Crispysnewblog - Crispy Nugget

john and jack if he hadn't run away for a whole year lmao (my art, i have a different username literally everywhere else)

A brand new hero 12 seconds after stepping over the border of Central City: Time to- The Rogues, materialising out of nowhere: You’re not Barry. Hero: Sorry, what? Captain Cold: Where’s Barry? We want Barry back. Hero: How did you even get here so fast? Golden Glider: We’re chased by the best, we know how to be quick. Hero: Who are you people? Heat Wave: Great, we get to do the Villain Speech. Barry loves the Villain Speech. Captain Cold: Remember that time Barry and I got into a pun-off? That was amazing. He has the best puns. I could listen to him forever. Hero: What the fuck is happening right now? Captain Cold: You swear? What kind of example are you setting for the kids? Barry never swears. Mirror Master: I mean, he said Fiddlesticks that one time. Pied Piper: But he felt really bad about it after. Hero: Look, I just want to do a quick patrol, maybe kick some bad guy ass, then go home okay? Captain Cold: A quick patrol? You mean you’re not going to lecture us on how much good we could be doing for the city instead? Barry would be lecturing us by now. You’re supposed to be telling me that you know I want to be a hero like you and getting misty eyed and choked up and- Golden Glider: Lenny… Captain Cold: Huh? Oh. Right. Yeah, you’re supposed to be trying to reform us not punish us. Barry doesn’t care about kicking ass, kid. Hero: Heat Wave: You’re not going to stop and make sure everyone in the bank we just robbed had dinner before sending them home? Barry would have brought pizza. Hero: Pied Piper: I bet you don’t even make sure your crooks get to a hospital after you beat them up. Captain Cold: We are so disappointed in you. 

Brand new hero 12 seconds after stumbling into the Hall of Justice covered in frost and You Tried Your Best stickers, sobbing: Why are they so mean??

Soap: Instead of of 141, this task force name should be skittles because everyone on this team is so gay we could be confused for a bag of skittles

Alex: We’re not all-

Soap: Oh don’t even start!

Soap: Me, a man loving bisexual!

Soap: That one *points at Ghost* if fucking gay as hell and I know that for a FACT because he fucks my brains out regularly!

Soap: That one *pointe at Price* Is a bisexual bear!

Soap: KATE IS A LESBIAN WITH A WHOLE ASS WIFE

Soap: That one! *pointing at Gaz* is a pansexual who hasn’t gotten laid in MONTHS!

Gaz: HEY!!

Soap: WE WORK WITH ALEJANDRO AND RUDY WHO ARE FUCKING MARRIED!

Soap: That one! *pointing at Farah* Your girlfriend who, let’s face is, you’re gonna end up marrying one day, is a woman loving bisexual DESPITE the fact that she’s with you right now!

Farah: Pretty sure I could be considered a lesbian while dating him

Soap: AND YOU! Just because you were a man whore for women before Farah doesn’t mean we all haven’t seen you kiss a few men before you two met! For all we know you could have hooked up with one or more of them!

I remember seeing posts about Jason's goons being older than him and them realizing "Oh fuck, our boss is a child"

And now I'm just thinking about Jason venting to them every now and then because they're all collectively like "idk where this kid's parents or emotional support beams are, so ig it'll just be us"

So just imagine Jason returning to his base after a heated argument with Bruce and immediately going to his goons to wail about how badly he's been wronged

Jason, sobbing: And he just doesn't get it! *Sniff* I just wanted him to avenge me to prove he still loves me!

Goon #47, rubbing Jason's back: Mhmm

Jason: A-And I don't even ask for much! I just want him to bash in the skull of the man who killed me! Is that such a hard request?

Goon #47, texting the goon gc and telling them all to get their shit ready cuz theyre about to serve some roasted bat for dinner with a side of clown: Not at all, boss :)

What are the weirdest things Jason stole from the Batcave?

Kryptonite

The bat-plane's landing gear

The Discowing suit

A 5-foot-tall painting of Titus as a revolutionary hero

The Batcomputer's hard drive

Duke's sandwich

50 gallons of kerosene

Roy's trick arrows that Bruce confiscated

The dinosaur

The giant penny

An industrial sandblaster

The Batmobile's tires

Cass's pre-workout snacks

The ice cream Bernard left in the fridge for Tim

The bat-canoe

Black Mask's full criminal record

His own autopsy report

Bat-Cow

We don’t appreciate the fact that Bruce Wayne is a Kardasian level celebrity enough. Everyone knows him. I want more one shots and crack fic moments where the League (Pre identity reveals) just openly talk about Bruce Wayne in front of Batman.

Just imagine them playing fuck, marry, kill with famous actors and such and throwing Bruce into the mix. And Batman just sits there, silently suffering as he listens to the reasons why Flash and Lantern would marry, fuck, or kill him. He prays they choose kill. They don’t.

thank you sans and reigen for creating the perfect energy for today to happen

drive with all the photos, and youtube version

He is wearing the 'ok bitch call batman I'll have sex with him' tee because the entirety of batman inc. keeps doubting his abilities and threatening to call batman

A babysitter's guide to the bats: by Jason Todd

If, for any reason, I am not in Gotham, here's what you will need to know to keep the local bat population from killing themselves off.

Tim has to be fed and watered daily.

Do not leave Cass alone for more than 36 hours, you might find half the world's governments systematically dispatched if you do.

Damian needs to be hugged at least once every two days. He will not ask for these hugs, but Robin starts getting real close to murder if he doesn't get affection, and a murdery Robin is something Bruce and Tim cannot deal with right now.

Bruce can hypothetically take care of himself, but won't unless it's easy. Make sure the cave is stocked up on energy bars and protein shakes. He likes dark chocolate best.

Do not let Dick forget to sleep. He gets acrobat-y when tired, and if he breaks one more chandelier Alfred might actually quit.

Cass forgets to eat real food sometimes. She can no longer survive off tree bark, but will try anyway. Leave some blackberries outside her room or on the bench below the maple tree in the back and she will eat those instead.

Make sure Steph spends time with Alfred. They both get lonely without their bi-weekly tea and gossip hour.

DO NOT LET DUKE RUN MISSIONS. HE FORGETS THAT THE REST OF THE TEAM IS MORTAL.

Keep an eye on Babs, she has the means to dismantle every intelligence agency in the U.S. and is very close to finding a motive.

Sometimes Bruce and Tim forget that they run a company. Make sure they read their emails every once in a while, the board is ruthless and can smell weakness.

Tim is allergic to walnuts. He doesn't remember this. There is an EpiPen in the hall closet.

The no-metas-in-Gotham rule does not extend to Diana Prince. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. You couldn't actually get rid of her if you tried. There is no Wonder Woman contingency plan. Don't look for it.

Titus has to be fed while Damian is at school.

Always make sure Red Robin has his third backup rebreather. He's recently decided he has a death wish.

Batcow is NOT allowed in the manor. If Damian tries to convince you she is, he is lying.

Selina will try to kidnap Damian or Tim. Let her, unless it's both at the same time.

If something smells like smoke, do not investigate on your own.

Do not let Duke drag you into a parkour contest. You will lose your dignity and maybe a finger.

If Tim falls asleep anywhere but the couch or his bed, wake him. We're trying to train his subconscious into taking care of him.

Bruce needs two hours of sunlight a day. The easiest way to trick him into it is getting Tim to play catch with him. It triggers his dad instincts.

Never agree to play hide and seek with Cass. You will never find her.

If Steph come to collect Damian for "an ice cream date," she knows something you don't. Her big sister intuition is flawless. Send him with a couple hundred in cash and a can of mace.

The rest of the family:

Steph | Tim | Babs | Cass | Bruce | Duke | Dick | Damian

AITA for not telling my brother that I lost my spleen?

Okay, so I don't think I'm wrong here, but he's been really upset (not mad, but he gives me these really sad looks that make me want to apologize over and over again).

Background:

I (m17) lost my father a year ago. My brother (N, m24) focused on my new little brother (R, m11, we just found out about him, mom not in the picture) because he thought I would handle myself. R and I didn't get along initially because we were jealous of each other and he took every opportunity to antagonize me. N took away something very important to me and gave it to R without telling me, and I found out when I walked in on R gloating. N's defense was that he knew I wouldn't take it well so he planned to tell me later, and that R needed it more. We argued and both said some things we wish we could take back.

(I don't blame him for any of this anymore, it was a very hard time for all of us and he was thrust into our father's shoes while grieving. We've talked, and I know he did what he thought was best for me and R, because he believed placing me as an equal to him would show that he trusted me. But he apologized for not understanding how much taking it away would hurt me and that I still wanted to be a kid, not an adult, and I apologized for not being more understanding of his position. We've moved on and are working on our relationship.)

Anyway, the main conflict was that I believed our father was still alive and nobody else did. My other older brother (RH, m21) was the exception, but he's estranged and didn't want to get involved.

(Side note: my siblings except for R are all adopted by our father, but I got emancipated after his supposed death)

N said I was going crazy due to grief and insinuated that I should be locked up in Arkham (an asylum in my city for the criminally insane). I chose to leave to find proof that my father was alive.

Fast forward six months and I found proof, but in the midst of it, I had to have an emergency splenectomy. When I came back and gave them proof to bring my father back, relationships were still strained so I didn't tell anyone. We reconciled in time, but I still didn't see the need to tell them as it wasn't important to them.

The issue:

A week ago, R caught a nasty flu. N wanted me to give him his medicine, I declined. N, frustrated because he thought I was just being difficult, told me to just be nice to R when he’s sick and that it won't cost me anything. I snapped back that it may cost me my life, not that he would care.

Something in N's expression shattered, and he let out a little, "what?" I remembered too late that I didn't tell him I lost my spleen. I tried to backtrack, but he kept pushing until I finally admitted I lost my spleen and under what circumstances. He was devastated, and I felt really bad for not telling him because he looked like he was on the verge of tears (he's really emotional, and that year took a toll on us and is still a sensitive topic). N asked whether it's because I didn't trust him, and I said I didn't know.

Ever since then, N has been hovering over me and bugging me about my health and diet and sleeping and working habits. He told the rest of the family and they've been overbearing as well.

N, however, still feels very guilty about the whole situation. I feel bad for making him upset, but I still stand by the fact that I did nothing wrong by not telling him. I think it was just unfortunate circumstances and that neither of us are to blame. R vehemently says that I'm the AH for never saying anything because my family and I engage in an activity that gets us injured frequently. He said I endangered myself and others by not telling them (he's worried about me and that's how he shows it, and probably also feels responsible about how I lost my spleen because his maternal grandfather was involved and he's got trauma surrounding him)

So, AITA?