate myself so much you don't even understand

I'm actually a fucking terrible person i literally deserve to die. I deserve every single cut and scar and I deserve to bleed out one of these times. I deserve every terrible thing thats happened to me and i deserve every horrible thing thats about to happen

this is so inspiring. I want to be like this. I want to say I went a full year without sh.

I want my scars to be almost gone, but not completely.

I want to be happy and depression and anxiety free,

I want to be ready for the rest of my life.

It's been 1 year...

1 year without self harming

1 year since the break up that I thought would kill me

1 year since moving to a new city all alone

1 year since starting therapy for my PTSD from csa

1 year since changing my antidepressants

1 year since starting medical school

1 year since life broke me ...and I climbed out of the rubble stronger

I've never felt like this... fuck I miss him.

Were keeping distance because were both not ready.

my scars haven't even healed, and i don't think they're going to heal anytime soon.

Hes not ready to be open and trust me

My mind is a constant battle, and even when we were "together", I couldn't mentally handle it.

I'm really not ready, and neither is he, and it fucking sucks because I think he's the one.

ik its only been a short time, but I think I love him.

but it doesnt matter. he's gonna move on soon, but I never will.

Update, I found him

but everything comes with a price...

I found him but I cant have him. I'm to broken right now. I wanna be fixed and have the strength to say "I used to cut" and not "I still cut"

I wanna be with someone who understands my scars. Someone who wont try to change them, but understands why. I need someone whos equally or more fucked up than me.

I gave him a piece of me i know ill never get back...

im almost a month clean, and its all i can think about. i dont think ill be clean for much longer.

Honestly... The darkness scares me more now rhat i have a life im excited to love for. i actually have peolle in my life that care about me and i realize that, which is terrifying because i dont wanna hurt them like i wanna hurt myself ya know?

Why am i trusting him with my body if i cant even trust him with my mind?

So like... 99% of this is true for me except its been a week since we talked last and we've been best friends for over 10 years... im just so done trying with her because I lnow she doesn't really wanna talk to me its probably just cuz she pities me which I used to be fine with but now I actually know she doesn't care its not "all in my head"...

Man don't yall just love crying for and hour straight because your best friend of 3 years hadn't talked to you in 3 days and you convinced yourself that they hate you and are tired of you and you want to end your friendship but then you realise that you don't have the patience to make another best friend so now you're stuck between the choices, whether to end your friendship because lately (during the whole quarantine and before) they have been dry with you, barely responding and have, on multiple occasions, not texted you back in a few days and you were fine with it before because you weren't as close but now they're literally the only friend you have that you trust with completely everything and you've left all your other friends because you wanted to focus on them, or whether to stay with them and endure the pain of having thoughts and being a depressed bitch who spams them with random shit in hopes that they will respond, maybe just check what you send them, but they almost never do, so you sit and cry and try not to die because you don't want to make them sad despite knowing that, if you did die, they most likely won't care that much because they're in a whole different country and it won't affect them nearly at all?

Slit your wrist, cut your thighs

Fake a smile, and dry your eyes

Hate yourself, and hate your life

Welcome, to my world of lies

i could never explain why i cut myself

This is exactly how I feel, not gonna lie

there’s suicidal as in ‘i want to die’ and there’s the kind of suicidal where your heart skips a beat and if there was a gun in your hand you’d pull the trigger because it only takes being certain, being brave, for a moment, and it can all be over. there’s no real sadness or fear, there is only numb, empty longing for your consciousness to cease to exist. that’s how i feel. i died a long time ago, i’m just looking for a way to help my body catch up

You literally dont get it. I dont give a shit whether I live or die. I dont care how I die. I dont care if i die by corona, or drugs, or by my own hand. I dont give a shit.

MY SISTER SNITCHED ON MY DAD CUZ SHE SAW MY WRISTS

I lied and told her it was only there and only once a week for a couple months...

She fucking believed me...

"You tell dad or I will"

"Okay, I will. I just need some time"

LITERALLY THE NEXT FUCKING DAY SHE SNITCHES

Fucking bitch stay out of my life. The reason I started cutting was because of you! You havent been around for YEARS. You have a new family and you fucking left me and I'm fine with that. Dont fucking come around now and pretend were actually good. DONT PRETEND ITS OKAY FOR YOU TO GIVE ME AN ULTIMATUM AND NOT EVEN GIVE ME A FUCKING CHANCE

IM DOING JUST FINE BITCH LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. AND WHEN I TELL YOU WHY I DO IT AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED DONT GO ON A 15 MINUTE SPEECH ABOUT HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS AND HOW GAY PEOPLE ARE GOING TO HELL

I'm sorry, did I fucking say I was gay? DID I SAY I WATCH PORN?

No. No I didnt. I said that I feel alone and that i want to kill myself and this was helping me

AND I SAID I KNOW ITS A BAD COPING MECHANISM BUT DID I ASK YOUR OPINION?!

THIS IS EXACTLY MY FUCKING POINT. Bitch. Stop putting fucking words in my mouth.

Imma kill someone, myself or her🤷‍♀️

Fuck off, Karen.

What would happen if I finally did it:

They'll take one look at my body and one look at my arms and thighs and say, "this is the reason why"

They'll stop searching there. They'll say my parents were naive and the reason there were hundreds of horizontal lines running down my body was because I stopped trying. They'll assume that I lost sight of my future and what I had going for me.

I'll just end up being nothing more than a statistic and a "life that could have been"

Itll be fine though, because I'll finally be at peace.

Everyone will blame themselves and need everyone else's pity over the fact that they lost me when the truth is they never had me. I've had scars for years and they did nothing. I know some saw them. Some days I would cry out for help, and not for "attention" or whatever the boomers say. No. I slit my wrists so I could get help. They heard my cry, but they decided they knew everything and still left me to bleed.

They dont deserve to be pitied for my death. Not even because they caused it, or that they even could've prevented it, but that they didn't even try... they didnt care enough when I was alive, so why would they care now that I was gone?

Eventually, all will go back to normal. It's TRUE. They'll go back to their lives and barely even remember me as the girl who killed herself. They'll say it was because I was depressed. They'll look at my scars and cuts that never healed right, and think they have the whole story. You don't.

This might be proof someday. This might be what's considered a suicide note, but I'm not going to write a typical note. This might be all they find, if they even dig deep enough.

Most likely, They're gonna take one look at my body and say "this was gonna happen sooner or later" and think that's the end of that. But let me tell you:

You've barely scratched the surface.

No. See, things get so bad sometimes, and those scars are the reason I'm still alive. When I see the blood, dripping down my limbs, it's a reminder that my heart is still beating, and I still have a life to live.

It's not meant to be poetry. It's not meant to come out like a positive thing. As much as they help me to live and cope with the daily events of this life, they are what brought me so close to death so many times before. I suppose what they're gonna say about me is right, but that's only one piece to a very complex puzzle I hope to finish one day.

I hope to live so that one day, my scars can be faded to the point they're barely visible. I want them to be gone, but never forgotten. Because where I came from has everything to do with how I approach the rest of my life.

That is, if I choose to live that long.

I'm remembering shit I dont want to, and I'm feeling shit I dont want to.

I just want to be beautiful

Reblog if your SICK of these things:

FAT thighs

FAT stomach

FAT arms

FAT face

FAT hands

FAT calves

FAT knees

FAT hips

FAT EVERYTHING. 

I just want to be skinny…

Fuck... I thought we were past this.

Im in one of the worst places mentally that I've ever been in. I don't understand what I did wrong. Why did he stop answering my texts and leave me on read for days??? Why only now after only a week hit me up again and think I'll just come back to you? I probably will but that's not the point. If I just disappeared... Would you even notice? You wouldnt care... I know, because I've been gone for months and you haven't even noticed. It's all too much for me... Fuck.

It's infuriating how I have all these demons in my head no one else can understand.

Facts.

I wanna be with someone who understands my scars. Someone who wont try to change them, but understands why. I need someone whos equally or more fucked up than me.

I had 1.5 cups of soup, and 4 oreos today (My friend offered me and i couldnt make her suspect anything). I feel so fat and bloated its not even funny. I wanna throw up, but im going to try to keep it down. I used to eat and binge daily, but now my self hate overrides any and all cravings

Im suprised I made it this far without bingeing. I ate about 400 calories. I feel starving but full. The only thing us now i cant sleep...

I knew it was too good to be true. I just knew i couldnt be happy for long.

"You and i were meant to be, but only in a memory"

- Lauren Duski -Deja Vu

I thought you were the one for me...