Could We Get Some That Unemployed Friend On A Tuesday Jason X Redneck Engineer Roy

Arguing about who is Damian's favorite brother

Jason: Dickhead doesn't count! He's basically the brat's second dad!

Damian: Actually I already have a method in place to determine which one of you wastes of space is my favorite if I'm asked.

Jason: Oh? Don't keep us in suspense then.

Damian: It's simple really. Whoever has the highest kill count at the time is my alleged favorite.

Jason: HA! Suck it losers!

Dick: No fair! I killed the Joker!

Jason: What?

Damian: And while I would normally count that as at least 10, since Father revived him-

Jason: WHAT!?

Damian: Todd, we cannot stop to explain all of the family drama everytime you find yourself out of the loop. You will simply have to unblock us and rejoin the group chat.

Tim: Yeah Jason, get your family updates like the rest of us

Damian: As I was saying, since the Joker isn't dead despite your best efforts, I've decided that your count is at 5.

Jason: So I'm your favorite?

Damian: No. Your confirmed kills are between 20-40. Unfortunately, Drake is my favorite since his confirmed kill count is in the low hundreds.

Dick: I'm sorry. Can someone please explain how my Baby Bird has a kill count at all

Tim, trying to escape through the vents: YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL ASSHOLE!!!

Damian: You swore that you didn't touch my Taj Mahal Lego set. I guess we're both liars

Give me Frozen

but make Elsa Jason Todd

Ana; Dick Grayson

and Hanz; Slade Wilson

i wanna talk about this shot

[Justice League group chat]

Bruce: *gets added to the chat*

Hal: Daddy.

Barry: Daddy.

Clark: Daddy.

Arthur: Stop being loud, I'm napping.

Arthur: Oh, hi Daddy.

Bruce: *leaves the chat*

Wait who is Tims assigned youtuber?????

Well

Justice League Moments Caught on Live Television (part 2)

Superman: Say it.

Batman: No.

Superman: SAY IT.

Batman: *mumbles too softly to be heard*

Superman: Can’t hear you.

Batman: You have superhearing, Superman.

Superman: I can wait as long as it takes.

Batman:

Batman, just loudly enough for the microphone to pick it up: You’re my best friend.

Superman: *is beaming*

Batman: Can we finish the fight NOW?

Superman: After you………bestie.

Batman: *long, drawn-out sigh*

Superman: ☺️

—————

Aquaman: Stop calling me a fish.

Green Lantern: Okay, but TECHNICALLY…

—————

Martian Manhunter: *sitting there in serene silence*

Constantine: *also just sitting there albeit not quite as serenely*

Martian Manhunter:

Constantine:

Martian Manhunter:

Constantine:

Captain Marvel: Would you two cut it OUT already? I can’t take much more of this.

—————

Flash: Wait, what’s Batman running away from?

Black Canary, watching Batman take off in the batplane: His feelings.

Flash: Oh, okay. Yeah, that tracks.

—————

Green Arrow: No, you don’t get it. I can’t retire, Arsenal called me old.

—————

Green Lantern: This is the fourth time this week.

Flash: No wonder Batman’s so annoyed.

Green Lantern: If I try really hard I bet I can make it five.

—————

Wonder Woman: I leave for FIVE minutes.

—————

Green Arrow: I’m just saying, I’m not sharing grandkids with Batman.

—————

Superman: Ope, sorry, let me just…

Martian Manhunter: Your continued success is a mystery to me.

Superman: Oh yeah, Batman hates it.

—————

Flash: This is the WORST timeline.

—————

Superman: Maybe we should call Nightwing.

Batman: We do NOT need to call Nightwing.

—————

Black Canary: *long, long sigh*

—————

Green Lantern: YOU go deal with it.

Constantine: You do realize Batman’s children are not actually demons, right?

—————

Batman: *laughing*

Zatanna: Did Flash break the timeline again or something?

—————

Constantine: On three?

Zatanna: Rock, Paper, Scissors, GO.

Constantine:

Constantine: Dammit.

—————

Green Arrow: Stop calling Batman’s kids for backup. Yesterday Red Hood laughed at me for twenty minutes straight.

—————

Aquaman: Do I look like I know where Montana is?

—————

Captain Marvel: Come on, I don’t need vegetables.

Flash: A half cup of broccoli is not going to kill you.

Captain Marvel: You don’t know that.

Flash: You don’t know that it will.

Captain Marvel: It might.

Flash: Science experiment?

Green Lantern: We can’t do experiments that may result in death though, remember? Batman put it in the rules.

Flash: You’re just as bad, you know that?

Green Lantern: I have enough green in my name I don’t need it in my food too.

(Part 1)

how crazy do you think the AO3 authours notes are in gotham?

"Joker killed my grandma with a reindeer whilst playing 'grandma got run over by a reindeer' and i don't think i can continue to write this JokerBat fic anymore guys sorry :/ it just feels disrespectful."

“Look, I get if Batman/Clark Kent isn’t your cup of tea, but the guy writes more about Batman than anyone else outside of Gotham. There’s got to be a reason, is all I’m saying.”

“And here I am, jumping on the Batman/Bruce Wayne train like the rest of our beloved hellhole. Anyway, if you’re not from Gotham you can keep your criticisms to yourself or I will not be held responsible for the bloodshed that will occur should you insult our beloved sunshine child and his goth sugar baby. You don’t know them like we do.”

“Hey, sorry I haven’t updated in awhile. I died and then got caught up in this whole my-father-didn’t-avenge-me angst thing. Which was completely justified in my opinion. Anyway…”

“Let’s be honest, this entire series is dedicated to the fact that Red Hood could crush any of us with his thighs and we’d say thank you.”

“I just read a fic shipping Nightwing/Superman and I mean, come on. The author is clearly not from Gotham but I can never unsee that and I think I should be entitled to financial compensation.”

“Sorry it’s been awhile, I just got a new job! With the Best Boss™️ (if you know, you know). Also, my boss said he’d give a hundred bucks if I wrote a Batman bashing fic? Thoughts? Ngl I don’t think it’d even be that hard.”

“‘WHy aRE yoU WriTIng ABouT FakE SupERheROes WHen THe rEAl oNEs aRE riGHt tHEre?’ Uh, because it’s Gotham and they’re all a disaster? And also because I don’t want to be haunted by the venegeful spirits of robins past idk. Thinking of doing a crossover though. Batman in the Avengers? Thoughts?”

“I just want my husband Nightwing to be happy, is that too much to ask?”

“I came across Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy on my way home from school today and will now be hyperfixating on that ship, thanks.”

“Leave me and my 235k word fic of Prince!Bruce/Knight!Batman alone you Metropolis and Superman-loving traitors. This is not for you.”

A brand new hero 12 seconds after stepping over the border of Central City: Time to- The Rogues, materialising out of nowhere: You’re not Barry. Hero: Sorry, what? Captain Cold: Where’s Barry? We want Barry back. Hero: How did you even get here so fast? Golden Glider: We’re chased by the best, we know how to be quick. Hero: Who are you people? Heat Wave: Great, we get to do the Villain Speech. Barry loves the Villain Speech. Captain Cold: Remember that time Barry and I got into a pun-off? That was amazing. He has the best puns. I could listen to him forever. Hero: What the fuck is happening right now? Captain Cold: You swear? What kind of example are you setting for the kids? Barry never swears. Mirror Master: I mean, he said Fiddlesticks that one time. Pied Piper: But he felt really bad about it after. Hero: Look, I just want to do a quick patrol, maybe kick some bad guy ass, then go home okay? Captain Cold: A quick patrol? You mean you’re not going to lecture us on how much good we could be doing for the city instead? Barry would be lecturing us by now. You’re supposed to be telling me that you know I want to be a hero like you and getting misty eyed and choked up and- Golden Glider: Lenny… Captain Cold: Huh? Oh. Right. Yeah, you’re supposed to be trying to reform us not punish us. Barry doesn’t care about kicking ass, kid. Hero: Heat Wave: You’re not going to stop and make sure everyone in the bank we just robbed had dinner before sending them home? Barry would have brought pizza. Hero: Pied Piper: I bet you don’t even make sure your crooks get to a hospital after you beat them up. Captain Cold: We are so disappointed in you. 

Brand new hero 12 seconds after stumbling into the Hall of Justice covered in frost and You Tried Your Best stickers, sobbing: Why are they so mean??