The Batfam As Getting Called To The Principal Office?

Do you think Tim holds things over his brothers' heads whenever he wants something?

Dick- Aw, there's only one piece of pizza left

Tim- Mine

Dick- Or, we could split it

Tim- Or, it's mine

Dick- You know, sharing is caring, Tim

Tim- You know what else is caring?

Dick- Hm?

Tim- Not gaslighting your sibling into thinking he's insane

Dick- ...

Tim- Not taking Robin from him

Dick- O-okay

Tim- Trusting that he's been right about enough things in the past that maybe, just maybe, he's right about your father being alive-,

Dick- You can have the pizza, dude. Jeez

Yyyyy

Jason, seeing Tim laying across the entire sofa he wanted to read on- You can either move or be sat on, little man

Tim, not even looking up- Today is not the day. I fucking dare you to try me

Jason- Tim, move. I am bigger than you. I am stronger than you. I will crush you

Tim- Bigger, maybe.

Jason- Tim-,

Tim, locking eyes with Jason- How long did you last with Joker? Half hour?

Jason- Excuse me?

Tim, holding up three fingers- I dealt with Joker AND Harley. For three WEEKS. And survived

Jason- o.o???

Tim, getting cozy again- Get on my level, bitch

Yyyyy

Damian- You're delusional if you think you can beat me, Drake. I was trained by the best of the best!

Tim- The best of the best?

Damian- That's right!

Tim- When's the last time you checked on those 'best of the best' teachers of yours?

Damian- What are you talking about?

Tim- I'm talking about the fact that you might have been trained by them

Tim, leaning down to Damian's level- But I took them out

Damian- Wh-what??

Tim- Still want to spar?

I was bored so I decided to comedically describe what some of DC superheroes powers are, but horribly summarized.

Superman: Big dick energy

Batman: White privilege

Wonder Woman: Bondage and femdom/ the baddest bitch alive

The Flash: "🎶He's a runner, he's track star--*

Green Arrow: Also white privilege, but from wish

Black Canary: "Damn, that white girl can scream"

Huntress:"Hahaha! You messed with the wrong white girl!"

BatFam Twitter #3 / Batchat #3

Batfam's most suggested lunch spots

Dick: Bruce's office mini fridge after an important business outing

Jason: a Crime Alley dumpster where he once found a whole bag of gummy worms when he was ten

Tim: Jason's place after texting him from a burner number pretending to be Roy and Lian

Damian: Ivy's house—she makes vegan food with her worst-behaved plants

Duke: the only working vending machine at Gotham High, inside the teacher's lounge

Cullen: the Batburgers in the gay neighborhood with a secret Batwoman menu

Stephanie: the Waffle House where she was forced to out herself as Spoiler because robbers held it up in the middle of her meal, but to her surprise everyone in the restaurant agreed to keep her secret

Cassandra: the 24-hour convenience stores in Hong Kong where she can get an entire meal for the price of a bag of chips in America

Barbara: the GCPD break room—turns out tax dollars are paying for catering

Harper: everyone talks about Ma Kent's baking but not enough folks appreciate Pa's grilling

Carrie: a boardwalk vendor who combined pretzels and nachos

Kate: the Justice League cafeteria when it's Flash Fries Friday

Alfred: you would think he'd say his own cooking but it's actually the chicken shop near his old school

Selina: Arkham—she never wants to go back but she can't help but be nostalgic for her favorite mush

Bruce: he would say Alfred's cooking if Alfred hadn't flown back to England for chicken, so the next best is the steakhouse inside Wayne Enterprises

1am in my modern au:

john is waiting to be bailed out of jail, dutch has seen the calls but decided to go to sleep instead. abigail is fast asleep while jack is watching markiplier fnaf gameplays on his crusty shoplifted ipad (he was watching peppa pig and got there by spam pressing recommended videos), hosea is all toasty warm snoozing in his bed without a worry, bill heard someone bought pringles and is tearing apart the kitchen trying to find them (tilly and karen ate them), arthur was aiming to arrive home at eight but some poor womans car broke down so he drove her back then someone asked him if he could help them find their cat and then someone-

mary-beth is reading fanfiction with full brightness on, tilly has been playing call of duty on her ps4 for the past 10 hours and has been threatened with homelessness at least 50 times for screeching, karen has just come home from the club and will be complaining non-stop about her hangover the next morning.

sean and lenny are deep in a bender and absolutely will eventually wake up still high and drunk in a bush or naked together in a hotel (its always been one or the other, they have never made it home) javier is playing just dance by himself, micah is playing law-breaker speed run (literally) and everyone else had the brains to go to bed at a reasonable time.

Jason, in full Red Hood gear: Hey mom, can I borrow one of those new Thanagarian guns you guys got?

Diana: Sure, sweetie.

The rest of the League:

Bruce: *sighs*

The rest of the League:

The rest of the League:

Hal: wtf

Hey giys this will be the last post i make from this account. Unfourtanatly i am getting a new phone and i dont have any logins for this account as it was linked to my old email adress i no longer have access to. I will be making a new account when the new phone is set up and will reblog this so you can find my new blog. xx

I like to imagine hosea and dutchs reunion in the afterlife is like marty and alex’s reunion in madagascar where they run to each other both seemingly excited but then dutch realises hosea looks kinda pissed and hosea just starts chasing him trying to beat the shit out of his stupid husband for what he did to their sons

Dick: Hey Jay- wait… um… is that your death certificate as your computer background.

Jason: Yea, wait it gets better.

Jason: *flips to next background to a picture of him crouching next to his headstone*